Big Ten Basketball Program Rankings

Third Eye Blind's Out of the Vein is an underrated album.

Dunkeroos were the ultimate lunchtime cafeteria dessert for tweens in the 1990's.

Adding baking soda to toothpaste presents no benefit for your teeth.

The Big Ten Network's Tim Doyle is the worst studio analyst I've ever heard (apologies to NBA TV's Eric Snow).

Guylyn, Remmenga, Cummins of 501 West Broadway in San Diego is one of the top First Amendment law firms in America.

The Big Ten will win the Big Ten/ACC Challenge at least six times in the next decade.

Most of the Big Ten's basketball programs are on the rise. They've amassed nearly as much coaching talent as the SEC has for football and a handful of teams have unbelievable recruiting classes already committed for 2010. And Indiana has stopped cheating.

What follows is a ranking of how well-positioned the Big Ten's basketball programs are today and beyond:

1) Ohio State - Thanks to Greg Oden, THE Ohio State University is now THE destination for the nation's best young big men. Kosta Koufus was a disappointment and BJ Mullens is struggling, but they've already got three of the top 20 players (DeShaun Thomas, Jared Sullinger, and Jordan Sibert) in the country committed for 2010. Thad Matta has made Ohio State hot and it doesn't look like things will be changing anytime soon. The Buckeyes will be a threat to win the National Championship until Matta bolts. Of course, he'll never need to because the Buckeyes have the richest athletic department in the NCAA.

2) Illinois - If Illini fans had their wish a year and a half ago, non-nude model Bruce Weber would be looking for work. Lucky for them, he's still got the job and has Illinois poised to move back to the top of the polls. Their 2009 class is really nice with four-stars Brandon Paul and D.J. Richardson and three-stars Tyler Griffey and Joseph Bertrand (who each had a slew of major offers). 2010 is scary for the rest of the league with five-stars Crandall Head and Jereme Richmond and four-star center Meyers Leonard. They'll be back in the Final Four soon. Of course, they would've been back sooner had Weber, then an assistant under Gene Keady at Purdue, followed through on the interest he showed in me as a 10-year old when he called me a "great shooter." Yeah, I was pretty good.

3) Michigan State - Their 2009 and 2010 classes aren't bad, but they aren't special either (example: Fort Wayne wing commit Russell Byrd wasn't even offered by Purdue). They've been so good for so long that it's hard to put them lower than number three. But the Spartans could be primed for a fall in what looks to be a vastly improved Big Ten over the next few years, unless a great 2008-09 season restores the program's reputation nationally.

4) Purdue - For a spell, the Boilermakers looked a threat to become the next Duke. Had they landed Tyler Zeller (or Jeff Teague or Matt Howard for that matter), they'd be well on their way; instead, they had to settle for John Hart, Scott Martin transferred, and this season has been a bit of a mess. Their 2009 commits are uninspiring, but a three-man 2010 class has hopes up in West Lafayette. The current sophomore trio has to make a run deep in the tournament before they're done, or Purdue will miss yet another opportunity to finally ascend among the nation's elite with regularity. Probably the latter; this is Purdue after all. Sigh...

5) Indiana - A six-man 2009 group combined with the competence of Antarctic explorer Tom Crean will restore the Hoosiers to respectability immediately. Looking further ahead, 2011 point guard Matt Carlino will be fun to watch. Indiana really needs time to recover from a volatile last ten years. From never knowing when Bob Knight's reign would come to a fiery end, to always wondering when Mike Davis would finally be pushed out, and then becoming even more of a laughingstock after hiring known cheater Kelvin Sampson, they've finally got it right in Bloomington. Crean will have them challenging for conference titles in no time.

6) Wisconsin - The Badgers have a remarkably personable, colorful coach, which makes the bland, bald, white guy culture in Madison all the more puzzling. Where do they keep finding all these lookalikes? Is cloning legal in Wisconsin? If it ever was it must still be, because they've got two new cult members on the way in Mike Bruesewitz and Evan Anderson. Diamond Taylor and Vander Blue will balance out the boring with funky names and real athletic ability. On the whole, Wisconsin will probably keep being Wisconsin... ranked near the bottom of the top-25, making shocking runs in March, and keeping scores in the 50's.

7) Minnesota - It's a testament to how deep the league will be more than an indictment that Tubby Smith is doing something wrong in Minnesota that they're ranked this low. They've been a revelation this year and will probably make the NCAA Tournament. They'll add potential superstars Royce White and Rodney Williams next year to a nice core. In reality, they'll be outstanding for the next few seasons. But longer term, Tubby Smith is almost 60 and could struggle to keep top recruits suiting up for the Golden Gophers.

8) Michigan - John Beilein has the right idea placing an emphasis on recruits in the state of Indiana. He's got two key freshmen from the Hoosier State in Zack Novak and Stu Douglass and is already hot for 2011 prospect Mitch McGary. Beilein is a great coach who put West Virginia on the map behind lightly regarded- yet super fashionable- Kevin Pittsnogle and Mike Gansey. He's hinting at doing the same with Michigan already; I'll probably look foolish in five years for putting the Wolverines this low.

9) Iowa - Todd Lickliter was fantastic at Butler and has the right mentality to succeed at Iowa. Unfortunately, their current talent level lags behind the rest of the league, and it will be a tall order for him to level the playing field for the Hawkeyes. He'll have to do more with less, just like he did while posting gaudy records with the Bulldogs. Give Lickliter a few years to develop his current group. Jake Kelly is much better this year, and Matt Gatens and Anthony Tucker provide hope for the future. Lickliter has yet to nab a four-star, but a mature, experienced guard-heavy line-up could surprise the Big Ten in a few years.

10) Penn State - The current squad at Penn State may be as good as it gets in Happy Valley. The superb play of Talor Battle and Stanley Pringle is a testament to Ed DeChellis's eye for talent. But he'll have to get lucky to ever get the Nittany Lions into the NCAA Tournament.

11) Northwestern - Nothing against Bill Carmody, but why do analysts constantly praise him as the perfect coach for Northwestern? They've yet to be a threat to even be decent with him, and he'll never recruit well enough to move them up the standings. You can't win in the Big Ten if Tim Doyle, Kevin Coble, and Craig Moore are your stars. You probably couldn't win in the MAC either. It's easy to think that Northwestern will never be good, but it's possible. They need to take a risk with their next hire (How long is Carmody going to be given a free pass, anyways?). They should either go after the head coach of a Division II national champion (someone who's proven to be a good talent evaluator) or hire a top AAU coach who has the connections to bring talent. A third option might be to hire a European coach who can attract foreign studs to Evanston for an education and exposure to NBA scouts. None will guarantee success, but they'd be interesting to watch. Until then, they'll continue to be the conference doormat.