A Day In The Life: Jimmy Clausen

After Jimmy Clausen’s “impressive” victory over a “talented” SDSU, I decided we should take a look at the diary of the boy with the golden arm. With inspiration from Billynho, I present you with A Day in the Life: James Richard Clausen. ENJOY.

9:30 A.M. – I arise from my slumber to the sound of my bitchin cell phone’s text alert (Alanis Morisette’s “You Live, You Learn”). Sweet, my bros Ricky and Casey sent me a text. First text, “I heard mom and dad crying last night…I assume that’s influenced by you” – Case. This don’t phase me, I’m J-Claw and what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Next message from Ricky, “Hey bro-fo can I chillax at your place for a while mom and dad are acting hella stoopid” – R.C.

10:00 A.M. – Hop out the shower and run a comb through my blonde locks. 500 strokes to be exact.

10:30 A.M. – Call Evan Sharpley and pretend to be Chuck Weis. Tell him he has been awarded the starting role for Saturday’s game. Sharpley gets all stoked like the chode he is. I let the act go on and right before I hang up I yell “PSYCHE” and slam the celly shut. I know that lil bitch is crying right now and his tears are the fuel to my body. :)

11:15 A.M. – Meet Coach Weis at Fazolis for some midday grub. He talks about football stuff and I just nod and smile, but honestly all I can think about is drinking some brews with my boyz. Coach thinks I don’t notice, but I see him grabbing breadsticks off my plate; I don’t mind; I’d do anything to make him smile.

12:00 P.M. – Coach and I head back to his place to watch some game film. His daughter is obsessed with me, typical girl. It’s cool though cuz we got matching haircuts. I sit on coach’s lap/fupa and we dissect the SDSU game, which was a VICTORY!!!! (LoL Johnny Drama LOL)

2:00 P.M. – Some of my teammates like to watch Michigan’s game film to help prepare for the upcoming match. I think that’s bogus. I just play some NCAA 09 on the 360. The outcome of the game is Notre Dame 56 Michigan 10. I ran for 187 yards and was 40-47 for 472 yards. This game is gonna be hella easy.

4:00 P.M. – I head up to the gym and do the same workout that Brady Quinn does. That bro has got a smokin bod – no homo.

7:00 P.M. – I’m ready to get my drink on!!!!!!!! I call up my buds, nobody’s answering... they must not have good service or something. I go on facebook and check out my man Golden Tate’s page. From his recent activities I see that he is attending a “Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes Party at Turtle Creek Apartments” I jot down the address, grab a bottle of Boonesfarm, and hightail it to this shindig.

8:00 P.M. – I’m hilarious, so to keep my funny-man reputation I decided to dress up as a Tennis Hoe. (LOL WTF am I thinking) Everybody loves it. When I walk in the door they all point at me and laugh for like 15 minutes. Some people love my costume so much they threw tennis balls at me, but they did throw them kinda hard, but once again it don’t phase me I’m J-Claw.

10:00 P.M. – This party blooooows. Nobody’s taking pics of me and the bros don’t wanna do body shots. I think I’m gonna head out of this party.

10:30 P.M. – “Honey I’m home!!!!” JK I live alone (HAHA) :( I decide I’m about ready to call it a night cuz I got school tomorrow YUCK (LoL) but first I polish off my High School State Championship rings.
11:00 P.M. – Hop into my racecar bed pull my leprechaun blankets up to my chin and rest my sweet lil head on my pillow. Goodnight “friends”.

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