A Day in the Life: Erin Andrews

Five years. It's hard to believe it's only been that long. To celebrate Erin Andrews and her first half-decade with ESPN, we're revealing EA's diary from the day of a Duke basketball game. Bruce Pearl begged us to take a look at the entry from the day of the Blue Devils' game against Tennessee. What we found was equal parts titillating and terrifying. Enjoy (thanks to Billynho and BA Barry B. for deciphering the pages):

3:23 a.m.- I get woken up by Kirk Herbstreit wearing a Tebow jersey (Big Ten Boyz Luv Southern Belles). I'm instantly horny.

6 a.m.- My phone is ringing. Who could be calling at this hour? All I hear is heavy breathing. Not again. Bruce!

I get my underwear back from Kirk (he's always trying to steal it) and go to take a shower. Only 13 hours until game time, and it's never too early to look your best.

9 a.m.- I finally get in the shower after getting sidetracked staring at myself in the mirror for three hours. I like to get all dolled up so I spend more time looking in the mirror than Amy Winehouse... well, she uses the mirror for something else.

10 a.m.- I call Hef for the 76th straight day to yell at him. I can't believe he finally put a Gator on the cover of Playboy, and it wasn't me! Everyone knows I'm way hotter than that tramp (Debatable).

10:10 a.m. - I text Thad a "knock knock" joke (he isn't amused). He texts me back a blonde joke. I don't understand it. He's always playing jokesies on me though. One time he even told me that he practiced with a shot clock on the floor when the shot clock above the basket broke during a game. What's a shot clock? I just did my sexy laugh in response. Anything I do is sexy. Except to Thad I guess.

10:15 a.m. - I grab a donut and check Deadspin for pics of me. I like to joke that Deadspin is like my Facebook; everybody on there stalks me. And just like on Facebook, I have another profile so that I can post great things about myself without other people knowing it was me. I check at least thirty times a day. They haven't written anything about me for two days! I better put this donut back.

10:20 a.m. - I turn on ESPN to see if they mention me. I'm just in time for that Hanes commercial with Tyrese and the white guy from Major League. Oh boy, Tyrese has really let himself go. I'd still do him. Too bad he doesn't play basketball.

10:30 a.m. - On my way to work. I always listen to the Christmas album I recorded (us hot, talented young celeb women all sing nowadays... Miley, Hil Duff, Lindsay Lohan, Vanessa Hudgens, Kelly Osbourne, Clay Aiken...) for Bret Beliema last year (he wasn't impressed). Anyways, I tried selling the Christmas album in a Jewish neighborhood, which was MY idea :-), but apparently Jews don't like Christmas! I love Christmas! Hmpf. Boo Jews.

10:32 a.m. - I get tired of listening to myself, so I turn on my Sirius radio and Justin Timberlake is playing.

10:36 a.m. - I pull the car over and change into some dry panties. J.T. makes me wet (Ed. note: true story supposedly). I always carry extras, just-in-case.

Noon - Yes, I finally get to eat. Only celery for me today. Gotta save some room for the media buffet at the Duke game on ESPN tonight. Is Duke owned by ESPN? Or is ESPN owned by Duke? Whatever the case, my paychecks are always by (a very sweaty) hand Chris Berman. He usually lingers around my desk for hours. There's nothing worse.

1:45 p.m. - I check Jenn Sterger's Twitter and see that she just got on a plane. I hope they hit a flock pigeons and are nowhere near the Hudson River...

2:30 p.m. - I meet the executives over at EA to do some voice recording for my new game "Erin Andrews Basketball 2010". It is so cute that they named their studio after me. They have a script for me to read, but I told them I always provide my own special in-game analysis. Duh, don't they watch ME? They say they have many times; that's why they want me to read from the script. Like, anyways, I don't care. I'll read whatever. MY game is going to be awesome!

4:00 p.m. - Time to head over to Cameron Indoor Stadium and walk through Kryzewskiville. They even had some J.T. music playing that we danced to for a while. I happily dance with the boys in North Carolina, but I hate how they dance in Los Angeles. I hope the pics make it to Deadspin later...

4:15 p.m. - I head over to makeup and wardrobe. I HAVE to look great tonight. J.T. may be watching. Mmm J.T..

4:16 p.m. - Changed panties again...

6:45 p.m. - After my constant demands requests, they finally got me looking like the filly I really am. Spandex pants and a small sweater (I'm a large).

6:59 p.m. - I catch Steve Lavin staring at me before the opening tip. I'll go flirt with him later.

7:30 p.m. - TV timeout. I'm supposed to listen in on the teams' huddles. I really just walk around so people can see me- and my butt- better. I have a great butt. People tell me all the time.

8:00 p.m. - It's halftime. I talked to a sneering life-size rat which turned out to be Coach K, and he told some wild story about breaking a zone. Umm, I thought we were trying to save the o-zone, not break it. I had no idea what he was talking about, so I smiled and nodded. He's awfully short.

8:05 p.m. - I repeat what Coach K told me, but this time on LIVE TV. It made sense to everyone else.

8:15 p.m. - The second half begins and a drooling Bruce Pearl has just been ejected from the game after crossing the floor in a rabid sprint towards me. Thankfully, Bobby Frasor (my other, cuter stalker) tackled him before he reached me.

9:10 p.m. - The game is over. Actually, it's been over for 15 minutes. I didn't notice, though. I always get sidetracked when I bring my mirror with me.

10:30 p.m. - I make the mistake of leaving my Dolce & Gabbana purse unattended while I walk past the Cameron Crazies. I accidentally dropped by microphone right in front of them. It was great, er, sooo embarassing OMG. As I walk back to get my purse, a man in an orange blazer is rifling through it and runs off with my panties. At first I thought it was Pat Summitt. But no. Bruce again!

11:59 p.m. - I finally get home after a long day and what do I see? Kirk in my bed with his Tebow jersey on. I love my life.