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Butthurt (adj) 1. An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult. Characterized by strong feelings of shame. Frequently associated with a cessation of communication and overt hostility towards the "aggressor." 2. Jay Cutler
Aha, did you see that? Michael Irvin got all full of butthurt when PacMan went to the bathroom to do a line without him.
By now, everyone has got their shots in on Jay Cutler. It's actually gotten out of hand a bit, with some "experts" alleging that Cutler is a below-average NFL quarterback. That's ridiculous, but he's handled the Broncos courting of Matt Cassel with the aplomb of Terrell Owens.
Cutler's not the first young franchise quarterback to receive perplexing treatment from the team that drafted him in recent years. That's right, I think the Broncos are in the wrong.
But I also think Cutler is way butthurt.
He could learn a thing or two by looking back at how a quarterback who has become one of the most respected men in NFL history handled nearly identical treament... After the San Diego Chargers took Philip Rivers with the fourth pick of the 2004 NFL Draft, Drew Brees was fed up. Despite an impressive second season, Brees had been forced to compete and share reps with Doug Flutie going into the 2003 NFL season. With the selection of Rivers, it seemed Brees' destiny was to become a journeyman backup quarterback after one last year in San Diego.
Brees didn't see it that way. Fueled by the insult delivered to his doorstep in the form of Rivers and fortunate that Philip became a training camp holdout, Brees turned 12 hour offseason work days into the NFL Comeback Player of the Year award, a 104.8 quarterback rating and Pro Bowl appearance. This left A.J. Smith with just one option after splashing out on Rivers: Franchise Brees.
Once again, Brees felt slighted. He wanted to commit to San Diego long-term, he'd proven to be one of the top five quarterbacks in the NFL, he was loved by head coach Marty Schottenheimer, and he felt he deserved a fat signing bonus and job security. So, of course, he held out, pouted, skipped mini-camps, leaked information about the Chargers to ESPN reporters, and declared his career over in San Diego, right?
Erm, no. He put his head down, worked just as hard as he did the previous offseason, held off Rivers for the starting job in 2005, and produced another great season on the field. Unfortunately, in the last game of the season he suffered a torn labrum and rotator cuff.
Even after the injury, he was much-coveted in free agency. Despite how he'd be treated the last few seasons, he badly wanted to stay in San Diego. He even offered to give the Chargers a hometown discount. But in the end, they were ready to move on and so did Brees.
He was determined to once again prove A.J. Smith wrong, this time in New Orleans. Some doubted whether he'd ever throw a football more than 20 yards again due to the severity of his injury. He did that and more in finishing runner-up to best friend LaDainian Tomlinson for league MVP and sharing the Walter Payton Man of the Year Award with LT.
Cutler likely won't sniff one of those during his career if his character is as weak as it's seemed through the standoff. But if he starts acting more like Brees, his reputation with the public is still salvageable to some extent.
He should be thankful that he still is the starter in Denver and come back in 2009 more driven than ever to prove that he can win playoff games for the Broncos. If he does that, Josh McDaniels will look just as foolish as A.J. Smith does in retrospect.
And his name may no longer be the second best definition of butthurt.
Marshawn Lynch was arrested again Wednesday on felony gun charges. Kornheiser's Cartel is not surprised (is anyone?), but Billynho would have gladly bailed him out when he arrives in California this week if needed.
My beloved Boilermakers eked out a win today in Iowa City. With Play like that they'll likely be slaughtered by the Spartans on Tuesday. With that said, and in honor of how crazy the Big Ten season has been, I've decided to keep a Midwestern flavor in my recap of the web's best.
John Paxson ousted in the Windy City: With the Bulls being basement dwellers practically ever since His Airness left town, everybody saw this coming. Here we have a good recap of his stellar moves and signings. [Luol's Dong]
AL Central Preview Even though it's only February, diehard baseball fans are already looking towards the the upcoming season. I have to agree with picking the Twins, though the ChiSox may give them a run. With the AL East as stacked as ever, there will only be one playoff spot coming from the Central. [Midwest Sports Fans]
Tom Crean Continues to Bring Respectibality to Bloomington The Cartel has long been a fan of Crean. We loved what he did at Marquette and hoped that he might help heal IU after the disastorous exits of Knight, Sampson, and to a lesser extent Davis. It seems that he might be living up to this reformer hype. Though we will never be IU fans, we are glad to see this kind of action. [Larry Brown Sports]
Bears Make Roster Changes Long time Bears will be seen elsewhere next year. Mike Brown and Marty Booker were not offered new contracts. Also it appears that John Tait will retire. [Chicago Sun-Times]
After writing the first two mock drafts, Billynho heard from Terry Robiskie (Brian's father, a very nice man) and Marcus Thigpen's brother. Rey Maualuga's sex therapist... I'm waiting.
Check out the original from January 2nd and the January 18th update, then keep reading for the truth on how the April 25 NFL Draft first round will shake out: 1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. I'm sticking with this. It makes too much sense. Everyone says that the Lions must take a quarterback, a "FACE OF THE FRANCHISE" with the top pick. Why? This season proved that you can win in the NFL without a top-10 quarterback. At some point, the position needs addressed in the long term. But the Lions must get value out of this selection immediately. They need to win fast, and not just because they're coming off the worst season in NFL history. Detroit will be impacted by the economic crisis as much as any city in America. Will laid off motor makers be willing to pay to support a loser? And beyond that... What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess?
While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years (it worked for the Ravens and Rams with Jonathan Ogden and Orlando Pace) and go after Matt Cassel, Kyle Orton (depending on how the Bears situation shakes out), Vince Young, or Matt Leinart (if Kurt Warner returns) in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with their second first round pick and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. Rumors are floating around that Torry Holt might bolt. Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers in that scenario. A quarterback would be excess to requirements. Marc Bulger has been a Pro Bowler quite recently; the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years. They should restore his tools and see if he can fix the offense before spending a high draft pick replacing him, only to watch him prove he wasn't the problem after all down the road (see: Kurt Warner). Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, Marquis Colston and Brandon Marshall. If he can come in and make a big impact, the Rams offense could roll right away. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly. If he fulfills the promise he's shown up til now, he could be the type of unstoppable force that makes quarterbacks look good on his own.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- OT Eugene Monroe. Adding Pioli as the decision maker in the front office completely alters any perception of what they might draft. New England developed clear patterns during his collaboration with Bill Belichick. Some will speculate that New England found out just how important a good quarterback is; I'd argue the Patriots have proven great value can be found at quarterback later in the draft. At their best, the Patriots have ranked amongst the league's best on both lines. The pick will be a tackle, and they can pick up one of the aforementioned available quarterbacks sure to be shopped around the league. Hopefully Monroe can be as successful as longtime left tackle Matt Light has been for the Patriots since being drafted in the second round in 2001. Look for them to aggressively pursue Albert Haynesworth, too. The Patriots have never been shy to make a splash in free agency, and Haynesworth would be huge for the Chiefs.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Michael Oher- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Monroe is the pick. They were burned when acquiring Deion Branch, but a trade for Chad Johnson (2nd round pick?) might work for both the Seahawks and Bengals. They're another team that could rebound in a big way in 2009.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008; please take a bow Ken Dorsey. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force. Beanie Wells is an option here, too.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- RB Chris "Beanie" Wells. The Bengals need help on the line, but Wells is the first guy Bob Sanders can't tackle solo. The Bengals need an infusion of toughness and competitiveness. Anyone who watched Beanie at Ohio State knows he'll bring both.
7) Oakland Raiders- OT Jason Smith. Davis loves sexy names so don't rule out a Jeremy Maclin here, but the Raiders need help on the line. This would be four in the first round, which would be a record. A team needs what a team needs, I guess. We'll see.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. Are Samoans ever busts? It's been confirmed that he is Samoan. And I can already picture him in Jacksonville. The preseason photo spreads will be badass. He's got every chance to be an NFL poster boy for the next decade. The NFL might as well grab their cameras and invite him to a park to play with kids. Every defense needs a Maualuga and he should go higher in actuality.
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Brian Orakpo. The Packers played better than their record indicated in 2008 and have the potential to bounce back and win their division as early as 2009. They were 26th in the NFL in run yards allowed per game in 2008, and shoring that area up could go a long way towards guaranteeing they improve. Signing Albert Haynesworth would be ideal, but who doesn't want him? Orakpo is huge and productive. Adding a young cornerback like Malcolm Jenkins would be wise to consider, too, with Al Harris and Charles Woodson in their 30's.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez's numbers in a pro-style offense at USC are impressive, but so are the guys he handed off and threw the ball to. The 49ers once again are looking for a long-term answer at quarterback. The best thing you'll hear anyone say about Shaun Hill is that he didn't play like Shaun Hill in 2008. How do you feel about that? The 49ers will aim higher with Sanchez, and hope genuine compliments will be paid to him in the near future.
11) Buffalo Bills- DE Michael Johnson It was a statistic that stunned some in a Bills fan forum in my first mock draft... Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008. A major pass rusher on defense would be great also, since they made just 24 sacks in 2008. Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers. If the Bills were smart, they'd just swoop for the proven article since Peppers is available.
12) Denver Broncos- DE/LB Everette Brown Denver's defense was awful in 2008, but you'll have that when Ebenezer Ekuban and John Engelberger are every-down defensive players. They're, like, 75's on Madden. Yuck. Adding someone who can get to the quarterback would be tremendous. Hopefully, Brown has that kind of potential? He made 13.5 sacks at Florida State last season.
13) Washington Redskin- DT BJ Raji This would be a throwaway pick, but Raji keeps shooting up draft boards. Fellow mock drafters... he's in too good of shape! Have you never seen Ted Washington or Tony Siragusa!?!? Raji is a bust. I like my DT's like I like my HC's. FAT!!!!!!!!!!
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall. If he isn't, he should be. With the Saints recent track record in the draft, expect Jenkins to be drafted, lauded, and then cut by training camp. I'm a disgruntled fan. They have to take him here though. Don't you ruin him Sean Payton. Don't you dare.
15) Houston Texans- LB/DE Aaron Maybin Maybin was one of the leaders of Penn State's defense this season, and his hyper-productive style may finally cause a unit chock full of high draft picks to mesh. Teaming Maybin and Mario Williams could have devastating effects on opposing offenses. His multi-position versatility is a plus.
16) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured. Sounds like a fit to me.
17) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future. You probably think I'm crazy for letting him fall this far, but I just don't see what is so great about him. Okay, he throws hard. So did Ryan Leaf. Only Ryan Leaf was much better in college. So maybe they could just try to trade for Chad Pennington? I hear he is a pretty good quarterback...
18) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester. How B.A. would it be to see those two B.A.M.F.'s running a double-reverse in which Kyle Orton sneaks out of the backfield to the far sideline and catches a pass from Maclin that he runs in for a touchdown. Maclin could be the first player in history to pass, run, catch, kick return, and punt return for touchdowns in the same game! I'm way down. By the way, the Bears are nuts if they end up running Kyle Orton off before next season. Absolutely bonkers.
19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks. Bucs fans didn't like this choice at last update, but outside of Barrett Ruud, Tampa has very old or very uninspiring options. Cushing could have played in the NFL at age 19.
20) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon will immediately upgrade their secondary. What were they thinking when they traded Dre Bly for two pieces of garbage. You could start a lot of sentences with "What were they thinking..." when looking back on Matt Millen. Let's hope this one goes better.
21) Philadelphia Eagles- G Duke Robinson If the economy doesn't rebound and food becomes scarce, Robinson could help sustain the Eagles. Survival of the fittest.
22) Minnesota Vikings- OT Eben Britton The Vikings are crying out for a right tackle, and DAMNET, it wouldn't be fair to end the Tarvaris Jackson experiment until he's got one. When he still sucks with one (and he will), then by all means go ahead and cut away. My first 2010 projection is that the Vikings will be taking Colt McCoy with the 18th pick. Oh wow, the Vikings are looking really good for 2012.
23) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Really? Could they honestly get this lucky? To add arguably the top playmaker in the draft would be unfair. But the Patriots don't play by the rules. Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and New England can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it. That Tom Brady, everything goes his way.
24) Atlanta Falcons- DT Peria Jerry The Falcons have a need at defensive tackle, and this one is a FATTY. Jerry is about to embark on a 16 year career with five teams who will all complain that he needs to cut weight, but damnet, he really shouldn't because it's just hilarious when a fat man rumbles and stumbles on a fumble return, which is how Jerry will become a household name, taking back a 31 yard fumble to the three yard line in the 2017 NFC Championship before falling into a four day coma due to oxygen debt, and when he emerges he'll make the studio rounds and talk about the ordeal, where he'll make contacts that will keep in touch until 2026 when he'll sign a television deal to do what Warren Sapp does, whatever the hell that is. You heard it here first.
25) Miami Dolphins- LB James Laurenitis How did Joey Porter not make the All Pro team this season? An abomination. I'm guessing that Laurenitis makes it if he ever has 18 sacks in a season. He won't, but he'll be damn good.
26) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Maclin and Harvin will be off the board, but Robiskie ain't bad at all. Robiskie has been receiving good reviews from pre-draft games and workouts early. Shout out to Terry.
27) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year. Trade Addai for a pick and roll with Greene and Mike Hart. You won't regret it Bill Polian. Although you rarely regret anything you do, so go ahead and go with your gut.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Phil Loadholt With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, Loadholt fills a need and can develop for a year or two. Combined with Robinson, the Eagles are reloaded up front.
29) New York Giants- TE Brandon Pettigrew Kevin Boss is solid, workmanlike and decent, but he's Kevin Boss. No offense, but Pettigrew can be so much more than just Kevin Boss, without the attitude of that Jeremy Shockey guy.
30) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything. And he looks great in all shades of blue. A perfect fit!
31) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno It's been well documented that Edgerrin James is on his way out (and good riddance). Perhaps Moreno can do what so many have failed to in recent years... run for 4 yards a carry.
32) Pittsburgh Steelers- S Patrick Chung Chung is the next Bob Sanders. I promise. Teaming Chung and Troy Polamalu together back at safety... So many sweet YouTube vids are going to be rolling out of Heinz Field. Make it happen. Someone pointed out in my last mock draft that Chung and Polamalu wouldn't be good enough in coverage together. If true, the Saints will slurp him up in Round Two. I can dream at least.
What do you think? Let us know in the official mock draft thread in OUR FORUM.
We're mere hours from the highlight of the season for football fans... the 2009 Super Bowl. Coincidentally, we're also mere hours from the highlight of the season for non-football fans... the 2009 Super Bowl Commercials. Oh wow, look, a list of the best all-time:
The Siets will be wolfing down nachos and various other foodstuffs tomorrow at Weisolas' during the big game and not caring in the slightest who wins the game. For the rest of you who may or may not care about the contest in Tampa, here are some links to get you through the weekend. International Super Bowl Coverage: For all of our readers who are outside the states tomorrow, here's a list of broadcasters that will be airing SB XLIII. [Fang's Bites]
Holy European Point Guards, Batman! The Cartel's love of Ricky Rubio is well documented (here and here). The Kings have always been one of the more global NBA teams and one of their very global fans gives us Yanks a glimpse at two of Europe's best. [Sactown Royalty]
Will we ever get a break from TO? VH1, that bastion of fine programming, is creating a "reality" show starring Terrell Owens.[tonyblogs]
In honor of Detective Roc Hoover, please post your favorite Mark Schlereth quotes/moments in our forum.
Need a reason to hate to Steelers? Nope, me neither, but here’s another:
When Michael Vick gets out of jail, he should couch surf sans pants on every Steelers' expensive sofas and leak blood and prison cum from his butthole on their upholstery. I hope the Steelers don’t break their arms patting themselves on their vaginas.
That and does Brenda Warner’s hair qualify her for my bromance list?
With the Super Bowl upcoming, ESPN has apparently sucked the coverage-teat so dry that their two week long pre-game bonanza even includes Sal Paolantonio pinching a putrid loaf on the Colts ’06 title, claiming Super Bowl XLI as “the worst ever”.
Paolantonio, in all the reasoning of the lovechild of Skip Bayless and Ann Coulter, explains that there was so much hype for Peyton Manning and the Colts, they just didn’t live up to it what with the meager passing stats (Tom Moore chose to limit passing in the rain?) and the fact that the Colts didn’t win by 30 points. So supposedly this left everyone in a world of boredom where fans had to endure the pitiful Bears offense and (now-backup to Kyle Orton*) Rex Grossman. Oh real sorry over here in (Houston via) Indy that the Colts couldn't entertain you enough, Sal. Didn’t realize when MENSA founder Leon Lett was doing his best garbage-bag-full-of-jell-o impression in Super Bowl XXVII’s 52-17 blowout, you were wrenched with anticipation.
So it’s an ugly win, a win full of interceptions and fumbles galore, a game of missed opportunities but a game nonetheless. Given they can’t all end with Kevin Dyson on the one or David Tyree wearing the ball as a hat, but who would rather watch a blowout over a close game in the mud? Sal would, I guess. Of the 42 NFL title games, exactly half have been decided by a margin of over two possessions. Maybe I’m being biased, but you can’t look at this box score and not take the weather into account. It’s messy, but it’s good.
How about the 1985 Bears who forgot to use the third greatest running back ever in a 46-10 drubbing of Steve Grogan and Co? Sure everyone loves the Fridge and all had fun getting drunk and fat watching Da Bears, but it was over at halftime. I’m bored; the fourth quarter is moot. Or in ’89, one year after “The Catch” (You know, an entertaining and statistically good game.), the Broncos fail to bring their secondary and Joe Montana had a 27-3 halftime lead. Really, Sal? You bought the whole seat but you only needed the edge?
Paolantonio doesn’t need many adjectives to describe Grossman’s awful championship play:
"As the field began to resemble some kind of southern Florida swamp, Bad Rex surfaced like some B-movie beast to snatch the Bears from a possible comeback. He trips, loses 11 yards. He muffs the snap. The ball squirts backward. He falls on it. Loses another 11 yards. On fourth-and-23, the Bears wisely punt."
But after this, he chastises Manning for struggling to victory in the same conditions. Is it possible that the downpour which made a mediocre Grossman look awful could have made Manning look simply good enough?
The article concludes so unapologetically classless and inane, it seems absurd Paolantonio has been at ESPN since 1995: “Thank Grossman for delivering Manning's legacy and Dungy's place in history.” Riiiiight. Where’s the line start for this big gratitude orgy? Is it near the line to thank the 49er’s pass defense for Dan Marino’s legacy?
As for Dungy? Don’t remember him for his Steelers Super Bowl victory as a player, or the fact that he was the NFL’s youngest assistant at 25 under Chuck Noll, or his strength as a father in loss and resolution in community, family, and god. Forget his .759 winning percentage with the Colts, or the six 12-win seasons, or even the 10 consecutive years in the playoffs. Remember only that he was the first black man to steal the Super Bowl. Just try not to lynch him for it, Sal.
* Shameless plug here**
** Another shameless plug: I once raced Tim Dwight at 400 meters and he talked to me during the race***
When the Tony Kornheiser Pimp Cartel Cartel moved from PimpsLord to its own cyberspace in August, I decided to adopt a pen name. Why? I don't know. It doesn't make any damn sense. Especially since nine out of 10 people think my real name is made up or stolen from a comic book character, and the other 10% disclose after getting to know me that they couldn't believe my name when they first heard it. It happens every time. Look carefully around the site and you'll figure out what they're havin' a laugh about. Good times.
So, back to the redundant pen name... Did I mention no one can pronounce it? Oh, I'm sorry, I only assumed readers would be familiar with the best soccer/international football player this decade. You know who I'm talking about...
You have no idea do you? Seriously? Damn.
Ronaldinho!
Still nothing?
Really? (Sigh)
Okay, let me walk you through this.
Billynho is a play on the name of Ronaldinho, who is (was) like only the most amazing footie playing wizard of our time.
It's not pronounced Billy-N-ho or Billy-and-ho (like I'm some self-professed amalgamation of myself and Paris Hilton) or Billy No.
Bill-een-yo. Say it seven times so you never forget.
Onto The Siets. Not Sigh-etts. Or See-ets. It's mono-syllabic. Seats. The Seats. The Siets. You got it. 7 times... Go.
Finally, Orel Kornheiser. Free Kornheiser's Cartel shirt to whoever can first guess what his name is a play on. Orel Hershiser and Tony Kornheiser. Looks like I win this time. Pronunciation... Oral Corn-Hize-er. That's right, seven times. I'll wait.
And if you're wondering what happened to Barry Badrinath and dave-o... So am I. They had a few good pieces back a ways didn't they? Last I heard they were off working on Wilbon's Quintuple Squadoosh somewhere. Ever since Barry hooked up with Orel's roommate (that's what everyone is saying at least...), things got a little weird. If you ever come across him in person (or more likely in the virtual world of Call of Duty 5... his handle: Corn Nuzzler), don't bother engaging him in conversation. He's not nearly as funny in person as he is in writing. Despite what Orel tries to tell you.
Ah, the Super Bowl. Each year it brings about speculation involving the teams involved, the teams not involved, and sometimes teams from other sports. Why should the game be analyzed by the professionals about logical topics? Do you ever listen to analysts? The stuff they bring up is usually ridiculous. “The teams with the best defense in the NFL playing the best offense in the NFL have won every time except the 2000 St. Louis Rams who were headed by… KURT WARNER!” Why even watch the game? Here’s why, mascot facts. 5. What’s in a name? (Arizona’s Big Red vs. Pittsburgh’s Steely McBeam)
So this one isn’t really too tough. Cardinals are red, and this particular one is really big. So the name Big Red is a good choice. On the other hand, Steely McBeam is talking about a guy with a stupid name. In all fairness a dude that can carry and use a steel beam is probably more suited for football than a cardinal, but this is a big cardinal, a man sized cardinal. That is more impressive than any beam wielding Steely. Point Big Red
4. How Do You Portray Yourself?
Big Red portrays himself as a cardinal just like those historic loveable losers from Arizona. Steely McBeam is man in overalls and a yellow flannel shirt with a steel beam. Uh… I guess it’s because he represents the Pittsburgh Steelers. I don’t know exactly what a steeler is but I guess it has to do with purified iron and not with a poorly spelled pilferer. Big Red says, “We are Cardinals.” Steely McBeam says, “We look like some jackasses with poor spelling skills.” Point Big Red (BR 2 / SMcB 0)
3. Who would be better at football?
This was addressed earlier and it was decided that Steely McBeam would best the Desert Bird. But why is that? For one, if a man can wield said beam, then a cardinal of any size will not stop him. Also by this logic, Steely McBeam would score on every single offensive possession. Also, with his trusty beam he could easily stop/murder Big Red on each of his offensive possessions. With these arguments Steely could beat Big ten times out of ten. Point Steely. (BR 2 / SMcB 1)
2. Experience?
Sure both mascots have plenty of regular season experience, but when it comes to the Super Bowl mascot jackassery who can handle the pressure. Big Red has never been on such an important stage. Steely has been there six times before. Steely has mascotted against some of the best; Rowdy (Dallas Cowboys) X3, Viktor (Minnesota Vikings), Unnamed Ram (Los Angeles Rams), and Blitz (Seattle Seahawks). Big Red has none. Point Steely (BR 2 / SMcB 2)
1. Travel
Big Red can arrange and provide his own transportation to the big game. He can probably fly since he is a giant bird. Steely would have to catch a flight. That could be difficult because I doubt the department of homeland security will let a beam pass through the luggage scanners, let alone the carry-on. He would need to take a bus or something. Then he would be tired and there fore he probably could not perform the way his team needs him to. Therefore, Point and game to Big Red (BR 3 / SMcB 2).
Under direct orders from a poor, misguided chickfriend who lives and breathes MTV and insists I do the same, I watched Bromance tonight.
And it was even worse than you're probably imagining... It was basically a bunch of twitchy little freak dudes doing things dudes should never do to gain the Broffection of another dude. One dude ran around in circles in a wrestling ring like a chick, two dudes wouldn't dude-up and go out in the sun, three dudes cried, most the dudes came across as extremely homoquestionable, and all the dudes batted their eyebrows seductively in the direction of the main dude, Brody Jenner.
There's nothing wrong with Brody Jenner, he's got the right idea. But he's got a convoluted screening process and a show full of weirdos (the best way to describe that troupe).
If I were going to be Bromanced, I wouldn't want twitchy little freaks competing to be my friend. I wouldn't care if they could catch fish, sleep in tents, or beg chicks to come to my party by bribing them with the fact that they may get to be on MTV.
No, my dude friends have to be funny (still waiting for you to live up to the hype Drew Brown), out of control (you always come through Andy), smooth with the birds (except you Matt), classy (the decanter was a nice move Zach) or smart (Ladies, have you met my friend The Siets? He's a nationally-ranked College Bowl player, you know? So am I... but you'll have to look a ways down the list.)... and most importantly, my dude friends have to like sports (no exceptions).
After a bit of thought, I've realized my ideal friends would not only like sports, they'd be involved in sports. I know a lot about sports. I spend a lot of time watching sports. And reading about sports. And talking about sports.
But I've met a lot of athletes and most don't impress me. Some definitely would.
If I were to be Bromanced by anyone of my choosing from the world of sports, I'd roll with:
5. Kobe Bryant- Firstly, finding girls would never be a problem with Kobe around. If they don't want to hang, he'll make them. Sure we might end up in the slammer for a few days... but that's a story right!? Additionally, it'd be too much fun to play H-O-R-S-E or beer pong or throw things in the trash with him around and yell, "KOBE!" as you do it.
3. Charles Barkley- Barkley is hilarious. How funny would it be to sit around with Chuck as he talks about how he is going to be governor someday!? Probably while wasted, too. Seriously? Governor? Him? Plus, as recent events have confirmed, he knows how to party. And you could get rich playing poker with him. I have to admit, though, it might be a little weird if he tattooed my name on his ass. But if it makes him happy...
2. Drew Brees- Ummm, let's see. He's a perfect person. He's the nicest guy in the world. He's the smartest guy in the NFL. He's a great teammate/friend. He's a winner. He shares. He just had a kid who will be the coolest kid in the world as he grows up. He's a living God. Like this guy. Yeah, we like him a lot on this site, okay?
Pete Carroll is NOT HAPPY! And nothing you say will make him happy. So save it. Except you, Bryce Brown. Go ahead and call Pete and make it official. Become the 9th five-star running back to commit to USC in the past four years. Maybe then he'll forgive Mark Sanchez and realize his roster isn't so bad. Moving on...
The early-entry deadline has come and gone with some major surprises. Sam Bradford, Colt McCoy, Taylor Mays, Brandon Spikes all decided to stay in school (to the chagrin of teams drafting in the middle of the first round), significantly thinning out what looked like a strong draft. Still, Mark Sanchez declared (to the chagrin of Pete Carroll) and this draft looks very deep on the offensive line and at wide receiver.
Check out the original from January 2nd, then read on about how the April 25 NFL Draft first round could go down: 1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. They needed Scott Pioli and Bill Cowher. They ended up with an unknown in Jim Schwartz, and I won't pretend to know how that will work out. Conventional wisdom still says that the Lions must take a quarterback, a "FACE OF THE FRANCHISE" with the top pick. Why? This season proved that you can win in the NFL without a top-10 quarterback. At some point, the position needs addressed in the long term. But the Lions must get value out of this selection immediately. They need to win fast, and not just because they're coming off the worst season in NFL history. Detroit will be impacted by the economic crisis as much as any city in America. Will laid off motor makers be willing to pay to support a loser? And beyond that... What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess?
While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years (it worked for the Ravens and Rams with Jonathan Ogden and Orlando Pace) and go after Matt Cassel, Kyle Orton (depending on how the Bears situation shakes out), Vince Young, or Matt Leinart in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with second first round pick and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. Few are projecting the Rams to take a wide receiver, but with rumors that Torry Holt might bolt, Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers. A quarterback would be excess to requirements. Marc Bulger has been a Pro Bowler quite recently; the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years. They should restore his tools and see if he can fix the offense before spending a high draft pick replacing him, only to watch him prove he wasn't the problem after all down the road (see: Kurt Warner). Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, Marquis Colston and Brandon Marshall. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly. If he fulfills the promise he's shown up til now, he could be the type of unstoppable force that makes quarterbacks look good on his own.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- OT Michael Oher. Adding Pioli as the decision maker in the front office completely alters any perception of what they might draft. New England developed clear patterns during his collaboration with Bill Belichick. Some will speculate that New England found out just how important a good quarterback is; I'd argue the Patriots have proven great value can be found at quarterback later in the draft. At their best, the Patriots have ranked amongst the league's best on both lines. The pick will be a tackle, and they can pick up one of the aforementioned available quarterbacks sure to be shopped around the league. Adding a future Pro Bowl lineman would be a nice haul in the draft and Albert Haynesworth in free agency would be a nice haul.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Eugene Monroe- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Monroe is the pick. They were burned when acquiring Deion Branch, but a trade for Chad Johnson (2nd round pick?) might work for both the Seahawks and Bengals.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008, but Ken Dorsey will do that to you. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- RB Chris "Beanie" Wells. The Cincinnati Bengals are becoming a drama-filled batch of divas, alienating their fans. What better to add to that cauldron than a popular, no-nonsense workhorse in Chris Wells? More than just a new mentality, Wells also represents real progress on the field. They desperately need a running back (Future CFL running back Cedric Benson ran the ball over 200 times for them this season), and Wells may be the first guy Bob Sanders runs into and needs help tackling.
7) Oakland Raiders- DE Brian Orakpo. Al Davis will probably trade this pick and his next four first rounders to move up to get a big name in Crabtree, and I'm sure he'd love to take a good looking big name like Mark Sanchez, but the Raiders must get stronger on the defensive line. They lack an elite pass rusher and are terrible against the run. Orakpo, college football's Nagurski winner, offers a freakish end rusher who won't get bullied around in the running game.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. Are Samoans ever busts? He is Samoan right? And I can already picture him in Jacksonville. He's got every chance to be an NFL poster boy for the next decade. Especially if his sly moves on Erin Andrews work...
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Michael Johnson. The Packers played better than their record indicated in 2008 and have the potential to bounce back and win their division as early as 2009. They were 26th in the NFL in run yards allowed per game in 2008, and shoring that area up could go a long way towards insuring they improve. Signing Albert Haynesworth would be ideal, but who doesn't want him? Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers, and, while he isn't seen as a finished product, he'd be an excellent risk for a Packers team looking to beef up against the run. Johnson and Kampman will terrorize opposing quarterbacks for years and should combine to force opposing runners inside. Adding a young cornerback like Malcolm Jenkins would be wise to consider, too, with Al Harris and Charles Woodson in their 30's.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez's numbers in a pro-style offense at USC are impressive, but so are the guys he handed off and threw the ball to. The 49ers once again are looking for a long-term answer at quarterback. The best thing you'll hear anyone say about Shaun Hill is that he wasn't terrible in 2008. The 49ers will aim higher with Sanchez, and hope genuine compliments will be paid to him in the near future.
11) Buffalo Bills- OT Jason Smith It was a statistic that stunned some in a Bills fan forum in my last mock draft... Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008. A major pass rusher on defense would be great also, since they made just 24 sacks in 2008.
12) Denver Broncos- DE/LB Everette Brown Denver's defense was awful in 2008, but you'll have that when Ebenezer Ekuban and John Engelberger are every-down defensive players. They're, like, 75's on Madden. Yuck. Adding someone who can get to the quarterback would be tremendous. Hopefully, Brown has that kind of potential? He made 13.5 sacks at Florida State last season.
13) Washington Redskin- LB James Laurinaitis Laurinaitis sounds like a disease, but for the Redskins he'd the antidote for an aging- but effective- defense.
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall. If he isn't, he should be. With the Saints recent track record in the draft, expect Jenkins to be drafted, lauded, and then cut by training camp. I'm a disgruntled fan.
15) Houston Texans- DE Aaron Maybin Maybin was one of the leaders of Penn State's defense this season, and his hyper-productive style may finally cause a unit chock full of high draft picks to mesh. Teaming Maybin and Mario Williams could have devastating effects on opposing offenses.
16) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured.
17) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future. Or better yet, they could try to trade for Chad Pennington? I hear he is a pretty good quarterback...
18) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester. How B.A. would it be to see those two B.A.M.F.'s running a double-reverse in which Kyle Orton sneaks out of the backfield to the far sideline and catches a pass from Maclin that he runs in for a touchdown. Maclin could be the first player in history to pass, run, catch, kick return, and punt return for touchdowns in the same game! I'm way down.
19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks. Bucs fans would have reason to be more confident in Cushing if he'd gone to Purdue rather than USC. Consider all the rush ends Purdue has sent to the NFL lately: Anthony Spencer, Chike Okeafor, Rosevelt Colvin, Shaun Phillips, and Akin Ayodele (and I'm forgetting a handful). Don't sleep on the Boilermakers.
20) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon would immediately move into the Lions starting secondary. It's a start, right?
21) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno The Cardinals problems at running back are famous, so to have a prospect like Moreno fall this far would be remarkable and a no-brainer selection. Hopefully Moreno doesn't mind a good Bible-thumping every now and then.
22) Minnesota Vikings- OT Eben Britton The Vikings are crying out for a right tackle, and DAMNET, it wouldn't be fair to end the Tarvaris Jackson experiment until he's got one. When he still sucks with one (and he will), then by all means go ahead and cut away. My first 2010 projection is that the Vikings will be taking Colt McCoy with the 18th pick.
23) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Really? Could they honestly get this lucky? To add arguably the top playmaker in the draft would be unfair. But the Patriots don't play by the rules. Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and New England can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it.
24) Atlanta Falcons- DT B.J. Raji The Falcons have a need at defensive tackle, so I'm slotting the top projected one in the draft at their pick. But I think he'll be a bust. I like my DT's like I like my HC's. FAT!!!!!!!!!!
25) Miami Dolphins- S William Moore Moore is a big-hitting safety who's faster than his size would suggest. He'll help a defense that was poor against the pass in 2008. And while I'm on the subject of the Dolphins' defense... How did Joey Porter not make the All Pro team this season? An abomination. Maybe he was too quiet?
26) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Robiskie, the son of former NFL player Terry, is polished, dependable, and professional. And just bland enough to fit right in with the Ravens.
27) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year. Trade Addai for a pick and form an all new TAG TEAM DUO of Mike "the Tough Little Shit Man" Hart and Shonn "Too Mean" Greene. Wow, I'm pulling at straws here.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Phil Loadholt I was tempted to test my readers here and slot in an offensive tackle I've already used. Instead, I won't insult your intelligence (not after that terrible tag team duo joke). With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, Loadholt fills a need and can develop for a year or two.
29) New York Giants- CB D.J. Moore EFF you Greg Hardy! Hardy was supposed to be the pick here, but then he went and started acting all studious and decided to stay in school another year. So I'm scrambling. What to get the team that needs nothing? A nickel cornerback of course.
30) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything. And he looks great in all shades of blue. A perfect fit!
31) Philadelphia Eagles- G Duke Robinson Loadholt AND Robinson? No way! The Eagles line is going to be stacked. Lucky...
32) Pittsburgh Steelers- S Patrick Chung Chung is the next Bob Sanders. I promise. Teaming Chung and Troy Polamalu together back at safety... So many sweet YouTube vids are going to be rolling out of Heinz Field. Make it happen. Or let him fall to the Saints in Round Two?
What do you think? Let us know in the mock draft thread in OUR FORUM.
Billynho has to give props to Staff over @ the JC for dishing the word that God Drew Brees had his birthmark removed earlier this season. I applaud the decision. A scar on his face is far more appropriate (But if anyone ever sees his old birthmark on EBay, promise to let me know?). Now he's the muggle version of Harry Potter in appearance and action.
But that's not the only hospital related bit of news on Brees I have to offer you Brees-stalking muggles! Just like Harry, Brees is now a father. He blessed his wife Brittany by impregnating her and something wonderful came out yesterday for Brees's 30th birthday.
********OBLIGATORY JOKE ALERT******** If Purdue football coach Danny Hope hasn't offered the boy/girl a scholarship yet, he better get on that. Hee Haw! ********OBLIGATORY JOKE ALERT OVER********
How jealous are you of that kid? And Drew's wife...
Third Eye Blind's Out of the Vein is an underrated album.
Dunkeroos were the ultimate lunchtime cafeteria dessert for tweens in the 1990's.
Adding baking soda to toothpaste presents no benefit for your teeth.
The Big Ten Network's Tim Doyle is the worst studio analyst I've ever heard (apologies to NBA TV's Eric Snow).
Guylyn, Remmenga, Cummins of 501 West Broadway in San Diego is one of the top First Amendment law firms in America.
The Big Ten will win the Big Ten/ACC Challenge at least six times in the next decade.
Most of the Big Ten's basketball programs are on the rise. They've amassed nearly as much coaching talent as the SEC has for football and a handful of teams have unbelievable recruiting classes already committed for 2010. And Indiana has stopped cheating.
What follows is a ranking of how well-positioned the Big Ten's basketball programs are today and beyond:
1) Ohio State - Thanks to Greg Oden, THE Ohio State University is now THE destination for the nation's best young big men. Kosta Koufus was a disappointment and BJ Mullens is struggling, but they've already got three of the top 20 players (DeShaun Thomas, Jared Sullinger, and Jordan Sibert) in the country committed for 2010. Thad Matta has made Ohio State hot and it doesn't look like things will be changing anytime soon. The Buckeyes will be a threat to win the National Championship until Matta bolts. Of course, he'll never need to because the Buckeyes have the richest athletic department in the NCAA. 2) Illinois - If Illini fans had their wish a year and a half ago, non-nude model Bruce Weber would be looking for work. Lucky for them, he's still got the job and has Illinois poised to move back to the top of the polls. Their 2009 class is really nice with four-stars Brandon Paul and D.J. Richardson and three-stars Tyler Griffey and Joseph Bertrand (who each had a slew of major offers). 2010 is scary for the rest of the league with five-stars Crandall Head and Jereme Richmond and four-star center Meyers Leonard. They'll be back in the Final Four soon. Of course, they would've been back sooner had Weber, then an assistant under Gene Keady at Purdue, followed through on the interest he showed in me as a 10-year old when he called me a "great shooter." Yeah, I was pretty good.
3) Michigan State - Their 2009 and 2010 classes aren't bad, but they aren't special either (example: Fort Wayne wing commit Russell Byrd wasn't even offered by Purdue). They've been so good for so long that it's hard to put them lower than number three. But the Spartans could be primed for a fall in what looks to be a vastly improved Big Ten over the next few years, unless a great 2008-09 season restores the program's reputation nationally.
4) Purdue - For a spell, the Boilermakers looked a threat to become the next Duke. Had they landed Tyler Zeller (or Jeff Teague or Matt Howard for that matter), they'd be well on their way; instead, they had to settle for John Hart, Scott Martin transferred, and this season has been a bit of a mess. Their 2009 commits are uninspiring, but a three-man 2010 class has hopes up in West Lafayette. The current sophomore trio has to make a run deep in the tournament before they're done, or Purdue will miss yet another opportunity to finally ascend among the nation's elite with regularity. Probably the latter; this is Purdue after all. Sigh... 5) Indiana - A six-man 2009 group combined with the competence of Antarctic explorer Tom Crean will restore the Hoosiers to respectability immediately. Looking further ahead, 2011 point guard Matt Carlino will be fun to watch. Indiana really needs time to recover from a volatile last ten years. From never knowing when Bob Knight's reign would come to a fiery end, to always wondering when Mike Davis would finally be pushed out, and then becoming even more of a laughingstock after hiring known cheater Kelvin Sampson, they've finally got it right in Bloomington. Crean will have them challenging for conference titles in no time.
6) Wisconsin - The Badgers have a remarkably personable, colorful coach, which makes the bland, bald, white guy culture in Madison all the more puzzling. Where do they keep finding all these lookalikes? Is cloning legal in Wisconsin? If it ever was it must still be, because they've got two new cult members on the way in Mike Bruesewitz and Evan Anderson. Diamond Taylor and Vander Blue will balance out the boring with funky names and real athletic ability. On the whole, Wisconsin will probably keep being Wisconsin... ranked near the bottom of the top-25, making shocking runs in March, and keeping scores in the 50's.
7) Minnesota - It's a testament to how deep the league will be more than an indictment that Tubby Smith is doing something wrong in Minnesota that they're ranked this low. They've been a revelation this year and will probably make the NCAA Tournament. They'll add potential superstars Royce White and Rodney Williams next year to a nice core. In reality, they'll be outstanding for the next few seasons. But longer term, Tubby Smith is almost 60 and could struggle to keep top recruits suiting up for the Golden Gophers.
8) Michigan - John Beilein has the right idea placing an emphasis on recruits in the state of Indiana. He's got two key freshmen from the Hoosier State in Zack Novak and Stu Douglass and is already hot for 2011 prospect Mitch McGary. Beilein is a great coach who put West Virginia on the map behind lightly regarded- yet super fashionable- Kevin Pittsnogle and Mike Gansey. He's hinting at doing the same with Michigan already; I'll probably look foolish in five years for putting the Wolverines this low.
9) Iowa - Todd Lickliter was fantastic at Butler and has the right mentality to succeed at Iowa. Unfortunately, their current talent level lags behind the rest of the league, and it will be a tall order for him to level the playing field for the Hawkeyes. He'll have to do more with less, just like he did while posting gaudy records with the Bulldogs. Give Lickliter a few years to develop his current group. Jake Kelly is much better this year, and Matt Gatens and Anthony Tucker provide hope for the future. Lickliter has yet to nab a four-star, but a mature, experienced guard-heavy line-up could surprise the Big Ten in a few years.
10) Penn State - The current squad at Penn State may be as good as it gets in Happy Valley. The superb play of Talor Battle and Stanley Pringle is a testament to Ed DeChellis's eye for talent. But he'll have to get lucky to ever get the Nittany Lions into the NCAA Tournament.
11) Northwestern - Nothing against Bill Carmody, but why do analysts constantly praise him as the perfect coach for Northwestern? They've yet to be a threat to even be decent with him, and he'll never recruit well enough to move them up the standings. You can't win in the Big Ten if Tim Doyle, Kevin Coble, and Craig Moore are your stars. You probably couldn't win in the MAC either. It's easy to think that Northwestern will never be good, but it's possible. They need to take a risk with their next hire (How long is Carmody going to be given a free pass, anyways?). They should either go after the head coach of a Division II national champion (someone who's proven to be a good talent evaluator) or hire a top AAU coach who has the connections to bring talent. A third option might be to hire a European coach who can attract foreign studs to Evanston for an education and exposure to NBA scouts. None will guarantee success, but they'd be interesting to watch. Until then, they'll continue to be the conference doormat.
I'll expand on this in a piece later, but I don't think it is mentioned often enough that it is actually a bit of a detriment to draft at the top of the NFL Draft. The top five picks are given contracts commensurate to those of the best players in the league at their position. If they're a bust (as they often are), they become cap-killers who set the franchise back. Give me two mid-first rounders over the top pick.
Alas, I still love the draft and waste too much time following it. Here's how the April 25 NFL Draft first round might play out:
1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. EFF, what don't they need? Conventional wisdom says that the Lions must take a quarterback with the top pick. What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess? They must get value out of the pick, and Smith is seen as a "can't miss" left tackle. While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years and go after Donovan McNabb, Matt Cassel, or even Matt Leinart in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with their next first rounder and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. It wasn't long ago that Rams' quarterbacks were treated to an embarrassment of riches at the skill positions. A look at their roster today reveals a stunning fall in the talent level. How bad? If Torry Holt and the Rams part ways this offseason as rumored, Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers. Dane Looker! Marc Bulger has been effective in the NFL before, the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years, and they should restock his cupboard and see if he can revive his career. Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, and Brandon Marshall. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- RB Chris Wells. With Larry Johnson's career in Kansas City about to come to a merciful end, the Chiefs have a gaping hole to be filled in the backfield. Many are projecting they'll take a quarterback here, but Tyler Thigpen acquitted himself quite well the last 10 games posting a 16:8 TD/INT ratio and providing a threat on the ground. Add a running back in Wells with the potential to be one of the best in the NFL, and the Chiefs may have their QB/RB duo for the next half-decade.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Michael Oher- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Oher is the guy. He possesses otherworldly athleticism for his size and can better protect whoever starts behind center. If Crabtree falls to No. 4, they'd have to consider him, too.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008, but Ken Dorsey will do that to you. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- OT Eugene Monroe. Worst offense in the NFL this season, but the defense wasn't half bad considering they were constantly put in terrible situations. Clearly the pick has to be on offense. Carson Palmer will be back behind center in 2009, and they still have loads of talent at end. They desperately need a running back (Future CFL running back Cedric Benson ran the ball over 200 times for them this season), but with Wells off the board they'll maximize value and take a lineman. Some consider Monroe to be the best lineman in the draft.
7) Oakland Raiders- DE Brian Orakpo. Al Davis will probably trade this pick and his next four first rounders to move up to get Crabtree, but the Raiders must get stronger on the defensive line. They lack an elite pass rusher and are terrible against the run. Orakpo, college football's Nagurski winner, offers a freakish end rusher who won't get bullied around in the running game.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. He'll be a big tackler and an upgrade over Mike Peterson for a Jaguars team thin at linebacker.
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Michael Johnson. Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers, and, while he isn't seen as a finished product, he'd be an excellent risk for a Packers team looking to beef up against the run. Johnson and Kampman will terrorize opposing quarterbacks for years and should combine to force opposing runners inside.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Sam Bradford. Shaun Hill wasn't bad in 2008, but it's time for the 49ers to establish an identity for their franchise. The Alex Smith pick is officially a bust, but they can't let that cloud their judgment moving forward. Bradford would be an unbelievable value at No. 10. His production and accuracy at Oklahoma rank with the best all-time. He may be ready to start from Week One his rookie season and has the potential to someday stand among the Peyton Mannings as the class of the NFL at the quarterback position. He'll probably go higher, but if he falls to San Francisco, they must take him... even though he looks a lot like Screech.
11) Buffalo Bills- OT Jason Smith Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008.
12) Denver Broncos- S Taylor Mays With Champ Bailey and Dre Bly at corner, it's hard to believe Denver was 26th against the pass in 2008.
13) Washington Redskin- LB James Laurinaitis Laurinaitis sounds like a disease, but for the Redskins he'd the antidote for an aging- but effective- defense.
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall.
15) Houston Texans- DT BJ Raji Raji is seen as the top defensive tackle in this draft and would be the third tackle taken in the first round in the last five drafts by the Texans. Hopefully he'll solve their problems against the run.
(Order below not set in stone)
16) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future.
17) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester.
18) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks.
19) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon would immediately move into the Lions starting secondary.
20) Philadelphia Eagles- TE Jermaine Gresham LJ Smith is a free agent and not that good anyways. Gresham's productivity at Oklahoma suggests he'll be more than just a good blocker in the NFL.
21) Minnesota Vikings- DE Tyson Jackson Ray Edwards predicted he would break the NFL sack record in the preseason, but came up 18 short. Hopefully Jackson will speak quietly, but play loudly.
22) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and the Patriots can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it.
23) Atlanta Falcons- LB Brandon Spikes The Florida linebacker anchored their defense in its run to the BCS Championship and would help solidify a still-suspect Falcons D.
24) Miami Dolphins- S William Moore Moore is a big-hitting safety who's faster than his size would suggest. He'll help a defense that was poor against the pass in 2008.
25) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year.
26) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured.
27) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno The Cardinals problems at running back are famous, so to have a prospect like Moreno fall this far would be remarkable and a no-brainer selection.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Eben Britton With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, early-entry Britton fills a need and can develop for a year or two.
29) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Robiskie, the son of former NFL player Terry, is polished, dependable, and professional.
30) Pittsburgh Steelers- G Duke Robinson The Steelers lost Alan Faneca last offseason and see much of their offensive line heading to free agency this offseason. Robinson is a behemoth at 335 pounds that fits the Steelers' modus operandi.
31) New York Giants- OLB Greg Hardy The Ole Miss hybrid pass rusher spent most of the 2008 offseason in opposing backfields. He'll fit in well blitzing alongside Mathias Kiwanuka and Justin Tuck.
32) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything.
There’s every good reason for letting you go He’s sneaky and smoked out And it’s starting to show I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
I never let you turn around, our back on each other That’s a good idea, break a promise to your mother Turn around your back on each other
You say I’ve changed Well maybe I did But even if I changed What’s wrong with it? I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
And all our friends are gone, are gone And all the time moves, on and on And all I know is it’s wrong, it’s wrong And all I know is it’s wrong, it’s wrong
If there’s a reason, it’s lost on me Maybe we’ll be friends, I guess we’ll see I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, The bracelets, and the beads, nickels and dimes, yours and mine Did you cash in all your dreams? You don’ t dream for me, no, you don’t dream for me, no But I still feel you pulsing like a sonar from the days in the waves That guy is like a sunburn I would like to save That guy is like a sunburn I would like to save He’s like a sunburn, he’s like a sunburn
After beating arguably the best team in the NFC, the Boys finally spoke their mind about ESPN’s constant speculation on the “Drama in Dallas”. In case you were living under a rock. As a matter of fact, the interviews with Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, and Jason Witten seemed to get more face time on ESPN the following day than their impressive win did. By now most people know that ESPN favors some teams as opposed to others. Example: ESPN loves the Red Sox and Yankees and shows their games on a regular basis. The Cowboys always seem to get the negative jabs from them.
Now I understand that if you don’t like something, pointing out its flaws is far more entertaining and fulfilling than praising it. So ESPN reported on the drama and post game interviews, not the importance of the game. So I will sink to their level and analyze the interviews in what I like to call: What They Said / What They Meant.
Tony Romo What He Said “I feel that sometimes we talk to much about the stuff that’s going on, look at the Giants. No one has had more happen to them than the Giants and they still go out and play football.” What He Meant “Plaxico Burress got shot and an alleged disagreement on our team trumped all of that. How? How does that make any sense at all?” Romo saying "Suck it Media!"
Terrell Owens What He Said “When everything came out we just stayed together and we all had each other’s back” What He Meant “Thanks for that hat Tony” What He Said “I think Ed Werder did it. He told a blatant lie. I don’t know where he got his information from.” What He Meant “Look Ed, I can say stuff too. It sucks when people attack you doesn’t it. You my friend are trash.”
Wade Phillips What He Said: “The Media did a great job in bring us together” What He Meant: “Thanks Media, your plan backfired in your face. Sucks doesn’t it?”
Jerry Jones What He Said: “We love the attention, that’s why we let them (the media) have offices at Valley Ranch” What He Meant: “We love the attention, that’s why we let them (the media) have offices at Valley Ranch”
(Editor's Note: Troubled by my depiction of her, Iuns sweetly volunteered to offer a differing account of her sports watching experience and an explanation as to why she never embraced football. Read on to find out which sport she did grow to appreciate! Also, if you're not convinced she's a female by appearance alone, look closely and see shoe shopping going on. And yes, those are skinny arms. Crucial...)
The more inquisitive (Editor's Note: and sexist) of you readers may be asking yourselves, what is a woman with as little sports knowledge and enthusiasm such as myself doing guest writing for a sports blog sponsored by a sporting-obsessed aficionado such as Billynho? That, dear readers, is exactly the question I will be muttering and mulling over as I type out this piece.
All issues of personal knowledge aside, I have had the honor of witnessing Billynho pursue basketball, football, futbol, cycling, cross country, and basically every other sport man has been crazy enough to invent (with the sordid exceptions of cricket and wrestling) firsthand. This would be a convenient time to mention that I happen to be the crazy ex-girlfriend mentioned on occasion. Despite the slander on my sanity, I am Billynho’s greatest fan and love nothing better than to read his articles over breakfast. Since I will assume that you readers love to do the same, I’m going to divulge some insight into his character. Firstly, the issue of his extensive knowledge in practically every faction of the sporting world demands to be mentioned. Waking up in the morning the man immediately jumped out of bed and onto his computer chair, from where he purused European soccer results. Then he would pore over LetsRun, either deriding or lauding opinions, but engrossed all the same. Next Billynho would check Fox Sports, Deadspin, ESPN, and whatever other sites he could manage before the sound of my whining became too much for him, and he had to drag his attention back to me. The moment I let my guard down, however, Billynho would escape and cycle endlessly through sports sites once again. Thinking about it almost induces irritant twitching in my right and most sensitive eye. Luckily I have excellent motor control, and we can instead move onto other issues.
One to which all sporting aficionados (I'm sure) can relate is the attempt to convince your significant other that they would become even more significant to you if they would just become as enthused about soccer/track/hockey/arm wrestling as you are. In an attempt not to stereotype, because doubtless out there in this world are sporting-lusting women strong-arming their helpless boyfriend into watching their much revered favorite sport, I will assume that “you” can be male or female. In my case, Billynho was the one who pushed me towards watching more sports. His first attempt was college football. In an ironic and crushing twist of fate, the first football game I attended was the slaughter of our beloved Purdue by the dastardly devils at Ohio State. Clearly it did not provide a fortuitous start towards my long lasting love of football. Subsequent games were slightly more interesting as he took more care to describe player biographies to me and they did not involve the destruction of my alma mater. I am going to emphasize this point: everyone loves character development. Books include it. Television series depend upon it. Why oh why, therefore, would a man think a woman would enjoy watching a sport where she knows nothing about the players? She doesn’t. Therefore supplying your significant other with a brief history of some key players is going to be the MVP move in winning their interest. All the same and despite Billynho’s best efforts, I never really gained the deeper appreciation most men seem to have for football.
Basketball, however, is a very different story. A grand total of ten players are much easier to remember than eighty, and their roles on the court are more self explanatory. Surprising amounts of success from a young and untried team also helps to add to the excitement. As the Purdue “Baby Boilers” (inane name, but you still have to adore them) clawed their way skyward in college basketball rankings, my budding love hitched a ride. Who can argue with Hummel, Martin (recently departed but instantly replaced in my heart by lewjack), JaJuan J, and E’Twaun? Certainly not I. Instead I held my breath, gasped, cheered, screamed and cursed alongside the best of them (and arguably even more than Billynho) for the entire winter.
Since revealing the details of my formerly torturous football deprived ex-relationship in an emotional piece a few months ago, some readers are calling the article's content into disrepute. Who dare challenge the word of this unemployed, hack, anonymous blogger? Erm, his ex-girlfriend. This just in... she claims to still hate football (I never knew, she claims to have told me many times.). Yes, she says that, "MAYBE IF MY HACK, ANONYMOUS BLOGGER EX-BOYFRIEND LISTENED TO ME MORE, I COULD'VE LEARNED TO LIKE IT THIS FALL!" Alas, let's not get into what-ifs, he-says-she-says, and listening to the opinion of women. Let's just transition into Billynho's Guide to the NFL For Women (Part 2). (Iuns will deliver her side later; but she's more eager than any woman for the rest of this series.)
"Damnet B! You said the DEFENSE was supposed to tackle the offense!? Hmpf! Looks to me like Ohio State's running back keeps knocking down Purdue's defenders." -Billynho's ex-girlfriend, 10/6/07, expressing her frustration at watching Ohio State's running back Beanie Wells go BEAST MODE on Purdue. Defensive Tackle: Marked "DL" in the picture above (but more commonly referred to as DT's), defensive tackles primarily serve to eat up space at the line of scrimmage. In most instances, the biggest and strongest are the best; speed is of little value, except at the dinner table. The top defensive tackles in the NFL command the attention of two offensive linemen (and even more servings of food), which theoretically frees up their defensive linemates to wreak havoc on the offense. The majority of NFL teams play two defensive tackles at a time, but a handful use just one. Good Examples: Ted Washington, Vin "Second Helping Taker" Baker (if he played football instead of basketball), Warren Sapp, Refrigerator Perry, Sally Struthers Bad Examples: Steve Emtman, Nicole Richie, The People of Kenya Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Honey, if Tony Siragusa was an incontinent, I bet he'd still weigh three times more than me! I'm pretty sure I'd be incontinent I had the ball and was playing against Bob Sanders."
Defensive End: The main duty of defensive ends is to contain the run on the outside and rush the quarterback (DE). They'll spin around, club, or bull their way through the offensive tackle to get there every play. Explosiveness, size, and strength are required. If you can't apply pressure on the quarterback, it allows receivers lots of time to get open and makes it hard on your secondary. The elite defensive ends make over 10 sacks a year. The New Orleans Saints have about half that many as a team this season I think. Good Examples: Jared Allen, Reggie White, Bruce Smith, Julius Peppers, Jevon Kearse as a rookie Bad Examples: Andre Wadsworth, Jevon Kearse when he wasn't a rookie Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "I'd rather have Dwight Freeney spin into me ten times than run into a motionless Bob Sanders once."
Linebacker: Linebackers are pegged as either inside, strongside, or weakside, but none of the three is really demonstrably better than the others. The inside (middle) linebacker calls the defense's plays and is usually a tough guy. The outside backers guard tight ends and rush the quarterback on blitzes. They usually make the most tackles and are utter badasses (like Bob Sanders). Good Examples: Brian Urlacher, Bobby Bouche, Ray Lewis, Former Purdue Defensive Ends, Barrett Ruud (or so I'm told during every Bucs game), old white guys on the Patriots Bad Examples: The Boz, Willie Williams, Napoleon Harris Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "OMG! I just had the greatest idea! How sick would Bob Sanders be if he played linebacker for the Colts!?!?! Wouldn't it be so beautiful? (tear at the thought)"
Cornerback: Cornerbacks cover wide receivers and try to prevent them from catching the ball. Most can't do it. The best-of-the-best make it virtually impossible for receivers to catch a pass thrown their way and essentially seal off their side of the field. The worst can undermine a team of Pro Bowlers by themselves. None of them have a prayer against Randy Moss. Good Examples: Neon Deion Sanders, Champ Bailey, Ronde Barber, Cortland Finnegan, Rod Woodson Bad Examples: Quentin Jammer, Tracy Porter Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Shit. When Pacman gets locked up again, who am I supposed to go to Vegas with?"
Safety: Safeties are hard-hitting, intense dudes with SMS who wish they were big. They're fast, pretty good in coverage, and love to lead with their helmet when wide receivers are in the air. They stand the farthest from the line of scrimmage before the play. If the offense makes a big play, they're probably to blame. But they'll still act like hard asses when they come off the field. Good Examples: Bob Sanders, Rod Woodson, Bob Sanders, Ed Reed, Bob Sanders Bad Examples: Roy Williams, Adam Archuleta Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "No EFFING way! No. That was impossible. I don't believe it happened. How the EFF did Bob Sanders fight off six blockers to single-handedly solo tackle Jerome Bettis six yards deep in the backfield on fourth-and-one to win the game. I love him. I love Bob Sanders. It's over between me and you, whatever your name was, because I'm leaving you... for Bob Sanders."
If you like this site, you have to read these. There's really not anymore I can say. These were the first two things I read when I woke, and I couldn't stop laughing out loud to myself.:
The headline lured me in. And how could it not? Who is this guy!? I'm either creeped out or really impressed, I can't decide which yet. Against my better judgement, I'm leaning towards the latter. Tony Romo Takes Homeless Man to Movies
Hahahahahahahahahah!............. hahahhahahaahahahah.......... I could look at these pictures all day. Try it; you'll like it. The Art of the Sports Columnist Photo by Joe Sports Fan
Shout out! Weezy's back with another installment, and his Easter-pink Sprite is a little pinker this week.
Shout Out Count: Six, still none for Billynho The song to read to: Cool Kids ft/ Lil Wayne- Gettin' It
Nelly was a really good baseball player growing up, man. He could have gone to the league but he chose a different path. He's a diehard St. Louis fan and it's kind of crazy, actually. We bet on games sometimes and last year we bet a pretty large sum of money on the Hornets. Nelly didn't think they'd make it past the first round and I did, so we put money on it. When I beat him he had to pay me $19,000 dollars. That's the most I've ever bet on sports. I try not to get too crazy or bet anything too major that I would really miss. We have so much in common! You see, my brother was a really good wrestler (he claims) growing up. He could've gone to semi-state (he claims), but he chose to... well, I'm not sure he did anything else instead. But HEY, we bet sometimes, too! Last year, we bet $10 on how good of a basketball season Purdue would have. I won. Seems $10 was a little too rich; he couldn't pay up. Oh wait, you said $19,000? Never mind, I guess we don't have much in common after all... (sniff)
I had a bet with Shawty Lo on the Eagles and the Giants and I lost, so I owe him something but I won't say what.
And the best part about that fight was that Artest did not even move. He did not get involved. I felt bad when Steve Nash got knocked to the floor, that poor little guy. Rafer Alston's from the playground, so that's gonna happen. Shout out to him because that's my homie.
Note to self: Avoid at all costs the gang of fourth graders ballin' at Cheesman's Court every day.
D-Wade's a cool guy, but I've never really been invited to his games. I guess I need tickets. I guess we could play video games or something together when we're both home, but I don't know if he plays and I'm not so good. I like to play golf and soccer video games, anyway.
I know how you feel. That blonde who sat in front of me in Anthropology last spring seemed really nice. I probably should've gotten her number. My favorite board game is Monopoly. I mean, I maybe would've been willing to play Monopoly with her. I like to use the shoe, because I like shoes. If she doesn't like Monopoly, I'm really good at Clue, too.
I want to learn how to really play golf. I've only been to a driving range once, but I was too young to be interested. I know the game well and I always wonder how good I'd be if I really worked at it. It's a very strategic game and I'm kind of OK at things like that. I will do it one day, but of course I've got to get it right.
You know, I'm decent at chess (I know the POINT SYSTEM). But I've never been taught or anything. I'm smart (I am. I AM!), I could maybe be somewhat, kinda, sorta, possibly average at chess if I ever devoted myself to the game. Ahh, dreams.
I've totally, totally ignored Joe Flacco on the blog, and for that I apologize.
I don't know about you, but I loved the conclusion to the tale of Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling sure had me going there for awhile(no, not like THAT, though she is pretty fit for 43)! Here I'd read like 6,000 pages of those books ready to well up at any moment in anticipation of Lord Voldemort dying (okay, I admit, I did well up a few times anyways). You're probably all like, "Ay B, Voldemort was a cotton-headed ninnymuggins, wasn't he?" That he was R, but Miss Rowling tricked me. You see, she had my mind in a tizzy thinking that (paraphrasing) "Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort have a mutually dependent relationship in which if one dies, so too will the other." Then, thankfully, on page 5,960 (SPOILER ALERT!!!) she took it all back.
PHEW!!! Ha Ha Ha (relieved, delirious, wonderful laughter)!
We're not in the clear yet, the nightmare is not over.
Gulp.
Devin Hester the Boy Wonder Kick Returner is a real world incarnation of Harry Potter, and I'm afeared his tale won't end so happily ever after. Gulp. Put simply... Harry Potter : Lord Voldemort :: Devin Hester the Boy Wonder Kick Returner : Devin Hester the No. 2 Wide Receiver
In his first two seasons as almost exclusively a returner, Hester was considered the most feared special teams specialist in the history of the NFL. He returned seven punts and four kickoffs for touchdowns in the regular season and was sitting just two behind Brian Mitchell for the all-time special teams touchdowns lead. He caught just 20 passes over the same two seasons.
This year, he entered a dark chapter of his career. The numbers suggest he's a sub-standard kick returner all of a sudden. He's yet to score a special teams TD and is averaging a paltry six yards per punt return.
Those who watch the Chicago Bears closely didn't have to hear the numbers to know what I'm talking about. An eye-test reveals he's lost his other-worldly explosiveness and sharp cutting ability.
There are, though, good explanations for his newfangled struggles.
He emerged as one of Kyle Orton's most reliable targets early this season, must always be feared as a deep-threat on offense, and shows a willingness to catch balls over the middle with safeties bearing down on him. His value as a receiver means he is forced to sprint every play, rather than just six times a game, which likely is to blame for robbing his explosiveness. He's no longer fresh for special teams.
Additionally, teams have wizened up when it comes to avoiding Hester the Returner. Last season, the Bears had an all-time NFL record number of punts booted out of bounds against them. This season, he's had even fewer opportunities through eight games.
Whatever the reason, the fact remains that Devin Hester the Returner and Devin Hester the Receiver have yet to show they can co-exist.
Here's hoping they find a way to break the curse, just like Harry Potter.
Shout out y'all. It's official, Lil Wayne's greatest contribution to mankind is no longer "Let The Beat Build," bitch. No, no, it'd be nigh impossible for him to top his literary gifts with music (though Tha Carter III is insane, Shout Out). Here's my breakdown of Part I. Read on as I give a shout out to the best of his latest blog offering where he touches on his sports watching schedule, the NBA, NFL players he wouldn't want to hit him, and gives shout outs to basically everyone in the sports world. Where's the love for Billynho, Lil Wayne? Can I get a shout out? "A lot of people on the blog were asking how much sports I watch each week, so this is pretty much what my typical week looks like:... Tuesday - I'm saved by the NBA. I try to check out Chris Paul and the Hornets as often as I can, then I like to start watching other games once they get to the fourth quarter. That's the best way to do it if you've got the package and you want to watch a bunch of games in one night. I watch Kobe a lot, too."
Yeah yeah, Paul and Kobe are okay. But he forgot to mention Brian Cardinal and Brian Scalabrine. They're fun, too... They are!
"The Lakers look wonderful. I think they won their first three games by 65 points combined. It's tough to predict how many wins they're gonna get this season. If they keep going like this and they reach 60 then I think they'll pass the Celtics 66 wins last year, which would be nothing short of amazing.
You gotta watch out for Trevor Ariza, man, he's the secret weapon. He's the David Price of the Lakers. That kid can flat-out play. I knew when the Lakers got him in that trade that he was gonna be great for them eventually. I've been keeping track of him. He's excellent on NBA2K9, too."
Ariza is a baller!!!
"The Knicks have been something else, man. You got Marbury and Eddy Curry not even part of the system? Damn. I hit Eddy up on the two-way last night asking what's up and he hasn't responded yet so we'll see."
Has he seen Marbury or Curry play since 2005?
Greg Oden is a bust. He's gotta show me something, man. I don't get it. At what point in time was he dominant? I've never seen it. You've never seen it. Maybe NBA officials know something we don't. That's all I can figure. Maybe somebody on that staff has seen something we haven't. But until he shows me something, I'm gonna declare him a bust. Damn shame, too.
T.O. still looks like he's about to cry. It's getting ugly in Dallas, man. They're in last place now in their division? This is a disaster.
Hahahahahaha! Shout out to you, Lil Wayne... I love your blog.
I would not want to get hit by Ray Lewis or Troy Polamalu. Those would be the two guys I would definitely want to avoid. Hines Ward is a pretty excellent blocker downfield, too. I wouldn't wanna run into that.
No, seriously. Take a look at this wonderblog! These deep observations are pretty dumb, but pretty genius at the same time: "I know the Rays got the Backstreet Boys to sing the national anthem before Game 1, and that's gonna be something. I thought Backstreet Road was closed for construction, but I guess not. Since I went to a postseason game in Tampa, I think they're gonna boo 'em. I really do. Those fans are wild. They were hardcore, trust me. More cowbell was serious and everybody has mohawks. I don't know how well the Backstreet Boys are going to do with the mohawk crew. It could get ugly."
Here Wayne takes an open shot at another artist (sic). You never see musicians do this. And yet what he says is so true. 12-year-old girls don't watch the World Series. Why ARE the Backstreet Boys going to play there?
"I still like the Rays to win the World Series. The Phillies' hitters are tough. They can shut your starting pitchers down fast and as for pitching, they've got Brad Lidge, and Cole Hamels is nice, but wow. I did not expect them to make the World Series. A lot of people are talking about Lidge and how he blew the save in the NLCS a few years ago but I guarantee he's not thinking about Albert Pujols right now. He's thinking about 46 saves in 46 tries. The number right there is scary. He's riding that wave. With that fact alone this should be a great World Series, but I still think the Rays are gonna come out on top. I'm basing that on the home field advantage."
Most convoluted logic I've ever read.
Honestly, I do not watch the Pro Bowl. I don't even watch the NBA All-Star Game even though I'm always involved in the NBA's All-Star weekend. I'm down there and I never watch the game 'cause it don't mean anything. In the Pro Bowl they wait till the fourth quarter to get serious, but in the NBA All-Star Game they never get serious, they just try to throw the ball off the backboard for 48 minutes. I don't want to sound like an old guy, but I remember NBA All-Star Games games with Jordan, Olajuwon, Ewing that were real games. They're out there f—ing with teammates, you hear about locker room fights, and this is the All-Star Game. That's what I love, but those years are long gone.
Who doesn't like thinking back about how competitive Jordan and Bird were back in the day? He's right; it is a joke today. Every year it seems like one team goes up 30, before the other team storms back, and the scores end up in the 120's.
"Poor Dallas. And poor T.O. He's gonna quit. He takes a loss differently than anyone on that team. I think he has nightmares about losing or something, because he looks like he's about to cry after every game they lose. You see him over there on the sidelines sitting by himself just pouting like a little kid. Remember last year? "That's my quarterback, man." I love when any sports channel just brings that clip back for no reason. They always bring it back for nothing, just out of the blue "That's my quarterback, man." T.O. is an amazing talent but he's definitely a situation. But that's another difference between the old days and now. Back then there's no way you play football and then go cry on TV."
Hilarious. And I never thought of T.O. like that, but I don't smoke weed (I don't), so I have to get this great insight from Lil' Wayne.
Did you see LenDale's touchdown this weekend? His little fat self ran 80 yards. They put the timer on SportsCenter and it took him like six seconds, but he made it and that's what matters. That guy is funny.
No, you're funny Lil' Wayne! LenDale White's "little fat self?" Hahahahaha. Then you say he ran an 80 yard touchdown in six seconds, over a second faster than Usain Bolt could run it in. I can't wait for the next installment.
In unrelated music news, I played this song four times while writing this piece... The song is pretty emo, but the video is really cool (kinda like Say Anything's "I called her on the phone, and she..." song and "Mushaboom"). While I go get some popcorn (I got the munchies REALLY bad!), take a look:
With Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle out with season-ending injuries, the Kansas City Chiefs are fresh out of back-up quality quarterbacks (they actually never had a starter). So what does that mean? Kansas City QB Thigpen is starting again this weekend!!! Be sure to tune in as the shroud over the identity of the mysterious Thigpen (or Pigpen, depending on what you believe) may finally be removed.
Surely they wouldn't start Tyler, he of the 42% completion percentage and 44.3 QB rating this season, would they? I'm betting on Yancey. Who ya got? Leave your guesses in the comments...
I know when it happened to me for the first time, I could barely handle it. I'll never forget the moment. Stared in horror. Couldn't bear to imagine the future. Contemplated ending it all right there. It was all so... meaningless.
The relationship... I mean. Yes, I'm of course talking about dating a woman who knew nothing about football. She didn't know jack about Jack (del Rio).
"Joe Namath?... John Madden?... Joe Theismann's right leg?... Barry Sanders?... Brett Favre?... Tom Brady?... He Hate Me?" I'd offer hopefully to blank stares.
"Who?" she'd reply time-after-time uninterested (muffled by my shrieking sounds of disbelief), as if she was Fresh Off the Boat from some scarcely populated, archaic island in the Pacific (which wouldn't explain anything, I later realized, what with all the Samoans in the NFL).
At first I shuddered, cringed, and whinged. But she was a sweetheart (and had a tight booty). So I gave up hope of understanding how she lived 22 years on this planet yet managed to avoid ALL knowledge of its greatest sport, and I formulated a plan. I gave her a crash course on the ins and outs of football, dropped athletes names as verbs in everyday conversation ("You really Ted Washingtoned my ice cream!"), quizzed her on each team's nickname (they learn these fast guys), and smiled as the results shined through.
Soon my girl was talkin' bout jukin' like Reggie Bush, devouring YouTube clips of Noel Devine and AJ Green and asking for thirds, threatening to crush me a la Bob Sanders, and, best of all, willing to watch NFL on Sundays with me (we tried college football, but she didn't appreciate the brutality when we went and saw No. 1 Ohio State obliterate Purdue)!
"Monday Night Football?" you ask/beg. Well if she'd be as nice as she was enthusiastic about football, we'd have watched Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints Monday at her behest.
The point is you don't have to give up hope. Guys, your girlfriend/wife can learn to appreciate football, and quickly, even if she'd rather open-mouth kiss a homeless man than sit through a game today. Make your starflower utopia lovechild read this piece!
Women, football is fun. And I'm here to explain why. Read on as I dish the essentials to help you not only tolerate football, but enjoy it!:
"Quarter...back... please. When did you give me a quarter?" -Billynho's ex-girlfriend, 10/6/07, responding tersely after being asked to point out the quarterback. Understand the Positions: I don't watch cricket or polo because I'm not gay, nouveau-riche, or an Indian in Britain. But even if I tried, I'm sure I'd hate both because I wouldn't have a damn (raging) clue about was going on. I can understand why females with little knowledge of football don't like it. The best way to hasten the learning curve is to learn the roles of each position.
Quarterback: Marked "QB" on the image above, quarterbacks have nothing to do with change. Quarterbacks command the huddle, call plays (most are told by their coach what plays to run, the best call their own), hand off to the running back, and pass to wide receivers, tight ends, and running backs... all while running for their lives from defensive ends. They're typically good looking (Peyton Manning is a notable exception), tall (around 6'5"), smart, and tough. A great quarterback makes his fans sound gay when talking about him. A terrible quarterback gets his head coach fired. Good Examples: Steve Young, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Joe Montana, Drew Brees, Willie Beaman Bad Examples: Kordell Stewart, Kansas City's Thigpen, Ryan Leaf, Philip Rivers, Michael Vick Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Part of me is glad Michael Vick is in prison, because as an Atlanta Falcons fan it's nice to have a real quarterback once again instead of a running back masquerading back there. The other part of me wonders how we're going to get weed with him locked up. You have JaMarcus Russell's cell phone number right?"
Running Back: Also known as "tailbacks" (TB above), running backs typically line up behind and take hand-offs from the quarterback before attempting to run around or through defenders. On pass plays, they either block for the quarterback or turn into receivers. Running back is said to be one of the most dangerous positions to play in any sport, a theory to which Willis McGahee surely attests (do not watch that video if squirmish... I have never re-watched it since seeing it live). Fast, strong, and skilled... running backs are the best athletes on the field. Good Examples: Barry Sanders, Marshall Faulk, Walter Payton, Reggie Bush, Adrian Peterson, Marshawn Lynch, Mike Alstott, Michael Vick Bad Examples: Anyone drafted in the first round by the Chicago Bears Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Honey, have you ever realized that LaDainian Tomlinson's backups always average more yards per carry than him? Makes no sense that everyone thinks he's the best running back in the NFL."
Wide Receiver: Teams typically line up between two and four receivers (WR, logically) at a time, and it is their job to get open and catch passes from the quarterback. They must have great hands, run precise routes, and the best are fearless, able to hold onto a catch knowing a full-speed hit is coming from a defender. They also tend to have the best touchdown dances, generally believe they should have the ball thrown to them every down, and pout through the media when it isn't. Seriously, it's required of the great ones. Good Examples: 2002-2007 Chad Johnson, Marvin Harrison, Jerry Rice, Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, Rod Tidwell, Anyone guarded by Jacques Reeves, Florida State's Peter Warrick Bad Examples: 2008 Chad Johnson, Ashley Lelie, Troy Williamson, Cincinnati Bengals' Peter Warrick Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "If you made ME the Lions starting quarterback with Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson to throw to, we'd outscore the 1999 St. Louis Rams. I don't care if Charles Rogers and Mike Williams are my third and fourth options. We'll score 50 a game."
Tight End: Tight ends (TE) line up on either side of the offensive line and serve as extra blockers on running plays and targets on passing plays. They typically run 5-10 yard routes across the middle of the field, and average tight ends lack the speed to run much after the catch. The league's best tight ends are ultra-athletic speedsters who are too fast for linebackers and too strong for defensive backs (we'll cover those in part two). Because most tight ends are immobile louts, semi-competent ones with functioning legs are oft-vastly overrated (see: Jason Witten). Good Examples: Tony Gonzalez, Shannon Sharpe, Antonio Gates (while Drew Brees was his quarterback), Mike Vrabel Bad Examples: Vernon Davis Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "No one is better than Dallas Clark at finding the seam between the secondary and the linebackers. Unfortunately he fumbles more than Ahman Green."
Offensive Lineman: They're gross, so we'll hit them up all at once to get our minds off them fast. Every play, the offensive team lines up five lineman. The outside two are the left and right tackles (left and right in relation to the direction the quarterback is facing), inside of them are the left and right guards, and in the middle is the center. The center snaps the ball to the quarterback. To play on the offensive line are you must be a fatass, display a willingness to chop and cut (block), and smell bad. You HAVE to smell really bad! Good Examples: Billy Bob, Jonathan Ogden, Olin Kreutz, Steve Hutchinson Bad Examples: Tony Mandarich, Ray Budds Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Does Leonard Davis lack a gastrointestinal tract? He is noticably more fat now than he was at the beginning of the game."
Check back for more in the series: A Guide to the NFL For Women
The internet is abuzz with all things sport lately, which makes writing articles like this fairly easy. In fact, I was able to churn this out in about the time it took Kimbo to get knocked out (too soon?).
Read on to see the best the internet has to offer (at least for the time being). Baseball:
The ALCS and NLCS are set! Games will begin on Thursday in Philly. The superbly written and designed Phillies Nation points out that usual stud Chase Utley has been less than stellar so far in the playoffs. For the Phils' sake, I hope he can rebound. [Phillies Nation]
One of the Cartel's favorites, Core-Pat, will be looking for work. [Red Hot Mama]
Apparently it's not just Prince Fielder and CC. Baseball Reference tells us that the big leagues are getting even bigger as of late. [Baseball Reference]
Football:
My buddy pointed out to me that the 'Cats of N'western are undefeated, but only after a cupcake first 5 games. With that said, they may stun the superior Spartans and there is no doubt that they'll knock off my Boilers in Evanston. As for their schedule to date, check it out. [ESPN]
BYU is rolling. But, will the Cougs stumble even before they play their toughest on-paper opponent (not to mention hated rival) in Salt Lake City? [Salt Lake Tribune]
Marvin Lewis may be a bad coach, but this little gem makes us chuckle. [Stripe Hype]
Billynho and I watched the 'Aints lose to the Vikes last night and we couldn't help but slightly disagree with some of the officiating decisions. Looks like the NFL is sending their cleanup crews around to tidy up this mess, including the Saints' homepage. [ProFootballTalk]
After a week off, our stellar power rankings are back! This week the site's editors are joined by dave-o, who was finally able to turn off the WNBA playoffs long enough to contribute to the Cartel.
Not a lot has changed in the world of professional pigskin. The Rams, Lions, and Raiders all still sit in our bottom 7, even though they've all made significant coaching/management changes as of late. Our opinion? You could fire every staff member for all three teams, and there's still no way that any of them make the playoffs (possibly this entire decade).
At the top, we recognize those who win, and three of our top four are still undefeated. The 'Boys join this group, because despite a close loss to the 'Skins, they are arguably still the most explosive team in the league.
For anybody who feels that the standings in college football are weird this year (Northwestern? Vandy? Duke?!?!?), the NFL has its share too. We are now almost a quarter of the way done with the regular season and Buffalo, Tennessee, and Denver are leading their divisions rather than the more familiar New England, Indianapolis, and San Diego. Only time will tell if this situation will rectify itself, or if the sports gods are spreading some of the Tampa Bay Rays' luck to other leagues.
Through four games, New Orleans Saints quarterback (and Kornheiser's Cartel favorite) Drew Brees is 107-for-148 (72.3%) for 1343 yards with a quarterback rating of 106.9 while throwing to a bunch of number three receivers after Marques Colston was injured in week one. He's also saved 314 Cajuns, reformed 963 prisoners, donated his money, house, and all of his clothing to charity, talked Jerry Seinfeld into doing those mildly amusing Microsoft commercials, decreased reciprocal usage of the word "bro" among non-bros by over 40% (!), and is close to bringing Elian home.
It's clear that no one in the sporting world is overlooked like Mr. New Orleans Drew Brees (well, other than Coach Conor O'Neill, who I almost overlooked myself).
He's on pace to pass for 5,372 yards, which would shatter the NFL single-season yardage record (5,084 by Dan Marino in 1984). If he can sustain his ridiculous completion percentage, that would also break a rickety old NFL record (70.55% by Ken Anderson in 1982). How are we not being reminded of this regularly?
Also never before mentioned is the fact that from 2004 through week four of the 2008 season, Brees has posted a 94.9 passer rating. That number is higher than the career passer ratings of both Peyton Manning and Tom Brady.
2008 seems destined to be the year Brees will finally receive the accolades he's long deserved. The Saints have an improved defense (with the exception of rookie cornerback Tracy Porter) and Saints running back Reggie Bush is suspiciously reminding me of former USC running back Reggie Bush. Coach Sean Payton has committed a few serious coaching gaffes that cost the Saints two games already this season (embarrassing playcalling in the red zone chief among them), but the schedule looks accommodating for New Orleans to go on a major tear despite their coach. If that happens, Brees will have a great chance to break both NFL records, not to mention finally receiving the NFL MVP award he deserved in 2004 and 2006.
Hopefully Coach Conor, in the spirit of G-Baby (RIP), will go broke upholding his end of the bargain rewarding the MVP (Most Valuable Pizzaeater) with a pizza for every touchdown he throws.
After all, he won't just be feeding a man........................ he'll be feeding a city.
So I just get done watching the Saints lose on Sunday, Brees didn't play particularly well (I mean he was good obviously, but not perfect like usual. Don't worry. Wasn't his fault, his team let him down.), but they still could've won. I'm distraught. I'm pissed. I'm tired. I'm stressed. And then Ike rolls through Indiana and brings with him 40 mph winds and over an inch of rain.
All I wanna do is chill. Get away from it all. And listen to Incubus Live at Red Rocks man. Just chiiiilllllllllll. Red Rocks! You know what I'm saying dude. Anyways, as I flip from ESPN News over to my DVD input, I have to flip right back to double take and disprove what my eyes claim to have seen. Kansas City QB Thigpen? Who? I know the NFL. I play fantasy football. I thought I know every quarterback in that league. Brodie Croyle, Damon Huard, end of story as far as the Chiefs are concerned. Or so I thought. A Thigpen did play quarterback for the Chiefs. So who is this mysterious "Thigpen?" I've rounded up the suspects, straight-up Tom Lutz style... Bobby Thigpen: Played nine years in the major leagues for the White Sox, Phillies, and Mariners. (Only) Remembered for setting the MLB single season saves with 57 in 1990. Pros: Was a better baseball player than John Elway. Would be veteran presence on youthful team. Cons: At age 45, he's old enough to be the nephew of Brett Favre or Kurt Warner.
Lynne Thigpen: Tony Award winning actress best known for playing "The Chief" of the ACME Agency on Where In the World Is Carmen Sandiego?. Pros: Already known as "The Chief." Will be a great game manager if she can find open receivers as well as she could find fictional edutainment characters. Cons: Died of a cerebral hemmorhage in 2003.
Yancey Thigpen: Retired two-time All Pro wide receiver who helped lead the Steelers to Super Bowl XXX. Was rated an 88 on Madden 98. Pros: Played with Kordell Stewart so he has seen a wide receiver play out of position at quarterback first hand. Cons: Rating fell to a 74 by Madden 2000. You have to figure he's sub-45 now.
Tyler Thigpen: Third string quarterback on the Kansas City Chiefs. Was an All American in college, nice nice... in Division I-AA at Coastal Carolina. Oh. Pros: Acquired on waivers, unlikely to be missed if he were to be injured. Cons: Waived by the Minnesota Vikings, who currently start Tavaris Jackson, one year ago. Has to practice against Bernard Pollard every day. Has to shower with Bernard Pollard every day. Has to listen to Bernard Pollard run his mouth all day.
Pig-Pen: In the event that someone at ESPN made a typo... A cloud of dust and dirt follows the Peanuts character whereever he walks. Pros: Said to carry the soil trod upon by Genghis Khan. Used to being a loser. Cons: Stands 4'5", 65 pounds.
It looks like the NFC East might be even better than last year. Three of our top seven teams all come from this division. The Cowboys can score a lot of points and sit atop this week's rankings. Despite losing to the 'Boys, Philly is good and the Giants have yet to disappoint.
As good as the NFC East is, the NFC West is that bad. At least one member of the Cartel sees the Cards winning with a 7-9 or 8-8 record. Look for the Rams to win no more than 2 games all year.
Switching to the AFC, it looks like so far this season there has been a changing of the guard. Pittsburgh and Buffalo rise to the top of our rankings, and these two could end up with first-round byes come January.
In other AFC news, Cinci and KC are horrible. The jury is still out as to how bad Houston, Oakland, and Baltimore are going to be.
During the broadcast of tonight's Monday Night Football game, the Tony Kornheiser himself brought up a great point.
In his words, "Do you think Terrell would be thought of as a great player had he not had all the off field problems and controversies that he has had?"
Considering T.O. just passed Cris Carter for second on the all-time TD reception list tonight (and then added another one a few minutes later), I would hope so.
I have always considered T.O. as an absolutely elite receiver and my confidence in him is only bolstered by every off-the-field incident he has.
Consider tonight for example:
Philadelphia has a total of nine Pro Bowl selections in their secondary.
Terrell has three catches for 89 yards and should have another reception with another 50 yards if not for a hold on the Dallas offensive line.
He has two touchdown receptions.
AND IT'S NOT EVEN HALFTIME!
Really, when T.O. retires and I look back at his career, I'm not going to think of the suicide attempt, the drama with McNabb, or his Desperate Housewives cameo. I am going to remember how baller he was in the Super Bowl and coming back from a broken leg, courtesy of Roy Williams, and more than holding his own against a dominant Patriots team.
Oh, and his touchdown celebrations.
I mean, it goes without saying that he will be a first ballot Hall of Famer, and without some unfortunate injuries in his career he could be well on his way to breaking numerous NFL records.
Anyways, the fact that TK himself brought it up makes it an issue. Don't talk about T.O.'s shenanigans anymore, unless the ball he is signing is for you!
P.S. Oh boy, what a game, huh?!? 51 total points and the half isn't even over!
The Packers are off and running in their Post-Brett Era. With Aaron Rodgers leading the offense, the Packers are now 2-0 for only the second time in the last seven seasons. At this point, how could anyone argue that trading Brett was the right move?
The season lines so far:
Name
CMP/ATT
YDS
CMP%
YPA
TD-INT
RAT
Brett Favre
33/48
375
68.8%
7.8
3-1
104.1
Aaron Rodgers
42/60
506
70.0%
8.4
4-0
117.8
I agree with the Packer organization's decision to trade Brett. Hell, the better he does, the better they will be compensated with a higher and higher draft pick.
The one thing I hate about this saga though is how the media, specifically ESPN, will blow the comparison of these two out of the water this season and however long Favre decides to stick around.
The constant bickering back and forth of all these sports "analysts/journalists/pedophiles" is nuts. The fact that they have the audacity to call Aaron Rodgers the better quarterback is ludicrous to say the least.
Yes, Aaron Rodgers is playing very well right now. If you compare the duos stats through two games, you could argue that he is playing better than Favre.
The thing that these "experts" are refusing to acknowledge is that Favre is only about three-to-four weeks into learning the system that his new team is employing. Aaron Rodgers has had three years to get down all the intricacies of the Green Bay offense.
Another fact that must be taken into account: Brett went from a Green Bay team that just got out of a massive rebuilding campaign, with him at the helm, to a New York Jets squad currently stuck in the midst of a rebuilding project. Under new general manager Mike Tannenbaum, the Jets are starting to turn things around, though. But that takes time.
Rodgers has had the benefit of playing traditionally "soft" pass defenses the first two games. Of the 32 teams in the NFL last season, the Detroit Lions (7-9, 2007) and the Minnesota Vikings (8-8, 2007), the Packers first two opponents, finished 31st and 32nd in the league in pass defense, respectively. To take that one step further, the Lions finished dead last in total defense and gave up a league-high 27.8 points-per-game last season.
Brett Favre's Jets started the season with presumed cupcake Miami (1-15, 2007). Even though the Dolphins were within one overtime of going winless last season, they somehow managed to showcase the 4th-ranked pass defense in the NFL. He followed that game with who else but the top team in the NFL last season and Super Bowl runner-ups, the New England Patriots (16-0, 2007). The Patriots, of course, are known for not only their pass defense, which ranked 6th in the NFL last season, but also their total defensive unit, which ranked 4th in total defense. They also gave up the 4th fewest points-per-game last season at 17.1 per.
In all reality, Favre has never been the sharpest tool in the shed. No offense to him. It will take time for him to get accustomed to a new offense. The fact that he is playing so well so far this season is remarkable. You'd really have to be a great quarterback like Brett to pull this off.
And to Rodgers credit, regardless of who he has played, he has been lights out. The Packers played this all right with regards to giving their young quarterback a few years to learn the offense and understand the flow of the game more and more. Rodgers is in the mold of a Tony Romo in that he sat around for a few years and then finally gets his shot with a team full of talent around him. In Tony's case, he made a good team great. Rodgers could be that missing piece for the Packers. So far, it seems he might.
Really, the situation just reminds me of what schools are doing with the coaching transitions in the college game. If it works, why not?
Anyways, here's to another season of overblown coverage on stupid issues. Cheers!
I was walking around the Bears' sideline during last Sunday's game. I had my Talkboy handy and was scribbling notes. I paid special attention to Rex Grossman, and here are some notable observations. And yes, I can read Sexy Rexy's mind.
Pregame
Rex Grossman: Hey bro don’t be nervous out there. No matter what happens, the team's got your back.
Kyle Orton: Thanks man. Honestly I don’t feel too nervous; I’m just anxious.
Rex Grossman: Yeah yeah. Just perform like you did in the 2002 Orange Bowl. You had nerves of steel that game. It was awesome. Weren’t you like 20-28 for 248 yards with 4 TDs and no interceptions?
Kyle Orton: No I wasn’t really playing much in the '01 season. You must be confusing me with someone else.
Rex Grossman: Hmm? Hmm? Who could that be? (Lovie Smith walks by... Rex speaks loudly in hopes of getting his attention) Oh you’re right Kyle, that was I who completed 71.4% of his passes with 4 TDs in the 2002 Orange Bowl game!!
Lovie Smith: (Talking to Orton) You feeling good Kyle? We’re gonna need a strong performance from you, but we’ve got confidence in you. That’s why we named you the starter. (A slow tear can be seen rolling down the cheek of Grossman)
Rex Grossman: Yeah K.O.. Just another game; not like that 2004 Wisconsin Game where a “small” fumble can cost you the entire season and any possibility of winning the Heisman. So just go out there and have fun. Speaking of gutty performances, Coach, want some game film from 2002 Orange Bowl? (Lovie pats Rex’s head, politely smiles and walks away)
1st Quarter
Rex Grossman: (Rex thinking to himself) Alright, you know what, screw this. The team needs me! I just gotta stand here on the sidelines, support my team, read the defensive formations, study this playbook, and (shocked and amazed he yells) HOLY SHIT THIS ROOF OPENS?!?!?! This stadium is sick, huh Brian? (Urlacher shakes head and walks away)…(5 seconds of silence) YO LANCE, YOU SEE THIS ROOF?!?!?!
2nd Quarter
Rex Grossman: (Talking to Greg Olsen after the Bears' defense forces a safety) OH YEAH!! What a surprise the defense has to bail Orton out AGAIN.
Greg Olsen: We were winning before the safety, and Orton’s actually having a pretty good game.
Rex Grossman: Well yeah, anybody can rock it against the Colts. Trust me I know. I played them in a little game called THE SUPER BOWL!!
Greg Olsen: Uh-huh. Well hey, I’m gonna go get my ankles taped.
Rex Grossman: A-ight brudda. We’ll gab later. Peace in the Middle East!! (Rex thinks his parting words are topical, and can't hide his arrogant grin)
Halftime
(Rex is clearly terrified that people have forgotten he is on the team and that he had an AMAZING Orange Bowl performance. He frantically pours Jack Daniels into Orton’s water bottles thinking this will harm his performance in the 2nd half. This is an error in judgment on Grossman’s behalf. What spinach is to Popeye; Jack Daniels is to Orton)
3rd Quarter
(Rex is awoken from his nap to the sound of his sideline celebrating. He squints and sees Lance Briggs scoring a Touchdown. He makes direct eye-contact with an elated Orton, and with an emotionless face, he gives him the finger and then goes back to sleep)
4th Quarter
Rex Grossman: (Talking on cell phone to Steve Spurrier)…No Ballcoach, it was 4 TDs, not 3. Yeah, I agree “SEC is the place to be.” We used to run the train on them bitches, huh Coach?
Steve Spurrier: (Via cell phone) We sure did Danny.
Rex Grossman: Danny? Who the hell's Danny?
Steve Spurrier: Isn’t this Danny Wuerffel??
Rex Grossman: What the dick is a danny wuerfell?!?!? (A dejected Rex launches his phone to the ground – a perfect spiral – and hangs his head in shame...)
The "Big 3" of the AFC that many felt were the best teams coming in, looked vulnerable to say the least. The Pats lost their franchise player, the Colts looked old and rusty, and the Bolts were sporadic and have also lost an essential piece of their successful program.
So, who will take their places? For the time being it seems that the NFC has risen out of its recent dormancy. NFC teams account for 5 of our top 6 spots this week.
If normalcy is what you crave, then look no further than the bottom 5. With the exception of Detroit (who may have the worst defense in the league) this looks a lot like where 2007 finished off. It's the opinion of the Cartel that these teams are likely going to be here in the basement for awhile.
Why is Chris Collinsworth always smiling? Seriously! He smiled the whole time they were talking about Tom Brady's injury, he smiled while saying Peyton Manning had struggled in the first half, and, damnet, I bet he even smiled while watching those stupid Frank Caliendo commercials. I've seen enough of Chris Collinsworth and his insensitive smiles...
If Matt Cassel comes in, plays really well, and leads the Patriots to the Super Bowl, will New England trade Tom Brady in the offseason? Brady is two years older than Drew Bledsoe was when the same situation occurred, after all...
Everyone has always known the Bears play better with Kyle Orton, so why has it taken this long for him to emerge as the unquestioned starter? Oh, yeah, all that...
Did anyone else hear Brian Billick in the booth of the New Orleans vs. Tampa Bay game? He was prescient, well spoken, and personable. I can't remember enjoying listening to a color commentator more than that. I thought he was supposed to be a dick...
How come nobody heard of Matt Forte last season? He reminded me of a young Edgerrin James...
Does anyone find Frank Caliendo funny? Besides my dad... Ugh
We are now less than one week from opening kickoff of the 2008-2009 NFL season.
Will the Giants be able to defend their title? Will the Brett Favre situation distract every media outlet from teams that are actually good? Will Rex Grossman finally be demoted to NFL Europa (nobody has to tell him that it's now defunct)?
Hopefully these and other questions will be answered as this new season begins. Look for season previews from the Cartel staff this week and here is a listing of the opening week matchups.
Why thanks Billy B. for the plugs when talking about googling underage chicks. That should look great on my eHarmony.com profile (It really might!). Anyways my real concern with the gymnastics coverage is how they did not touch upon how young the Chinese gymnasts really were (Don't get any ideas Costas!!!).
I mean, I may have coached those girls' older brothers on the 10-and-under soccer team that I coached this spring, but the age of those girls competing in the Olympics is not the issue with me... although the rule clearly states that the minimum age for competing gymnasts is 15 (and turning 16 in that calendar year). And there is no way that the little mama in the diapers could even ride my tandem bike with me!
No, my real issue is...how the hell did those girls get off work long enough to compete?
My whole life I have been told and reminded of how kids in China have to work 19 hour days and that I am lucky that I have baked potatoes on my plate every meal. My problem with that logic is, those girls were not working in the "sweatshops", if they even exist...and baked potatoes suck. How am I supposed to keep up my image as a "fly guy" if the best workers in these factories are taking the week off to galavant around a mat and look like the sun is shining in their eyes the entire time. So you are not used to a well-lit workplace...SO WHAT? Eat some more vitamin-A and get over it.
AND your failure to place a gymnast gold or silver...was the 75% drop in production for your country for the week worth it? I hope so.
Anyways, one more thought before I end my night and go rest my wrist on a razor...how, with all our colleges and universities in the United States, did we get stuck with the shittiest "analysts" and "broadcasters" in the entire world? I mean, I would rather listen to Harry Caray's dead body expel stored gas on a telecast than here about how much of a distraction Tony Romo dating Jessica Simpson is to the Cowboys. Seriously? His teammates wouldn't get on that too? No? Alright well off to "shave" my arm.
As a fan of perfect people and Purdue, I'm obsessed with Drew Brees and so is everyone I know. My dad orders Sunday Ticket just to see New Orleans, the Chargers went from my favorite team to least favorite overnight when they sent him packing, and I outfitted my girlfriend in his jersey whenever possible (nervous laughter).
Partly due to my infatuation with the third best quarterback in the NFL, this clip of him dominating in black and gold brings tears to my eyes even on 40th viewing (tonight, 1100th overall).
But I'm impartial enough to admit there are more impressive.
Without further ado:
5. Reggie Bush - A faster version of Peter Warrick, he's been no more effective in the NFL. But every time he touched the ball it was a highlight at USC.
4. AJ Green - He's straight cash homie, and a lot like Randy Moss on the field, too.
3. Barry Sanders - 10 seasons, 10 Pro Bowls, six times 1st-team All-Pro, and I emulated his ankle breaking moves running down the hallway of my house every day as a kid.
2. Marshawn Lynch - You'll find that we here in Kornheiser's Cartel are united through one common thread… the love of Sir Beast Mode. The interview starting at 1:39 captures his essence quite nicely. "And don't do drugs. Haha!"
1. Noel Devine - "Either he's playing against retards or he is the next LaDanian Tomlinson or Reggie Bush."
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