5 Things That Won’t Happen at the Winter X Games 13

Every year near the end of January a sporting event comes around that captivates a nation. I am of course talking about Winter X 13. What does it offer? How about watching people years younger than you who have not only accomplished far more than you ever will? That usually makes me feel good. Their bathtubs of money and wheelbarrows full of awards will make you wish you were an X-Treme athlete. All I could think about today were the events of last night. Here are my class notes to prove it.

Purdue's finest analyzing the X Games (click for larger view)

There are cool tricks too. People will crash, someone might beat Shaun White but I wouldn’t bet my paycheck on that. Maybe someone will finally pull the elusive double-back flip on the snowmobile best trick. But what you won’t see…


5. Somebody will land a °1260.

The staple of snowboarding has been the °1080. The °1080 has been THE trick for the last few years. Now it isn’t just a °1080 spin, it’s paired with a variety of tricks like the Method, Indy, and Melancholy. The real question is why should somebody go for the °1260 when the °1080 is still working for everyone? Here’s why. While extreme sports are all about pushing the limit, the X Games are not the place for huge jumps (in trick advancement that is). Just like the back flip in BMX, the double isn’t needed until people have completely exhausted all variants. That and why should Shaun White try to land one when he’s just going to win anyway?

4. Coverage of a snowboarder not named Shaun White.

There is a chance you come away from the X Games knowing who the flying tomato is, but your memory will be erased by constant updates as to what Shaun white is doing. “Jesse Burtner is just getting ready to take his first run and…. Wait a minute, this just in. Shaun White has just spilled his Redbull into his marij… soup.” Now I personally think Shaun White is the best thing to happen to us gingers since Donna Pinciotti. But I would love to get some coverage of other snowboarders like…Rob Haywood or… Mac Fraser.

3. A non-snowboard related event start to finish.

Now most people will watch snowboarding because it is the most prominently featured event throughout the weekend. There will also be skiing and snowmobile racing. Best trick on snowmobile will be awesome because people will go big and win, or go big and crash spectacularly. I know it’s morbid to watch the event for the wrecks, but snowmobile crashes are not shown nearly enough. Look how big those things are! Maybe we’ll also get to see some pull a double back flip on a snowmobile, unlikely.

2. An impressive female performance.

This will make some readers mad (I hope) but have you ever watched the female SuperPipe? They get maybe 2.5ft off the lip of the pipe. Now that is more than I could do, but in my defense, I’m not a professional athlete (Or in their case, a girl professional athlete). Now I admit, I can’t judge accurately because I don’t ever watch them. But the ones I watch are certainly sub par. I would actually watch the practice rounds for snowmobile racing. At least there isn’t glorified pussy-footing there.

1. Nudity

Too cold, too cable.

Now that you've read my take, head over to the thread in OUR FORUM about it and tell me what you think we'll see at Winter X 13...