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Billynho writes the truth. My lack of commitment to the Cartel has brought down its quality over the last month or so. Besides my sporadic posting, I've even been neglecting some of the webmaster duties. For all of this, loyal fans, I apologize. Though I feel I must set the record straight since my honor has been called into question by that roguish Billy & Ho (AKA Tony Kornheiser?).
Billynho writes about how he wishes to "settle back into a pattern". Yet what he fails to mention is that this "pattern" is him MOVING! Yeah, that's right. The man who talks of commitment to a project and of the unity of the Cartel is leaving beatiful central Indiana for California.
It is indeed a sad day, sports fans. It looks like The Siets will be your only source for level-headed Midwestern takes on all the big sports issues. Billynho will probably be too busy driving his Prius and selling crack to orphans (or building microscopes) to care about our loyal readers. I can just see it now; he'll be attending Lakers games with Jacko, rooting for the Galaxy, and just generally promoting a solid West-Coast bias on this site. Heck he might even try the newspaper gig again. I hear Bill Plaschke is looking to take on an apprentice.
In all honesty though, I wish my good friend Billynho the best as he looks to start a new chapter out west. To our readers, the site may still be crazy for a brief time, but we will return in full strength soon. Thanks to all who take time to read this site and we hope you've enjoyed our work so far.
After being called out for the 20th time and even receiving a few data entries asking what up (try it sometime!), I'll bend at the whim of public pressure and explain what's been going on around here.
"A whole lot of nothing, loser," all some of you are probably saying, and you'd be right. But there's a perfectly good explanation for the lack of posts.
It'd be easy to say that it's The Siets's (King's English around here) fault and leave it at that. And it'd be fair. Hell, that sounds 100% right to me.
As for me, I've been really busy doing things you wouldn't believe if I told you. I can't really believe it myself. And there will probably be a few more weeks of turmoil (or lack thereof) on this site, but I do plan to settle back into a pattern of openly lusting for overglorifying Drew Brees, Ricky Rubio, and Anfernee Hardaway again soon. So bear with Billynho, and he'll be back with you before you noticed he was gone. Assuming you did. Which you probably didn't. Because you thought he was Tony Kornheiser, didn't you? You think this is Tony Kornheiser right now, don't you? You know who I blame for that?
The Siets.
Until then, we appreciate you reading our site. Or at least I do. I can't speak for The Siets except to say The Siets doesn't care about anyone. Except beating the guy in the picture above at what that guy and The Siets do best. To think, I would've backed The Siets in that battle at one time. Ha, that was before I remembered that THAT DUDE would've definitely posted more than once in the past 29 days.
I'll be thinking of you when I'm doing what I've been doing and will soon be doing again.
Somebody has to, because it's clear The Siets won't.
Butthurt (adj) 1. An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult. Characterized by strong feelings of shame. Frequently associated with a cessation of communication and overt hostility towards the "aggressor." 2. Jay Cutler
Aha, did you see that? Michael Irvin got all full of butthurt when PacMan went to the bathroom to do a line without him.
By now, everyone has got their shots in on Jay Cutler. It's actually gotten out of hand a bit, with some "experts" alleging that Cutler is a below-average NFL quarterback. That's ridiculous, but he's handled the Broncos courting of Matt Cassel with the aplomb of Terrell Owens.
Cutler's not the first young franchise quarterback to receive perplexing treatment from the team that drafted him in recent years. That's right, I think the Broncos are in the wrong.
But I also think Cutler is way butthurt.
He could learn a thing or two by looking back at how a quarterback who has become one of the most respected men in NFL history handled nearly identical treament... After the San Diego Chargers took Philip Rivers with the fourth pick of the 2004 NFL Draft, Drew Brees was fed up. Despite an impressive second season, Brees had been forced to compete and share reps with Doug Flutie going into the 2003 NFL season. With the selection of Rivers, it seemed Brees' destiny was to become a journeyman backup quarterback after one last year in San Diego.
Brees didn't see it that way. Fueled by the insult delivered to his doorstep in the form of Rivers and fortunate that Philip became a training camp holdout, Brees turned 12 hour offseason work days into the NFL Comeback Player of the Year award, a 104.8 quarterback rating and Pro Bowl appearance. This left A.J. Smith with just one option after splashing out on Rivers: Franchise Brees.
Once again, Brees felt slighted. He wanted to commit to San Diego long-term, he'd proven to be one of the top five quarterbacks in the NFL, he was loved by head coach Marty Schottenheimer, and he felt he deserved a fat signing bonus and job security. So, of course, he held out, pouted, skipped mini-camps, leaked information about the Chargers to ESPN reporters, and declared his career over in San Diego, right?
Erm, no. He put his head down, worked just as hard as he did the previous offseason, held off Rivers for the starting job in 2005, and produced another great season on the field. Unfortunately, in the last game of the season he suffered a torn labrum and rotator cuff.
Even after the injury, he was much-coveted in free agency. Despite how he'd be treated the last few seasons, he badly wanted to stay in San Diego. He even offered to give the Chargers a hometown discount. But in the end, they were ready to move on and so did Brees.
He was determined to once again prove A.J. Smith wrong, this time in New Orleans. Some doubted whether he'd ever throw a football more than 20 yards again due to the severity of his injury. He did that and more in finishing runner-up to best friend LaDainian Tomlinson for league MVP and sharing the Walter Payton Man of the Year Award with LT.
Cutler likely won't sniff one of those during his career if his character is as weak as it's seemed through the standoff. But if he starts acting more like Brees, his reputation with the public is still salvageable to some extent.
He should be thankful that he still is the starter in Denver and come back in 2009 more driven than ever to prove that he can win playoff games for the Broncos. If he does that, Josh McDaniels will look just as foolish as A.J. Smith does in retrospect.
And his name may no longer be the second best definition of butthurt.
Like Charles Barkley at a poker table, SEC athletic directors don’t seem to know when to tighten their purse strings. As a result, operating in the high-stakes world of college football has become more expensive for the rest of the nation.
From a notorious 23 year streak with at least one program on probation (and as many as five at one time), to the $200,000 payment indiscreetly made by a Crimson Tide booster to Alabama’s prized defensive tackle recruit Albert Means in 1999, to Auburn’s failed pursuit of prospective coach Bobby Petrino a year before Tommy Tuberville, the under-contract coach they tried to replace, led the Tigers to an undefeated season, accusations of impropriety, illicit cabals and wantonness are nothing new to the conference.
Don't be shocked to see Urban Meyer paraded out of the locker room atop a bejeweled palanquin or read about LSU's players dining on foie gras and bluefin tuna in their pregame meal this fall.
But the outlay splashed in constructing Tennessee’s supposed “Super Staff” may be the most damaging example of the SEC’s desperation for championship football. After buying out national championship winner Phillip Fulmer for $6 million in November, Tennessee threw $2 million on the doorstep of Oakland Raiders failure Lane Kiffin. What do you get for $2 million these days? According to his last boss, Raiders owner Al Davis, it will buy you a “flat-out liar.” For an extra $1.2 million, the Volunteers bought the nation’s highest paid assistant coach, Kiffin’s dad Monte.
The spending didn’t stop there.
New defensive line coach Ed Orgeron will make $650,000 in 2009, over three times more than recently departed Purdue defensive coordinator Brock Spack made in 2008. Mississippi endured their first winless conference season in 25 years under Orgeron in 2007. The Rebels ranked 14th in the nation at the conclusion of the 2008 season without him.
Alleged offensive genius Jim Chaney was named coordinator and awarded the princely sum of $380,000. Chaney, most will remember, was gently shoved out of his office in Mollenkopf Athletic Center in 2005. Few Boilermakers fans considered him a candidate for MENSA at the time.
Linebackers coach Lance Thompson, said to be a recruiting whiz, was poached for $350,000 a year from Alabama. The Tide didn’t seem to miss him while landing the nation’s top recruiting class last week.
Peering into the situation from the outside, one would guess the state and University of Tennessee must be waltzing through a fiscal purple patch. Not so, says the state’s own governor.
“… it does pain me to see the athletic department living so high while some of the academic departments are facing some very tough times,” said Gov. Phil Bredesen. “I would hope they would be a little sensitive to that fact.”
Academics?
Mr. Bredesen, as Chairman of the Board of Trustees at Tennessee, should know that football will always precede mere trivial concerns such as education down South.
I was looking over the futures for this year's March Madness at a sports betting site and saw about what I figured. North Carolina is the favorite at +250. Then there's UCONN, Pitt, and Oklahoma at +650, +800, and +950, respectively. Purdue is chillin at +3000 which actually makes them one of the favorites (tied with Georgetown and Memphis and ahead of Texas). Before the season, I'd have been all over that if I'd seen it. Not today.
If I'd been asked two weeks ago who I thought would win the NCAA Tournament, an undefeated Wake Forest (+1400) would have been my choice hands down. Since then, Wake has lost four games (three on the road) and tumbled down the polls a bit. They're still my pick; they're built for March. They've got the nation's best point guard, the electric Jeff Teague. They've got a slew of bulky, athletic bigs in James Johnson, Al-Farouq Aminu, and Chas McFarland. And they've proven they can beat other top teams with wins over Duke, Clemson, North Carolina, and Indiana.
Duke (+1600) forever etched its name atop my list of favorites with their soul-crushing abuse of Purdue in West Lafayette. They're a veteran bunch, deep, big, and quick. I hate them, but I know they'll be in the Final Four.
Rivals is calling him the top player in the Class of 2010, the best running back in years, and the next Walter Payton. I watch his videos and think, "Oh, no way, a black Vinny Sutherland!" Which is sweet because I loved Vinny Sutherland. But last I checked he wasn't in the Hall of Fame. Hang on, let me check again. Nope.
Still, I'd be way down to be roomies if you come to Purdue, Lache. I'm not gonna give you a mansion like Reggie Bush got, but how about a house on Grant Street? Call the cellular, bub.
Marshawn Lynch was arrested again Wednesday on felony gun charges. Kornheiser's Cartel is not surprised (is anyone?), but Billynho would have gladly bailed him out when he arrives in California this week if needed.
"Quick question though: Yao is one of the 10 most famous athletes in the world, right? So what would the top 10 look like? I had a great argument about this with someone recently and we honestly couldn't figure it out -- definitely Yao and Tiger, definitely Beckham and Federer, definitely Phelps, maybe Thierry Henry, maybe a Formula One guy (I won't even embarrass myself by guessing), maybe Kobe ... and then ... I mean ... does LeBron make the list? Brady or (Peyton) Manning? Nadal? More soccer players? Any female tennis players? How do we figure this out? I have mentioned this question to a few different people and drawn a sweeping range of answers. Maybe there's no answer. My head hurts."
There are a lot better answers than you came up with Bill, but I wont hold it against you. Most Americans wouldn't have a clue... Today's Muhammad Alis (1) Tiger Woods. (2) David Beckham. (3) Ronaldinho (who Bill somehow fails to mention). They could walk into almost any remote village in the world and be recognized. Golf is played the world over. Asian women shave their pubic hair to match Golden Ball's latest hair-do. If you see Ronaldinho's face and mane once, you'll never forget it.
Over 1.3 Billion People Know Me (4) Yao Ming.
Icons (5) Roger Federer. (6) Usain Bolt. Federer will likely retire as tennis' greatest champion ever (until Nadal retires). Bolt got the attention of the entire world at the Summer Olympics.
It's the World's Most Popular Sport (7) Kaka. (8) Lionel Messi. (9) Thierry Henry. It's probably hard for Americans who only have a vague awareness or none at all of these three to accept, but in the interests of accuracy, these are probably the three most famous footballers after David Beckham and Ronaldinho. Would Kobe Bryant or LeBron James be recognized walking through Africa, Europe, or Asia? It's doubtful. LeBron may someday reach the heights of popularity seen only by Michael Jordan in the basketball world. But not yet. Kaka, Messi, and Henry would be swarmed in almost any city on the globe. Same goes for Cristiano Ronaldo, Sergio Kun Aguero, Wayne Rooney, and Franck Ribery. Alexandre Pato will one day be among the most famous people in the world, too. Soccer is huge in the mega-populous China and India and even more massive in South America, Europe, and Africa.
Kind of Guessing (10) Lance Armstrong. He was utterly dominant in his own sport, which gets you recognition from many places that wouldn't normally care. But beyond that, he's become the face of the cancer research efforts worldwide. He's generated billions of dollars through his name and image. I can't definitively say he's more famous than a Ronaldo, Nadal, or even F1's first black star Lewis Hamilton. But he is the most famous domestically and is known all through Europe.
Not Buying It Four continents of the world couldn't pick Phelps out of a police line-up. Kobe and LeBron are probably close, but I feel pretty strongly that the soccer superstars might be three times more well known. I mentioned Lewis Hamilton and if he wins a few more F1 titles, he'll finish his career as one of the most famous faces globally. If Nadal goes on a major run for the next half decade, he could appear. A charismatic heavyweight boxer has the potential to be among the world's most famous. No NFL players are in the top 50 worldwide. Same goes for MLB (and cricket for that matter).
After writing the first two mock drafts, Billynho heard from Terry Robiskie (Brian's father, a very nice man) and Marcus Thigpen's brother. Rey Maualuga's sex therapist... I'm waiting.
Check out the original from January 2nd and the January 18th update, then keep reading for the truth on how the April 25 NFL Draft first round will shake out: 1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. I'm sticking with this. It makes too much sense. Everyone says that the Lions must take a quarterback, a "FACE OF THE FRANCHISE" with the top pick. Why? This season proved that you can win in the NFL without a top-10 quarterback. At some point, the position needs addressed in the long term. But the Lions must get value out of this selection immediately. They need to win fast, and not just because they're coming off the worst season in NFL history. Detroit will be impacted by the economic crisis as much as any city in America. Will laid off motor makers be willing to pay to support a loser? And beyond that... What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess?
While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years (it worked for the Ravens and Rams with Jonathan Ogden and Orlando Pace) and go after Matt Cassel, Kyle Orton (depending on how the Bears situation shakes out), Vince Young, or Matt Leinart (if Kurt Warner returns) in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with their second first round pick and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. Rumors are floating around that Torry Holt might bolt. Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers in that scenario. A quarterback would be excess to requirements. Marc Bulger has been a Pro Bowler quite recently; the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years. They should restore his tools and see if he can fix the offense before spending a high draft pick replacing him, only to watch him prove he wasn't the problem after all down the road (see: Kurt Warner). Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, Marquis Colston and Brandon Marshall. If he can come in and make a big impact, the Rams offense could roll right away. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly. If he fulfills the promise he's shown up til now, he could be the type of unstoppable force that makes quarterbacks look good on his own.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- OT Eugene Monroe. Adding Pioli as the decision maker in the front office completely alters any perception of what they might draft. New England developed clear patterns during his collaboration with Bill Belichick. Some will speculate that New England found out just how important a good quarterback is; I'd argue the Patriots have proven great value can be found at quarterback later in the draft. At their best, the Patriots have ranked amongst the league's best on both lines. The pick will be a tackle, and they can pick up one of the aforementioned available quarterbacks sure to be shopped around the league. Hopefully Monroe can be as successful as longtime left tackle Matt Light has been for the Patriots since being drafted in the second round in 2001. Look for them to aggressively pursue Albert Haynesworth, too. The Patriots have never been shy to make a splash in free agency, and Haynesworth would be huge for the Chiefs.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Michael Oher- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Monroe is the pick. They were burned when acquiring Deion Branch, but a trade for Chad Johnson (2nd round pick?) might work for both the Seahawks and Bengals. They're another team that could rebound in a big way in 2009.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008; please take a bow Ken Dorsey. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force. Beanie Wells is an option here, too.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- RB Chris "Beanie" Wells. The Bengals need help on the line, but Wells is the first guy Bob Sanders can't tackle solo. The Bengals need an infusion of toughness and competitiveness. Anyone who watched Beanie at Ohio State knows he'll bring both.
7) Oakland Raiders- OT Jason Smith. Davis loves sexy names so don't rule out a Jeremy Maclin here, but the Raiders need help on the line. This would be four in the first round, which would be a record. A team needs what a team needs, I guess. We'll see.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. Are Samoans ever busts? It's been confirmed that he is Samoan. And I can already picture him in Jacksonville. The preseason photo spreads will be badass. He's got every chance to be an NFL poster boy for the next decade. The NFL might as well grab their cameras and invite him to a park to play with kids. Every defense needs a Maualuga and he should go higher in actuality.
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Brian Orakpo. The Packers played better than their record indicated in 2008 and have the potential to bounce back and win their division as early as 2009. They were 26th in the NFL in run yards allowed per game in 2008, and shoring that area up could go a long way towards guaranteeing they improve. Signing Albert Haynesworth would be ideal, but who doesn't want him? Orakpo is huge and productive. Adding a young cornerback like Malcolm Jenkins would be wise to consider, too, with Al Harris and Charles Woodson in their 30's.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez's numbers in a pro-style offense at USC are impressive, but so are the guys he handed off and threw the ball to. The 49ers once again are looking for a long-term answer at quarterback. The best thing you'll hear anyone say about Shaun Hill is that he didn't play like Shaun Hill in 2008. How do you feel about that? The 49ers will aim higher with Sanchez, and hope genuine compliments will be paid to him in the near future.
11) Buffalo Bills- DE Michael Johnson It was a statistic that stunned some in a Bills fan forum in my first mock draft... Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008. A major pass rusher on defense would be great also, since they made just 24 sacks in 2008. Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers. If the Bills were smart, they'd just swoop for the proven article since Peppers is available.
12) Denver Broncos- DE/LB Everette Brown Denver's defense was awful in 2008, but you'll have that when Ebenezer Ekuban and John Engelberger are every-down defensive players. They're, like, 75's on Madden. Yuck. Adding someone who can get to the quarterback would be tremendous. Hopefully, Brown has that kind of potential? He made 13.5 sacks at Florida State last season.
13) Washington Redskin- DT BJ Raji This would be a throwaway pick, but Raji keeps shooting up draft boards. Fellow mock drafters... he's in too good of shape! Have you never seen Ted Washington or Tony Siragusa!?!? Raji is a bust. I like my DT's like I like my HC's. FAT!!!!!!!!!!
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall. If he isn't, he should be. With the Saints recent track record in the draft, expect Jenkins to be drafted, lauded, and then cut by training camp. I'm a disgruntled fan. They have to take him here though. Don't you ruin him Sean Payton. Don't you dare.
15) Houston Texans- LB/DE Aaron Maybin Maybin was one of the leaders of Penn State's defense this season, and his hyper-productive style may finally cause a unit chock full of high draft picks to mesh. Teaming Maybin and Mario Williams could have devastating effects on opposing offenses. His multi-position versatility is a plus.
16) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured. Sounds like a fit to me.
17) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future. You probably think I'm crazy for letting him fall this far, but I just don't see what is so great about him. Okay, he throws hard. So did Ryan Leaf. Only Ryan Leaf was much better in college. So maybe they could just try to trade for Chad Pennington? I hear he is a pretty good quarterback...
18) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester. How B.A. would it be to see those two B.A.M.F.'s running a double-reverse in which Kyle Orton sneaks out of the backfield to the far sideline and catches a pass from Maclin that he runs in for a touchdown. Maclin could be the first player in history to pass, run, catch, kick return, and punt return for touchdowns in the same game! I'm way down. By the way, the Bears are nuts if they end up running Kyle Orton off before next season. Absolutely bonkers.
19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks. Bucs fans didn't like this choice at last update, but outside of Barrett Ruud, Tampa has very old or very uninspiring options. Cushing could have played in the NFL at age 19.
20) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon will immediately upgrade their secondary. What were they thinking when they traded Dre Bly for two pieces of garbage. You could start a lot of sentences with "What were they thinking..." when looking back on Matt Millen. Let's hope this one goes better.
21) Philadelphia Eagles- G Duke Robinson If the economy doesn't rebound and food becomes scarce, Robinson could help sustain the Eagles. Survival of the fittest.
22) Minnesota Vikings- OT Eben Britton The Vikings are crying out for a right tackle, and DAMNET, it wouldn't be fair to end the Tarvaris Jackson experiment until he's got one. When he still sucks with one (and he will), then by all means go ahead and cut away. My first 2010 projection is that the Vikings will be taking Colt McCoy with the 18th pick. Oh wow, the Vikings are looking really good for 2012.
23) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Really? Could they honestly get this lucky? To add arguably the top playmaker in the draft would be unfair. But the Patriots don't play by the rules. Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and New England can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it. That Tom Brady, everything goes his way.
24) Atlanta Falcons- DT Peria Jerry The Falcons have a need at defensive tackle, and this one is a FATTY. Jerry is about to embark on a 16 year career with five teams who will all complain that he needs to cut weight, but damnet, he really shouldn't because it's just hilarious when a fat man rumbles and stumbles on a fumble return, which is how Jerry will become a household name, taking back a 31 yard fumble to the three yard line in the 2017 NFC Championship before falling into a four day coma due to oxygen debt, and when he emerges he'll make the studio rounds and talk about the ordeal, where he'll make contacts that will keep in touch until 2026 when he'll sign a television deal to do what Warren Sapp does, whatever the hell that is. You heard it here first.
25) Miami Dolphins- LB James Laurenitis How did Joey Porter not make the All Pro team this season? An abomination. I'm guessing that Laurenitis makes it if he ever has 18 sacks in a season. He won't, but he'll be damn good.
26) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Maclin and Harvin will be off the board, but Robiskie ain't bad at all. Robiskie has been receiving good reviews from pre-draft games and workouts early. Shout out to Terry.
27) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year. Trade Addai for a pick and roll with Greene and Mike Hart. You won't regret it Bill Polian. Although you rarely regret anything you do, so go ahead and go with your gut.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Phil Loadholt With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, Loadholt fills a need and can develop for a year or two. Combined with Robinson, the Eagles are reloaded up front.
29) New York Giants- TE Brandon Pettigrew Kevin Boss is solid, workmanlike and decent, but he's Kevin Boss. No offense, but Pettigrew can be so much more than just Kevin Boss, without the attitude of that Jeremy Shockey guy.
30) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything. And he looks great in all shades of blue. A perfect fit!
31) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno It's been well documented that Edgerrin James is on his way out (and good riddance). Perhaps Moreno can do what so many have failed to in recent years... run for 4 yards a carry.
32) Pittsburgh Steelers- S Patrick Chung Chung is the next Bob Sanders. I promise. Teaming Chung and Troy Polamalu together back at safety... So many sweet YouTube vids are going to be rolling out of Heinz Field. Make it happen. Someone pointed out in my last mock draft that Chung and Polamalu wouldn't be good enough in coverage together. If true, the Saints will slurp him up in Round Two. I can dream at least.
What do you think? Let us know in the official mock draft thread in OUR FORUM.
I almost cried the day he left, and I pine for the days of old every time I look at a picture like the one above. Chelsea just isn't the same without him. I'm not sure if it could be the same again, but we have to try. Bring him back Roman. The Special One... Frank... Terry... Carvalho gesticulating... Duff and Robben flying down the wings... Essien enforcing. Bring him back.
Champions League games against Liverpool and Barcelona that feel like the most important thing going on in the world for those two hours. Two weeks of build-up in the press for Manchester United match-ups. Bring. Him. Back.
Sell Florent Malouda and Didier Drogba. Sign David Villa up top and Franck Ribery for the left wing.
My initial reaction to hearing that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids years ago was, "Oh well, he's still my second favorite player all-time behind Sammy Sosa."
But after listening to how pathetic, butthurt, and personally offended the rest of the world seems to be by the fact that Rodriguez took steroids when they weren't illegal in baseball, I've got advice for A-Rod. Retire.
If we were to do an old-fashioned pros and cons checklist about the decision, the list is overwhelmingly stacked with pros.
Pros: Already rich Won't have to be around Jeter Already hated, now it'll be so much worse You'll be able to enjoy October for once The paparazzi will let you buy hookers and strippers in peace No more steroids tests You can play shortstop again for any Sunday League team in the country
Cons: $250 million (that you don't need, but you'll be reminded of constantly) You'll miss out on records (that'll be astericked anyways) You've never won a World Series (you're A-Rod, so you probably wouldn't anyways) Billynho would miss you (but sadly, no one else would)
I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner, and most people will probably think I'm joking. But if I were Alex Rodriguez, I'd retire. It's a no-brainer. Which is good since the steroids may have cooked the ones he had.
(Editor's Note: Quick update after the period of inactivity... I apologize for the lack of pieces. I was out of town and busy. I'll also likely be unavailable to write while traveling around for a few weeks in the second half of February and early March... hopefully Scoop Denham and The Siets can pick up the slack. Now then...)
I was unfortunately in a room with Around the Horn on early last week, and I almost threw my right Air Bakin at the television whilst suffering through Jackie MacMullan's take on The Tale of Michael Phelps and Some Kid's Bong: (paraphrasing from memory) "I have to say I was incredibly disturbed by the picture and just angry at Phelps. As a parent, it's hard to explain to your crying kids what exactly their role model is doing." Luckily, I know my readers will share my permanent disdain for MacMullan and her kids after reading that garbage. If they're distraught over Phelps, how will they react when Bob Ryan is caught in Pickle Park with Dan LeBatard?
Umm, Jackie, it's none of our business what Michael Phelps does outside the pool as long as he's not shooting up a club. Yeah, the drunk driving thing was bad, but he's had no relapse from that. I'd live my life stoned if Bob Costas was stalking me, too.
Jackie, put on an Incubus CD and chiiiilllll dude.
Phelps seems like a dork, but not the nephew of Satan. Your kids should be able to respect what he does in the pool every four years and forget about him outside of it. They didn't become a fan for Phelps the person, they loved Phelps the swimmer.
They say all good things come in threes, so longtime track fans should stifle their laughs while observing those less informed deluding themselves into believing the emergence of record-breaking high schoolers Alan Webb, Galen Rupp, and German Fernandez in a singular decade represents a watershed period for American distance running. To those in the know (paraphrasing), Webb is more uncomfortable under the bright lights than an incontinent glossophobic delivering a eulogy after Happy Hour. Rupp is a sub-standard concept prototype conceived by Nike marketers (under direct orders from Phil Knight) to challenge the Africans, but he'll fail because he's, umm, Gay(len). And sure Fernandez is fast, but his Achilles heel is his Achilles heel. Try as they might, though, few can resist refreshing race threads when the aforementioned troika compete. This generation of runners, led by Webb, Ryan Hall, Rupp, and now German- Dathan Ritzenhein, Matt Tegenkamp, Chris Solinsky, and Leonel Manzano deserve mention, too, among others-, are threatening to break every American record from 1500 meters to the marathon. Webb holds the mile record, is 1.14 seconds off Bernard Lagat's 2005 1500 meters performance, and has- for a short span of time- been the fastest middle distance runner alive. Even if Fernandez falls short of his ultimate ceiling as a runner, his potential is such that he could still claim the American 5,000 meters record in a few years time (assuming Tegenkamp or Solinsky don't lower it first). Sifting through all the criticisms of Rupp and looking at his body of work reveals he's consistently improved his times and started winning races since his days tagging along the back of the pack in elite meets just out of high school; his teeing off on Meb Keflezighi's 10,000 meters record in 2009 will be a compelling story to follow. Hall debuted in the half marathon with a stunning American record and challenged the pacemakers to run faster at last year's London Marathon en route to a 2:06:17 fifth place finish. It will likely only be a matter of months before another record falls.
The United States went two decades without producing a legitimate long distance world-beater (Bob Kennedy tried admirably). Forced to compete with Africans born at elevation, dopers, and the tendency of more mainstream sports stripping away the best prospects, domestic distance was boring and uneventful.
It's hard to pinpoint the impetus behind the overnight popularization (in relevant terms) of the sport, but Tim Layden's 2001 Sports Illustrated profile of Webb and Ritz was likely a contributing factor (along with the dissemination of information brought on by the Internet). Interestingly, Layden accurately posited in the piece: "The two runners, one fast, the other tireless, are just the beginning. Generations of young Americans will follow, training hard, running fast and beating the world. Won't they?"
They did... sort of. Solinsky came two years later. Mega-talent Matt Withrow and Rupp the next year. And now, the best yet, Fernandez.
Fernandez deserves special mention after breaking the indoor World Junior Record in the mile running 3:56.5. Much was made of the fact that he still ran demonstrably slower than the outdoor junior record, but suspicions of age fabrication for all of those records could be supplied as a counter-point. Independent of whether or not he's the faster junior miler in history, German can realistically aim to one day be the fastest professional alive. He'll need to drop a manageable seven or so seconds off his 1,500 pace to challenge for gold someday at that distance. Everyone is anxious for his 5,000 meters debut; the former Applebee's worker will be eating good in the neighborhood (I couldn't help the bad pun) with anything sub-13:20.
Speaking of eating, Webb's 2009 competitive racing debut is fast approaching. Even if he bombs, don't fret. By now we've all seen that he has nine lives. He's got a few to go and will emerge the better from this rough spot. In the unlikely event that he doesn't, the world of American distance running isn't over without him. Celebrate the excitement he provided for the last half-decade and take solace in knowing that he's helped inspire today's purple patch of would-be champions that can be champions.
We're mere hours from the highlight of the season for football fans... the 2009 Super Bowl. Coincidentally, we're also mere hours from the highlight of the season for non-football fans... the 2009 Super Bowl Commercials. Oh wow, look, a list of the best all-time:
When the Tony Kornheiser Pimp Cartel Cartel moved from PimpsLord to its own cyberspace in August, I decided to adopt a pen name. Why? I don't know. It doesn't make any damn sense. Especially since nine out of 10 people think my real name is made up or stolen from a comic book character, and the other 10% disclose after getting to know me that they couldn't believe my name when they first heard it. It happens every time. Look carefully around the site and you'll figure out what they're havin' a laugh about. Good times.
So, back to the redundant pen name... Did I mention no one can pronounce it? Oh, I'm sorry, I only assumed readers would be familiar with the best soccer/international football player this decade. You know who I'm talking about...
You have no idea do you? Seriously? Damn.
Ronaldinho!
Still nothing?
Really? (Sigh)
Okay, let me walk you through this.
Billynho is a play on the name of Ronaldinho, who is (was) like only the most amazing footie playing wizard of our time.
It's not pronounced Billy-N-ho or Billy-and-ho (like I'm some self-professed amalgamation of myself and Paris Hilton) or Billy No.
Bill-een-yo. Say it seven times so you never forget.
Onto The Siets. Not Sigh-etts. Or See-ets. It's mono-syllabic. Seats. The Seats. The Siets. You got it. 7 times... Go.
Finally, Orel Kornheiser. Free Kornheiser's Cartel shirt to whoever can first guess what his name is a play on. Orel Hershiser and Tony Kornheiser. Looks like I win this time. Pronunciation... Oral Corn-Hize-er. That's right, seven times. I'll wait.
And if you're wondering what happened to Barry Badrinath and dave-o... So am I. They had a few good pieces back a ways didn't they? Last I heard they were off working on Wilbon's Quintuple Squadoosh somewhere. Ever since Barry hooked up with Orel's roommate (that's what everyone is saying at least...), things got a little weird. If you ever come across him in person (or more likely in the virtual world of Call of Duty 5... his handle: Corn Nuzzler), don't bother engaging him in conversation. He's not nearly as funny in person as he is in writing. Despite what Orel tries to tell you.
Fort Lauderdale Dillard running back Trabis Ward is a four-star recruit, but a five-star interview:
"Co yo Larry, we know we good boy... you know how we do... I'm the best in the NAAAATION! I'm gonna be number one right now."
"You saw when I played em, semteem carries, two touchdown, hunderd sixtay-five yards... I was RAPIN' em! If y'all got tha tape, y'all know that! I was spinmoving, shakin tha whole team."
"Ain't no reedddshirtin' me... I only got this on cuz it's camp day!"
And a worthy rival to Marshawn Lynch as football's best interview steps up. He's still attempting to get the test scores he needs to qualify to play next season (shocking). I'm keeping my fingers crossed. America needs him... Bored office workers and stoners across the country depend on videos like this...
Football season is over, Cartel fans, and Billynho won't miss it one bit. I don't want to hear anymore overrated and overpaid running backs in the Land of the Whale's Vagina pine for preferential pampering, I don't want to see anymore gormless 80's video game characters profess pure innocence about texting their profane posse to pop a poor club patron, I'm tired of all these old quarterbacks, and I~ er, what'd you say? Football season... isn't over? B-b-b-but I checked all the channels yesterday and there was nothi~ oohhh, there's a week off before the Super Bowl now... right...
Football season is almost over, Cartel fans, so let's take a peek at the bottom of the NBA standings and top of the NCAA standings to see if we can't spot some potential future Casual Encounters:
1) Oklahoma City- Ricky Rubio. I'll admit, I've been all over his nuts since first seeing him play, and I'm standing by my belief that he's a sure thing future All Star and fan favorite. Anyone who saw Rubio play against the Redeem Team knows this is a no-brainer. He picked Chris Paul's pocket clean multiple times, is quick enough to get into the lane at will (despite what many analysts say), is the most creative passer in competitive basketball since Jason Williams' Sacramento days, and seemed to possess the same innate basketball vision that all the greats have. He's a point guard Larry Bird. Oklahoma City needs a center, but really this pick comes down to Rubio and Blake Griffin. Griffin would add toughness and rebounding, but with Kevin Durant sliding to the frontcourt and becoming more effective this season, Rubio and Russell Westbrook could form one of the NBA's top backcourts in the future and give the Thunder an unrivaled young troika to build around. 2) Washington- Blake Griffin. Griffin is an explosive, dominant rebounder who can post-up on the offensive end whenever he feels like it. His back-to-the-basket game lacks polish, but he'll still be able to score with his Lebron-esque athletiscism. He's a good ballhandler and passer for his size and would fit in perfectly on a Wizards team in need of toughness and a stronger post presence.
3) Sacramento- Jeff Teague. When I watched Jeff Teague two years ago when he played Eric Gordon in a high school game in Indianapolis, I didn't see much. Going in, his team had a gaudy record and Teague was averaging a nice stat line. Teague flashed quickness, but played passively and passed up open looks on the perimeter that suggested to me a poor jumper. I can't believe he's the same player when I watch him today. His wiry build, explosive leaping ability and quickness, and 90's fade haircut remind me of Anfernee Hardaway. He's averaging over 21 points, four rebounds, four assists, two steals, and shooting over 50% from beyond the arc. Sacramento is loaded with prospects at every position except point guard (where Beno Udrih is a sub-standard starter). Taking Teague could inject the same type of enthusiasm into the franchise that the aforementioned Williams brought 11 years ago.
4) Los Angeles Clippers- James Harden- The Clippers are a ship wreck. They're ridiculously thin with just six real NBA players (Baron Davis, Eric Gordon, Al Thornton, Chris Kaman, Zach Randolph, and Marcus Camby), and are in the position to take the best player available. In this case, they need someone who can contribute right away also. Harden is shooting 54% from the field, 40% from three point range, and averages 22 points, six rebounds and four assists. He could be a star in the NBA down the road and will be a top notch scorer off the bench next season.
5) Memphis- Jordan Hill. The Grizzlies have to look for a big man as they've already got a slew of candidates to play point, shooting guard, and small forward. Hasheem Thabeet would provide size, but lacks the polish to provide an interior presence offensively in the near future. Jordan Hill, on the other hand, is a physically mature, rapidly improving big with the ability to establish position in the posts against anyone. Hill is also the draft's second best rebounder (behind Griffin) and would allow Marc Gasol to remain at center.
6) Golden State- Kyle Singler. Singler is a dream power forward for Don Nelson's offense. He can shoot, handle the ball, and battle for boards. He's being overlooked despite playing for the best team in the NCAA because Duke players under Coach K have a shaky history in the NBA, and he's white. But he has an advanced skill set and reminds me of Dirk Nowitzki more than anyone in recent memory (though that comparison is thrown at a lot of top prospects).
7) Minnesota- Hasheem Thabeet. Minnesota has to acquire something in the way of a center prospect, and Thabeet has as much potential as any in recent years outside of Dwight Howard and Greg Oden. Unfortunately, he's even more likely to end up an unequivocal bust. He's not a fluid athlete, his offensive game is coming along but still not resembling that of a legitimate starting NBA big man, and you have to wonder whether his length will matter considering opposing guards will be able to both outmuscle and zip around him. He'll be 22 on draft day and the Timberwolves will have a hard time looking at him and passing on the upper-end of his potential... Dikembe Mutombo.
8) Indiana- Stephen Curry. The Pacers also need to find a low-post talent if they're to progress, but Larry Bird has put an emphasis on improving the team immediately to curb fan disinterest. Wake Forest's Al-Farouq Aminu has the look, but his rap sheet suggests the newly squeaky clean Pacers will look elsewhere. Earl Clark is a tempting option, but in the end they won't be able to pass on the next-Reggie Miller. Few need to be reminded of Curry's credentials. Indiana fans will watch him and be reminded of Reggie as they flock to Conseco next season and beyond and hope his career proves half as memorable. It's tough to peg Curry's NBA potential, but his newfound ballhandling and passing hint that he may be more than just a sharpshooter.
9) Toronto- Tyreke Evans. Evans is not showing up in other mock drafts (many seem to copy off each other), but his shot is coming around, and his stat line is looking more impressive as his freshman season continues. His athleticism, defense, and multi-varied skill set remind one of Gerald Wallace. Toronto is desperate for more punch from the wing, and a prospect to develop into the future. Evans has All Star potential that more will spot as Memphis moves into the national spotlight come Selection Sunday.
10) Chicago- Gerald Henderson. Henderson is strong, supremely athletic (his big frame belies incredible leaping ability), and has more go-to moves than one typical finds in a college player. He's carried Duke since the ACC season began and people are beginning to notice. Griffin and Henderson look most ready to start in the NBA next year, and neither will be in over their heads.
While the Snowmobile Freestyle bores Aspen to death, take a look at the list of qualifiers for tonight's Snowboard Superpipe finals and their scores from Saturday night's prelims: 1 Shaun White 93.33 70.33 93.33 2 Steve Fisher 89.33 35.00 89.33 3 Elijah Teter 88.00 53.66 88.00 4 Mason Aguirre 69.33 86.33 86.33 5 Antti Autti 85.00 37.00 85.00 6 Kevin Pearce 34.33 83.00 83.00 7 Andy Finch 81.66 16.66 81.66 8 Louie Vito 41.66 77.66 77.66
Ahem, well... it still hasn't started, so here is a description of the field:
Louie Vito looks like a hybrid of Wee Man and a hobbit, but can snowboard like a 12 year old Shaun White. I'm rooting against him because I could never root for a Louie. Anyone who watched Louie Anderson on Family Feud can relate I'm sure.
When he's rocking a beard, Finch looks like a combination of Matthew McConaughey's character in Reign of Fire and Stephen Dorff. No beard tonight. Sigh. He's a huge underdog, but super-Christian, so if he medals we'll know that God guy was watching.
Kevin Pearce looks like Ryan Sheckler and is everyone's sleeper pick to win tonight. He's one of my favorite picks to NOT win, and if he's anything like Sheckler, you can bet he'll be crying while White climbs the medal stand.
Antti Autti won this event in 2005 and was the third ever to do back-to-back 1080's. Trouble is, he doesn't seem to have advanced much since. I've rooted for him since 2005, but I'd be shocked to see him win.
Mason Aguirre's Wikipedia entry states that "his laid back attitude and family support helps him stay humble and down to earth." Little danger of that changing tonight, methinks.
Elijah Teter looks like the ginger lead singer from Fall Out Boy and also has a sister, Hannah, who is also a top boarder. Hannah has been on Punk'd; if I see Elijah win tonight, I'll assume I'm being Punk'd.
Steve Fisher cracks me up. If you have a sense of humor, you'll like him. Shaun White is a good dude, but he doesn't seem to smile around Fisher much. So by the transitive property, I've deduced that Fisher and White are enemies. Believing that makes the X Games more fun to watch, too.
Shaun White is the overwhelming favorite. He's failed to light a metaphorical fire on this event in a few years. Here's hoping he does tonight.
9:35 PM And FINALLY the Winter X Games begin as far as I'm concerned. Vito is up first:
Louie Vito started things off with a real thud crashing after his first jump. He drinks a Monster afterward (that jump was really taxing I guess). His performance doesn't exactly have me running to the gas station for an energy drink... 44.00
Andy Fitch has a clean, unspectacular run. There's a lot of fresh powder at the bottom of the pipe that slowed him down. Shitters, this could be bad. 70.00
Er, nevermind. Sheckler has no problem with the snow slowing him down. He throws down a ballin run, but crashed doing a throwaway move on his last jump. Tragic. Pearce gets a 64.66.
The P.A. announcer could be heard saying Autti's "gotta be stoked" with that one, and I'd agree... if this was 2005. He gets an 82.66, the announcers are flummoxed, I say it's fair.
Mason Aguirre has as good of a Mason Aguirre run as you'll ever see. The crowd sounds impressed. He gets a 76.00. His family can rest easy... for now. 76.00
9:55 PM Commercials: Shaun White gets whored off in the transition to the break, during the break, and coming out of the break. Peyton Manning, you're not alone anymore.
Elijah Teter crashed. Fans of Six Feet Under will notice that he may in fact have played Russell on the show. 53.33
Steve Fisher has a nice run, but landed three feet too low on one jump so (paraphrasing the announcers) he's a worthless piece of shit who doesn't deserve to own a snowboard. The MegaMo confirms their suspicions; he landed too low. Eff the MegaMo. It's MegaMoverrated. 73.33
Shaun White throws down a run that is indistinguishable from that of Pearce, right down to wrecking on the last jump. He'll have to do better than that to make gingers proud. 66.66
SECOND RUN
Louie Vito clips the lip of the pipe halfway through the routine. Ouch. The color commenter says it feels like "getting kicked by a mule. 47.00. That's an improvement!
God lets Andy Fitch down again. He wrecks right after the start of his run. No one needs to remind him that everything happens for a reason.
Sheckler time. And he brings it. 90.66! He gets interviewed... just having a good time, super stoked, hangin with some friends bro.
Autti just got knocked out of first. He has another solid run. I liked it more than Sheckler's. The judges didn't. 84.33
Aguirre... Yawn. 74.66
I'm liking Elijah Teter here. Particularly the tweaked out Alley Oop Switch McTwist. No, I didn't know what that was on my own. Who does? 86.00! He's in second.
Steve Fisher... Crash. Still smiling, though, Always smiling.
Shaun White Crash. ESPN will be tweaking out if he doesn't have a clean run next time. Uh oh, he's in second to last.
LAST RUN AHEAD:
Awwwww! Louie Vito put together a nice set of jumps until he bonks out on the last hit. 55.00. Last Place
Andy Finch crashes once again and the announcers are hypothesizing that he may be hurt. He's in sixth and will probably finish seventh since White is still to go.
Sheckler was dropping a mega run until his last jump. That's becoming a theme tonight. He's got the lead with 90.66. I'm getting the sense it might hold up, but there's still five- including Autti, Fisher, and White- to go.
Scratch that, four to go. Autti boards a clean, impressive run and has been the most consistent all night. But this run only nets him an 87.33. Second place.
Mason Aguirre. I've never seen him as a threat to win, but he has a silver and bronze in his trophy cabinet. He misses his last hit. Tough break at the end of a nice run. All of these late screw-ups are killing scores tonight. He remains in fourth for now.
Elijah Teter crashes on the back side of back-to-back 1080's. He's still in third with Fisher and White to go. I don't think he's on the medal stand in the end...
My man Steve Fisher doesn't get it done. 75.33. He still cracks me up.
Shaun White time. He needs a great run to win. I think he changed coats. WTF? I like his run. He nails his moves. It's going to be close...
91.66!
Shaun White wins back-to-back golds! The announcers think it's due to his name. Sheckler/Kevin Pearce is pissed. I actually agree. Shaun White disappointed this year. The competition was bland. Steve Fisher wasn't as funny as usual.
Read on for a look into the warped mind of Billynho, background on the above video, stupid asian stereotypes, and a dig at one of Kornheiser's Cartel's own. You're gonna like the way this looks. I guarantee it. Before I start, I gotta admit... I kinda stole this vid from LetsRun. Who stole it from this site I think. Who I'm pretty sure taped it off Japanese television. And had it translated by Mika Tokairin and Brett Larner. Maybe. I'm confused. Jason Rexing?
Anyways, while I hate to watch athletes tear their ACL's, dislocate joints, or suffer compound fractures... I could watch runners BONK all day, errrvery day.
The video above is a classic case. Kayoko Fukushi, one of the greatest Japanese female runners in history, was trying to finish her 'thon(g)* debut. It didn't go as planned. Or more correctly, like Harry Caray when he asked Jeff Goldblum if he'd rather have Mad Cow Disease or win the Nobel Prize, I'd be worried if she planned this particular conclusion. But grab the popcorn and be glad it isn't you; it's a treat to watch.
She looks back on it with the way-too-cute tongue-in-cheek humor and humility I've come to lust for envy in... asians people: "At the end I was laughing because I felt the gap between my mind and body, like I didn't want to fall but knew I was going to. It was funny, so I started laughing. I wasn't unconscious or disoriented, I was totally lucid and just laughing. I don't regret anything. I would have regretted it if I'd stopped. If I had stopped I might be training for Nagoya now!"
*I apologize for the bad Sisqo-inspired joke. But if you like that kind of humor, kindly click the word "articles" next to Orel Kornheiser's name on the left. You'll be set for days.**
Under direct orders from a poor, misguided chickfriend who lives and breathes MTV and insists I do the same, I watched Bromance tonight.
And it was even worse than you're probably imagining... It was basically a bunch of twitchy little freak dudes doing things dudes should never do to gain the Broffection of another dude. One dude ran around in circles in a wrestling ring like a chick, two dudes wouldn't dude-up and go out in the sun, three dudes cried, most the dudes came across as extremely homoquestionable, and all the dudes batted their eyebrows seductively in the direction of the main dude, Brody Jenner.
There's nothing wrong with Brody Jenner, he's got the right idea. But he's got a convoluted screening process and a show full of weirdos (the best way to describe that troupe).
If I were going to be Bromanced, I wouldn't want twitchy little freaks competing to be my friend. I wouldn't care if they could catch fish, sleep in tents, or beg chicks to come to my party by bribing them with the fact that they may get to be on MTV.
No, my dude friends have to be funny (still waiting for you to live up to the hype Drew Brown), out of control (you always come through Andy), smooth with the birds (except you Matt), classy (the decanter was a nice move Zach) or smart (Ladies, have you met my friend The Siets? He's a nationally-ranked College Bowl player, you know? So am I... but you'll have to look a ways down the list.)... and most importantly, my dude friends have to like sports (no exceptions).
After a bit of thought, I've realized my ideal friends would not only like sports, they'd be involved in sports. I know a lot about sports. I spend a lot of time watching sports. And reading about sports. And talking about sports.
But I've met a lot of athletes and most don't impress me. Some definitely would.
If I were to be Bromanced by anyone of my choosing from the world of sports, I'd roll with:
5. Kobe Bryant- Firstly, finding girls would never be a problem with Kobe around. If they don't want to hang, he'll make them. Sure we might end up in the slammer for a few days... but that's a story right!? Additionally, it'd be too much fun to play H-O-R-S-E or beer pong or throw things in the trash with him around and yell, "KOBE!" as you do it.
3. Charles Barkley- Barkley is hilarious. How funny would it be to sit around with Chuck as he talks about how he is going to be governor someday!? Probably while wasted, too. Seriously? Governor? Him? Plus, as recent events have confirmed, he knows how to party. And you could get rich playing poker with him. I have to admit, though, it might be a little weird if he tattooed my name on his ass. But if it makes him happy...
2. Drew Brees- Ummm, let's see. He's a perfect person. He's the nicest guy in the world. He's the smartest guy in the NFL. He's a great teammate/friend. He's a winner. He shares. He just had a kid who will be the coolest kid in the world as he grows up. He's a living God. Like this guy. Yeah, we like him a lot on this site, okay?
Pete Carroll is NOT HAPPY! And nothing you say will make him happy. So save it. Except you, Bryce Brown. Go ahead and call Pete and make it official. Become the 9th five-star running back to commit to USC in the past four years. Maybe then he'll forgive Mark Sanchez and realize his roster isn't so bad. Moving on...
The early-entry deadline has come and gone with some major surprises. Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, Taylor Mays, Brandon Spikes all decided to stay in school (to the chagrin of teams drafting in the middle of the first round), significantly thinning out what looked like a strong draft. Still, Mark Sanchez declared (to the chagrin of Pete Carroll) and this draft looks very deep on the offensive line and at wide receiver.
Check out the original from January 2nd, then read on about how the April 25 NFL Draft first round could go down: 1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. They needed Scott Pioli and Bill Cowher. They ended up with an unknown in Jim Schwartz, and I won't pretend to know how that will work out. Conventional wisdom still says that the Lions must take a quarterback, a "FACE OF THE FRANCHISE" with the top pick. Why? This season proved that you can win in the NFL without a top-10 quarterback. At some point, the position needs addressed in the long term. But the Lions must get value out of this selection immediately. They need to win fast, and not just because they're coming off the worst season in NFL history. Detroit will be impacted by the economic crisis as much as any city in America. Will laid off motor makers be willing to pay to support a loser? And beyond that... What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess?
While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years (it worked for the Ravens and Rams with Jonathan Ogden and Orlando Pace) and go after Matt Cassel, Kyle Orton (depending on how the Bears situation shakes out), Vince Young, or Matt Leinart in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with second first round pick and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. Few are projecting the Rams to take a wide receiver, but with rumors that Torry Holt might bolt, Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers. A quarterback would be excess to requirements. Marc Bulger has been a Pro Bowler quite recently; the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years. They should restore his tools and see if he can fix the offense before spending a high draft pick replacing him, only to watch him prove he wasn't the problem after all down the road (see: Kurt Warner). Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, Marquis Colston and Brandon Marshall. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly. If he fulfills the promise he's shown up til now, he could be the type of unstoppable force that makes quarterbacks look good on his own.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- OT Michael Oher. Adding Pioli as the decision maker in the front office completely alters any perception of what they might draft. New England developed clear patterns during his collaboration with Bill Belichick. Some will speculate that New England found out just how important a good quarterback is; I'd argue the Patriots have proven great value can be found at quarterback later in the draft. At their best, the Patriots have ranked amongst the league's best on both lines. The pick will be a tackle, and they can pick up one of the aforementioned available quarterbacks sure to be shopped around the league. Adding a future Pro Bowl lineman would be a nice haul in the draft and Albert Haynesworth in free agency would be a nice haul.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Eugene Monroe- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Monroe is the pick. They were burned when acquiring Deion Branch, but a trade for Chad Johnson (2nd round pick?) might work for both the Seahawks and Bengals.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008, but Ken Dorsey will do that to you. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- RB Chris "Beanie" Wells. The Cincinnati Bengals are becoming a drama-filled batch of divas, alienating their fans. What better to add to that cauldron than a popular, no-nonsense workhorse in Chris Wells? More than just a new mentality, Wells also represents real progress on the field. They desperately need a running back (Future CFL running back Cedric Benson ran the ball over 200 times for them this season), and Wells may be the first guy Bob Sanders runs into and needs help tackling.
7) Oakland Raiders- DE Brian Orakpo. Al Davis will probably trade this pick and his next four first rounders to move up to get a big name in Crabtree, and I'm sure he'd love to take a good looking big name like Mark Sanchez, but the Raiders must get stronger on the defensive line. They lack an elite pass rusher and are terrible against the run. Orakpo, college football's Nagurski winner, offers a freakish end rusher who won't get bullied around in the running game.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. Are Samoans ever busts? He is Samoan right? And I can already picture him in Jacksonville. He's got every chance to be an NFL poster boy for the next decade. Especially if his sly moves on Erin Andrews work...
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Michael Johnson. The Packers played better than their record indicated in 2008 and have the potential to bounce back and win their division as early as 2009. They were 26th in the NFL in run yards allowed per game in 2008, and shoring that area up could go a long way towards insuring they improve. Signing Albert Haynesworth would be ideal, but who doesn't want him? Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers, and, while he isn't seen as a finished product, he'd be an excellent risk for a Packers team looking to beef up against the run. Johnson and Kampman will terrorize opposing quarterbacks for years and should combine to force opposing runners inside. Adding a young cornerback like Malcolm Jenkins would be wise to consider, too, with Al Harris and Charles Woodson in their 30's.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez's numbers in a pro-style offense at USC are impressive, but so are the guys he handed off and threw the ball to. The 49ers once again are looking for a long-term answer at quarterback. The best thing you'll hear anyone say about Shaun Hill is that he wasn't terrible in 2008. The 49ers will aim higher with Sanchez, and hope genuine compliments will be paid to him in the near future.
11) Buffalo Bills- OT Jason Smith It was a statistic that stunned some in a Bills fan forum in my last mock draft... Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008. A major pass rusher on defense would be great also, since they made just 24 sacks in 2008.
12) Denver Broncos- DE/LB Everette Brown Denver's defense was awful in 2008, but you'll have that when Ebenezer Ekuban and John Engelberger are every-down defensive players. They're, like, 75's on Madden. Yuck. Adding someone who can get to the quarterback would be tremendous. Hopefully, Brown has that kind of potential? He made 13.5 sacks at Florida State last season.
13) Washington Redskin- LB James Laurinaitis Laurinaitis sounds like a disease, but for the Redskins he'd the antidote for an aging- but effective- defense.
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall. If he isn't, he should be. With the Saints recent track record in the draft, expect Jenkins to be drafted, lauded, and then cut by training camp. I'm a disgruntled fan.
15) Houston Texans- DE Aaron Maybin Maybin was one of the leaders of Penn State's defense this season, and his hyper-productive style may finally cause a unit chock full of high draft picks to mesh. Teaming Maybin and Mario Williams could have devastating effects on opposing offenses.
16) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured.
17) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future. Or better yet, they could try to trade for Chad Pennington? I hear he is a pretty good quarterback...
18) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester. How B.A. would it be to see those two B.A.M.F.'s running a double-reverse in which Kyle Orton sneaks out of the backfield to the far sideline and catches a pass from Maclin that he runs in for a touchdown. Maclin could be the first player in history to pass, run, catch, kick return, and punt return for touchdowns in the same game! I'm way down.
19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks. Bucs fans would have reason to be more confident in Cushing if he'd gone to Purdue rather than USC. Consider all the rush ends Purdue has sent to the NFL lately: Anthony Spencer, Chike Okeafor, Rosevelt Colvin, Shaun Phillips, and Akin Ayodele (and I'm forgetting a handful). Don't sleep on the Boilermakers.
20) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon would immediately move into the Lions starting secondary. It's a start, right?
21) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno The Cardinals problems at running back are famous, so to have a prospect like Moreno fall this far would be remarkable and a no-brainer selection. Hopefully Moreno doesn't mind a good Bible-thumping every now and then.
22) Minnesota Vikings- OT Eben Britton The Vikings are crying out for a right tackle, and DAMNET, it wouldn't be fair to end the Tarvaris Jackson experiment until he's got one. When he still sucks with one (and he will), then by all means go ahead and cut away. My first 2010 projection is that the Vikings will be taking Colt McCoy with the 18th pick.
23) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Really? Could they honestly get this lucky? To add arguably the top playmaker in the draft would be unfair. But the Patriots don't play by the rules. Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and New England can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it.
24) Atlanta Falcons- DT B.J. Raji The Falcons have a need at defensive tackle, so I'm slotting the top projected one in the draft at their pick. But I think he'll be a bust. I like my DT's like I like my HC's. FAT!!!!!!!!!!
25) Miami Dolphins- S William Moore Moore is a big-hitting safety who's faster than his size would suggest. He'll help a defense that was poor against the pass in 2008. And while I'm on the subject of the Dolphins' defense... How did Joey Porter not make the All Pro team this season? An abomination. Maybe he was too quiet?
26) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Robiskie, the son of former NFL player Terry, is polished, dependable, and professional. And just bland enough to fit right in with the Ravens.
27) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year. Trade Addai for a pick and form an all new TAG TEAM DUO of Mike "the Tough Little Shit Man" Hart and Shonn "Too Mean" Greene. Wow, I'm pulling at straws here.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Phil Loadholt I was tempted to test my readers here and slot in an offensive tackle I've already used. Instead, I won't insult your intelligence (not after that terrible tag team duo joke). With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, Loadholt fills a need and can develop for a year or two.
29) New York Giants- CB D.J. Moore EFF you Greg Hardy! Hardy was supposed to be the pick here, but then he went and started acting all studious and decided to stay in school another year. So I'm scrambling. What to get the team that needs nothing? A nickel cornerback of course.
30) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything. And he looks great in all shades of blue. A perfect fit!
31) Philadelphia Eagles- G Duke Robinson Loadholt AND Robinson? No way! The Eagles line is going to be stacked. Lucky...
32) Pittsburgh Steelers- S Patrick Chung Chung is the next Bob Sanders. I promise. Teaming Chung and Troy Polamalu together back at safety... So many sweet YouTube vids are going to be rolling out of Heinz Field. Make it happen. Or let him fall to the Saints in Round Two?
What do you think? Let us know in the mock draft thread in OUR FORUM.
Billynho has to give props to Staff over @ the JC for dishing the word that God Drew Brees had his birthmark removed earlier this season. I applaud the decision. A scar on his face is far more appropriate (But if anyone ever sees his old birthmark on EBay, promise to let me know?). Now he's the muggle version of Harry Potter in appearance and action.
But that's not the only hospital related bit of news on Brees I have to offer you Brees-stalking muggles! Just like Harry, Brees is now a father. He blessed his wife Brittany by impregnating her and something wonderful came out yesterday for Brees's 30th birthday.
********OBLIGATORY JOKE ALERT******** If Purdue football coach Danny Hope hasn't offered the boy/girl a scholarship yet, he better get on that. Hee Haw! ********OBLIGATORY JOKE ALERT OVER********
How jealous are you of that kid? And Drew's wife...
Third Eye Blind's Out of the Vein is an underrated album.
Dunkeroos were the ultimate lunchtime cafeteria dessert for tweens in the 1990's.
Adding baking soda to toothpaste presents no benefit for your teeth.
The Big Ten Network's Tim Doyle is the worst studio analyst I've ever heard (apologies to NBA TV's Eric Snow).
Guylyn, Remmenga, Cummins of 501 West Broadway in San Diego is one of the top First Amendment law firms in America.
The Big Ten will win the Big Ten/ACC Challenge at least six times in the next decade.
Most of the Big Ten's basketball programs are on the rise. They've amassed nearly as much coaching talent as the SEC has for football and a handful of teams have unbelievable recruiting classes already committed for 2010. And Indiana has stopped cheating.
What follows is a ranking of how well-positioned the Big Ten's basketball programs are today and beyond:
1) Ohio State - Thanks to Greg Oden, THE Ohio State University is now THE destination for the nation's best young big men. Kosta Koufus was a disappointment and BJ Mullens is struggling, but they've already got three of the top 20 players (DeShaun Thomas, Jared Sullinger, and Jordan Sibert) in the country committed for 2010. Thad Matta has made Ohio State hot and it doesn't look like things will be changing anytime soon. The Buckeyes will be a threat to win the National Championship until Matta bolts. Of course, he'll never need to because the Buckeyes have the richest athletic department in the NCAA. 2) Illinois - If Illini fans had their wish a year and a half ago, non-nude model Bruce Weber would be looking for work. Lucky for them, he's still got the job and has Illinois poised to move back to the top of the polls. Their 2009 class is really nice with four-stars Brandon Paul and D.J. Richardson and three-stars Tyler Griffey and Joseph Bertrand (who each had a slew of major offers). 2010 is scary for the rest of the league with five-stars Crandall Head and Jereme Richmond and four-star center Meyers Leonard. They'll be back in the Final Four soon. Of course, they would've been back sooner had Weber, then an assistant under Gene Keady at Purdue, followed through on the interest he showed in me as a 10-year old when he called me a "great shooter." Yeah, I was pretty good.
3) Michigan State - Their 2009 and 2010 classes aren't bad, but they aren't special either (example: Fort Wayne wing commit Russell Byrd wasn't even offered by Purdue). They've been so good for so long that it's hard to put them lower than number three. But the Spartans could be primed for a fall in what looks to be a vastly improved Big Ten over the next few years, unless a great 2008-09 season restores the program's reputation nationally.
4) Purdue - For a spell, the Boilermakers looked a threat to become the next Duke. Had they landed Tyler Zeller (or Jeff Teague or Matt Howard for that matter), they'd be well on their way; instead, they had to settle for John Hart, Scott Martin transferred, and this season has been a bit of a mess. Their 2009 commits are uninspiring, but a three-man 2010 class has hopes up in West Lafayette. The current sophomore trio has to make a run deep in the tournament before they're done, or Purdue will miss yet another opportunity to finally ascend among the nation's elite with regularity. Probably the latter; this is Purdue after all. Sigh... 5) Indiana - A six-man 2009 group combined with the competence of Antarctic explorer Tom Crean will restore the Hoosiers to respectability immediately. Looking further ahead, 2011 point guard Matt Carlino will be fun to watch. Indiana really needs time to recover from a volatile last ten years. From never knowing when Bob Knight's reign would come to a fiery end, to always wondering when Mike Davis would finally be pushed out, and then becoming even more of a laughingstock after hiring known cheater Kelvin Sampson, they've finally got it right in Bloomington. Crean will have them challenging for conference titles in no time.
6) Wisconsin - The Badgers have a remarkably personable, colorful coach, which makes the bland, bald, white guy culture in Madison all the more puzzling. Where do they keep finding all these lookalikes? Is cloning legal in Wisconsin? If it ever was it must still be, because they've got two new cult members on the way in Mike Bruesewitz and Evan Anderson. Diamond Taylor and Vander Blue will balance out the boring with funky names and real athletic ability. On the whole, Wisconsin will probably keep being Wisconsin... ranked near the bottom of the top-25, making shocking runs in March, and keeping scores in the 50's.
7) Minnesota - It's a testament to how deep the league will be more than an indictment that Tubby Smith is doing something wrong in Minnesota that they're ranked this low. They've been a revelation this year and will probably make the NCAA Tournament. They'll add potential superstars Royce White and Rodney Williams next year to a nice core. In reality, they'll be outstanding for the next few seasons. But longer term, Tubby Smith is almost 60 and could struggle to keep top recruits suiting up for the Golden Gophers.
8) Michigan - John Beilein has the right idea placing an emphasis on recruits in the state of Indiana. He's got two key freshmen from the Hoosier State in Zack Novak and Stu Douglass and is already hot for 2011 prospect Mitch McGary. Beilein is a great coach who put West Virginia on the map behind lightly regarded- yet super fashionable- Kevin Pittsnogle and Mike Gansey. He's hinting at doing the same with Michigan already; I'll probably look foolish in five years for putting the Wolverines this low.
9) Iowa - Todd Lickliter was fantastic at Butler and has the right mentality to succeed at Iowa. Unfortunately, their current talent level lags behind the rest of the league, and it will be a tall order for him to level the playing field for the Hawkeyes. He'll have to do more with less, just like he did while posting gaudy records with the Bulldogs. Give Lickliter a few years to develop his current group. Jake Kelly is much better this year, and Matt Gatens and Anthony Tucker provide hope for the future. Lickliter has yet to nab a four-star, but a mature, experienced guard-heavy line-up could surprise the Big Ten in a few years.
10) Penn State - The current squad at Penn State may be as good as it gets in Happy Valley. The superb play of Talor Battle and Stanley Pringle is a testament to Ed DeChellis's eye for talent. But he'll have to get lucky to ever get the Nittany Lions into the NCAA Tournament.
11) Northwestern - Nothing against Bill Carmody, but why do analysts constantly praise him as the perfect coach for Northwestern? They've yet to be a threat to even be decent with him, and he'll never recruit well enough to move them up the standings. You can't win in the Big Ten if Tim Doyle, Kevin Coble, and Craig Moore are your stars. You probably couldn't win in the MAC either. It's easy to think that Northwestern will never be good, but it's possible. They need to take a risk with their next hire (How long is Carmody going to be given a free pass, anyways?). They should either go after the head coach of a Division II national champion (someone who's proven to be a good talent evaluator) or hire a top AAU coach who has the connections to bring talent. A third option might be to hire a European coach who can attract foreign studs to Evanston for an education and exposure to NBA scouts. None will guarantee success, but they'd be interesting to watch. Until then, they'll continue to be the conference doormat.
Red Porsches Red Portraits Red guns, if you dare Come near The fortress Don't you dare come near the fortress *I just wanted to get that song in here somewhere.
Dark days for Purdue basketball, Cartel fans, and it could get worse. Two straight losses to start the Big Ten schedule, rival coaches doing the Hambone, underperforming 2009 recruits, injuries to two top players, a horrible slump for last year's team MVP, and now... rumors that, if they prove to be founded, would amount to a death knell for a program on the cusp of joining the super-elite nationally... E'Twaun Moore may be agitating for a transfer!? A heart can only handle so much. Where is Rowdy when we need a smile?
Few would deny that the Boilermakers wouldn't be in this quagmire had Scott Martin stayed. Martin probably would have been the difference between a loss and win in overtime games against Oklahoma and Illinois and the narrow slip-up at Penn State. With him, Purdue would be 14-1 and ranked top-five nationally. Instead, they're on the brink of imploding.
For a number of selfish reasons, it's become fashionable for Knuckleheads to hate, trash, and deny the existence of Martin. I believe the nickname "Knuckleheads" is tongue in cheek, but it seems apropos enough to me because Martin is a nice guy who had good reason to transfer. Let us look at the reasons he's hated, and why he shouldn't be: 1- Scott Martin just transferred because he was totally jealous of Robbie Hummel. OK, Seriously? Are you serious? How did this rumor even get started? The sad thing is, it seems like everyone believes it. Does anyone honestly think Scott Martin ever verbalized a feeling like this? Really? Yes, and Nate Minnoy only transferred because he was losing too much weight running all the sprints Coach Painter made them run.
2- Psh, Martin was soft, didn't play hard, and sucked at D anyways. No, Really, You're not serious. Just because Martin didn't lay out every time he took a lay-up and come up limping and grimacing for the next 15 seconds doesn't make him soft. No, he wasn't Brian Cardinal, but who besides Hummel and Chris Kramer compare to Cardinal? He battled on the boards, dove for loose balls, and Purdue still managed to rank second in the Big Ten in points allowed per possession with Martin playing 25 minutes per.
3- Martin is so selfish for leaving. I don't EFFing believe you. You're really, truly glad Scott Martin left? No, you're selfish for projecting your desires on an 18 year old kid. Martin doesn't owe any of us anything. In fact, his haters were all aware of that whilst drooling on their keyboards the summer he signed. He did Purdue and Matt Painter a favor by coming here in the first place, as do all recruits we offer (in retrospect, it doesn't feel like Kyle Williams was very charitable). Oh, and, were Dan Vandervieren and Jonathan Uchendu selfish for being run off transferring, too? I don't remember anyone minding. I actually believe Purdue fans wished them all the best.
4- What a traitor for going to Notre Dame. You're in your fifties and anonymously trashing an 18 year old. Scott Martin's decision to transfer was rational. He's a very talented basketball player with (arguably) a shot to make the NBA. He came off the bench as a freshman and likely would have again as a sophomore. Due to our lack of depth inside, he spent most of his time late in the season battling inside on the boards. His future position as a professional would surely be on the perimeter. Purdue probably wasn't going to be a place where he could log mega-minutes on the perimeter. He liked living close to home (that's why he chose Purdue). Notre Dame is a major conference program near his hometown. They're a solid program (who've recently produced more NBA players than Purdue). Their coach probably told Martin what he wanted to hear. He transferred to a school he's comfortable with, to a basketball team that better suits him, he's happier today, and he's probably better situated to pursue a career as a basketball player. It makes sense to me. More sense than pandering to the whims middle-aged people who only care about you because you play basketball.
5- Scott Martin? Who's that? Scott Martin doesn't exist. You're so butthurt. Please please please just shut up. I wish you didn't exist.
Life in West Point can get lonely for a 23 year old male. Too young for the Lion's Club, too poor for the Steakhouse, and too healthy for the cemetery; there's just no place for me to make friends! So, the first thing I do every morning is read the J&C Personals. They haven't done me much good yet (I'm six rejections deep), but I have come across some interesting listings: LOST CONNECTION WLTR 38 Y.O. strict disciplinarian WINNER seeking to add depth back into his life. You were a tall, blond, nice, unselfish southpaw. I watched you grow up, we took bus trips, I yelled at you, we visited the Capital… then you left. Let's play ball (again)! Text MARTbrokIN to (555) NDS-UCKS
HARD-WORKING LITTLE DEVIL 18 Y.O. QB, W. Laf, wants to stay close to home. Seeking relationship with mustached authority figure. I'm smart, tough, I don't lose, and I'd look great in gold and black. Don't miss out on the next-Josh Smith! Text Matt Lancaster at (555) ILO-VEPU
YOU'RE MY MAN Shout out to my man Matt Painter. Tough going thus far this season, but I know you'll whip them into shape. Don't forget who brought you here. You're MY coach. Make me YOUR AD forever this offseason! How's $2.5 million a year sound? Let me know… Text Morgan Burke at (555) STA-Y@PU
I'M YOUR BEST HOPE You're the Kansan RB ranked first in the country. I'm the old, white guy with the backward Purdue cap stalking you the last few months. I want to buy you books and your own room (sorta), dress you up, watch you run, and see you off to the NFL. Let's make my your dreams come true? Text Bryce Brown to (555) PRT-YPLZ
In the words of Tom Lutz... Blimming Blim! After reading the 100th comment by a reader addressing "Tony" as a "morOn" or an "idiott" oblivious to the simple "obvius facks" about the sports world, I've simply had enough. I have to point out how brutally ironic it is. I have to.
1,000 spoons when all you need is a knife this is not, but for people to come onto a site that lists the writer names in multiple places (quite often in the body of the actual piece they are commenting on) and has a disclaimer that it is not Tony and wasting their time asserting in a misspelled mess of improperly used jargon that Tony is a moron for daring to suggest that Duke Robinson will still be on the board at number 30 in the first round when NOBODY could possibly know that because his fat ass could weigh in at 396 pounds at the NFL Combine is beyond ironic. I think.
Does anyone else see the irony in someone wasting 10 minutes violating basic writing conventions, murdering the Queen's English, and incorrectly addressing a statement to a blog over a matter of opinion?
Disagree if you must, but please provide a rebuttal in readable English and know who the hell you're addressing it to.
To the people who read this site regularly: Please take this as further evidence that it's a world of idiots, we're just living in it.
Not that it really matters anyway because we all went James Joyce and experienced the epiphany that the Chicago Cubs will never win the World Series years ago, but general manager Jim Hendry's moves/missed moves this offseason have made it all the more unlikely (if an event can become more unlikely than never?), and I really think it's time he BUGGERS OFF already, but I don't think he will because he recently got a contract extension, and the thought of it all resulted in the longest run-on sentence in Kornheiser's Cartel history.
The already bitter Cubs winter sent another chill up my spine with the news that the rumored Milton Bradley-to-the-Cubs deal was rumor no more. It's being reported across the Internet as a done deal at three years, $30 million.
I don't get it... The Cubs have been looking to add a left-handed power-hitter for years, and Bradley is a switch-hitter coming off a monster year in Texas when he hit .322 with 22 HR's and posted a .999 OPS. On the surface, the signing makes sense.
Dig a little deeper, though, and there is reason to worry.
Rangers Ballpark in Arlington is known as a hitter's heaven, and Bradley's home/away split stats suggest he lived in bliss in 2008. Of those 22 home runs, just six came on the road. Bradley hit .358 at home and just .298 on the road. In the last four seasons (the best of his career), Bradley's OPS has trended more towards .800 than 1.000.
Intangibles matter in baseball, too; Derek Jeter made more than $21 million in 2008 for a reason. Bradley is one of baseball's bad guys and seems to find trouble in every clubhouse he walks through. He's torn an ACL in an argument with an umpire. He was traded by Cleveland following a dust-up with manager Eric Wedge. He accused Jeff Kent of being racist (Kent does kind of look racist, but it's not something you go public with), and he tried to fight the Kansas City Royals television announcer last summer. He's a ticking time bomb that will surely bring the most negative attention Wrigley has seen since the Sammy Sosa bat corking incident in the next three years. In fact, it's highly unlikely he'll see out the three years in Chicago.
To sign Bradley, the Cubs cleared payroll by trading starter Jason Marquis and valuable utility-man Mark DeRosa. Marquis and DeRosa were the two big league Cubbies rumored to be involved in any move for Jake Peavy. It's easy to say the Cubs would be better off with Jake Peavy than Marquis and DeRosa. It's harder to make that case for Bradley.
For one thing, is Bradley even better than DeRosa? They've similar statistics, but DeRosa also offered incredible versatility. Add in the rotation depth offered by Marquis and the aforementioned problems that accompany Bradley into the clubhouse, and it may not have been worth the effort.
A smarter move may have been to sign Pat Burrell, who is not left-handed, but is a better hitter and cheaper at $16 million/2 years; Bobby Abreu, a durable, patient hitter who excelled in his last National League stint; or Adam Dunn, who has holes in his game, but was a Cubs trade target for a half-decade.
Outfield issues would be moot had Hendry acquired Peavy instead. A rotation of Peavy, Carlos Zambrano, Rich Harden, Ryan Dempster, and Ted Lilly would've been baseball's best hands down, if not enough to finally end the franchise's century-long search for another World Series.
Instead, Cubs fans are left with Sean Marshall every five days and Bradley every day.
That is, until, Bradley's next inevitable meltdown (in June, sparked when he sees Mike Fontenot and Kosuke Fukudome playing the Parker Brothers' classic Monopoly... Milton Bradley board games or bust) reveals this signing and roster reshuffle to be a spectacular disaster.
For those who aren't aware, the Calder Cup (not to be confused with the Calder Memorial Trophy) is awarded to the winner of AHL playoffs every season. Score some great Calder Cup Tickets and check it out...
No sport is better to watch live than hockey, so you probably don't want to miss its premier event either. Make sure you order some 2009 Stanley Cup Tickets, too.
I'll expand on this in a piece later, but I don't think it is mentioned often enough that it is actually a bit of a detriment to draft at the top of the NFL Draft. The top five picks are given contracts commensurate to those of the best players in the league at their position. If they're a bust (as they often are), they become cap-killers who set the franchise back. Give me two mid-first rounders over the top pick.
Alas, I still love the draft and waste too much time following it. Here's how the April 25 NFL Draft first round might play out:
1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. EFF, what don't they need? Conventional wisdom says that the Lions must take a quarterback with the top pick. What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess? They must get value out of the pick, and Smith is seen as a "can't miss" left tackle. While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years and go after Donovan McNabb, Matt Cassel, or even Matt Leinart in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with their next first rounder and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. It wasn't long ago that Rams' quarterbacks were treated to an embarrassment of riches at the skill positions. A look at their roster today reveals a stunning fall in the talent level. How bad? If Torry Holt and the Rams part ways this offseason as rumored, Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers. Dane Looker! Marc Bulger has been effective in the NFL before, the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years, and they should restock his cupboard and see if he can revive his career. Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, and Brandon Marshall. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- RB Chris Wells. With Larry Johnson's career in Kansas City about to come to a merciful end, the Chiefs have a gaping hole to be filled in the backfield. Many are projecting they'll take a quarterback here, but Tyler Thigpen acquitted himself quite well the last 10 games posting a 16:8 TD/INT ratio and providing a threat on the ground. Add a running back in Wells with the potential to be one of the best in the NFL, and the Chiefs may have their QB/RB duo for the next half-decade.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Michael Oher- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Oher is the guy. He possesses otherworldly athleticism for his size and can better protect whoever starts behind center. If Crabtree falls to No. 4, they'd have to consider him, too.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008, but Ken Dorsey will do that to you. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- OT Eugene Monroe. Worst offense in the NFL this season, but the defense wasn't half bad considering they were constantly put in terrible situations. Clearly the pick has to be on offense. Carson Palmer will be back behind center in 2009, and they still have loads of talent at end. They desperately need a running back (Future CFL running back Cedric Benson ran the ball over 200 times for them this season), but with Wells off the board they'll maximize value and take a lineman. Some consider Monroe to be the best lineman in the draft.
7) Oakland Raiders- DE Brian Orakpo. Al Davis will probably trade this pick and his next four first rounders to move up to get Crabtree, but the Raiders must get stronger on the defensive line. They lack an elite pass rusher and are terrible against the run. Orakpo, college football's Nagurski winner, offers a freakish end rusher who won't get bullied around in the running game.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. He'll be a big tackler and an upgrade over Mike Peterson for a Jaguars team thin at linebacker.
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Michael Johnson. Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers, and, while he isn't seen as a finished product, he'd be an excellent risk for a Packers team looking to beef up against the run. Johnson and Kampman will terrorize opposing quarterbacks for years and should combine to force opposing runners inside.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Sam Bradford. Shaun Hill wasn't bad in 2008, but it's time for the 49ers to establish an identity for their franchise. The Alex Smith pick is officially a bust, but they can't let that cloud their judgment moving forward. Bradford would be an unbelievable value at No. 10. His production and accuracy at Oklahoma rank with the best all-time. He may be ready to start from Week One his rookie season and has the potential to someday stand among the Peyton Mannings as the class of the NFL at the quarterback position. He'll probably go higher, but if he falls to San Francisco, they must take him... even though he looks a lot like Screech.
11) Buffalo Bills- OT Jason Smith Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008.
12) Denver Broncos- S Taylor Mays With Champ Bailey and Dre Bly at corner, it's hard to believe Denver was 26th against the pass in 2008.
13) Washington Redskin- LB James Laurinaitis Laurinaitis sounds like a disease, but for the Redskins he'd the antidote for an aging- but effective- defense.
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall.
15) Houston Texans- DT BJ Raji Raji is seen as the top defensive tackle in this draft and would be the third tackle taken in the first round in the last five drafts by the Texans. Hopefully he'll solve their problems against the run.
(Order below not set in stone)
16) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future.
17) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester.
18) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks.
19) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon would immediately move into the Lions starting secondary.
20) Philadelphia Eagles- TE Jermaine Gresham LJ Smith is a free agent and not that good anyways. Gresham's productivity at Oklahoma suggests he'll be more than just a good blocker in the NFL.
21) Minnesota Vikings- DE Tyson Jackson Ray Edwards predicted he would break the NFL sack record in the preseason, but came up 18 short. Hopefully Jackson will speak quietly, but play loudly.
22) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and the Patriots can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it.
23) Atlanta Falcons- LB Brandon Spikes The Florida linebacker anchored their defense in its run to the BCS Championship and would help solidify a still-suspect Falcons D.
24) Miami Dolphins- S William Moore Moore is a big-hitting safety who's faster than his size would suggest. He'll help a defense that was poor against the pass in 2008.
25) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year.
26) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured.
27) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno The Cardinals problems at running back are famous, so to have a prospect like Moreno fall this far would be remarkable and a no-brainer selection.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Eben Britton With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, early-entry Britton fills a need and can develop for a year or two.
29) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Robiskie, the son of former NFL player Terry, is polished, dependable, and professional.
30) Pittsburgh Steelers- G Duke Robinson The Steelers lost Alan Faneca last offseason and see much of their offensive line heading to free agency this offseason. Robinson is a behemoth at 335 pounds that fits the Steelers' modus operandi.
31) New York Giants- OLB Greg Hardy The Ole Miss hybrid pass rusher spent most of the 2008 offseason in opposing backfields. He'll fit in well blitzing alongside Mathias Kiwanuka and Justin Tuck.
32) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything.
We've got music, and, and videos, and a profile... and all kinds of stuff that TRUE Kornheiser's Cartelians need to check out. Real fans only.
I don't know, maybe you should come add us... then, when we confirm (we'll probably hire an intern to handle that bullshit, so not actually "we" but somebody will confirm, we promise)... post on our wall... maybe something like: "thx 4 tha add homey! i luv luv LOVE ur blog so much... i sometymz stay home on tha weekends and just refresh dat shit all nite u kno bc omg u just rock, especially dat Billynho... and The Siets, he's not bad either, but i heard he like likes Johnny Cash and Nicholas Cage movies, so he's so so not my type 'n shit, ya know? but rite hurr r muh digits, call the cell baby, okay? okay!? okay. buh-bye. u better call! mwah"
Yeah, that'd be good. That's how MySpace works right? We're gonna get, like, soooo much new traffic OMG, LOL!
(Read on for my take) Why exactly does Nike keep making these commercials? LeBron making 5 full courters in a row... I can see that. Larry Bird making a blindfolded off the scoreboard, off the moon, off the shot clock, nothing but net shot in a game of H-O-R-S-E... I've seen it done. Michael Jordan playing himself in a game of one-on-one... Who hasn't done that?
Before Billynho and The Siets cruise out for a totally heterosexual night to cruise in the New Year, we thought it'd be apropos to wish you a Happy New Year's and thank you for cruising our site in 2008. Try to find it in your heart to keep cruising back in 2009? We're way down to see you tomorrow and beyond.
GET DRUNK IF YA MUST... but don't if you can help it (yes we mean YOU).
I don't have a fetish for international players, I'm not biased by the opinions of agents, and I actually watch basketball. As conference basketball begins, here's an early look at what may transpire in the 2009 NBA Draft.
Without further ado:
1) Oklahoma City- Ricky Rubio. Anyone who saw Rubio play against the Redeem Team knows this is a no-brainer. He picked Chris Paul's pocket clean multiple times, is quick enough to get into the lane at will (despite what many analysts say), is the most creative passer in competitive basketball since Jason Williams' Sacramento days, looks like an anime character, and seemed to possess the same innate basketball vision that all the greats have. Oklahoma City needs a center, but really this pick comes down to Rubio and Blake Griffin. Griffin would add toughness and rebounding, but with Kevin Durant sliding to the frontcourt and becoming more effective this season, Rubio and Russell Westbrook could form one of the NBA's top backcourts in the future and give the Thunder a troika to build around. 2) Minnesota- Blake Griffin. Griffin is an explosive, dominant rebounder who can post-up on the offensive end whenever he feels like it. His back-to-the-basket game lacks polish, but he'll still be able to score with his Lebron-esque athletiscism. He's a good ballhandler and passer for his size and would be tough for Minnesota to pass up despite their desperate need for guards. Perhaps the Timberwolves could trade Kevin Love for some backcourt help or another high draft pick if they end up with the second pick.
3) Washington- Hasheem Thabeet. Thabeet is 7'3", he moves well, he's a uber-productive rebounder and shot blocker, he's a halfway decent free throw shooter which indicates touch on his shot, and his rate of improvement has been tremendous. Project bigs have a shaky track record in the NBA, but he might be good enough already to earn minutes as he'll surely alter shots and makes opposing guards think twice about driving to the hoop from day one in the League. A starting five of Gilbert Arenas, Nick Young, Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison, and Hasheem Thabeet looks nice on paper. That's assuming Arenas is healthy, and Thabeet is giving them 30 minutes a game next season.
4) Sacramento- Jordan Hill- The Kings have an interesting roster in that they have young talent with long-term deals at every position. Beno Udrih and Francisco Garcia just re-upped before the 2008-09 season, and both see major minutes. Unfortunately, both rank in the bottom half of NBA starters at their respective positions. Kevin Martin and John Salmons are the team's leaders, and both are efficient, underrated scorers on the wing, though not quite All Stars. Spencer Hawes and Jason Thompson are promising, productive young bigs that the Kings can build around. Their weakest position seems to be point guard, but the guess here is that they take Hill, who is quietly averaging 19 points, 12 rebounds, and almost three blocks at Arizona, to add toughness and replace Brad Miller in their froncourt rotation. Jrue Holliday and Brandon Jennings would also be good selections if they could move Udrih.
5) Los Angeles Clippers- James Harden. The Clippers are a ship wreck. They're ridiculously thin with just six real NBA players (Baron Davis, Eric Gordon, Al Thornton, Chris Kaman, Zach Randolph, and Marcus Camby), and are in the position to take the best player available. Harden is shooting 58% from the field, 46% from three point range, and averages 24 points, six rebounds and four assists. He could be a star in the NBA down the road and will be a top notch scorer off the bench next season. He'd be great value for the fifth pick.
6) Golden State- Damion James. Don Nelson loves big men who can shoot, and James is a career 40% three point shooter. He's a lot like a guy the Warriors just traded away, Al Harrington, but it's hard to envisage BJ Mullens fitting in with Andris Biedrens, and Earl Clark mirrors Brandan Wright too closely. They could use a true point guard, and it wouldn't be a shock to see Nelson choose Holliday or Jennings. But a line-up of Jennings, Monta Ellis, Stephen Jackson, Corey Maggette, and Biedrens would be the smallest in the NBA by far.
7) Memphis- BJ Mullens. The Grizzlies have to look for a big man as they've already got a slew of candidates to play point, shooting guard, and small forward. Mullens isn't NBA ready at all, but no one they select here would push them to the playoffs. Had last season's offer sheet to Josh Smith not been matched, they'd look like having a promising future. As it stands now, their success going forward will hinge on finding a rebounding, low-post threat. Mullens has the talent and size to provide that, but probably not until 2011. Keep an eye on Greg Monroe from Georgetown in the event that Mullens never improves.
8) Indiana- Stephen Curry. The Pacers also need to find a low-post talent if they're to progress, but Larry Bird has put an emphasis on improving the team immediately to curb fan disinterest. Wake Forest's Al-Farouq Aminu has the look, but his rap sheet suggests the newly squeaky clean Pacers will look elsewhere. Earl Clark is a tempting option, but in the end they won't be able to pass on the next-Reggie Miller. Few need to be reminded of Curry's credentials, and Indiana fans will connect the two and flock to Conseco next season and beyond to see him play. It's tough to peg Curry's NBA potential, but his newfound ballhandling and passing hint that he may be more than a sharpshooter.
9) Charlotte- Tyreke Evans. Evans' shot has gone awry thus far this season, but his athleticism, defense, and multi-varied skill set remind one of Gerald Wallace. With an opening on the wing after the trade of Jason Richardson, Evans fills a need in the interim while looking like a future All Star at the same time.
10) New York- Earl Clark. Louisville. Analysts say this about everyone, but Clark would be a perfect fit in Mike D'Antoni's offense. He's a fluid 6'9" athlete that can handle the ball and make passes few his size would dream of attempting. The Knicks could take a point guard if Holliday and Jennings are around, but Duhon is doing a better job than anyone imagined. Clark would help the Knicks immediately and is versatile enough to play the three or four, a valuable trait to keep in mind depending on who the Knicks sign in 2010.
Goal II: Living the Dream taught me that Real Madrid are the most glamorous football club in the world. Their players know how to party, have great hair, and are supposed to be good footballers.
I fell for it, just like Glen Foy fell for Santiago Munez. Go ahead, have a laugh! But at least now I know those movies were a big EFF'n joke. Hard to believe I thought they were documentaries until I read their Wikipedia entries...
Ahem, yes, back to Real Madrid. Also a joke. Why? If you read the five best football websites, you've surely heard by now that Los Merengues have tabled a January transfer bid for Jermaine Jenas. Yes, that Jermaine Jenas. The Jermaine Jenas who passes laterally or backward over 90% of the time. The Jermaine Jenas laughably compared to Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard in yesteryear's gone by. The Jermaine Jenas who shouldn't start for Tottenham Hotspur; the same Tottenham Hotspur teetering on the brink of relegation. The Jermaine Jenas who~! You get the point.
Sounds more like a nightmare than the dream the aforementioned movies labeled the club. In recent weeks Real Madrid have been outpriced for Antonio Valencia (of Wigan!), snubbed by Jermaine Pennant (third string at Liverpool, who chose Wigan(!) over Madrid), and been told "thanks, but no thanks" by Didier Zakora (Didier Zakora!). Cristiano Ronaldo they certainly are not.
After hearing that Real was looking to add pace on the wings, the attempted swoops for Zakora and Jenas are puzzling. Clearly, there is a Tottenham bias at work. Imagine if one could meld a not-so-good winger with a Hotspur pedigree. Andy Reid? Andy Reid!
A flop at Tottenham... just like Zakora and Jenas. A coulda-been, never-was... just like Pennant. And if Sunderland ask for more than £3 million... too expensive for Real Madrid just like Antonio Valencia.
Andy Reid to Real Madrid! You heard it here first. But probably not last. Oh dear. If only Santiago Munez really was real...
There’s every good reason for letting you go He’s sneaky and smoked out And it’s starting to show I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
I never let you turn around, our back on each other That’s a good idea, break a promise to your mother Turn around your back on each other
You say I’ve changed Well maybe I did But even if I changed What’s wrong with it? I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
And all our friends are gone, are gone And all the time moves, on and on And all I know is it’s wrong, it’s wrong And all I know is it’s wrong, it’s wrong
If there’s a reason, it’s lost on me Maybe we’ll be friends, I guess we’ll see I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, The bracelets, and the beads, nickels and dimes, yours and mine Did you cash in all your dreams? You don’ t dream for me, no, you don’t dream for me, no But I still feel you pulsing like a sonar from the days in the waves That guy is like a sunburn I would like to save That guy is like a sunburn I would like to save He’s like a sunburn, he’s like a sunburn
Who throws a shoe?!? It's a question the whole world is asking since an Iraqi reporter chucked his at George Bush.
I feel for you GW. You know who else throws shoes? Orel. Kornheiser. Himself. At me.
Appalling!
Luckily his aim is about as good as this reporter's. In other words, slightly better than Keaton Grant's thus far this season for Purdue. (drummer in corner unenthusiastically and reluctantly hits a few notes signalling that I made a joke)
This has been Billynho, reporting for Kornheiser's Cartel.
When I debuted the list this summer, there was much fanfare and interest. What's changed since then? Manchester City has an infinite transfer budget, for one. Here's the updated list of the ten most valuable (in terms of price if sold on the transfer market) football (soccer if you're American) players in the world: 10) Michael Essien— Chelsea made Essien the most expensive African footballer ever when they purchased him from Lyon for £24 million in 2005. Despite injury this season, he'll walk right back into the starting line-up wherever he feels like playing when he's back to health.
He's a straight G and can do it all. There isn't a side in the world that he wouldn't start for.
Value: £35 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £45 million
9) Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas— I ripped Cesc pretty bad first time around, but he's growing on me a bit. He's becoming more tough in the tackle, scoring more goals, and whining less. And he's still a stupendous passer.
Compliments aside, I hate him.
What would Manchester City pay for him? £55 million
8) Valencia's David Villa- A coveted commodity to Europe's best clubs for over five years now, Villa has stepped his game up even more this season. He's second on La Liga's goal scoring charts with 13, had a great Euro 2008, and even looks to have grown an inch or so (making him a gargantuan 5'7" I believe). I still question how much better he is than a Jermaine Defoe or Robbie Keane, but Europe's elite don't seem to share my concern.
Value: £40 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £60 million apparently?
7) Real Madrid's Iker Casillas— It seems just a few years since some were questioning whether Real Madrid needed to pursue a new keeper to relieve Casillas of his duty. After allowing 13 La Liga goals in 2007-08 and (like Villa) sparkling at Euro 2008, managing directors, scouts, and that guy who announcing La Liga on Gol are all over his nuts today.
He's good, but Real is struggling this year. Anything over 30 million for a keeper seems overkill.
Value: £45 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £60 million
6) Liverpool's Fernando Torres- A case could be made that he should be a few spots higher on this list, but the fact that he tattooed his name in J.R.R. Tolkien's Tengwar script on his forearm weighed heavily against him.
Yes, he's a proven goalscorer, Euro 2008 champion, and has lovely hair, but Tengwar?
Value: £45 million
What would Manchester City pay for him?
5) Real Madrid's Sergio Ramos— I still see it. You know what I'm talking about. That something going on between Torres and Ramos. Don't you sense it? Nothing wrong that, it's cool, whatever. Two less guys I gotta compete with.
What isn't cool is their Tengwar tattoos.
Value: £45 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £55 million
4) Atletico Madrid's Sergio Aguero— El Kun is marrying Diego Maradona's daughter and has the whole world comparing him to El Pibe de Oro. Like the three men above him, he seems to have been born with a ball at his feet. He scored three goals in five Champions League group games and is an even money bet to have Real Madrid stalking him once they seal the Ronaldo transfer.
Value: £50 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £60 million
3) Barcelona's Lionel Messi— Let me just say this... Messi is very, very, very, very EFFing good. But that dude on Gol needs to calm down. During Saturday's Barcelona and Real Madrid game, the guy ranted that Messi was a (paraphrasing) "FUCKING COLLOSUS PUT ON EARTH TO SMITE REAL MADRID FANS AND PUT TEARS IN THE EYES OF HUMAN BEINGS THE EARTH OVER, WATCHING HIM PLAY FOOTBALL IS AKIN TO WATCHING BEETHOVEN WRITE HIS SIXTH SYMPHONY. HE'S NOT A MORTAL, HE SHALL BE AROUND TIL THE END OF TIME AS A GIFT FROM THE GODS TO BE CHERISHED AND CELEBRATED AND WORSHIPPED, AMEN!"
Value: £65 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £100 million
What would the guy on Gol pay? Stack all the gold, frankencinse, myrrh women, and women in the history of the world... then double it.
2) AC Milan's Kaká— Behind the angelic baby face and devotional undershirts lies the holy grail of modern midfielders. Kaká blends track speed, surprising power, and ridiculous skill.
He's consistently productive for both club and country, a rare scandal-free star, and still just 26 years old. He's had a quiet season, but who doesn't love Kaka?
Value: £60 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £85 million
1) Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo— The best player in the world (right now), Ronaldo is a master dribbler, shooter, and diver.
In 2007-08, he scored 42 goals in 48 games in leading Manchester United to a Premier League and Champions League double.
Before stumping up the transfer list price for Ronaldo, Madrid and Manchester City should remember that two years ago Ronaldinho would've been atop this list at £100 million. Of course, Ronaldinho never outran a Bugatti. My bad.
As long as he keeps the trash talking, winks, and penalty kicking to a minimum, he may just be worth the investment.
Value: £70 million
What would Manchester City pay for him? £120 million
Still just falling short (hehe)— At age nine, the 4'6" wunderkind next-Pele, next-Maradona, next-Ronaldinho, next-Freddy Adu became an overnight Internet sensation.
Videos of him popping the keeper (who couldn't reach the crossbar jumping), dribbling through players as if they hadn't fully developed their leg muscles yet, and celebrating each of his 10 goals a game like they were World Cup game-winners flooded YouTube.
At the time, it was purported that Chera was the best U-14 player in all of Brazil. Santos may have mined a metaphorical golden talent. But probably not.
Also considered: Bojan, Petr Cech, Micah Richards, Wesley Sneijder, Robinho, Franck Ribery, Wayne Rooney, Gianluigi Buffon, Karim Benzema
A few summers back, I worked in a fitness club where there was never enough to do. To fill time, we talked. A lot. So much in fact that we ran out of things to talk about... which led to debate about a hypothetical world where "Saved By the Bell" was cast from the employees at the club. Stupid and pointless no doubt, but it was fun and passionate. It raged for weeks; everyone wanted to be Zack. Luckily, I managed to forget those dark, boring days until I saw the show this afternoon. And it made me wonder...
What if the characters of "Saved by the Bell" were cast from NBA players? Who would be best for each role?...
Zack Morris: Allen Iverson- Just like Zack, he's late and causing trouble daily, but no one can stay mad at Iverson. Whether it's the fact that he's always smiling and his cornrows are perfectly aligned or the high-pitched scoffs he delivers in downplaying accusations of wrongdoing, we all love Iverson.
A.C. Slater: Dwight Howard- Overly masculine and perpetually posturing, Slater was a guy's guy. But he had an undeniable subconscious soft side, accentuated by those deep dimples. Howard has all of the above (he's a sweet, God-fearing man I hear) right down to the dimples and the same hulking pecs. An obvious choice.
Lisa Turtle: Shaquille O'Neal- Unattainable and sassy, but at the same time desperate for attention. Always too good for Screech, except when the nerd stopped stalking her. Their dynamic sounds a lot like Shaq's with every team he's played for, doesn't it? Bonus points for his equally gaudy fashion sense.
Samuel "Screech" Powers: Brian Scalabrine- Each elicit laughs at every appearance, have hilarious hair, and stick out like a sore thumb amongst those around them. Might we see Scalabrine in a sex tape soon? God I hope not.
Jessica "Jessie" Myrtle Spano: Isiah Thomas- Need I say more?:
Kelly Kapowski: Bron Bron- Kapowski was definitely the belle of the ball at Bayside... Zack skipped the prom to be with her because she was too poor to go, and he could've had any girl he wanted! LeBron James can expect to receive thousands of texts from every balding, middle-aged exec in the league as his impending free agency gets closer and closer. Since I hate the Lakers, I hope he doesn't take the time to Google this one.
Mr. Belding: Phil Jackson- Belding ruled with an iron fist and cocky attitude, but at the end of the day, he just wanted to be appreciated, he loved his kids, and he was the best principal EVVVEEERRRRRRRRRRRR...The original Zenmaster.
The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cuuuuuuup... cha cha cha!
Just kidding I hate coffee. And I've yet to fall asleep. Just know there's an update coming today/night. I'm gonna go before I tell you too much about myself. Too late?
Little Scoonie Scudderson of Birmingham, England, died at eight years old in early 2006 when a Kanshaku crawled into his liver. Luckily, doctors discovered the mythical 16th century Japanese bug fighting its way toward little Scoonie's chest cavity and let him know that he had one month to live.
At first, it sucked. Little Scoonie cried... and cried... and cried some more. Who wants to die at age eight, right? Then, the Make A Wish Foundation called and said they were going to make Scoonie's last, er, dream come true.
"Hooray!" croaked the boy (talking was hard, what with the angry creature inside him chomping organs constantly), and he thought to himself, "This Kanshaku is the greatest thing that ever happened to me!" and a big smile broke out on his face.
The Make A Wish people had never seen someone so excited about dying, and so they asked the little boy, "What'll it be kid?" Little Scoonie smiled, winked at himself in the mirror, and confidently whispered, "Could, could ya, could ya please make sure Aston Villa qualifies for the Champions League next season?"
The Make A Wish Foundation people looked at one another, nodded solemnly, then bursting out laughing!
"No one told me this boy was retarded?"
"Out of the question!"
"Impossible!"
"YOU MIGHT AS WELL DIE NOW KID!"
And Little Scoonie did die. Right that second.
But his last wish lived on. Or so the story goes that Martin O'Neill heard of Little Scoonie and his impossible request and vowed to himself that he would make that little boy's wish a reality in his honor. True to his word, everything he has done at Aston Villa has been nothing short of miraculous.
With a squad long on young, potential stars made good and veteran retreads rejected by Europe's elite, and short on big name, big money signings, O'Neill has hauled Aston Villa up to table to where they sit today... one point off Arsenal for fourth place in the Premier League. The December 26 meeting between the two should be the most intense game of the first half of the season.
In just over two years, O'Neill has transformed Aston Villa regular Gareth Barry into England regular Gareth Barry, a level he'd been short of for almost five years prior; cast a spell on Ashley Young, manipulating him into an England hotshot preferred over Aaron Lennon and David Bentley on the wing; and concocted one Gabriel Agbonlahor, arguably his Magnum opus, the nation's top prospect for the future.
In a league that has become depressingly staid, overhyped, and ridiculous, he's a refreshing, down-to-earth figure that promises little and delivers large. One has to wonder whether Villa would be fighting for first, rather than fourth, if he'd spent like folly fiends Tottenham.
Alas, it was a miracle Scoonie demanded, and only Little Scoonie would've believed that Martin O'Neill could do so much with so little.
Now if only some eight year old Leeds fan were to be about to die with a commensurate wish... then we'd all be REALLY impressed Martin.
Since revealing the details of my formerly torturous football deprived ex-relationship in an emotional piece a few months ago, some readers are calling the article's content into disrepute. Who dare challenge the word of this unemployed, hack, anonymous blogger? Erm, his ex-girlfriend. This just in... she claims to still hate football (I never knew, she claims to have told me many times.). Yes, she says that, "MAYBE IF MY HACK, ANONYMOUS BLOGGER EX-BOYFRIEND LISTENED TO ME MORE, I COULD'VE LEARNED TO LIKE IT THIS FALL!" Alas, let's not get into what-ifs, he-says-she-says, and listening to the opinion of women. Let's just transition into Billynho's Guide to the NFL For Women (Part 2). (Iuns will deliver her side later; but she's more eager than any woman for the rest of this series.)
"Damnet B! You said the DEFENSE was supposed to tackle the offense!? Hmpf! Looks to me like Ohio State's running back keeps knocking down Purdue's defenders." -Billynho's ex-girlfriend, 10/6/07, expressing her frustration at watching Ohio State's running back Beanie Wells go BEAST MODE on Purdue. Defensive Tackle: Marked "DL" in the picture above (but more commonly referred to as DT's), defensive tackles primarily serve to eat up space at the line of scrimmage. In most instances, the biggest and strongest are the best; speed is of little value, except at the dinner table. The top defensive tackles in the NFL command the attention of two offensive linemen (and even more servings of food), which theoretically frees up their defensive linemates to wreak havoc on the offense. The majority of NFL teams play two defensive tackles at a time, but a handful use just one. Good Examples: Ted Washington, Vin "Second Helping Taker" Baker (if he played football instead of basketball), Warren Sapp, Refrigerator Perry, Sally Struthers Bad Examples: Steve Emtman, Nicole Richie, The People of Kenya Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Honey, if Tony Siragusa was an incontinent, I bet he'd still weigh three times more than me! I'm pretty sure I'd be incontinent I had the ball and was playing against Bob Sanders."
Defensive End: The main duty of defensive ends is to contain the run on the outside and rush the quarterback (DE). They'll spin around, club, or bull their way through the offensive tackle to get there every play. Explosiveness, size, and strength are required. If you can't apply pressure on the quarterback, it allows receivers lots of time to get open and makes it hard on your secondary. The elite defensive ends make over 10 sacks a year. The New Orleans Saints have about half that many as a team this season I think. Good Examples: Jared Allen, Reggie White, Bruce Smith, Julius Peppers, Jevon Kearse as a rookie Bad Examples: Andre Wadsworth, Jevon Kearse when he wasn't a rookie Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "I'd rather have Dwight Freeney spin into me ten times than run into a motionless Bob Sanders once."
Linebacker: Linebackers are pegged as either inside, strongside, or weakside, but none of the three is really demonstrably better than the others. The inside (middle) linebacker calls the defense's plays and is usually a tough guy. The outside backers guard tight ends and rush the quarterback on blitzes. They usually make the most tackles and are utter badasses (like Bob Sanders). Good Examples: Brian Urlacher, Bobby Bouche, Ray Lewis, Former Purdue Defensive Ends, Barrett Ruud (or so I'm told during every Bucs game), old white guys on the Patriots Bad Examples: The Boz, Willie Williams, Napoleon Harris Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "OMG! I just had the greatest idea! How sick would Bob Sanders be if he played linebacker for the Colts!?!?! Wouldn't it be so beautiful? (tear at the thought)"
Cornerback: Cornerbacks cover wide receivers and try to prevent them from catching the ball. Most can't do it. The best-of-the-best make it virtually impossible for receivers to catch a pass thrown their way and essentially seal off their side of the field. The worst can undermine a team of Pro Bowlers by themselves. None of them have a prayer against Randy Moss. Good Examples: Neon Deion Sanders, Champ Bailey, Ronde Barber, Cortland Finnegan, Rod Woodson Bad Examples: Quentin Jammer, Tracy Porter Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Shit. When Pacman gets locked up again, who am I supposed to go to Vegas with?"
Safety: Safeties are hard-hitting, intense dudes with SMS who wish they were big. They're fast, pretty good in coverage, and love to lead with their helmet when wide receivers are in the air. They stand the farthest from the line of scrimmage before the play. If the offense makes a big play, they're probably to blame. But they'll still act like hard asses when they come off the field. Good Examples: Bob Sanders, Rod Woodson, Bob Sanders, Ed Reed, Bob Sanders Bad Examples: Roy Williams, Adam Archuleta Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "No EFFING way! No. That was impossible. I don't believe it happened. How the EFF did Bob Sanders fight off six blockers to single-handedly solo tackle Jerome Bettis six yards deep in the backfield on fourth-and-one to win the game. I love him. I love Bob Sanders. It's over between me and you, whatever your name was, because I'm leaving you... for Bob Sanders."
Billynho knows all about looking good. I brush my teeth (thrice weekly), comb my hair (bi-monthly), and exercise regularly (okay, that's a lie). Clearly, I'll do whatever it takes (within reason).
But when I read that USC is willing to surrender two time-outs just to wear their red jerseys against UCLA this weekend... ugh. Most ridiculous, unfathomable idea ever. Doesn't Pete Carroll know they'll charge the Trojans with a time-out every time Mark Sanchez's knee pops out of socket?
Sports blogging ain't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, sure, you can sit around in your underwear all day... if you can afford to pay the heating bill (not to mention still afford underwear!). And you've got time to watch the crock pot slow-cook your roast beef... if you didn't have to sell your crock pot to pay for your domain name and server. Lest I forget to mention that you can download illegal music to your computer because you've got no boss looking over your shoulder... of course, your 1995 Pentium Pro Processor and the four gigs of space on your hard drive make it nearly impossible to get more than 12 songs before your computer crashes and you'd love to buy a newonebutsportsbloGSDON'TMAKEJACK!
That's why I'm gonna have a baby. Well, not me. But Billynho is ready to spread his seed. But don't get me wrong. It's just business, baby. And pretty good business apparently.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have made roughly $20 million selling baby pictures to People Magazine. Jennifer Lopez sold pictures of her twins for over $6 million. I didn't even know these people had babies of their own! I thought they bought the babies for that much.
While I wait for my personal offspring photography business to take off nine months from now, I do possess a picture to sell in the meantime to the vulturous celebrity mags. I really EFFed up by posting the picture of myself and Greg Oden, but good news... I've got another never-before-seen publicly. Yes, Orel Kornheiser and FORMER No. 1 OVERALL PICK, WINNER OF 245 OF THE LAST 248 GAMES HE'S PLAYED, in 5.1 stunning megapixels.
The bidding begins at $4. I should be able to buy myself some underwear for $4, right?
If you like this site, you have to read these. There's really not anymore I can say. These were the first two things I read when I woke, and I couldn't stop laughing out loud to myself.:
The headline lured me in. And how could it not? Who is this guy!? I'm either creeped out or really impressed, I can't decide which yet. Against my better judgement, I'm leaning towards the latter. Tony Romo Takes Homeless Man to Movies
Hahahahahahahahahah!............. hahahhahahaahahahah.......... I could look at these pictures all day. Try it; you'll like it. The Art of the Sports Columnist Photo by Joe Sports Fan
Shout out! Weezy's back with another installment, and his Easter-pink Sprite is a little pinker this week.
Shout Out Count: Six, still none for Billynho The song to read to: Cool Kids ft/ Lil Wayne- Gettin' It
Nelly was a really good baseball player growing up, man. He could have gone to the league but he chose a different path. He's a diehard St. Louis fan and it's kind of crazy, actually. We bet on games sometimes and last year we bet a pretty large sum of money on the Hornets. Nelly didn't think they'd make it past the first round and I did, so we put money on it. When I beat him he had to pay me $19,000 dollars. That's the most I've ever bet on sports. I try not to get too crazy or bet anything too major that I would really miss. We have so much in common! You see, my brother was a really good wrestler (he claims) growing up. He could've gone to semi-state (he claims), but he chose to... well, I'm not sure he did anything else instead. But HEY, we bet sometimes, too! Last year, we bet $10 on how good of a basketball season Purdue would have. I won. Seems $10 was a little too rich; he couldn't pay up. Oh wait, you said $19,000? Never mind, I guess we don't have much in common after all... (sniff)
I had a bet with Shawty Lo on the Eagles and the Giants and I lost, so I owe him something but I won't say what.
And the best part about that fight was that Artest did not even move. He did not get involved. I felt bad when Steve Nash got knocked to the floor, that poor little guy. Rafer Alston's from the playground, so that's gonna happen. Shout out to him because that's my homie.
Note to self: Avoid at all costs the gang of fourth graders ballin' at Cheesman's Court every day.
D-Wade's a cool guy, but I've never really been invited to his games. I guess I need tickets. I guess we could play video games or something together when we're both home, but I don't know if he plays and I'm not so good. I like to play golf and soccer video games, anyway.
I know how you feel. That blonde who sat in front of me in Anthropology last spring seemed really nice. I probably should've gotten her number. My favorite board game is Monopoly. I mean, I maybe would've been willing to play Monopoly with her. I like to use the shoe, because I like shoes. If she doesn't like Monopoly, I'm really good at Clue, too.
I want to learn how to really play golf. I've only been to a driving range once, but I was too young to be interested. I know the game well and I always wonder how good I'd be if I really worked at it. It's a very strategic game and I'm kind of OK at things like that. I will do it one day, but of course I've got to get it right.
You know, I'm decent at chess (I know the POINT SYSTEM). But I've never been taught or anything. I'm smart (I am. I AM!), I could maybe be somewhat, kinda, sorta, possibly average at chess if I ever devoted myself to the game. Ahh, dreams.
I've totally, totally ignored Joe Flacco on the blog, and for that I apologize.
It's March 12, 2013 outside Conseco Fieldhouse and 150,000 gold, black, crimson, and cream fans are willing to do anything short of selling their house to get a ticket into the arena. Matt Painter and Tom Crean are leading their teams off their respective buses. Billy Packer is slouched courtside thumbing through media guides in hopes of once again inundating viewers with a deluge of historical notes during the telecast of what is surely the most anticipated sporting event ever staged in the Crossroads of America. What’s the occasion? Two top-five teams, the fiercest of rivals, are about to tip-off in the basketball capital of the world.
For decades, an antiquated tournament structure indirectly spawned largely mundane non-conference contests. For every major conference match-up, there were ten also-rans playing (and typically getting trampled by) Duke on ESPN. The recipe was simple for high-majors that wanted an invitation to the "Big Dance": load up on mid-major opponents to rack up non-conference wins, finish over .500 in conference play, and win at least one game in the conference tournament. Most of college basketball slavishly relied on that status quo ante. Fans reluctantly endured the rehearsal: an unnecessary number of tickets never served their purpose.
With prescient knowledge in mind that there would be no snubs this year, high-major coaches focused on cooking up more challenging non-conferencing dates, which made for an unprecedentedly diverting mise-en-scène. Fans with a sweet tooth for inter-major conference match-ups were wisely advised to schedule root canals ahead of time. Cynical predictions that fans wouldn't follow a season where every team was guaranteed postseason play were expunged as the NCAA reported record attendance numbers. ESPN drooled and agonized over having to descry the cream-of-the-crop from the five-star buffet of games to televise.
The result of the libertinism is encapsulated by the top-25. Two of the top-five and 11 overall have 10 or more losses.
As Purdue and IU line up for lay-ups inside, let's go back to 2008 and take a look at what suggested that allowing every team into the NCAA Tournament would be a positive change for all parties involved: the NCAA, big schools, small schools, coaches, players, networks, and the fans. ________________________________________________________________
Americans have a predilection for canting in the face of reshuffling what we know and love (think MLB interleague play); not when we can have the "good ol' days" and the "way things were." Once college basketball fans get over the initial shock at the idea of a tournament change and start asking questions, they'll come to wonder why the tournament doesn't already include everyone.
Why would the NCAA consider changing the tournament? The NCAA states that it "shares a belief in and commitment to an inclusive culture that fosters equitable participation for student athletes." What is more inclusive than letting everyone have a shot in March? Isn't attempting to differentiate bubble teams inequitable?
In addition to the boost for philosophical ideals, college basketball would be richer than ever. The NCAA serves the interests of member institutions. High-major schools would no longer have to fastidiously find the non-conference equilibrium between manipulating RPI, determining the correct strength of schedule, and pacing towards the "20-win" mark. The resulting freedom would improve match-ups, generating higher television ratings and ticket sales.
So a reformed tournament would result in improved non-conference match-ups. Are the non-conference schedules of high-majors bad enough to warrant a change?
Even the most optimistic fans subconsciously see schedule-makers as power-wielding misanthropes. The unwritten 20-win rule leads to major conference teams hosting opponents like Bethune-Cookman (RPI of 319), Lipscomb (226), Loyola-Chicago (222), Indiana State (128), Ball State (297), Texas Southern (320), Wofford (195), Florida-International (263) (Note: This was Purdue's actual entire home non-conference schedule during the 2007-08 season in addition to exhibition games against Indianapolis and Saginaw Valley State. Purdue and Notre Dame haven't played since 1966.).
Fans are persnickety when analyzing opposition. Some have the disposable income to buy a season-ticket and eat the games against cupcakes; more think carefully before paying $300 to attend the only eight games that aren't boring bugbears. Tight games are as important as wins; unpredictability and excitement define basketball at its best. Little can rival the satiation derived from supporting your favorite team in a back-and-forth battle.
The current system prevents high-majors from portioning out enough of what fans crave. Teams are lucky to schedule even two non-conference home games against major conference opposition in a non-affiliated match-up.
Would rising nepotism between major conference teams be a cryptic omen portending a larger schism between big and small schools?
That's a concern, but schedules wouldn't be as head scratching if high-majors looked out their windows for competitors. Why did Florida host Vermont (25-point win), but not Central Florida? Why would Texas play Division II Arkansas Monticello (49-11 at halftime), but not make room for Stephen F. Austin? Ditto Michigan State, who beat San Jose State by 40 points, but didn't play Western Michigan. Viable alternatives of comparable strength were present in the area; location and familiarity breed interest.
Mid-majors shouldn't be left out as attractive schedules would still have a balance of tough, big-name opponents and hungry nearby smaller schools led by players still heartbroken at being overlooked by the bigger fish coming out of high school. Series against local opponents would be easier to sell to fans, as return trips would give the die-hards (boosters) a chance to see their team on the road. Purdue athletic director Morgan Burke sees the value in playing geographical rivals. "Local teams also add the possibility of bringing extra fans to Mackey Arena," Burke wrote in a May e-mail. "If we can play an in-state opponent, that is always our preference." High-majors wouldn't have to fret over how losing to mid-majors could damage tourney résumés. A schedule-maker I spoke with said a two-for-one series (the high major hosts the mid-major, plays on the road the next year, then hosts again) could work financially in most cases.
Dwarfing the appeal that a shot at hosting high-major neighbors would bring, the peak perk of expanding the NCAA Tournament would be that small schools would have a guaranteed tournament spot waiting every year. The relevancy of even following smaller programs is debatable at present as they, on average, earn a bid to the NCAA Tournament just over once every ten years. Survey a student at one of these schools over who his favorite team is, and chances are he'll name a major conference school (with Butler, Xavier and Gonzaga three possible exceptions). Having an automatic seat reserved in the tournament for every team would fuel continued attention by students and alums, even in down years.
Alums would notice that closely following their alma mater's team, no matter how weak, would be a more worthwhile endeavor. Recruits may not be as quick to look past the near-by mid-major school if they have the guarantee of four years of postseason basketball pending. It could level the playing field and give small school coaches more to sell to recruits.
America loves a Cinderella. There would be 250 trying on slippers every March.
How would coaches and players benefit?
Blue-chip recruits demand development, competition, and opportunity. Coaches would yield more control over the troika than ever before.
Development could be emphasized in a way not possible today. The pressure to win that exists from game one would be lessened tremendously. Freshmen teeming with potential but short on experience (Texas A&M's DeAndre Jordan in 2007-08 for example) could profit from an expedited learning curve. More minutes could be allocated to potential stars, who perhaps don't have a polished game due to lack of floor time. From the start, coaching would be undertaken with an eye on what matters, the postseason.
Competition is the whetstone of talent; top players and coaches who view the NBA as a future reality rather than a pipe dream aren't seeing their skills sharpened. In the NBA, every game is a dogfight for the players and a test for the coaches; even the worst teams win 20 games a year. Winning by 40 over a mid-major in college doesn't sharpen skills like playing other top programs would. Top programs could face-off against each other much more often, and top talents would learn to focus for a full 40 minutes every game.
For the majority of players who are true student-athletes and see college as the end of the road for their basketball career, the opportunity of playing in the postseason would be invaluable. Over five times more coaches and players would live the dream of competing in the NCAA Tournament every year.
With 340 teams playing Division I basketball, how long would the tournament last?
Figure on the tournament lasting just one week longer than present. Today, the future champion has to win five tournament games to make Championship Monday. If all 340 teams were involved, they would have to play either seven or eight games. A maximum of eight teams would play more than the six tournament games today's champion must win.
The negligible difference could be made up by removing conference tournaments. They would be obsolete. Since they're cash cows, the other option would be to remove two allowable non-conference games.
Wouldn't the tournament be impossible to schedule logistically?
It wouldn't have to be. Here's a suggestion: split teams along geographic lines into 24 regions of 12-16 teams. For example, the entire Northwest would play one another, California and Nevada would combine to form two regions, and Indiana and western Ohio would form a logical group. Regions would be awarded two, three, or four berths to the Field of 64 (with number of berths tied to group strength). Two neutral sites in each region could be selected to host the games each year.
Opponents could be randomly drawn by ping-pong balls as is done in the NBA Lottery and European Champions League. Imagine the tension as match-ups are revealed.
The potential for Duke and North Carolina to face off in the first round would not be a problem, but a cause for celebration. If they were the two best teams, they'd have to beat one another eventually if they were to prove themselves as champions. Fans of the two teams would have the lion's share of tickets and only a short drive to get to see the historic match-up. Ponder these other possible region match-ups: UCLA-USC, Purdue-Indiana, Michigan State-Michigan, Kentucky-Louisville, Georgetown-Maryland… all with the season on the line and in front of passionate fans.
300 valuable new games, some less nationally relevant, will spontaneously arise from nowhere; tickets and telecasts will surely accompany each and every one. Coverage could be regionalized. Games could be played every night the first week, allowing the networks to choose the best games to display nationally and in prime time slots.
Once the field is narrowed down to 64 teams, fans would again surround the television to see the same committee used today re-seed the teams the same way they do today and send them to a national tournament like the one currently in place. Two weeks later, the first true national champion would be crowned.
Really, everyone would benefit? Run that by me again please.
The NCAA will have made more money and encouraged competition and opportunity. Large schools will delight their fan bases with more appealing schedules and have more money to invest into athletic department interests. Small schools would be in the tournament, a dream they drool over nightly. Coaches and players will have the satisfaction of knowing they've been tested more than ever before. Networks would see higher ratings. Fans will revel on a season like none before, ask themselves what possessed them to spend $400 on a scalped ticket to go watch their team in the first round, then mail in their season ticket renewal.
Some have questioned why Mackey Arena at Purdue can't sell out anymore after over a decade of packed houses. To that I stare back as my stomach lurches, and query how they still pull in 13,000 nightly with the atrocious alimentation available? Where to begin...! Upon arriving, diners are herded like cattle through gates and required to show a ticket to very old men wearing matching tacky gold and black uniforms. The cost to even enter this establishment is over $20, and most pay a yearly membership to "John Purdue's Club" to ensure prime seating. Why anyone would pay extra for "better" seating in this filthy over-glorified concrete barn is beyond me! Every seat is the same; uncomfortable, hard, and around more old people. And did I mention there's no seat back? (Shudder) Don't even ask about silverware or a table.
After being entertained for almost an hour by a charming game of baskethoop, patrons file out into a concourse where they wait in line to order the food. By this point, it was 8:00 P.M., and I must say I was famished... hungry enough to eat a metaphorical horse.
If only.
Instead I was served a supposed "hot" dog wrapped in a stale, uninspiring pathetic excuse for a baguette, a plastic tin of salted crisps with neon-yellow dipping cheese, a cold, oversized pretzel with the taste and texture of a decade-old salted cardboard box, overly salted popcorn lathered in a coat of faux-butter, eight miniature Butterfingers bars (that I had to open MYSELF!), and a Coke with faint traces of ice (that I noticed in my lap after bringing the cheap cup to my face and realizing that the lid--- yes, they have lids at this restaurant [sic]--- wasn't snapped on.). Total Outlay: $17
And did I mention the hapless service? (restaurant critic rereads above transgressions and confirms that he did not, in fact, mention the service) Ahem. After reading up on the State of Indiana's Labor Codes, I shall be sending notice henceforth to the mayor of the municipality of West Lafayette to notify him of dozens of horrific counts of child labor violations.
Please allow me to describe the young lad who took my order... Eight years old.
In the event that isn't enough to disgust even the least demanding of diners, I'll go into more detail. The food counter stood nary an inch above my belly button, and he was a good six inches shorter than that. What he possessed in enthusiasm for the job and effort in counting my money, he lacked in math skills (I was shorted $2 in change; I considered it the tip) and the ability to reach the Butterfingers. Luckily, his mom was available to help. And when I inquired as to the locale of the Grey Poupon, he had the gall to direct me towards the restroom, with grim order to, "Poop in there."
To the lavatory I went, obediently and gladly. Whilst there, I deposited my food right into the trashcan, washed away any germs acquired in hand-to-hand dealings with l'enfant, and proceeded to drive myself straight to the fine, classic, culinary restaurant Monical's Pizza where I cry myself back to happiness through the sweet gluttonous satisfaction found in a pepperoni pizza and Mr. Pibb.
Rating: *
Mackey Arena
1000 North University Street West Lafayette, IN 47907
765-494-3194
Open: Game Nights
Entree prices: $3- $3.50
Credit cards: None accepted, cash only
Reservations: Required
Noise: Conversation-unfriendly. Shout to be heard.
Last season, Purdue's Baby Boilers shocked the nation in crawling to 25 wins and somersaulting all the way to second in the Big Ten with three freshmen and two sophomores making up their top-five scorers. Now a year older and more mature, one has to assume Purdue will be improved if only because they will no longer refuse to shoot until they know their parents are watching (and anyone who has watched a basketball game inside Mackey Arena HEARD guard Chris Kramer's mom watching him*) or make yucky faces at their vegetables at the training table.
But those aren't the only reasons to expect the Boilermakers to make the leap to conference champs and the second weekend of the NCAA Tournament (or beyond). Guard E'Twaun Moore might be the most underrated player in the country. He started last season shakily, but dominated the last half of Purdue's season. He can shoot the ball as well as anyone (over 43% from three-point range last season), gets to the hoop at will despite underwhelming quickness, and flashed improved vision and passing ability in Purdue's exhibition games. Illinois's head coach Bruce Weber called him the conference's best player a year ago. He'll make waves nationally this winter.
Moore's classmate Robbie Hummel took most of the plaudits last season and is the kind of rare player who would start for every team in the country based off his intangibles and fundamentals. Hummel, 6'8", is also a lights-out shooter (45% from three-point range last season), stalks the passing lanes, and handles the ball as well as anyone his size in the country. He was named preseason Big Ten Player-of-the-Year.
Guards Keaton Grant and Kramer round out the core of Purdue's team. Grant is a steady player who also excels from the outside (44%), but battled injuries that robbed him of his lateral quickness a year ago. At his peak, he can get to the hoop and bothers opposing guards with his long frame. Kramer is a one-of-a-kind player who ever coach loves. Limited to aggressive drives offensively, he more than makes up for any shortcomings with his marauding presence on defense. Kramer averaged 2.3 steals in 28 minutes per game last season by physically harassing opposing guards and sneaking up behind unaware ballhandlers. The 2007-08 Big Ten Defensive Player-of-the-Year, captain Kramer also provides leadership in spades and incites the Paint Crew into mob-like fever pitches (loud enough for Purdue's mostly octagenarian crowd to hear at times even).
If there was one area where this team could be called into question, it'd be the interior. Last season the Boilermakers had a negative rebounding ratio and saw 6'8" rotation staple Scott Martin transfer to Notre Dame this summer. How far the team goes relies on the development of former four-star recruit JaJuan Johnson. Early indications are that the unaggressive 6'10" freshman beanpole from last year has sprouted into a savage beastly sophomore. In Purdue's second exhibition game, Johnson scored 22 points, grabbed 14 rebounds, and swatted seven shots... unthinkable numbers if you saw him play eight months ago (and this is coming from one of his biggest fans).
5'9" freshman Lewis Jackson helps fill an additional potential weakness by adding some quickness to a team built on fundamentals. Michigan State's Kalin Lucas and Xavier's Drew Lavender tormented Purdue with their penetration last season. Jackson could help keep quick guards from reaching the paint, and if not, hopefully Johnson will be waiting to send them back out.
Seniors Marcus Green and Nemanja Calasan provide solid, experienced depth and can be effective if they play within themselves.
The schedule is equal parts kind and challenging for Purdue. They play Davidson, Duke and likely Georgia in the non-conference, yet won't leave the state of Indiana until Big Ten play unless they reach the Preseason NIT semi-finals in New York. With just two other ranked Big Ten teams, Purdue is one to watch as a sleeper with the potential to post a gaudy record and earn a No. 1 seed in March.
(Here would have been the perfect place to insert a lame "Baby Boilers" metaphor as a closer, but I just couldn't bring myself to be so cliche. I guess... you could say... I'm growing up... too?)
Prediction: 11-1 Non-conference, 16-2 Big Ten, No. 1 Seed And I'm generally exceedingly pessimistic, but I feel Matt Painter is developing this team impossibly well. With as many as five future NBA players on the team, I can't help but see a Final Four berth this spring.
* To Chris Kramer and his large, tough looking dad... I was just kidding! Although I really have heard her... But it's too quiet in the pit anyways; hers are always extremely welcome loud breathes of fresh air.
I don't know about you, but I loved the conclusion to the tale of Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling sure had me going there for awhile(no, not like THAT, though she is pretty fit for 43)! Here I'd read like 6,000 pages of those books ready to well up at any moment in anticipation of Lord Voldemort dying (okay, I admit, I did well up a few times anyways). You're probably all like, "Ay B, Voldemort was a cotton-headed ninnymuggins, wasn't he?" That he was R, but Miss Rowling tricked me. You see, she had my mind in a tizzy thinking that (paraphrasing) "Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort have a mutually dependent relationship in which if one dies, so too will the other." Then, thankfully, on page 5,960 (SPOILER ALERT!!!) she took it all back.
PHEW!!! Ha Ha Ha (relieved, delirious, wonderful laughter)!
We're not in the clear yet, the nightmare is not over.
Gulp.
Devin Hester the Boy Wonder Kick Returner is a real world incarnation of Harry Potter, and I'm afeared his tale won't end so happily ever after. Gulp. Put simply... Harry Potter : Lord Voldemort :: Devin Hester the Boy Wonder Kick Returner : Devin Hester the No. 2 Wide Receiver
In his first two seasons as almost exclusively a returner, Hester was considered the most feared special teams specialist in the history of the NFL. He returned seven punts and four kickoffs for touchdowns in the regular season and was sitting just two behind Brian Mitchell for the all-time special teams touchdowns lead. He caught just 20 passes over the same two seasons.
This year, he entered a dark chapter of his career. The numbers suggest he's a sub-standard kick returner all of a sudden. He's yet to score a special teams TD and is averaging a paltry six yards per punt return.
Those who watch the Chicago Bears closely didn't have to hear the numbers to know what I'm talking about. An eye-test reveals he's lost his other-worldly explosiveness and sharp cutting ability.
There are, though, good explanations for his newfangled struggles.
He emerged as one of Kyle Orton's most reliable targets early this season, must always be feared as a deep-threat on offense, and shows a willingness to catch balls over the middle with safeties bearing down on him. His value as a receiver means he is forced to sprint every play, rather than just six times a game, which likely is to blame for robbing his explosiveness. He's no longer fresh for special teams.
Additionally, teams have wizened up when it comes to avoiding Hester the Returner. Last season, the Bears had an all-time NFL record number of punts booted out of bounds against them. This season, he's had even fewer opportunities through eight games.
Whatever the reason, the fact remains that Devin Hester the Returner and Devin Hester the Receiver have yet to show they can co-exist.
Here's hoping they find a way to break the curse, just like Harry Potter.
No one could have predicted that all the Los Angeles Clippers had to do to improve from an atrocious start was play Eric Gordon more. Oh wait, I did!?! In 30 minutes, he put up 11 points on 4-for-8 shooting from the field, two assists, and two steals in the Clippers first win of the season. More importantly he added a lethal three-point threat from the outside, hitting 3-for-4 from beyond-the-arc. His +/- was +5, Cuttino Mobley's was -4.
Mike Dunleavy, keep checking back to the Kornheiser's Cartel for coaching tips all season long. My next advice: Cuttino Mobley, Brian Skinner, Ricky Davis, Tim Thomas, and Jason Hart for David Lee and Stephon Marbury's contract. Maybe it'd work? And I'm not even a big David Lee fan like, oh, every analyst in the country.
Imagine how good a basketball player your son would be if I raised him... Of course, he'd probably dance around and gloat over the simplest of glories, too. Sigh.
I just watched Games 5 and 7 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals on NBA TV, and this question is begging to be asked: How many MVP's would Derek Fisher have won had the Lakers been down one, with .8 seconds left in overtime every time he took a shot in his career?
He played 13 whole seasons going into this year, so I'm gonna say he'd have 12. No one was going to beat Steve Nash in 2005, just like no one was going to beat Barack Obama this year. Barack had the black vote (and Billynho's vote), Nash had the white vote. It's the counter-transitive property. Look it up. No WAIT, don't.
Oh yeah, Fisher. Clutch. It's just a matter of time til he ends up on the Spurs. He's still a little young right now. Read more to see Fisher go bo bo ski do. Do it: Takes down Tim Duncan with .4 seconds left:
Dunks on Shawn Bradley:
Emerges from locker room late after being with daughter in hospital to save Jazz:
Ties game on opening night for Lake Show vs. Rockets:
Takes 'bow to the dome from B-Diddy and lives to tell about it:
Shout out y'all. It's official, Lil Wayne's greatest contribution to mankind is no longer "Let The Beat Build," bitch. No, no, it'd be nigh impossible for him to top his literary gifts with music (though Tha Carter III is insane, Shout Out). Here's my breakdown of Part I. Read on as I give a shout out to the best of his latest blog offering where he touches on his sports watching schedule, the NBA, NFL players he wouldn't want to hit him, and gives shout outs to basically everyone in the sports world. Where's the love for Billynho, Lil Wayne? Can I get a shout out? "A lot of people on the blog were asking how much sports I watch each week, so this is pretty much what my typical week looks like:... Tuesday - I'm saved by the NBA. I try to check out Chris Paul and the Hornets as often as I can, then I like to start watching other games once they get to the fourth quarter. That's the best way to do it if you've got the package and you want to watch a bunch of games in one night. I watch Kobe a lot, too."
Yeah yeah, Paul and Kobe are okay. But he forgot to mention Brian Cardinal and Brian Scalabrine. They're fun, too... They are!
"The Lakers look wonderful. I think they won their first three games by 65 points combined. It's tough to predict how many wins they're gonna get this season. If they keep going like this and they reach 60 then I think they'll pass the Celtics 66 wins last year, which would be nothing short of amazing.
You gotta watch out for Trevor Ariza, man, he's the secret weapon. He's the David Price of the Lakers. That kid can flat-out play. I knew when the Lakers got him in that trade that he was gonna be great for them eventually. I've been keeping track of him. He's excellent on NBA2K9, too."
Ariza is a baller!!!
"The Knicks have been something else, man. You got Marbury and Eddy Curry not even part of the system? Damn. I hit Eddy up on the two-way last night asking what's up and he hasn't responded yet so we'll see."
Has he seen Marbury or Curry play since 2005?
Greg Oden is a bust. He's gotta show me something, man. I don't get it. At what point in time was he dominant? I've never seen it. You've never seen it. Maybe NBA officials know something we don't. That's all I can figure. Maybe somebody on that staff has seen something we haven't. But until he shows me something, I'm gonna declare him a bust. Damn shame, too.
T.O. still looks like he's about to cry. It's getting ugly in Dallas, man. They're in last place now in their division? This is a disaster.
Hahahahahaha! Shout out to you, Lil Wayne... I love your blog.
I would not want to get hit by Ray Lewis or Troy Polamalu. Those would be the two guys I would definitely want to avoid. Hines Ward is a pretty excellent blocker downfield, too. I wouldn't wanna run into that.
A month and a half ago, I wrote that the Clippers were a good sleeper pick this NBA season. I take it back. I was wrong. My reasoning was right, I just failed to factor in that Mike Dunleavy was their head coach.
To be fair, they've been saddled with injuries in the early going. Baron Davis has finger and hip ailments, while Marcus Camby just appeared for the first time this season. It's excusable that they've gone 0-3 in the early going.
What's troubling is that the team looks thin, unorganized, and illogically led. Behind Baron Davis? Jason Hart/Mike Taylor; one of the worst back-up point guard tandems in the league, and yet one of the most likely to see major playing time due to how injury-prone B-Diddy has always been. Behind Cuttino Mobley? Ricky Davis, a career loser in the NBA. In the frontcourt? Paul Davis, Brian Skinner, Steve Novak, DeAndre Jordan. It's unlikely any of them would start for the North Carolina Tar Heels.
The lack of organization can likely be attributed to the fact that their core has hardly played together before. Davis and Al Thornton never seem to be on the same page. Chris Kaman plays every game on an island while battling alone inside. And Davis is given pretty much free reign to do whatever he wants. He's a dynamic super-talent, but that's rarely a recipe for success (see: Stephon Marbury).
And the charge of illogical leadership is evidenced by the fact that Eric Gordon has barely seen the court in the early going, despite dominating in the preseason. On a team sorely outclassed on the wings in all three losses, one would think an intelligent coach would buck convention, see what was happening on the floor, and embrace the rookie for the good of the team. But it seems Dunleavy expects Gordon to somehow earn minutes with his play in garbage time cameos, a terrible environment for one to learn.
At least there will be garbage time aplenty if things don't change in Clipperland.
Texas Tech's victory over Texas was not yet complete before Brent Musberger was already speculating in coffee/Werther's/whisky-breathed (this is how I picture Musberger smelling) rasps about whether Washington might like Mike Leach to fill their coaching vacancy.
To borrow the new adage from Bad Santa, Washington's Athletic Director will find that if he "wishes in one hand and shits in the other," one hand will stink long before the nation's brightest passing coach shows up in Seattle.
But that doesn't mean Texas Tech's program is head-and-shoulders above all others for the flaky Leach. Still, the "mad scientist" would have to be truly insane to leave Lubbock this offseason. Whatever happens from here, Leach will face a question that every successful coach under the age of 60 considers... Can I win a national championship where I am?
First, he should read the tales of coaches he knows well who have given into the temptation of supposed greener pastures somewhere else.
Tyrone Willingham, the coach who Musberger bizarrely believes Leach might replace, had job security, a stable program, and California weather at Stanford. He traded that for a bigger contract (that he never saw out), an impatient fan base, and crappy faux-Irish bars. Like many Notre Dame coaches before him, he's facing involuntary early retirement.
Dennis Franchione, who Leach helped procure a pink slip with victories in their last three match-ups against each other, achieved God-like status at Alabama, where football is religion, in leading the Crimson Tide to a 10-3 season under the dark cloud of bowl probation. Franchione wanted more, and one can't help but assume he didn't find it in five tumultuous years at Texas A&M.
Bob Stoops, Leach's boss when he was the offensive coordinator at Oklahoma, has wisely, repeatedly turned down the advances of doe-eyed, deep-pocketed athletic directors across the nation. He's in his tenth year at the helm of the Sooners and enjoys unrivaled job security in Norman.
Unrivaled until Leach gave Texas Tech's fan base, where football is LIFE, a triple dose of Paxil-esque relief to cure 80 years of depression from playing second-fiddle to in-state rivals Texas with Saturday night's victory.
And tonight, with Texas Tech perched at #2 in the BCS rankings, Leach can finally affirmatively answer the aforementioned question: Can I win a national championship where I am?
Tech controls its destiny from here, but even if they lose to Oklahoma and Oklahoma State before season's end... even if they lag upon the graduation of Graham Harrell next year and lose five games... even if, God forbid!, it's revealed that he lied on his initial resume to Texas Tech... Mike Leach's job security is safe. Lubbock will forever be indebted to him. He's sitting in a recruiting gold-mine. He can win a national championship at Texas Tech.
So if Washington comes calling after the season, he shouldn't even answer the phone. If Clemson comes calling before Tech's BCS bowl game, he should politely say no. And if Tennessee comes calling after the bowl games, he should listen and let Tech match their contract offer.
But if Pete Carroll goes to the NFL, and USC shows up and rings his doorbell... well, he'd be crazy not to go!
I was going to give my impression of the deal, then I saw Indy Cornrows's take. It's as if he read my mind:
"But wait! There's even more great news. Mike Wells reports the deal is for 5 years at $60-64 million. I was hoping the Pacers could sign Granger at 5 for $55 but I admit I'm real stingy so I was also REALLY hoping they wouldn't top 5 for $70. With the reported deal it appears both sides compromised and worked in the best interest of the franchise. Ahh, so refreshing. Congrats to Danny and the Pacers!"
All I'll say is that based off how good he looked the other night, I predict this deal will be an amazing bargain in retrospect. It's less per year than Andre Iguodala and similar to Luol Deng. I'd take Granger over both of them, without question.
Whatever, he'll be able to afford a Gulfstream V either way.
Wow. I caught all or part of every game tonight. Yes, a Friday. Yes, I'm a loser. Here are some quick thoughts/impressions/opinions/biases on everything I witnessed for my readers if you missed it. Unless I get a life (highly doubtful), check back as these should be regular:
- Anyone who thinks Mike D'Antoni can come in and turn the Knicks around with the current personnel is stupid retarded. Once you get past the fact that they can't guard point guards and have nothing in the way of post defense (Elton Brand looked like Wilt Chamberlain against the Knicks tonight), the current group is full of bad guys, too. They have horrendous body language and yell at each other after every bad play. - One bright spot for the Knicks is Nate Robinson. As many have stated before, he seems perfect D'Antoni's wide-open offense. He plays with pride, pushes the pace, pressures opposing guards. He's a keeper for what they're trying to build. MSG Network showed an exchange from practice between D'Antoni and Robinson in which D'Antoni insisted that Robinson should lead the NBA and average three steals a game. He needs to be starting.
- David Lee, on the other hand, is overrated. He rebounds at a high rate and shoots a high percentage, but that's all off hustle. He's not a good man-to-man defender--- Brand overpowered him at will--- not a great mid-range shooter, and can't create his own shot. He's a useful rotation big man, but not someone I'd pay $10 million per year to, which is the ballpark a prospective extension has been mooted.
- Outside of those two, Jamal Crawford is okay, and Wilson Chandler is athletic and plays hard. After them, Zach Randolph is terrible for a running offense, Chris Duhon leaves a lot to be desired from a starting point guard, and Quentin Richardson is a lazy ballhog who just wants to shoot threes.
- It may have been as a result of who they were playing, but the Philadelphia 76ers looks outstanding and deep. Elton Brand had his way, Andre Iguodala and Thaddeus Young are stud wings, and Louis Williams is going to be a star. They could use a shooter, but didn't display any weakness against the Knicks. They're better than people think.
- MSG Network analyst Brendan Brown's hair is hilarious, his facial expressions unnatural, and his constant movement in his chair distracting, but I like what he has to say at halftime and postgame.
- The Golden State Warriors will be an interesting group when Monta Ellis returns from injury/suspension, as they have an army of athletic, marauding battlers. They're a selfish group that would rather shoot than pass, but they'll be good with a top point running the show. Corey Maggette is perfectly suited for Don Nelson's system (I was really skeptical beforehand), and the whole team cares so much. They're a lot of fun to watch.
- Jose Calderon plays the game perfectly from a mental/positioning standpoint, and he's so fundamentally sound. He knows exactly where to go with the ball, can drive at will, is completely unselfish, but a great shooter when open. Ricky Rubio is all of the above, and a superior athlete and longer than Calderon.
- I know it's cute to say Jermaine O'Neal is back, but he isn't. He has to work extremely hard to score, he's not explosive, and he has trouble finishing around the hoop. Andrea Bargnani, on the other hand, looked like a new player for the better. He put the ball on the floor and attacked the hoop with power. He may not turn out to be a bust after all.
- OJ Mayo is a bit of a team killer. He holds the ball too long and shoots too many contested shots. He has talent, but, just like at the beginning of his time at USC, needs to change his style. He's responded to criticism in the past, so maybe if he reads this he'll look better later in the season.
- I watched Marc Gasol multiple times in the Olympics and thought he was active, a willing screener, and a tough rebounder; unfortunately, he also appeared slow and didn't have much skill with the ball. Little has changed, but it all adds up to a useful, fun-to-watch NBA player. He's great for the Grizzlies and sets the tone for the team along with Rudy Gay.
- Why is Brian Scalabrine in the NBA? How did he even make a college team?
- LaMarcus Aldridge is a classic NBA post. He's got a well-developed back-to-the-basket game for a 23-year-old. The Blazers are stacked with young studs; it's ridiculous... Aldridge, Brandon Roy, Nicolas Batum (who is just 19, and better than you're thinking), Jerryd Bayless, Rudy Fernandez, Travis Outlaw, Martell Webster... if Oden becomes an All-Star center, and they can package a few of their wings for a young point guard (Mike Conley Jr?), they'll be deep in the playoffs for a decade.
-Tony Parker just goes wherever he wants on the floor. Can anyone in the NBA stop him?
After rolling through the 1990's successful, carefree, and happy as an Ecstacy dealer at Bonnaroo, Billy Mitchell was at the top of the sporting world. Er, rather, near the top. That's because the Chicago Bulls dominated the decade like none other, boasting the best player in basketball history and a dedicated herd of fans across the country professing love through their purchases of black/red/white Zubaz and R Kelly CD's.
If, as the saying goes, true love never dies, one must question the ability of Americans to truly love as the United Center went quiet after the retirement of Michael Jordan (Further proof: King of Kong). And who could blame the world for jilting their former favorites? They were awful. From 1998-99 to 2001-2002, they won 66 total games, six fewer than they won in Jordan's first year back from retirement (1995-96). It's been a bit better since, the Bulls went as far as the Eastern Conference Semifinals two seasons ago, but a pitifully disappointing performance last year killed any enthusiasm threatening to return to Chicago.
Then the Bulls unexpectedly won the 2008 NBA Draft Lottery and took Derrick Rose number one overall... Conventional wisdom said the Bulls' most glaring weakness centered around a lack of interior scoring, which Michael Beasley could've helped. And it was. Still, anyone who has seen Rose at his best will attest that he was the most valuable of talents... an ultra-athletic point guard who can get anywhere on the floor, finish spectacularly in traffic, and decimate opposing floor generals defensively. Combine those traits with the fact that he grew up in the Windy City, and it's hard to deny that the Bulls had to take Rose.
After his performance in the preseason and the first two games, Rose has surely quelched all but the most biased of Bulls watchers and Beasley backers. There is once again a superstar in Chicago.
The problem is that the team, as currently constructed, cannot threaten to win an NBA Championship. So, the team must build around Rose just like the Cleveland Cavaliers built their team around LeBron James. Fortunately for Chicago, the Bulls have many more assets than Cleveland did after drafting LeBron. Unfortunately, they all have similar skill-sets or aren't ideal to play alongside Rose.
In the backcourt, the Bulls are deep with players of debatable quality. Kirk Hinrich was the unquestioned point guard before Rose came to town and has now been bumped off the ball. Not everyone liked Hinrich's ability to play point, and he appears even less fit (or enthused) to play at shooting guard. He's only 6'3", as is Rose, and the two would combine for an undersized backcourt duo.
The rap on Ben Gordon his whole career has been that he is too small to defend opposing shooting guards and not good enough with the ball or passing to play point. He is a first-rate shooter who could see more open looks off of Rose's penetration.
Behind those three, Larry Hughes and Thabo Sefolosha are big guards who can defend, but can't shoot. Hughes has a terrible contract that the Bulls would love to shed, while Sefolosha will have to improve to be anything more than a 20-minute per game rotation guard.
Luol Deng is entrenched as the starting small forward and signed a six-year contract extension in the offseason. He's an above-average defender, efficient mid-range shooter, and mobile athlete perfect for running the break alongside Rose.
Andres Nocioni sits behind Deng on the depth chart and has played about 25 minutes a game over his career. He can fill it up from the outside and is always a threat to go off for a big game. At $7.5 million a year though, he may not provide good value for a team with a stud small forward already in place. He'd make great and desireable trade bait.
In the frontcourt, the Bulls have three nearly identical athletic, tough defense-minded/offensively limited players in Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, and Drew Gooden. Thomas is in his third year in the league after being drafted fourth overall and has yet to fulfill his promise. He's explosive, active, and hard-working, but lacks a post game, ball-handling skills, or jump-shot. He's just 22 years old, so there's time for him to develop, but he's no sure thing. Noah, 23, has a scouting report that reads similar to that of Thomas. Gooden is a bit older and a free agent-to-be, and is, if at all different, perhaps a slightly better shooter than his counterparts.
Not to be forgotten is Aaron Gray, a young developing back-up center. He's unlikely to ever be more than that, but could prove useful in years to come as a defensive foil to posts around the league.
So the Bulls have a number of quality parts in Gordon, Hinrich, the contract of Hughes, Sefolosha, Thomas, Noah, and Gooden that could be combined to bring back what they need. And what exactly do they need?
A few suggestions:
If Rose and Deng are the keepers, then a shooting guard with size, athleticism, and three-point shooting ability for starters. Vince Carter and Jason Richardson immediately come to mind as perfect fits, and both have large salaries that their team would like to move (the Nets to get under the cap before 2010, the Bobcats because they're struggling for revenue). A package of Hughes's shorter contract and either Thomas or Noah may be enough to secure either guard.
Up front, the Bulls desperately need a big with a back-to-the-basket game. Unfortunately, those are hard to come by in the NBA. A Brad Miller-for-Kirk Hinrich swap would make sense for both teams. Miller would give the Bulls an offense-minded center with passing ability and range out to 15-feet; their remaining bigs would be nice complements to Miller. Hinrich would be an upgrade over Beno Udrih in Sacramento and clearing Miller out would hasten the development of Spencer Hawes.
The deals would balance the squad and give the Bulls a core that could advance past the first round of the Eastern Conference playoffs immediately. If Rose develops into an All-NBA point guard, the team could compete for the championship in a few years.
Here's how the team would look: PG- Rose, Sefolosha SG- Richardson, Gordon SF- Deng, Nocioni PF- Gooden, Thomas C- Miller, Gray
I've watched all or parts of seven games in the first two days and have a handful of earth-shattering observations to share about this young NBA season (Yes, that's good pals Billynho and Greg Oden pictured above... and yes, that is Argyle): - Danny Granger is a poor man's Kobe Bryant, and that's a good thing. His development has been rapid and stunning. He's a better shooter from the outside than Kobe and just as good driving to the hoop. Defenders don't know whether to respect his quickness, which allows him to get off mid-range shots, or guard him close, enabling Granger to get to the hoop. He is markedly better than last season; I expect him to average somewhere in the range of 26 points. What Kobe can do that he can't is make off-balance mid-range jumpers with hands in his face, finish acrobatically at the hoop, and post guys up 14 feet from the hoop for easy turnaround jumpers. Still, Granger gives you a lot for someone drafted 17th overall. Extremely impressive.
- Also impressing for the Pacers was Brandon Rush, who showed great ballhandling ability and played tough man-to-man defense in clutch situations late in the game. I've been unsure of the move all offseason, but he's definitely ready to play big minutes in the NBA, and I think his cieling is higher than most see it. Roy Hibbert played limited minutes, but flashed good mobility for someone his size and made a tough reverse shot a la Vlade Divac. TJ Ford defined inconsistency, while Jarrett Jack was consistently garbage. The Pacers are devoid of a big man with a post game and any real bangers. The Pistons' young bigs--- Amir Johnson and Jason Maxiell--- remind me of Dale Davis and would be perfect for the team.
- Jeff Van Gundy is a true triple threat when it comes to annoying announcers... Nails-on-the-chalkboard voice, armed with a slew of horrible jokes, and comes off as a complete jerk. His analysis added little to the game, too. An example: After acting shockingly butthurt when Mike Breen confirmed Van Gundy's report that Stephon Marbury didn't play in the Knicks game (Van Gundy asked if he could switch seats with Mark Jackson), Van Gundy called out San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich (who is in his 13th season as head coach with four NBA Championships) for green-lighting three-point attempts by Tim Duncan and Tony Parker in a three-point game. Immediately after saying that, Jackson disagreed with his opinion and tape was shown of Duncan hitting a three in the waning seconds against the same opponent, the Phoenix Suns, in last year's playoffs.
- Analysts love to take both sides of every issue, and there is no better example that I can remember than when they talk about Greg Oden's future. It's like they all got together on conference call after the Blazers vs. Lakers game on opening night and agreed that Oden a) will always have foot issues his whole career, b) looks 37 years old, which is HILARIOUS and must be mentioned five times a game, c) will hold the Blazers back this season, d) can be a good defender and rebounder, but will never be good on offense. Seriously? After just one game, one in which he suffered the first foot injury of his career on a rather nasty looking step, you all are ready to stop slobbering all over his nuts and call him a bust? No wait, you also he's gonna be good. But not that good. So what will you say when he is THAT good? I heard at least three people comment separately that he will never average 20 points in his career. He's 20, he's a physical freak, he's super efficient, he works hard, and he's a winner (He was something like 215-4 as an amateur at Lawrence North High School, in AAU, and at Ohio State). You know what, I'm gonna give him a pass on his injury-riddled opening performance (I was rational in the first place and didn't expect much, this is micro-fracture surgery after all...), and go ahead and project him to still become a perennial All-Star and win multiple NBA Championships, just like Gregg Popovich. I'm sure that won't stop the Jeff Van Gundy's of the NBA from doubting him the whole way, just like they do Pops.
Kornheiser's Cartel apologizes for being so late with its NBA predictions, dear fan, and hopes you won't refuse to click on our ads as punishment. :( To be honest, nothing has been getting done on time... not since I discovered It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. :(
Yes, I've just now gotten caught up with past seasons of Sunny and have now seen every episode. My favorite episode? "Mac Bangs the Waitress." But for the purposes of this piece, let's all pretend that I actually prefer "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis."
What was so great about that episode? They taught us all that the ideal team has a Brain (Mac), Looks (Dennis), Wild Card (Charlie), and Muscle (Frank). So let's scientifically evaluate the NBA's contenders (Boston, LA Lakers, New Orleans, Cleveland) by looking at the quality of their Brain, Looks, Wild Card, and Muscle (ratings out of 10): Brain: Pretty self-explanatory. Steve Nash is the best in the NBA, but Michael Jordan and Larry Bird are the best all time. Celtics: Sam Cassell- Old, wizened, and chummy with the refs, Cassell knows the tendencies of every player in the league. But he's too slow to do anything about it anymore... 5. Lakers Derek Fisher- Clutch, always seems to be in the right place at the right time, and his career has far exceeded his physical gifts. One of the wisest players in the NBA... 6. Hornets Peja Stojakovic- This is a team of dummies outside of Chris Paul. Unfortunately, they're uglier than they are dumb. So Paul has to act as the looks... 4. Cavs LeBron James- The boy born with a basketball in his hands... 10.
Looks: I'm convinced the Utah Jazz were foiled by the ugly mug of Karl Malone. Celtics: Ray Allen- We all know the ladies love Jesus Shuttlesworth... 8. Lakers Kobe Bryant- The quintessential looks. Image is everything with Kobe. And he's also the cockiest player in NBA history, almost as cocky as Dennis... 10. Hornets Chris Paul- Fresh face, young, always smiling. Will probably date Kim Kardashian after Reggie Bush... 9. Cavs Ben Wallace- His head looks like the Statue of Liberty. Unless you're into that sort of thing than he is a... 2.
Wild Card: Definition- Charles Barkley. Celtics: Kevin Garnett- The Celtics are a nasty team loaded with crazy dudes. Garnett is the Omar of the NBA (my third TV show reference of this piece)... 10. Lakers Sun Yue- Eric Cartman's taught me that the Chinese are not to be trusted... 7. Hornets James Posey- You can tell he's one of the craziest people in the NBA just by looking at him... 9. Cavs Anderson Varejao- I feel like he has no skill, is a clumsy runner and jumper, and totally incompetent with the ball. Yet he makes $8 million a year, and everyone thinks he has value. Cause he's a wildcard... 9.
Muscle: Kermit Washington? That feels sort of wrong to say... Celtics: Bill Walker- I'd say Paul Pierce, but no true Muscle would fake an injury like he did in last year's finals. Bill Walker has already tried to fight Yao Ming, Tracy McGrady, and Garnett.... 6. Lakers Andrew Bynum- He's big, but his baby-face reminds me of the Pillsbury Doughboy... 4. Hornets Bonzi Wells- Would definitely waterboard Ray Allen to find out the Celtics game plan in the NBA Finals. Probably already plans to... 10. Cavs Delonte West- The Cavs have to hope his temper/mood prescription runs out before the playoffs. Otherwise, he seems like the nicest guy in the world... 2.
Predictions: NBA Champs: New Orleans Hornets Runners-Up: Boston Celtics Conference Finals: Los Angeles Lakers, Cleveland Cavaliers
No, seriously. Take a look at this wonderblog! These deep observations are pretty dumb, but pretty genius at the same time: "I know the Rays got the Backstreet Boys to sing the national anthem before Game 1, and that's gonna be something. I thought Backstreet Road was closed for construction, but I guess not. Since I went to a postseason game in Tampa, I think they're gonna boo 'em. I really do. Those fans are wild. They were hardcore, trust me. More cowbell was serious and everybody has mohawks. I don't know how well the Backstreet Boys are going to do with the mohawk crew. It could get ugly."
Here Wayne takes an open shot at another artist (sic). You never see musicians do this. And yet what he says is so true. 12-year-old girls don't watch the World Series. Why ARE the Backstreet Boys going to play there?
"I still like the Rays to win the World Series. The Phillies' hitters are tough. They can shut your starting pitchers down fast and as for pitching, they've got Brad Lidge, and Cole Hamels is nice, but wow. I did not expect them to make the World Series. A lot of people are talking about Lidge and how he blew the save in the NLCS a few years ago but I guarantee he's not thinking about Albert Pujols right now. He's thinking about 46 saves in 46 tries. The number right there is scary. He's riding that wave. With that fact alone this should be a great World Series, but I still think the Rays are gonna come out on top. I'm basing that on the home field advantage."
Most convoluted logic I've ever read.
Honestly, I do not watch the Pro Bowl. I don't even watch the NBA All-Star Game even though I'm always involved in the NBA's All-Star weekend. I'm down there and I never watch the game 'cause it don't mean anything. In the Pro Bowl they wait till the fourth quarter to get serious, but in the NBA All-Star Game they never get serious, they just try to throw the ball off the backboard for 48 minutes. I don't want to sound like an old guy, but I remember NBA All-Star Games games with Jordan, Olajuwon, Ewing that were real games. They're out there f—ing with teammates, you hear about locker room fights, and this is the All-Star Game. That's what I love, but those years are long gone.
Who doesn't like thinking back about how competitive Jordan and Bird were back in the day? He's right; it is a joke today. Every year it seems like one team goes up 30, before the other team storms back, and the scores end up in the 120's.
"Poor Dallas. And poor T.O. He's gonna quit. He takes a loss differently than anyone on that team. I think he has nightmares about losing or something, because he looks like he's about to cry after every game they lose. You see him over there on the sidelines sitting by himself just pouting like a little kid. Remember last year? "That's my quarterback, man." I love when any sports channel just brings that clip back for no reason. They always bring it back for nothing, just out of the blue "That's my quarterback, man." T.O. is an amazing talent but he's definitely a situation. But that's another difference between the old days and now. Back then there's no way you play football and then go cry on TV."
Hilarious. And I never thought of T.O. like that, but I don't smoke weed (I don't), so I have to get this great insight from Lil' Wayne.
Did you see LenDale's touchdown this weekend? His little fat self ran 80 yards. They put the timer on SportsCenter and it took him like six seconds, but he made it and that's what matters. That guy is funny.
No, you're funny Lil' Wayne! LenDale White's "little fat self?" Hahahahaha. Then you say he ran an 80 yard touchdown in six seconds, over a second faster than Usain Bolt could run it in. I can't wait for the next installment.
In unrelated music news, I played this song four times while writing this piece... The song is pretty emo, but the video is really cool (kinda like Say Anything's "I called her on the phone, and she..." song and "Mushaboom"). While I go get some popcorn (I got the munchies REALLY bad!), take a look:
With Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle out with season-ending injuries, the Kansas City Chiefs are fresh out of back-up quality quarterbacks (they actually never had a starter). So what does that mean? Kansas City QB Thigpen is starting again this weekend!!! Be sure to tune in as the shroud over the identity of the mysterious Thigpen (or Pigpen, depending on what you believe) may finally be removed.
Surely they wouldn't start Tyler, he of the 42% completion percentage and 44.3 QB rating this season, would they? I'm betting on Yancey. Who ya got? Leave your guesses in the comments...
They (you, me, everyone who's honest) say, "If you're slow and white, you'll never make it in the NBA." Truer words have never been spoken. Yet we (I) always forget... we (I) always forget.
The most prominent example of the nation's short-term memory when it comes to the potential of white college superstars since Bryce Drew came just two years ago (though it seems like so much longer) when Gonzaga's Adam Morrison and Duke's J.J. Redick battled to lead the NCAA in scoring. The stached-out Morrison ended up being drafted third overall by the Charlotte Bobcats, while the sweet-shooting Redick fell to the Orlando Magic at number 11. Everyone (except me, I dig the three-ball) knew Redick was going to be a bust, but there was a great debate over how good Morrison could be in the NBA. Then he stepped on the court and silenced all discussion by proving to be the single-worst player in the NBA in the 2006-07 season. Seriously, the worst. He ranked last in the NBA among regulars in John Hollinger's Player Efficiency Ratings as a rookie.
That was before he tore his ACL and missed all of last season further cementing his status as one of the biggest draft busts in the league's history.
Even I came around and started to think, "Hey... maybe everyone else is right. Why doesn't that wannabe-hippie just take the $10 million dollars he's swindled off the Bobcats, retire now, and go find a Ben Harper/Jack Johnson tour to follow for the next 10 years."
Then I made the mistake of looking up his stats at Gonzaga. Now I'm going to waste some time and credibility trying to convince you all that there's still hope for Adam Morrison. Let's take a look at those Gonzaga numbers again: 28 points, 5.5 rebounds, 2.2 3's made per game on 42.8% shooting from behind-the-arc, and 50% shooting from the field overall as a senior. He didn't just do his damage against mid-majors either. Morrison scored 25 against Maryland, 43 against Michigan State, 43 against Washington, 25 against Washington State, 25 against Oklahoma State, 27 against Virginia, 34 against Memphis, 34 against Stanford, 35 against Xavier, and 24 against UCLA, while making at least half of his shots in all but two of those games. He was the greatest pure scorer in the NCAA since Glenn Robinson in 1993-94 for Purdue.
Assuming his poor shooting wasn't a result of the strict drug-testing in the NBA (as I theorize, thus not allowing him to get high before games, his natural state), commonly accepted logic states that Morrison was not quick or strong enough to get his shot off against longer defenders in the NBA... end of story.
While that may be true, it's not uncommon for unathletic players with games centered around their shot to show steep improvement after disastrous rookie seasons--- Mike Dunleavy Jr., Steve Nash, and Chauncey Billups are all good examples of this--- and few players ever have had the legendary work ethic and passion for basketball of Morrison (Sports Illustrated seriously profiled him in every other issue when he was a Zag... there are only so many underfunded Texas 7-on-7 high school football teams around after all. And remember, he CRIED after losing his final college game.). Isn't it possible that someone as crafty and shrewd as Morrison could still figure out how to get his shot off? With increased range on an already top-class jumper, might he be able to drive more effectively as defenders are force to guard him even closer? Might he develop the court sense and awareness that he flashed at Gonzaga with more experience? Won't he reek so badly of patchouli that even Bruce Bowen won't dare touch him?
These are all fair questions that I think Morrison will answer affirmatively (with emphasis on the last one) this season. Will he be an All-Star? Not this season. But could he develop into an efficient 20-point scorer over the next few seasons? No one would have expected Michael Redd to after he played in just six games and shot 26% from the field as a rookie.
Already this preseason Morrison is showing signs of improvement (in an admittedly small sample size of games). He's shooting over 60% from the field and has hit two-thirds of his three-point field goals attempts.
I feel like I'm grasping at straws here, but I just can't help it. I believe in slow, white basketball players. I believe! And I think you will too when Morrison stuns the basketball world and breaks out.
Once again, Spice Boy David Beckham is rumored to be looking to be the special ingredient for a world-beating recipe. How'd those last few concotions turn out?
When England caretaker manager Peter Taylor appointed Beckham captain of the England national team in 2000, it was with the thought that he might lead the squad to a golden era of football. Instead, the squad was booed for the majority of his tenure, and the team failed to advance past the quarter-finals of his two World Cups in the armband.
When Real Madrid bought Beckham in 2003 (per the terms of the Galactico theory of football management), they envisioned him as the final piece to the greatest team ever assembled. Instead, Madrid failed to advance as far the Champions League Final in his time with the club, and Becks became the poster-boy for the modern footballer more concerned with fame than football.
When the Los Angeles Galaxy awarded Beckham with an incentive laden contract worth up to $250 million over five seasons last summer, they proclaimed that he could make Americans care about soccer, put the MLS on level footing with American football, and lure more stars to the States. Instead, Americans still don't even know when the MLS is in season, the MLS is still trying to claw its way to the fourth-tier of the world's football leagues just behind the Eredivisie, and a 31-year-old Juan Pablo Angel is the next most relevant non-American signing by the league.
So a logical man might think that Beckham should stop looking for challenges. But he'd be wrong. It's time once again for Beckham to (attempt to) swoop to the rescue of a faltering football faction in the spotlight; this time, it's Tottenham Hotspur in dire need of help.
Spurs, despite their reputation for underachieving, have really outdone themselves and are currently languishing in last place in the Premier League. The club's summer transfer moves have left Tottenham with an unbalanced squad, strong on the wings, weak in the middle and up top.
Ever since Tottenham greedily buckled and pawned Michael Carrick off to Manchester United for a massive profit, they've lacked a fulcrum in the center of the pitch. They've tried a series of midfielders in the center of the park, but all have yet to grab the game by the scruff of the neck and supply the rest of the squad.
Enter Beckham. Two overlooked, improved aspects of his game as he's aged are his tackling ability and his toughness. Spurs are in desperate need of each everywhere on the park. Combine those with his world-class passing ability, leadership, ballhandling, and experience, and he may be capable of shifting inside and excelling at the Premier League level. Fair questions would be raised about his pace and positioning, but if Lasanna Diarra is fast enough and Joey Barton smart enough to excel inside, Beckham will be just fine.
Could it happen? Yes. But it's hard to say if it's realistic. The Galaxy may be happy to let Beckham walk after the failed experiment; even if they're not thrilled at the thought of Beckham leaving, one gets the sense that it was understood from the beginning that Becks could leave after a few seasons if he so desired.
So I believe it'd be up to Tottenham. They tend to focus on signing youth, but two factors play in favor of the duo forming an unforeseen pair. One, Tottenham is desperate. They felt they might be on top of the table at this point, not embarassingly seated at the bottom. Secondly, Daniel Levy is all about money and adding the highest profile player in the world could only help the bottom line.
And if the move goes down and doesn't pan out, it's still not all bad. The journos and tabloids will already be in position watching Golden Balls' every move when Juande Ramos finally gets the ax. Of course, here's guessing he still won't have learned English by the time that happens. Unless they sign Beckham.
Daaaammmmnnnneeeeet! I thought you were already gone! What the hell! Seriously Roger, you're not going to rule out a return?!?
"I don't know if I will ever say no. I would have to know that I could perform at a high level and that my body would be able to hold up," Clemens told a Houston radio station Wednesday.
Well, I'll just go push your career into its grave and kick some dirt up on it: You didn't perform at a high level last time you played; in fact, you were a .500 pitcher with an ERA over 11 in the playoffs. And that body that so famously survived all of its military-style, grueling workouts? Turns out steroids helped you tear through that extra rep, burn those last few muscle fibers, and put you back together in time for the next day. Oh, right... you're denying you took steroids. So did Sammy Sosa, Miguel Tejada, and Brady Anderson. When we knew they were clear, they played up to their age. How many clean 47-year-old pitchers have performed at a "high level" in the major leagues? Satchel Paige. He pitched without fielders. You never could.
Don't come back Roger. I'm pretty sure you'd suck, I'm thinking no one would even want you, I'm positive there isn't anyone that would pay you $6 million a month, and I bet the Astros wish they hadn't signed you to that personal services contract. So you can't come back. If you did, you'd play like a 47-year-old. And Houston would really like you to go ahead and get the clock ticking on that long-term services contract. Go then. The sooner the better.
Rarely does it make sense to propose that one of the greatest footballers in one of the greatest footballing nations move from the greatest club in his great footballing country to a perhaps-not-so-great club in the greatest league in the world. Have I confused everyone yet? Great!
What I'm trying to say is that it's nigh past time for (the great) Lukas Podolski to move to the English Premier League already. If you're not familiar with the Bundesliga, you might be saying, "Why-why-WHY the hell should he leave Germany? He's a national team fixture, he plays for the best team in the country, and some Americans know who is- they don't know anyone!- so he's getting plenty of exposure."
All valid points with stronger counter-arguments. Yes, he's a national team fixture and Bayern Munich writes his paychecks. But Bayern is merely a sugar daddy for Podolski; he doesn't get a chance to work for that money. He rarely gets a game, and when he does it's out of position. He's a world superstar because of his insane 31 goals in 52 appearances for Germany, not anything he does for club. He scores just one in five games for Bayern... in other words, with less regularity than former Bayern midfielder and Germany fringe-player Mehmet Scholl. Could casual football fans even pick Scholl out of a police line-up?
Podolski has proven to be undeniably world-class. He's sound technically, has a powerful shot that he can get off quickly, is impossible to contain one-on-one (he terrorized Portugal/Chelsea right-back Jose Bosingwa, possibly the world's best at that position, at Euro 2008), and is a true match-winner. He should be building his legacy at both club and country, not just one.
Moving to England, where there would be no shortage of suitors, would put Podolski on display in the world's greatest league every week- rather than its greatest stage for one month every four years at the World Cup- and make him lots of money. Money isn't everything in life, so also sweetening the pot is the fact that there are about five top-half sides that he could walk into and become the main playmaker, never having to worry about playing time again. The owners of Everton, Aston Villa, Tottenham, Manchester City, and, perhaps, Arsenal, would dig under the couch cushions- or more typically just drill some more oil- to find the funds to procure Poldi.
Whether the world next notices him smashing the Gunners through to the semi-finals of the Champions League or scoring the decisive goal for the underdogs in the Manchester derby, I'd just like to notice him in something other than white.
He's one of the game's greats and deserves the chance to prove it unequivocally.
Clips Nation is sporting a new slogan: "The New Generic Clippers - All of the Basketball, With None of the Brand. After writing my own take on the Clippers, I approached top blogger ClipperSteve with some questions about them. We touch on Eric Gordon, Baron Davis, and, yes, the lack of Brand in Los Angeles.
Find out what Clippers fans are calling Elton Brand now, then head over to Clips Nation all year for the scoop on my sleeper pick for the NBA playoffs in the West. _____________________________________________________________________
Kornheiser's Cartel: The Clippers had an interesting offseason. They lost Elton Brand and Corey Maggette, one of the 15 best players in the NBA the number 11 scorer in the NBA last season, respectively, and received no compensation for either, yet they enter this season with a bright outlook thanks to a draft pick, free agent signing, and lopsided cap-driven trade.
Personally, the Indiana Hoosiers are the team I hate most, but I think Eric Gordon was the best value in the draft in regards to where he got picked. Coming out of high school and halfway through the season, he had a shot to be one of the first two picks, but a late season injury and shooting slump (related) caused him to fall. His workouts proved him to be the most athletic guard in the draft and also the strongest. He can shoot, he can drive, and he's a lock-down defender when his head's right. But from reading through Clippers forums, I don't sense that they're really excited about Gordon. Was Gordon the right choice? What do you expect out of him this season? Do you see any All Star appearances in his career? Clips Nation: I love Gordon. I had convinced myself before the draft that he was the best player the Clippers could possibly hope for picking 7th, so I was thrilled that he was available, and I think Mike Dunleavy was also. As you point out, he was rated ahead of OJ Mayo and Derrick Rose midway through the NCAA season, so there was a time when everyone loved him. His stock dropped when he finished his one season at IU poorly, but a wrist injury and the loss of a coach who was a father figure can have that effect on people. Also, there are those that felt he measured up as too small for the NBA when he got measured at the draft combine.
Interestingly, I had the complete opposite take away from the combine. He's built like a tank - anyone can see that. When it turned out he was the best jumper in camp and among the fastest and quickest players there, it just blew me away. I mean, how many players have that combination of size and athleticism? And a textbook shooting stroke? The fact that he may be one inch smaller than the ideal NBA shooting guard is completley beside the point when you consider that he's about 50 pounds heavier and 20 times stronger than the guys he'll be matched up against. So I don't worry about his size. There's a little trepidation around Clips Nation given that he pulled a hamstring in his second Summer League game, and then sprained his ankle the first day of training camp. I don't think landing on a foot makes him injury-prone - but we really want to see this guy on the court.
Still, I think the expectations for him this season are low, mainly because he's only 19. Dunleavy's never been super rookie friendly, so most of us are realists and just don't expect him to get a lot of court time this season. But make no mistake - he's penciled in as the starter at the two for many, many years and he'll be a very good pro in the near future. Will that future involve an ASG? Well, Danny Manning is the only Clipper draft pick in history to make the All Star team as a Clipper - so if you're playing the odds, you gotta say no. But it's not for a lack of big time talent.
KC: The signing of Baron Davis made an LA vs. LA Western Conference Finals seem likely until Elton Brand bolted to Philadelphia. You gonna grow a beard in honor of Davis?Do you see B Diddy flourishing five more years at his breakneck pace? Do Clips fans hate Elton Brand?
CN: I already have the goatee; don't really want to do the full beard thing - too scratchy... too much gray. But I love Baron Davis as a Clipper. The Clipper's history at the point guard is abysmal, even by their low standards. Look at it this way - Rick Brunson, Jason Hart and Brevin Knight have been the starter for significant portions of three of the last four seasons. Sam Cassell had one good year, but for the most part the point has been a train wreck for the Clippers for a quarter century. Baron changes all of that immediately.
And it matters. Point guard is the most important position in the NBA in my humble opinion, and also the hardest to fill. A good point guard makes everyone else on the team better. So while the loss of Elton Brand stings (I won't get into that whole thing, but if you want to know how I really feel you can click here), I believe that Baron Davis is, if not a better player, a more important player. If for no other reason, Baron's ability to make big shots is a huge upgrade. Search for Baron Davis game-winner on YouTube and you get 34 results. Search for Elton Brand game-winner and you get five results - only one of which happens to be an actual Elton Brand game winner. Who would you rather give the ball to on the final possession?
Do Clipper fans hate Elton Brand now? In a word, yes. A lot. On my blog he's now universally known as FElton. I don't suppose I have to explain the derivation.
KC: The Marcus Camby trade was a bold move by the Clippers, but they certainly needed frontcourt help. They don't seem compatible at first glance, but the more I think about it the more I like the pairing. They were number one and three in the league in blocks last season, so they'll deflect a lot of shots and finishing at the hoop a risky proposition for penetrators. Baron Davis was already third in the league in steals last season can take more chances knowing he has cover behind him. The move sort of turns them into the Pistons from a few years ago essentially. Davis is the powerful lead guard in the mold of Chauncey Billups, Gordon and Cuttino Mobley are shooters like Rip Hamilton, Al Thornton is the long small forward, and Kaman and Camby will combine for more points than Detroit was getting from Rasheed and Ben Wallace. Did you think the trade was worth the effort? Can Kaman and Camby co-exist, or am I EFF'n nuts for comparing the 2008-09 Clippers to (a poor-man's version of) the 2004 Pistons?
CN: The Camby 'trade' (and I use the term loosely - it was closer to a straight free agent signing than a trade) was an absolute no-brainer as far as I'm concerned. And I'll tell you why - 2010. Look, the Clippers were going to spend that money - they weren't going to go into the season below the cap. And it's very much to their credit that they didn't sit around and pout when FElton screwed them. Camby is, in my opinion, a better fit than Josh Smith or Emeka Okafor (neither of whom were likely to wind up here anyway) and a signficantly better fit than Zach Randolph. But the real story is that Camby only has two years left on his contract. So from the team's standpoint, there's very little downside. If he plays well, great. If not, they'll have a trading chip next season, and a gob of cap space in 2010.
But on the basketball side, I think it's great. How many teams can have a top five shot-blocker on the floor at all times? And when they're on the floor together, I think they'll be great. You failed to mention that they were both top three in rebounding last season. On offense, they don't really do the same things. Camby hovers at 17 feet, Kaman works on the low block. On defense, they Clippers will have both sides of the rim covered. Basically, the lane will be a 'no fly zone'. Baron and the perimeter defenders have carte blanche to gamble for steals, knowing full well that Kam-Cam has their back. Not to mention that the wings can release pretty much the second a shot goes up, because Kam-Cam is going to get the rebound. Coach Dunleavy says he's going to run this season, and the two-headed monster he's got blocking shots and grabbing rebounds is a great way to start the fast break. Is there some concern that a smaller, quicker four will cause a matchup problem away from the basket? Well, Camby is really more of a four anyway, despite the fact that he played center in Denver. And although people see Kaman, the doofusy looking white guy and assume he is slow and plodding, but the simple fact is that he has great lateral quickness for a guy his size - he's actually very athletic. I don't see a problem playing them
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