5 Points of Interest in Super Bowl Mascots

Ah, the Super Bowl. Each year it brings about speculation involving the teams involved, the teams not involved, and sometimes teams from other sports. Why should the game be analyzed by the professionals about logical topics? Do you ever listen to analysts? The stuff they bring up is usually ridiculous. “The teams with the best defense in the NFL playing the best offense in the NFL have won every time except the 2000 St. Louis Rams who were headed by… KURT WARNER!” Why even watch the game? Here’s why, mascot facts.

5. What’s in a name? (Arizona’s Big Red vs. Pittsburgh’s Steely McBeam)


So this one isn’t really too tough. Cardinals are red, and this particular one is really big. So the name Big Red is a good choice. On the other hand, Steely McBeam is talking about a guy with a stupid name. In all fairness a dude that can carry and use a steel beam is probably more suited for football than a cardinal, but this is a big cardinal, a man sized cardinal. That is more impressive than any beam wielding Steely. Point Big Red

4. How Do You Portray Yourself?

Big Red portrays himself as a cardinal just like those historic loveable losers from Arizona. Steely McBeam is man in overalls and a yellow flannel shirt with a steel beam. Uh… I guess it’s because he represents the Pittsburgh Steelers. I don’t know exactly what a steeler is but I guess it has to do with purified iron and not with a poorly spelled pilferer. Big Red says, “We are Cardinals.” Steely McBeam says, “We look like some jackasses with poor spelling skills.” Point Big Red (BR 2 / SMcB 0)

3. Who would be better at football?

This was addressed earlier and it was decided that Steely McBeam would best the Desert Bird. But why is that? For one, if a man can wield said beam, then a cardinal of any size will not stop him. Also by this logic, Steely McBeam would score on every single offensive possession. Also, with his trusty beam he could easily stop/murder Big Red on each of his offensive possessions. With these arguments Steely could beat Big ten times out of ten. Point Steely. (BR 2 / SMcB 1)

2. Experience?

Sure both mascots have plenty of regular season experience, but when it comes to the Super Bowl mascot jackassery who can handle the pressure. Big Red has never been on such an important stage. Steely has been there six times before. Steely has mascotted against some of the best; Rowdy (Dallas Cowboys) X3, Viktor (Minnesota Vikings), Unnamed Ram (Los Angeles Rams), and Blitz (Seattle Seahawks). Big Red has none. Point Steely (BR 2 / SMcB 2)

1. Travel

Big Red can arrange and provide his own transportation to the big game. He can probably fly since he is a giant bird. Steely would have to catch a flight. That could be difficult because I doubt the department of homeland security will let a beam pass through the luggage scanners, let alone the carry-on. He would need to take a bus or something. Then he would be tired and there fore he probably could not perform the way his team needs him to. Therefore, Point and game to Big Red (BR 3 / SMcB 2).

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