Surreptitious Paralogisms: The Search For The Next Jordan In The 2008 NBA Draft

After the Lakers won the Western Conference Finals and were declared World Champions by the media, and Kobe was pronounced the next-MJ*, I decided that I'd be better served getting ready for the NBA Draft than wasting my time watching L.A. inevitably crush Boston. I've spent weeks scouting players (on YouTube), scouring insider info about workouts (straight from the mouth of agents, sadly), and poring over mock drafts (most common insight… Danilo Gallinari= offensive genius**). In that time, as I'm sure you've heard, the Lakers shockingly fell to Boston, and well, we may yet still be looking for that elusive next-MJ*.

I'm ahead of the game on this one, and, without further ado, will help you anticipate who the media will prematurely crown in the coming years and tell you how this year's search for the next-MJ will play out:

1. Chicago- Derrick Rose's numbers aren't mind-blowing, but his athleticism is shocking. He decimated both DJ Augustin and Darren Collison (arguably the next two best points in college basketball this season) in back-to-back games. Michael Beasley offers an extremely productive potential post presence (something the Bulls have lacked for years), albeit at just 6'7". Both would fit Chicago.

The pick: Rose. He won't ever be the best player in the NBA, but he is the next-Anfernee Hardaway. Hardaway in his prime is way better than anyone remembers. The similarities are shocking (so is the finishing) when you watch highlights of the two. Try these bits of nastiness…

Rose: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6G_RRGHzfA

Penny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vv4s5ZD3iM

Random Musings: If they take Rose, they've got a problem because they're already locked in long-term on Kirk Hinrich. Perhaps the Pacers (always looking for white players) would accept an offer of Hinrich, Nocioni, and Noah for Jermaine O'Neal? It's risky for the Bulls, but it'd leave them with a line-up of Rose, Gordon, Deng, Gooden, and O'Neal. That team would draft in the 20's next season if O'Neal plays 60+ games.

2. Miami- Shawn Marion looks to once again be the third-wheel no matter who they select here; he should probably go ahead and demand a trade to Memphis or New York. There are rumors abound that Riley likes O.J. Mayo. On paper it's puzzling because they have no marquee players inside. But neither did the Bulls in the 90's.

The pick: Beasley will be scoring 25 points a game within a few years. I read an interview with him where he talks about practicing 6-8 hours a day since he was a kid. I was impressed. I believe it because when you listen to him talk it sure doesn't sound like he's been studying.

Random Musings: They suck. Elton Brand would help in a trade; he's supposedly available, they have Marion to offer. A three-man core of Wade, Brand, and Beasley looks great. The Milwaukee Bucks went to game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals in 2001 with Ray Allen, Glenn Robinson, and Sam Cassell as their three leading scorers. Which three would you rather have? Beasley actually reminds me a lot of the Big Dog. Yes, let's call him the next-Big Dog.

3. Minnesota- One look at the Timberwolves roster, and you can see why Kevin Garnett could never take them anywhere. The team is ugly, and I think they need someone who can inspire people to care.

The pick: After reading Kevin McHale's quotes about Kevin Love (a shorter Vlade Divac), I see him as the pick. This is way too high if you listen to all the doubts about his height, weight, quickness, lack of speed, dad, defense jumping ability, and weak performance against the bigs of Memphis. But at least he throws a nice outlet pass. And he's old-school and gritty. Just like McHale.

Random Musings: No matter who they take, they'll be back in the lottery next season. I hate to sound like every other sports follower in the country, but they need a new GM. McHale's the worst.

4. Seattle- It's taken for granted that the Sonics are on the way up, but they really only have a few pieces worth keeping. Kevin Durant will be an All-Star soon; it remains to be seen how Jeff Green progresses. Outside of those two, there's not much. A big or a guard will do.

The pick: The consensus seems to be that Jerryd Bayless is going here. He's quick, he's explosive, he can shoot, and he doesn't seem to have any baggage. I don't know about the talk of playing him or Mayo at the point, though. And Eric Gordon would definitely be a better choice.

Random Musings: If this pick turns out to be a star, the Sonics could be very good for the next 10 years. If not, Kevin Durant may look to escape a few summers from now. I wouldn't want to live in Oklahoma.

5. Memphis- I'm sorry, Chris Wallace, for calling McHale the worst GM. But you've all heard those tired jokes, no more. A quick peek at the team's roster reveals way too many guards… Conley, Navarro, Lowry, Crittenton. That's bad news with a few stud backcourt prospects still on the board.

The pick: Assuming they don't trade up into the top two (which actually makes a lot of sense), they'll take Brook Lopez (the next-Chris Mihm!). Taking a guard here would be like Matt Millen drafting another wide receiver in the first round next year. Lopez will be a bust, and the Grizzlies will be drafting in the top-5 again next year. And probably the year after that, too.

Random Musings: Something must be done to remove some of the point guards from the roster. Also, the idea of flipping Mike Miller while he has value is a good one. They aren't going to win in the next few years, why not send him off to a contender for picks and youngsters (but do better than the Pau Gasol package)? And I love Brian Cardinal, but he's not an NBA player.

6. New York- On paper, the Knicks have no (good) shooters. The Suns had a handful. The Knicks have no point guard. The Suns had one of the best ever. We'll find out just how smart D'Antoni is this season.

The pick: Gordon's got range out to 30 feet, but the Knicks can't pass on Mayo here. He's already a star in name, he fits a need, and it feels right.

Random Musings: I don't know what the Knicks will do about Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry. They can't play them both- everyone knows that- but who would trade anything for either of them? Have they tried calling Chris Wallace? I said I wouldn't make anymore Chris Wallace jokes?

7. The Clippers- The Clippers aren't bad, but they aren't good either. They're like a mid-table EPL team, say Blackburn. They're built to aim for .500 and shoot for No. 8 seeds. There are established above-average players in Brand, Maggette, and Kaman. There's quality youth in Thornton, this pick, and Shaun Livingston (maybe). But could they be NBA Champions five years down the road? I'd be shocked. Unless they take…

The pick: Eric Gordon. There's a reason he was projected as a top-3 pick most of the year. He's extremely powerful, he's fast, he's a great shooter, he's a high-flyer, but there are questions about his mentality. His stats were impressive until a late-season slide in a difficult situation. He can lock-down on defense when he tries; the trouble is he often looks disinterested on both ends of the court. If he had Tyler Hansbrough's heart and tenacity, he might just be the next-MJ. He will be good; he could be great.

Random Musings: Seven picks, six freshmen. Even if the draft doesn't play out like I've projected, the rule that kids must attend at least one year of college isn't changing much. Nine of the top 10 from the 2007 Rivals rankings turned pro after their freshmen year. Their draft status hasn't been impacted by their year in college. Rose, Beasley, Mayo, and Gordon would've all been top picks last year.

8. Milwaukee- The Bucks look decent at every position. The trouble is they have no real All-Star, even if Michael Redd has that reputation. Andrew Bogut can't carry a team, yet, but he is only 23. If they landed one of the top two picks, they'd look poised for a bright future. As is, they're not going anywhere soon.

The pick: Freak athlete Joe Alexander… Let's hope he doesn't kick and scream on the flight in like Yi. His handle is tight, he's fast and can jump, and he improved tremendously over the course of his junior season. It's hard to recall a white guy who played quite like him.

Random Musings: Sometimes it just makes sense to be really bad. The Bucks might want to try it out and aim for another top pick in the draft. Otherwise they'll be in play-off purgatory every year waiting to find out if they can get to 41 wins. If they traded Redd for future picks and a stud youngster, that would set them up nicely for the top of next year's draft.

9. Charlotte- I'm sure Michael Jordan has been working just as hard as I have breaking down prospects, but when all of the North Carolina guys dropped out, it was back to square one. At least they have Adam Morrison back next year?

The pick: He's tall, rangy, and fluid; sadly for MJ, he's not the next-Chris Bosh. Anthony Randolph is not what you think; he can't post-up, he's not a banger inside, but he is a much better dribbler and runner than you're probably picturing. He's Troy Murphy without three-point range. MJ will plug his lanky frame into the barrel-chested, beer-gut shaped frontcourt hole left by Sean May, then not notice when leaks emerge because he's never actually watched a Bobcats game.

Random Musings: This is yet another team treading water. The good news is that none of their core guys are over 27 years old. The bad news is that they're- at best- Shawn Marions, the third best player on a really good team. What could they do? Package up a few of them and this pick for Carmelo Anthony. Or hope Larry Brown can inspire a 15-20 game improvement like he did back-in-the-day.

10. New Jersey- If Hova can't entice LeBron (have you heard they're friends?) to do one to Brooklyn in his free-agent year, the Nets will be taking hard knocks on the scoreboard all next decade. You Can't Knock The Hustle of their young role players, but Can I Get A back-to-the-basket big down low? I have Reasonable Doubt that they'll find one at this spot.

The pick: They don't have a single mobile big man on their roster, so Danilo Gallinari makes sense in theory. The problem is that Gallinari looks hilariously slow in every clip I've seen, and that's against white players! He can finish awkwardly in traffic a la Manu Ginobili, and big guys with his skill level are rare. He's actually a lot like Joe Alexander, but slower.

Random Musings: Does anyone want Vince Carter? Anyone? Please?

*"Next-MJ" is a registered trademark of the overzealous, unoriginal MSM.

** Equation derived by sportswriters who have never actually seen Danilo Gallinari, let alone watched him play basketball.

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