Sunderland Winger Andy Reid to Real Madrid

Goal II: Living the Dream taught me that Real Madrid are the most glamorous football club in the world. Their players know how to party, have great hair, and are supposed to be good footballers.

I fell for it, just like Glen Foy fell for Santiago Munez. Go ahead, have a laugh! But at least now I know those movies were a big EFF'n joke. Hard to believe I thought they were documentaries until I read their Wikipedia entries...

Ahem, yes, back to Real Madrid. Also a joke. Why? If you read the five best football websites, you've surely heard by now that Los Merengues have tabled a January transfer bid for Jermaine Jenas.

Yes, that Jermaine Jenas. The Jermaine Jenas who passes laterally or backward over 90% of the time. The Jermaine Jenas laughably compared to Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard in yesteryear's gone by. The Jermaine Jenas who shouldn't start for Tottenham Hotspur; the same Tottenham Hotspur teetering on the brink of relegation. The Jermaine Jenas who~! You get the point.

Sounds more like a nightmare than the dream the aforementioned movies labeled the club. In recent weeks Real Madrid have been outpriced for Antonio Valencia (of Wigan!), snubbed by Jermaine Pennant (third string at Liverpool, who chose Wigan(!) over Madrid), and been told "thanks, but no thanks" by Didier Zakora (Didier Zakora!). Cristiano Ronaldo they certainly are not.

After hearing that Real was looking to add pace on the wings, the attempted swoops for Zakora and Jenas are puzzling. Clearly, there is a Tottenham bias at work. Imagine if one could meld a not-so-good winger with a Hotspur pedigree. Andy Reid? Andy Reid!

A flop at Tottenham... just like Zakora and Jenas. A coulda-been, never-was... just like Pennant. And if Sunderland ask for more than £3 million... too expensive for Real Madrid just like Antonio Valencia.

Andy Reid to Real Madrid! You heard it here first. But probably not last. Oh dear. If only Santiago Munez really was real...