The NBA and Hip Hop: Parallel Universes

Stuntin is a habit
Get like me

When Hater Commissioner David Stern put a limp in the step of NBA players by instituting a constricting dress code, some called it a racist effort to distance the NBA from being associated with hip hop culture. NBA players were done stuntin.

Despite Mr. Stern’s interventions, undeniable and eerie links between the NBA and hip hop continue to scream out.

It’s jaw-dropping just how similarly the careers of certain rappers and ballers have played out... almost dubious enough to make an atheist utter a prayer.

I’ll attempt to unravel the correct links between the parallel universe here and now:

Shaquille O’Neal / Nas

Each “Ruled the World” in the 90’s, elicit polar reactions of hate or love from fans, and feud with too many contemporaries to know who.

When Shaq was ripping up backboards and getting paid at LSU, Nas was creating buzz for himself with his featured fire on “Live at the Barbeque.”

I know, right.

In 1994, Shaq finally made his much anticipated playoff debut. That same year, Nas dropped his long awaited first album, one of the hottest in hip hop history, Illmatic.

Coincidence? I think not.

From there, they went on to be kings for the next decade, before falling off slightly.

Both have had resurgent 2008’s, though, with Shaq getting dealt to a contender and Nas killin’ it on Untitled.

I know, I know, can’t make this stuff up…

They’re two of the greatest of all-time, on the downside of their careers, but still the biggest names around.

With so much in common, it is little wonder Nas backed Shaq in the Kobe beef.

Kobe Bryant / Eminem

Speaking of Kobe, the Black Mamba and Slim Shady do their thing as well as anyone and have rightly earned every honor to be won in their professions. Their fans staunchly believe them to be the best ever.

On the other hand, they’re the two most hated players in the NBA and hip hop, respectively, their names always seem to be attached to ugliness, and we have to keep hearing about their relationships with their (not ugly and kinda ugly) on-and-off wives.

LeBron James / Kanye West

LeBron closed the book on his rookie season in 2004, the same year Kanye dropped his debut album The College Dropout. Since then, they’ve ascended to the point where they’re probably the most popular figures in basketball and hip hop, and certainly the highest paid due to meticulous marketing savvy.

Kevin Garnett / Jay Z

Seemingly been around forever, used to be hot names, now they’re just old and not that cool (but still good).

Steve Nash / Lil Wayne

Nash doesn’t go anywhere without his tennis and soccer ball. You’ll never find Lil Wayne without his Codeine Sizzurp. Each made a huge leap from stars to Monstars (see: Space Jam) at the same time in the last few years. Maybe Kwame Brown should get himself some Codeine Siz~ er, a soccer ball.

Tim Duncan / Common

Been around forever, overhyped, genuinely nice guys, kinda boring, but you gotta give them their respect and appreciate them. Yeah, they’re good, but only old school peeps get excited over them.

Yawn.

Anfernee Hardaway / AZ

After AZ laid it down on “Life’s a Bitch” with Nas, everyone expected his career to jump off to superstardom, but it never really did unfortunately. When Penny was teamed up with Shaq, everyone was all over his nuts, too. Like AZ, but literally, Hardaway couldn’t jump at all after a knee injury in the late 90’s. Shame too, because he could really get up in his day.

TJ Ford / Twista

Becausetheyarereallyfast.

Jake Tsakalidis / Mase

Because…they’re…ummm…reeeaaallllly…slow.

Tony Parker / Tony Parker

One’s a sick ass point guard with a slammin’ wife. The other is a solid rapper with a TOO SOLID wife.

PJ Brown / 1985 Chicago Bears

I get an uncomfortable, awkward feeling inside every time I see PJ Brown clumsily stumble around on the basketball court. Ditto watching Refrigerator Perry rhyme on the Super Bowl Shuffle. Yet for some damn reason I’ll never understand, people appreciate the two.

Yuck.

Gerald Green / Aaron Carter

Yeah, they had a decent moment a few years back… Green with his Slam Dunk crown, Carter with his brilliant how-to on beating Shaq (O’Neal hasn’t been the same since), but let’s face it… They’re through. Chosen ones who wasted their talent. Makes me sick.

Gilbert Arenas / Nick Cannon

They’re soooo hilarious!!! LOLZ OMG

Ron Artest / Lil’ Kim

How long until these crackheads end up in prison? She’s already been in prison? Oh. Well, it’s just a matter of time for Ron Ron.

Darko Milicic / P. Diddy

Darko sucked on every team he’s been on and will continue to suck wherever he goes; Diddy sucked when he was Puff Daddy and will continue to suck whatever name he goes by.

Dwight Howard / Fred Durst

Because they both have “Faith.”

Minnesota Timberwolves / D-12

Nobody knows who the hell they are.

Am I missing any? Help me blow the top off this scoop in the comments section... I'll add any good suggestions.


EDIT: My Favorite Reader Suggestions
Reader Loc offered up Baron Davis / Andre 3000 with good reason...
"Driving force of groups that were effortlessly cool and adored by true fans, changed the face of the game for a few years. Became darlings of the mainstream, then figured it out and went Hollywood for dollars. Sucked but heavily hyped forever after (hopefully not for BD, but well it is the clips)"

CharmCityBoy410 convinced me on a Chris Bosh / Snoop Dogg comparison...
"Both have that wirey G look to em with pimpin ass hair, both blew up on the scene at 19 and have been as smooth as butta and money in the bank since."

Morris reminds us that Shawn Kemp and D'Angelo both had a lot of sex in the 90's, among other things they have in common.

This just in... Finney has in fact confirmed he is old school with his hip hop tastes, but I like his Kobe / 50 Cent reasoning. Other than that, he's officially delusional.

Thanks for all the comments, I enjoyed reading them all. Keep them coming.

Read more!