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Life in West Point can get lonely for a 23 year old male. Too young for the Lion's Club, too poor for the Steakhouse, and too healthy for the cemetery; there's just no place for me to make friends! So, the first thing I do every morning is read the J&C Personals. They haven't done me much good yet (I'm six rejections deep), but I have come across some interesting listings: LOST CONNECTION WLTR 38 Y.O. strict disciplinarian WINNER seeking to add depth back into his life. You were a tall, blond, nice, unselfish southpaw. I watched you grow up, we took bus trips, I yelled at you, we visited the Capital… then you left. Let's play ball (again)! Text MARTbrokIN to (555) NDS-UCKS
HARD-WORKING LITTLE DEVIL 18 Y.O. QB, W. Laf, wants to stay close to home. Seeking relationship with mustached authority figure. I'm smart, tough, I don't lose, and I'd look great in gold and black. Don't miss out on the next-Josh Smith! Text Matt Lancaster at (555) ILO-VEPU
YOU'RE MY MAN Shout out to my man Matt Painter. Tough going thus far this season, but I know you'll whip them into shape. Don't forget who brought you here. You're MY coach. Make me YOUR AD forever this offseason! How's $2.5 million a year sound? Let me know… Text Morgan Burke at (555) STA-Y@PU
I'M YOUR BEST HOPE You're the Kansan RB ranked first in the country. I'm the old, white guy with the backward Purdue cap stalking you the last few months. I want to buy you books and your own room (sorta), dress you up, watch you run, and see you off to the NFL. Let's make my your dreams come true? Text Bryce Brown to (555) PRT-YPLZ
If you're never been to New York, you have a reason to go now as the Yankees open up their new stadium in April. You should probably pick up some Yankees tickets before it's too late.
In the words of Tom Lutz... Blimming Blim! After reading the 100th comment by a reader addressing "Tony" as a "morOn" or an "idiott" oblivious to the simple "obvius facks" about the sports world, I've simply had enough. I have to point out how brutally ironic it is. I have to.
1,000 spoons when all you need is a knife this is not, but for people to come onto a site that lists the writer names in multiple places (quite often in the body of the actual piece they are commenting on) and has a disclaimer that it is not Tony and wasting their time asserting in a misspelled mess of improperly used jargon that Tony is a moron for daring to suggest that Duke Robinson will still be on the board at number 30 in the first round when NOBODY could possibly know that because his fat ass could weigh in at 396 pounds at the NFL Combine is beyond ironic. I think.
Does anyone else see the irony in someone wasting 10 minutes violating basic writing conventions, murdering the Queen's English, and incorrectly addressing a statement to a blog over a matter of opinion?
Disagree if you must, but please provide a rebuttal in readable English and know who the hell you're addressing it to.
To the people who read this site regularly: Please take this as further evidence that it's a world of idiots, we're just living in it.
Not that it really matters anyway because we all went James Joyce and experienced the epiphany that the Chicago Cubs will never win the World Series years ago, but general manager Jim Hendry's moves/missed moves this offseason have made it all the more unlikely (if an event can become more unlikely than never?), and I really think it's time he BUGGERS OFF already, but I don't think he will because he recently got a contract extension, and the thought of it all resulted in the longest run-on sentence in Kornheiser's Cartel history.
The already bitter Cubs winter sent another chill up my spine with the news that the rumored Milton Bradley-to-the-Cubs deal was rumor no more. It's being reported across the Internet as a done deal at three years, $30 million.
I don't get it... The Cubs have been looking to add a left-handed power-hitter for years, and Bradley is a switch-hitter coming off a monster year in Texas when he hit .322 with 22 HR's and posted a .999 OPS. On the surface, the signing makes sense.
Dig a little deeper, though, and there is reason to worry.
Rangers Ballpark in Arlington is known as a hitter's heaven, and Bradley's home/away split stats suggest he lived in bliss in 2008. Of those 22 home runs, just six came on the road. Bradley hit .358 at home and just .298 on the road. In the last four seasons (the best of his career), Bradley's OPS has trended more towards .800 than 1.000.
Intangibles matter in baseball, too; Derek Jeter made more than $21 million in 2008 for a reason. Bradley is one of baseball's bad guys and seems to find trouble in every clubhouse he walks through. He's torn an ACL in an argument with an umpire. He was traded by Cleveland following a dust-up with manager Eric Wedge. He accused Jeff Kent of being racist (Kent does kind of look racist, but it's not something you go public with), and he tried to fight the Kansas City Royals television announcer last summer. He's a ticking time bomb that will surely bring the most negative attention Wrigley has seen since the Sammy Sosa bat corking incident in the next three years. In fact, it's highly unlikely he'll see out the three years in Chicago.
To sign Bradley, the Cubs cleared payroll by trading starter Jason Marquis and valuable utility-man Mark DeRosa. Marquis and DeRosa were the two big league Cubbies rumored to be involved in any move for Jake Peavy. It's easy to say the Cubs would be better off with Jake Peavy than Marquis and DeRosa. It's harder to make that case for Bradley.
For one thing, is Bradley even better than DeRosa? They've similar statistics, but DeRosa also offered incredible versatility. Add in the rotation depth offered by Marquis and the aforementioned problems that accompany Bradley into the clubhouse, and it may not have been worth the effort.
A smarter move may have been to sign Pat Burrell, who is not left-handed, but is a better hitter and cheaper at $16 million/2 years; Bobby Abreu, a durable, patient hitter who excelled in his last National League stint; or Adam Dunn, who has holes in his game, but was a Cubs trade target for a half-decade.
Outfield issues would be moot had Hendry acquired Peavy instead. A rotation of Peavy, Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Ryan Dempster, and Ted Lilly would've been baseball's best hands down, if not enough to finally end the franchise's century-long search for another World Series.
Instead, Cubs fans are left with Sean Marshall every five days and Bradley every day.
That is, until, Bradley's next inevitable meltdown (in June, sparked when he sees Mike Fontenot and Kosuke Fukudome playing the Parker Brothers' classic Monopoly... Milton Bradley board games or bust) reveals this signing and roster reshuffle to be a spectacular disaster.
For those who aren't aware, the Calder Cup (not to be confused with the Calder Memorial Trophy) is awarded to the winner of AHL playoffs every season. Score some great Calder Cup Tickets and check it out...
No sport is better to watch live than hockey, so you probably don't want to miss its premier event either. Make sure you order some 2009 Stanley Cup Tickets, too.
I'll expand on this in a piece later, but I don't think it is mentioned often enough that it is actually a bit of a detriment to draft at the top of the NFL Draft. The top five picks are given contracts commensurate to those of the best players in the league at their position. If they're a bust (as they often are), they become cap-killers who set the franchise back. Give me two mid-first rounders over the top pick.
Alas, I still love the draft and waste too much time following it. Here's how the April 25 NFL Draft first round might play out:
1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. EFF, what don't they need? Conventional wisdom says that the Lions must take a quarterback with the top pick. What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess? They must get value out of the pick, and Smith is seen as a "can't miss" left tackle. While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years and go after Donovan McNabb, Matt Cassel, or even Matt Leinart in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with their next first rounder and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. It wasn't long ago that Rams' quarterbacks were treated to an embarrassment of riches at the skill positions. A look at their roster today reveals a stunning fall in the talent level. How bad? If Torry Holt and the Rams part ways this offseason as rumored, Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers. Dane Looker! Marc Bulger has been effective in the NFL before, the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years, and they should restock his cupboard and see if he can revive his career. Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, and Brandon Marshall. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- RB Chris Wells. With Larry Johnson's career in Kansas City about to come to a merciful end, the Chiefs have a gaping hole to be filled in the backfield. Many are projecting they'll take a quarterback here, but Tyler Thigpen acquitted himself quite well the last 10 games posting a 16:8 TD/INT ratio and providing a threat on the ground. Add a running back in Wells with the potential to be one of the best in the NFL, and the Chiefs may have their QB/RB duo for the next half-decade.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Michael Oher- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Oher is the guy. He possesses otherworldly athleticism for his size and can better protect whoever starts behind center. If Crabtree falls to No. 4, they'd have to consider him, too.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008, but Ken Dorsey will do that to you. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- OT Eugene Monroe. Worst offense in the NFL this season, but the defense wasn't half bad considering they were constantly put in terrible situations. Clearly the pick has to be on offense. Carson Palmer will be back behind center in 2009, and they still have loads of talent at end. They desperately need a running back (Future CFL running back Cedric Benson ran the ball over 200 times for them this season), but with Wells off the board they'll maximize value and take a lineman. Some consider Monroe to be the best lineman in the draft.
7) Oakland Raiders- DE Brian Orakpo. Al Davis will probably trade this pick and his next four first rounders to move up to get Crabtree, but the Raiders must get stronger on the defensive line. They lack an elite pass rusher and are terrible against the run. Orakpo, college football's Nagurski winner, offers a freakish end rusher who won't get bullied around in the running game.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. He'll be a big tackler and an upgrade over Mike Peterson for a Jaguars team thin at linebacker.
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Michael Johnson. Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers, and, while he isn't seen as a finished product, he'd be an excellent risk for a Packers team looking to beef up against the run. Johnson and Kampman will terrorize opposing quarterbacks for years and should combine to force opposing runners inside.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Sam Bradford. Shaun Hill wasn't bad in 2008, but it's time for the 49ers to establish an identity for their franchise. The Alex Smith pick is officially a bust, but they can't let that cloud their judgment moving forward. Bradford would be an unbelievable value at No. 10. His production and accuracy at Oklahoma rank with the best all-time. He may be ready to start from Week One his rookie season and has the potential to someday stand among the Peyton Mannings as the class of the NFL at the quarterback position. He'll probably go higher, but if he falls to San Francisco, they must take him... even though he looks a lot like Screech.
11) Buffalo Bills- OT Jason Smith Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008.
12) Denver Broncos- S Taylor Mays With Champ Bailey and Dre Bly at corner, it's hard to believe Denver was 26th against the pass in 2008.
13) Washington Redskin- LB James Laurinaitis Laurinaitis sounds like a disease, but for the Redskins he'd the antidote for an aging- but effective- defense.
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall.
15) Houston Texans- DT BJ Raji Raji is seen as the top defensive tackle in this draft and would be the third tackle taken in the first round in the last five drafts by the Texans. Hopefully he'll solve their problems against the run.
(Order below not set in stone)
16) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future.
17) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester.
18) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks.
19) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon would immediately move into the Lions starting secondary.
20) Philadelphia Eagles- TE Jermaine Gresham LJ Smith is a free agent and not that good anyways. Gresham's productivity at Oklahoma suggests he'll be more than just a good blocker in the NFL.
21) Minnesota Vikings- DE Tyson Jackson Ray Edwards predicted he would break the NFL sack record in the preseason, but came up 18 short. Hopefully Jackson will speak quietly, but play loudly.
22) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and the Patriots can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it.
23) Atlanta Falcons- LB Brandon Spikes The Florida linebacker anchored their defense in its run to the BCS Championship and would help solidify a still-suspect Falcons D.
24) Miami Dolphins- S William Moore Moore is a big-hitting safety who's faster than his size would suggest. He'll help a defense that was poor against the pass in 2008.
25) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year.
26) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured.
27) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno The Cardinals problems at running back are famous, so to have a prospect like Moreno fall this far would be remarkable and a no-brainer selection.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Eben Britton With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, early-entry Britton fills a need and can develop for a year or two.
29) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Robiskie, the son of former NFL player Terry, is polished, dependable, and professional.
30) Pittsburgh Steelers- G Duke Robinson The Steelers lost Alan Faneca last offseason and see much of their offensive line heading to free agency this offseason. Robinson is a behemoth at 335 pounds that fits the Steelers' modus operandi.
31) New York Giants- OLB Greg Hardy The Ole Miss hybrid pass rusher spent most of the 2008 offseason in opposing backfields. He'll fit in well blitzing alongside Mathias Kiwanuka and Justin Tuck.
32) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything.
We've got music, and, and videos, and a profile... and all kinds of stuff that TRUE Kornheiser's Cartelians need to check out. Real fans only.
I don't know, maybe you should come add us... then, when we confirm (we'll probably hire an intern to handle that bullshit, so not actually "we" but somebody will confirm, we promise)... post on our wall... maybe something like: "thx 4 tha add homey! i luv luv LOVE ur blog so much... i sometymz stay home on tha weekends and just refresh dat shit all nite u kno bc omg u just rock, especially dat Billynho... and The Siets, he's not bad either, but i heard he like likes Johnny Cash and Nicholas Cage movies, so he's so so not my type 'n shit, ya know? but rite hurr r muh digits, call the cell baby, okay? okay!? okay. buh-bye. u better call! mwah"
Yeah, that'd be good. That's how MySpace works right? We're gonna get, like, soooo much new traffic OMG, LOL!
Congratulations to the Utah Utes. Utah handily defeated the Crimson Tide to win the 2009 Sugar Bowl. You finished the football season undefeated (13-0) and if a national title must be handed out to Div-I football then I believe you should receive that honor.
The Alabama Crimson Tide were a quality opponent, finishing the year with only 2 losses (the other coming to Florida in the SEC championship game). Yet this just goes to prove my point that teams from non-BCS conferences can compete with and beat the teams from BCS conferences. This was the 4th time that a team from outside the BCS conferences were allowed to play in a BCS bowl and marks the 3rd victory (.750 winning percentage). Everyone likes to point to Hawaii's embarrassing performance in last year's Sugar Bowl, but why not look at Utah and Boise State's victories?
I realize that many will disagree with my opinion that Utah is the rightful national champion but until college football figures out this BCS nonsense, they shouldn't be removed from consideration. Taking advice from a commenter on my previous BCS article, why do we need to crown a National Champ? My only problem is that either Florida or Oklahoma will be given this honor. The thing that seperates these squads from the Utes? One loss.
(Read on for my take) Why exactly does Nike keep making these commercials? LeBron making 5 full courters in a row... I can see that. Larry Bird making a blindfolded off the scoreboard, off the moon, off the shot clock, nothing but net shot in a game of H-O-R-S-E... I've seen it done. Michael Jordan playing himself in a game of one-on-one... Who hasn't done that?
Before Billynho and The Siets cruise out for a totally heterosexual night to cruise in the New Year, we thought it'd be apropos to wish you a Happy New Year's and thank you for cruising our site in 2008. Try to find it in your heart to keep cruising back in 2009? We're way down to see you tomorrow and beyond.
GET DRUNK IF YA MUST... but don't if you can help it (yes we mean YOU).
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