Saved by the Bell NBA Style

A few summers back, I worked in a fitness club where there was never enough to do. To fill time, we talked. A lot. So much in fact that we ran out of things to talk about... which led to debate about a hypothetical world where "Saved By the Bell" was cast from the employees at the club. Stupid and pointless no doubt, but it was fun and passionate. It raged for weeks; everyone wanted to be Zack. Luckily, I managed to forget those dark, boring days until I saw the show this afternoon. And it made me wonder...

What if the characters of "Saved by the Bell" were cast from NBA players? Who would be best for each role?...

Zack Morris: Allen Iverson- Just like Zack, he's late and causing trouble daily, but no one can stay mad at Iverson. Whether it's the fact that he's always smiling and his cornrows are perfectly aligned or the high-pitched scoffs he delivers in downplaying accusations of wrongdoing, we all love Iverson.

A.C. Slater: Dwight Howard- Overly masculine and perpetually posturing, Slater was a guy's guy. But he had an undeniable subconscious soft side, accentuated by those deep dimples. Howard has all of the above (he's a sweet, God-fearing man I hear) right down to the dimples and the same hulking pecs. An obvious choice.

Lisa Turtle: Shaquille O'Neal- Unattainable and sassy, but at the same time desperate for attention. Always too good for Screech, except when the nerd stopped stalking her. Their dynamic sounds a lot like Shaq's with every team he's played for, doesn't it? Bonus points for his equally gaudy fashion sense.

Samuel "Screech" Powers: Brian Scalabrine- Each elicit laughs at every appearance, have hilarious hair, and stick out like a sore thumb amongst those around them. Might we see Scalabrine in a sex tape soon? God I hope not.

Jessica "Jessie" Myrtle Spano: Isiah Thomas- Need I say more?:


Kelly Kapowski: Bron Bron- Kapowski was definitely the belle of the ball at Bayside... Zack skipped the prom to be with her because she was too poor to go, and he could've had any girl he wanted! LeBron James can expect to receive thousands of texts from every balding, middle-aged exec in the league as his impending free agency gets closer and closer. Since I hate the Lakers, I hope he doesn't take the time to Google this one.

Mr. Belding: Phil Jackson- Belding ruled with an iron fist and cocky attitude, but at the end of the day, he just wanted to be appreciated, he loved his kids, and he was the best principal EVVVEEERRRRRRRRRRRR...The original Zenmaster.