Canuck Joey Votto Takes the Cake For NL

[Editor's Note: Cartel devotee, Reds fan, and female arowsey has kindly contributed this piece in support of Joey Votto's Rookie-of-the-Year candidacy. Regretfully, she insisted on including the picture at right. Look past that and give her a read. I promise you'll find her to be funny.]

You have two choices, Cubs fans: You can continue reading and become enlightened to a larger world that exists beyond Wrigley Field, or you can stop in your tracks and close the browser window because that realization makes you feel like I said there is no Santa Claus. Either way I don’t really care since reading that sentence already gave this article a hit. Billynho will be so happy you stopped by the site.

Alright, back to the matter at hand... Rookie of the Year awards will be announced Monday and Joey Votto deserves to win for the National League. Yes, you read that correctly. A Cincinnati Reds player should win the NL ROY award for 2008. Not only does this Canadian wonder have the nicest derrière in the league, but he has the stats to prove he’s a worthy recipient. With a .297 BA, 24 HR, 84 RBI, and 124 OPS, Votto has the edge over the competition. An edge I’m hoping the voters will recognize to push him past Geovany Soto, who is also majorly in contention for the award. I’m willing to bet this will be a narrow victory; possibly even a tie (which hasn’t occurred in the NL since 1976 and included Reds player Pat Zachry).

Now don’t get me wrong, Soto had an excellent season as well. Not only are his stats eerily similar to Votto’s, but so are his physical features including his age, height, and weight. And did I mention he’s not a native of the good ol’ USA, either? Perhaps not worrying about the Obama/McCain election is why these two young men had such outstanding seasons! Soto winning would make him the first catcher since Piazza to be honored with ROY, and it hasn’t hurt him that the Cubs were the talk of the nation, trying to close the century gap of World Series championship wins. Boohoo. We all predicted how that storybook fairytale would end. Everyone, that is, except Cubs fans who have clearly always been non compos mentis...

So like I mentioned before, these two are pretty much neck-and-neck for this award. But when it’s all said and done, Votto’s boyishly good looks and winning smile get my vote any day of the week. And it appears one of 2008’s most influential people agrees with me. Yep, shout out to Lil’ Wayne!