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I'll expand on this in a piece later, but I don't think it is mentioned often enough that it is actually a bit of a detriment to draft at the top of the NFL Draft. The top five picks are given contracts commensurate to those of the best players in the league at their position. If they're a bust (as they often are), they become cap-killers who set the franchise back. Give me two mid-first rounders over the top pick.
Alas, I still love the draft and waste too much time following it. Here's how the April 25 NFL Draft first round might play out:
1) Detroit Lions- OT Andre Smith. EFF, what don't they need? Conventional wisdom says that the Lions must take a quarterback with the top pick. What quarterback could emerge unscathed from that mess? They must get value out of the pick, and Smith is seen as a "can't miss" left tackle. While can't miss tackles do sometimes miss (Robert Gallery and Leonard Davis), they have a much better track record than underclassmen quarterbacks (Ryan Leaf, et al) in untenable situations. Take care of your left tackle position for the next ten years and go after Donovan McNabb, Matt Cassel, or even Matt Leinart in trades. The offense would be substantially better next season, and the Lions could focus on defense with their next first rounder and beyond.
2) St. Louis Rams- WR Michael Crabtree. It wasn't long ago that Rams' quarterbacks were treated to an embarrassment of riches at the skill positions. A look at their roster today reveals a stunning fall in the talent level. How bad? If Torry Holt and the Rams part ways this offseason as rumored, Donnie Avery and Dane Looker would be their top two returning wide receivers. Dane Looker! Marc Bulger has been effective in the NFL before, the Rams have made a huge financial commitment to him in recent years, and they should restock his cupboard and see if he can revive his career. Crabtree is a mega-talent in the mould of Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson, and Brandon Marshall. He's a safe pick for a team with the potential to rebound quickly.
3) Kansas City Chiefs- RB Chris Wells. With Larry Johnson's career in Kansas City about to come to a merciful end, the Chiefs have a gaping hole to be filled in the backfield. Many are projecting they'll take a quarterback here, but Tyler Thigpen acquitted himself quite well the last 10 games posting a 16:8 TD/INT ratio and providing a threat on the ground. Add a running back in Wells with the potential to be one of the best in the NFL, and the Chiefs may have their QB/RB duo for the next half-decade.
4) Seattle Seahawks- OT Michael Oher- The Seahawks could make a case for drafting a quarterback, but Seneca Wallace was excellent in extended playing time this season, and Matt Hasselbeck is a former Pro Bowler. There are many teams with worse situations at quarterback in the NFL. Their main needs are on the lines. They lack high-end talent at defensive tackle and need to infuse young talent at offensive tackle. Because it's hard to spot a defensive tackle worthy of a top-five pick, Oher is the guy. He possesses otherworldly athleticism for his size and can better protect whoever starts behind center. If Crabtree falls to No. 4, they'd have to consider him, too.
5) Cleveland Browns- OLB Aaron Curry. The Browns defense managed a measly 17 sacks in 2008 and taking the 2008 Butkus Award winner would go a long way towards turning the unit around. Their offense ranked 31st in points scored in 2008, but Ken Dorsey will do that to you. Curry made 15 tackles for loss from his outside linebacker position at Wake and is seen as an elite tackler and a potentially disrupting force.
6) Cincinnati Bengals- OT Eugene Monroe. Worst offense in the NFL this season, but the defense wasn't half bad considering they were constantly put in terrible situations. Clearly the pick has to be on offense. Carson Palmer will be back behind center in 2009, and they still have loads of talent at end. They desperately need a running back (Future CFL running back Cedric Benson ran the ball over 200 times for them this season), but with Wells off the board they'll maximize value and take a lineman. Some consider Monroe to be the best lineman in the draft.
7) Oakland Raiders- DE Brian Orakpo. Al Davis will probably trade this pick and his next four first rounders to move up to get Crabtree, but the Raiders must get stronger on the defensive line. They lack an elite pass rusher and are terrible against the run. Orakpo, college football's Nagurski winner, offers a freakish end rusher who won't get bullied around in the running game.
8) Jacksonville Jaguars- LB Rey Maualuga. Maualuga has been NFL-ready since he was 17 and the 10-time All American (or so it seems) will be an elite linebacker for the next decade in the league. He'll be a big tackler and an upgrade over Mike Peterson for a Jaguars team thin at linebacker.
9) Green Bay Packers- DE Michael Johnson. Johnson's blend of size and quickness is oft-compared to Dwight Freeney and Julius Peppers, and, while he isn't seen as a finished product, he'd be an excellent risk for a Packers team looking to beef up against the run. Johnson and Kampman will terrorize opposing quarterbacks for years and should combine to force opposing runners inside.
10) San Francisco 49ers- QB Sam Bradford. Shaun Hill wasn't bad in 2008, but it's time for the 49ers to establish an identity for their franchise. The Alex Smith pick is officially a bust, but they can't let that cloud their judgment moving forward. Bradford would be an unbelievable value at No. 10. His production and accuracy at Oklahoma rank with the best all-time. He may be ready to start from Week One his rookie season and has the potential to someday stand among the Peyton Mannings as the class of the NFL at the quarterback position. He'll probably go higher, but if he falls to San Francisco, they must take him... even though he looks a lot like Screech.
11) Buffalo Bills- OT Jason Smith Jason Peters gave up more sacks than any starting tackle in the NFL in 2008.
12) Denver Broncos- S Taylor Mays With Champ Bailey and Dre Bly at corner, it's hard to believe Denver was 26th against the pass in 2008.
13) Washington Redskin- LB James Laurinaitis Laurinaitis sounds like a disease, but for the Redskins he'd the antidote for an aging- but effective- defense.
14) New Orleans Saints- CB Malcolm Jenkins Saints fans long ago grew tired of watching their cornerbacks give up leads late in games. Jenkins has the talent to go much higher and might be atop the Saints draft board overall.
15) Houston Texans- DT BJ Raji Raji is seen as the top defensive tackle in this draft and would be the third tackle taken in the first round in the last five drafts by the Texans. Hopefully he'll solve their problems against the run.
(Order below not set in stone)
16) New York Jets- QB Matt Stafford With the Brett Favre experiment mercifully over, the Jets will nab Stafford to be their quarterback of the future.
17) Chicago Bears- WR Jeremy Maclin Maclin would add another gamebreaker to the Bears' offense opposite Devin Hester.
18) Tampa Bay Buccaneers- OLB Brian Cushing A four year starter at USC, Cushing will be more than capable of replacing the 35-year old Derrick Brooks.
19) Detroit Lions- CB Vontae Davis The Illinois cornerback and brother of Vernon would immediately move into the Lions starting secondary.
20) Philadelphia Eagles- TE Jermaine Gresham LJ Smith is a free agent and not that good anyways. Gresham's productivity at Oklahoma suggests he'll be more than just a good blocker in the NFL.
21) Minnesota Vikings- DE Tyson Jackson Ray Edwards predicted he would break the NFL sack record in the preseason, but came up 18 short. Hopefully Jackson will speak quietly, but play loudly.
22) New England Patriots- WR Percy Harvin Randy Moss only has a few seasons left in him, and the Patriots can afford to look ahead with this pick. Harvin has lightning speed and the Patriots will figure out how to utilize it.
23) Atlanta Falcons- LB Brandon Spikes The Florida linebacker anchored their defense in its run to the BCS Championship and would help solidify a still-suspect Falcons D.
24) Miami Dolphins- S William Moore Moore is a big-hitting safety who's faster than his size would suggest. He'll help a defense that was poor against the pass in 2008.
25) Indianapolis Colts- RB Shonn Greene Joseph Addai has durability issues and his performance is fading. Dominic Rhodes is at the end of the line. If the Colts fail to add a running back this season, it could come back to haunt them. Greene may be one of the more underrated prospects in this draft as he was literally unstoppable for Iowa all year.
26) San Diego Chargers- C/G Alex Mack Ladainian Tomlinson's productivity slipped in 2008, in large part due to poor line play on the interior. Mack will be a force immediately and could slide over to center should Nick Hardwick ever get injured.
27) Arizona Cardinals- RB Knowshon Moreno The Cardinals problems at running back are famous, so to have a prospect like Moreno fall this far would be remarkable and a no-brainer selection.
28) Philadelphia Eagles- OT Eben Britton With aging tackles Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas, early-entry Britton fills a need and can develop for a year or two.
29) Baltimore Ravens- WR Brian Robiskie Flacco was solid in his debut season, but he needs more weapons to throw to going forward. Robiskie, the son of former NFL player Terry, is polished, dependable, and professional.
30) Pittsburgh Steelers- G Duke Robinson The Steelers lost Alan Faneca last offseason and see much of their offensive line heading to free agency this offseason. Robinson is a behemoth at 335 pounds that fits the Steelers' modus operandi.
31) New York Giants- OLB Greg Hardy The Ole Miss hybrid pass rusher spent most of the 2008 offseason in opposing backfields. He'll fit in well blitzing alongside Mathias Kiwanuka and Justin Tuck.
32) Tennessee Titans- WR Hakeem Nicks Nicks had a monster season for North Carolina and capped it off with 217 receiving yards in the Meineke Car Care Bowl. The only weakness of the Titans is a lack of playmakers. At over 16 yards a catch, Nicks is a playmaker, if anything.
There’s every good reason for letting you go He’s sneaky and smoked out And it’s starting to show I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
I never let you turn around, our back on each other That’s a good idea, break a promise to your mother Turn around your back on each other
You say I’ve changed Well maybe I did But even if I changed What’s wrong with it? I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
And all our friends are gone, are gone And all the time moves, on and on And all I know is it’s wrong, it’s wrong And all I know is it’s wrong, it’s wrong
If there’s a reason, it’s lost on me Maybe we’ll be friends, I guess we’ll see I never let you go I never let you go I never let you go
I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, The bracelets, and the beads, nickels and dimes, yours and mine Did you cash in all your dreams? You don’ t dream for me, no, you don’t dream for me, no But I still feel you pulsing like a sonar from the days in the waves That guy is like a sunburn I would like to save That guy is like a sunburn I would like to save He’s like a sunburn, he’s like a sunburn
After beating arguably the best team in the NFC, the Boys finally spoke their mind about ESPN’s constant speculation on the “Drama in Dallas”. In case you were living under a rock. As a matter of fact, the interviews with Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, and Jason Witten seemed to get more face time on ESPN the following day than their impressive win did. By now most people know that ESPN favors some teams as opposed to others. Example: ESPN loves the Red Sox and Yankees and shows their games on a regular basis. The Cowboys always seem to get the negative jabs from them.
Now I understand that if you don’t like something, pointing out its flaws is far more entertaining and fulfilling than praising it. So ESPN reported on the drama and post game interviews, not the importance of the game. So I will sink to their level and analyze the interviews in what I like to call: What They Said / What They Meant.
Tony Romo What He Said “I feel that sometimes we talk to much about the stuff that’s going on, look at the Giants. No one has had more happen to them than the Giants and they still go out and play football.” What He Meant “Plaxico Burress got shot and an alleged disagreement on our team trumped all of that. How? How does that make any sense at all?” Romo saying "Suck it Media!"
Terrell Owens What He Said “When everything came out we just stayed together and we all had each other’s back” What He Meant “Thanks for that hat Tony” What He Said “I think Ed Werder did it. He told a blatant lie. I don’t know where he got his information from.” What He Meant “Look Ed, I can say stuff too. It sucks when people attack you doesn’t it. You my friend are trash.”
Wade Phillips What He Said: “The Media did a great job in bring us together” What He Meant: “Thanks Media, your plan backfired in your face. Sucks doesn’t it?”
Jerry Jones What He Said: “We love the attention, that’s why we let them (the media) have offices at Valley Ranch” What He Meant: “We love the attention, that’s why we let them (the media) have offices at Valley Ranch”
(Editor's Note: Troubled by my depiction of her, Iuns sweetly volunteered to offer a differing account of her sports watching experience and an explanation as to why she never embraced football. Read on to find out which sport she did grow to appreciate! Also, if you're not convinced she's a female by appearance alone, look closely and see shoe shopping going on. And yes, those are skinny arms. Crucial...)
The more inquisitive (Editor's Note: and sexist) of you readers may be asking yourselves, what is a woman with as little sports knowledge and enthusiasm such as myself doing guest writing for a sports blog sponsored by a sporting-obsessed aficionado such as Billynho? That, dear readers, is exactly the question I will be muttering and mulling over as I type out this piece.
All issues of personal knowledge aside, I have had the honor of witnessing Billynho pursue basketball, football, futbol, cycling, cross country, and basically every other sport man has been crazy enough to invent (with the sordid exceptions of cricket and wrestling) firsthand. This would be a convenient time to mention that I happen to be the crazy ex-girlfriend mentioned on occasion. Despite the slander on my sanity, I am Billynho’s greatest fan and love nothing better than to read his articles over breakfast. Since I will assume that you readers love to do the same, I’m going to divulge some insight into his character. Firstly, the issue of his extensive knowledge in practically every faction of the sporting world demands to be mentioned. Waking up in the morning the man immediately jumped out of bed and onto his computer chair, from where he purused European soccer results. Then he would pore over LetsRun, either deriding or lauding opinions, but engrossed all the same. Next Billynho would check Fox Sports, Deadspin, ESPN, and whatever other sites he could manage before the sound of my whining became too much for him, and he had to drag his attention back to me. The moment I let my guard down, however, Billynho would escape and cycle endlessly through sports sites once again. Thinking about it almost induces irritant twitching in my right and most sensitive eye. Luckily I have excellent motor control, and we can instead move onto other issues.
One to which all sporting aficionados (I'm sure) can relate is the attempt to convince your significant other that they would become even more significant to you if they would just become as enthused about soccer/track/hockey/arm wrestling as you are. In an attempt not to stereotype, because doubtless out there in this world are sporting-lusting women strong-arming their helpless boyfriend into watching their much revered favorite sport, I will assume that “you” can be male or female. In my case, Billynho was the one who pushed me towards watching more sports. His first attempt was college football. In an ironic and crushing twist of fate, the first football game I attended was the slaughter of our beloved Purdue by the dastardly devils at Ohio State. Clearly it did not provide a fortuitous start towards my long lasting love of football. Subsequent games were slightly more interesting as he took more care to describe player biographies to me and they did not involve the destruction of my alma mater. I am going to emphasize this point: everyone loves character development. Books include it. Television series depend upon it. Why oh why, therefore, would a man think a woman would enjoy watching a sport where she knows nothing about the players? She doesn’t. Therefore supplying your significant other with a brief history of some key players is going to be the MVP move in winning their interest. All the same and despite Billynho’s best efforts, I never really gained the deeper appreciation most men seem to have for football.
Basketball, however, is a very different story. A grand total of ten players are much easier to remember than eighty, and their roles on the court are more self explanatory. Surprising amounts of success from a young and untried team also helps to add to the excitement. As the Purdue “Baby Boilers” (inane name, but you still have to adore them) clawed their way skyward in college basketball rankings, my budding love hitched a ride. Who can argue with Hummel, Martin (recently departed but instantly replaced in my heart by lewjack), JaJuan J, and E’Twaun? Certainly not I. Instead I held my breath, gasped, cheered, screamed and cursed alongside the best of them (and arguably even more than Billynho) for the entire winter.
Since revealing the details of my formerly torturous football deprived ex-relationship in an emotional piece a few months ago, some readers are calling the article's content into disrepute. Who dare challenge the word of this unemployed, hack, anonymous blogger? Erm, his ex-girlfriend. This just in... she claims to still hate football (I never knew, she claims to have told me many times.). Yes, she says that, "MAYBE IF MY HACK, ANONYMOUS BLOGGER EX-BOYFRIEND LISTENED TO ME MORE, I COULD'VE LEARNED TO LIKE IT THIS FALL!" Alas, let's not get into what-ifs, he-says-she-says, and listening to the opinion of women. Let's just transition into Billynho's Guide to the NFL For Women (Part 2). (Iuns will deliver her side later; but she's more eager than any woman for the rest of this series.)
"Damnet B! You said the DEFENSE was supposed to tackle the offense!? Hmpf! Looks to me like Ohio State's running back keeps knocking down Purdue's defenders." -Billynho's ex-girlfriend, 10/6/07, expressing her frustration at watching Ohio State's running back Beanie Wells go BEAST MODE on Purdue. Defensive Tackle: Marked "DL" in the picture above (but more commonly referred to as DT's), defensive tackles primarily serve to eat up space at the line of scrimmage. In most instances, the biggest and strongest are the best; speed is of little value, except at the dinner table. The top defensive tackles in the NFL command the attention of two offensive linemen (and even more servings of food), which theoretically frees up their defensive linemates to wreak havoc on the offense. The majority of NFL teams play two defensive tackles at a time, but a handful use just one. Good Examples: Ted Washington, Vin "Second Helping Taker" Baker (if he played football instead of basketball), Warren Sapp, Refrigerator Perry, Sally Struthers Bad Examples: Steve Emtman, Nicole Richie, The People of Kenya Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Honey, if Tony Siragusa was an incontinent, I bet he'd still weigh three times more than me! I'm pretty sure I'd be incontinent I had the ball and was playing against Bob Sanders."
Defensive End: The main duty of defensive ends is to contain the run on the outside and rush the quarterback (DE). They'll spin around, club, or bull their way through the offensive tackle to get there every play. Explosiveness, size, and strength are required. If you can't apply pressure on the quarterback, it allows receivers lots of time to get open and makes it hard on your secondary. The elite defensive ends make over 10 sacks a year. The New Orleans Saints have about half that many as a team this season I think. Good Examples: Jared Allen, Reggie White, Bruce Smith, Julius Peppers, Jevon Kearse as a rookie Bad Examples: Andre Wadsworth, Jevon Kearse when he wasn't a rookie Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "I'd rather have Dwight Freeney spin into me ten times than run into a motionless Bob Sanders once."
Linebacker: Linebackers are pegged as either inside, strongside, or weakside, but none of the three is really demonstrably better than the others. The inside (middle) linebacker calls the defense's plays and is usually a tough guy. The outside backers guard tight ends and rush the quarterback on blitzes. They usually make the most tackles and are utter badasses (like Bob Sanders). Good Examples: Brian Urlacher, Bobby Bouche, Ray Lewis, Former Purdue Defensive Ends, Barrett Ruud (or so I'm told during every Bucs game), old white guys on the Patriots Bad Examples: The Boz, Willie Williams, Napoleon Harris Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "OMG! I just had the greatest idea! How sick would Bob Sanders be if he played linebacker for the Colts!?!?! Wouldn't it be so beautiful? (tear at the thought)"
Cornerback: Cornerbacks cover wide receivers and try to prevent them from catching the ball. Most can't do it. The best-of-the-best make it virtually impossible for receivers to catch a pass thrown their way and essentially seal off their side of the field. The worst can undermine a team of Pro Bowlers by themselves. None of them have a prayer against Randy Moss. Good Examples: Neon Deion Sanders, Champ Bailey, Ronde Barber, Cortland Finnegan, Rod Woodson Bad Examples: Quentin Jammer, Tracy Porter Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Shit. When Pacman gets locked up again, who am I supposed to go to Vegas with?"
Safety: Safeties are hard-hitting, intense dudes with SMS who wish they were big. They're fast, pretty good in coverage, and love to lead with their helmet when wide receivers are in the air. They stand the farthest from the line of scrimmage before the play. If the offense makes a big play, they're probably to blame. But they'll still act like hard asses when they come off the field. Good Examples: Bob Sanders, Rod Woodson, Bob Sanders, Ed Reed, Bob Sanders Bad Examples: Roy Williams, Adam Archuleta Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "No EFFING way! No. That was impossible. I don't believe it happened. How the EFF did Bob Sanders fight off six blockers to single-handedly solo tackle Jerome Bettis six yards deep in the backfield on fourth-and-one to win the game. I love him. I love Bob Sanders. It's over between me and you, whatever your name was, because I'm leaving you... for Bob Sanders."
If you like this site, you have to read these. There's really not anymore I can say. These were the first two things I read when I woke, and I couldn't stop laughing out loud to myself.:
The headline lured me in. And how could it not? Who is this guy!? I'm either creeped out or really impressed, I can't decide which yet. Against my better judgement, I'm leaning towards the latter. Tony Romo Takes Homeless Man to Movies
Hahahahahahahahahah!............. hahahhahahaahahahah.......... I could look at these pictures all day. Try it; you'll like it. The Art of the Sports Columnist Photo by Joe Sports Fan
Shout out! Weezy's back with another installment, and his Easter-pink Sprite is a little pinker this week.
Shout Out Count: Six, still none for Billynho The song to read to: Cool Kids ft/ Lil Wayne- Gettin' It
Nelly was a really good baseball player growing up, man. He could have gone to the league but he chose a different path. He's a diehard St. Louis fan and it's kind of crazy, actually. We bet on games sometimes and last year we bet a pretty large sum of money on the Hornets. Nelly didn't think they'd make it past the first round and I did, so we put money on it. When I beat him he had to pay me $19,000 dollars. That's the most I've ever bet on sports. I try not to get too crazy or bet anything too major that I would really miss. We have so much in common! You see, my brother was a really good wrestler (he claims) growing up. He could've gone to semi-state (he claims), but he chose to... well, I'm not sure he did anything else instead. But HEY, we bet sometimes, too! Last year, we bet $10 on how good of a basketball season Purdue would have. I won. Seems $10 was a little too rich; he couldn't pay up. Oh wait, you said $19,000? Never mind, I guess we don't have much in common after all... (sniff)
I had a bet with Shawty Lo on the Eagles and the Giants and I lost, so I owe him something but I won't say what.
And the best part about that fight was that Artest did not even move. He did not get involved. I felt bad when Steve Nash got knocked to the floor, that poor little guy. Rafer Alston's from the playground, so that's gonna happen. Shout out to him because that's my homie.
Note to self: Avoid at all costs the gang of fourth graders ballin' at Cheesman's Court every day.
D-Wade's a cool guy, but I've never really been invited to his games. I guess I need tickets. I guess we could play video games or something together when we're both home, but I don't know if he plays and I'm not so good. I like to play golf and soccer video games, anyway.
I know how you feel. That blonde who sat in front of me in Anthropology last spring seemed really nice. I probably should've gotten her number. My favorite board game is Monopoly. I mean, I maybe would've been willing to play Monopoly with her. I like to use the shoe, because I like shoes. If she doesn't like Monopoly, I'm really good at Clue, too.
I want to learn how to really play golf. I've only been to a driving range once, but I was too young to be interested. I know the game well and I always wonder how good I'd be if I really worked at it. It's a very strategic game and I'm kind of OK at things like that. I will do it one day, but of course I've got to get it right.
You know, I'm decent at chess (I know the POINT SYSTEM). But I've never been taught or anything. I'm smart (I am. I AM!), I could maybe be somewhat, kinda, sorta, possibly average at chess if I ever devoted myself to the game. Ahh, dreams.
I've totally, totally ignored Joe Flacco on the blog, and for that I apologize.
I don't know about you, but I loved the conclusion to the tale of Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling sure had me going there for awhile(no, not like THAT, though she is pretty fit for 43)! Here I'd read like 6,000 pages of those books ready to well up at any moment in anticipation of Lord Voldemort dying (okay, I admit, I did well up a few times anyways). You're probably all like, "Ay B, Voldemort was a cotton-headed ninnymuggins, wasn't he?" That he was R, but Miss Rowling tricked me. You see, she had my mind in a tizzy thinking that (paraphrasing) "Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort have a mutually dependent relationship in which if one dies, so too will the other." Then, thankfully, on page 5,960 (SPOILER ALERT!!!) she took it all back.
PHEW!!! Ha Ha Ha (relieved, delirious, wonderful laughter)!
We're not in the clear yet, the nightmare is not over.
Gulp.
Devin Hester the Boy Wonder Kick Returner is a real world incarnation of Harry Potter, and I'm afeared his tale won't end so happily ever after. Gulp. Put simply... Harry Potter : Lord Voldemort :: Devin Hester the Boy Wonder Kick Returner : Devin Hester the No. 2 Wide Receiver
In his first two seasons as almost exclusively a returner, Hester was considered the most feared special teams specialist in the history of the NFL. He returned seven punts and four kickoffs for touchdowns in the regular season and was sitting just two behind Brian Mitchell for the all-time special teams touchdowns lead. He caught just 20 passes over the same two seasons.
This year, he entered a dark chapter of his career. The numbers suggest he's a sub-standard kick returner all of a sudden. He's yet to score a special teams TD and is averaging a paltry six yards per punt return.
Those who watch the Chicago Bears closely didn't have to hear the numbers to know what I'm talking about. An eye-test reveals he's lost his other-worldly explosiveness and sharp cutting ability.
There are, though, good explanations for his newfangled struggles.
He emerged as one of Kyle Orton's most reliable targets early this season, must always be feared as a deep-threat on offense, and shows a willingness to catch balls over the middle with safeties bearing down on him. His value as a receiver means he is forced to sprint every play, rather than just six times a game, which likely is to blame for robbing his explosiveness. He's no longer fresh for special teams.
Additionally, teams have wizened up when it comes to avoiding Hester the Returner. Last season, the Bears had an all-time NFL record number of punts booted out of bounds against them. This season, he's had even fewer opportunities through eight games.
Whatever the reason, the fact remains that Devin Hester the Returner and Devin Hester the Receiver have yet to show they can co-exist.
Here's hoping they find a way to break the curse, just like Harry Potter.
Shout out y'all. It's official, Lil Wayne's greatest contribution to mankind is no longer "Let The Beat Build," bitch. No, no, it'd be nigh impossible for him to top his literary gifts with music (though Tha Carter III is insane, Shout Out). Here's my breakdown of Part I. Read on as I give a shout out to the best of his latest blog offering where he touches on his sports watching schedule, the NBA, NFL players he wouldn't want to hit him, and gives shout outs to basically everyone in the sports world. Where's the love for Billynho, Lil Wayne? Can I get a shout out? "A lot of people on the blog were asking how much sports I watch each week, so this is pretty much what my typical week looks like:... Tuesday - I'm saved by the NBA. I try to check out Chris Paul and the Hornets as often as I can, then I like to start watching other games once they get to the fourth quarter. That's the best way to do it if you've got the package and you want to watch a bunch of games in one night. I watch Kobe a lot, too."
Yeah yeah, Paul and Kobe are okay. But he forgot to mention Brian Cardinal and Brian Scalabrine. They're fun, too... They are!
"The Lakers look wonderful. I think they won their first three games by 65 points combined. It's tough to predict how many wins they're gonna get this season. If they keep going like this and they reach 60 then I think they'll pass the Celtics 66 wins last year, which would be nothing short of amazing.
You gotta watch out for Trevor Ariza, man, he's the secret weapon. He's the David Price of the Lakers. That kid can flat-out play. I knew when the Lakers got him in that trade that he was gonna be great for them eventually. I've been keeping track of him. He's excellent on NBA2K9, too."
Ariza is a baller!!!
"The Knicks have been something else, man. You got Marbury and Eddy Curry not even part of the system? Damn. I hit Eddy up on the two-way last night asking what's up and he hasn't responded yet so we'll see."
Has he seen Marbury or Curry play since 2005?
Greg Oden is a bust. He's gotta show me something, man. I don't get it. At what point in time was he dominant? I've never seen it. You've never seen it. Maybe NBA officials know something we don't. That's all I can figure. Maybe somebody on that staff has seen something we haven't. But until he shows me something, I'm gonna declare him a bust. Damn shame, too.
T.O. still looks like he's about to cry. It's getting ugly in Dallas, man. They're in last place now in their division? This is a disaster.
Hahahahahaha! Shout out to you, Lil Wayne... I love your blog.
I would not want to get hit by Ray Lewis or Troy Polamalu. Those would be the two guys I would definitely want to avoid. Hines Ward is a pretty excellent blocker downfield, too. I wouldn't wanna run into that.
No, seriously. Take a look at this wonderblog! These deep observations are pretty dumb, but pretty genius at the same time: "I know the Rays got the Backstreet Boys to sing the national anthem before Game 1, and that's gonna be something. I thought Backstreet Road was closed for construction, but I guess not. Since I went to a postseason game in Tampa, I think they're gonna boo 'em. I really do. Those fans are wild. They were hardcore, trust me. More cowbell was serious and everybody has mohawks. I don't know how well the Backstreet Boys are going to do with the mohawk crew. It could get ugly."
Here Wayne takes an open shot at another artist (sic). You never see musicians do this. And yet what he says is so true. 12-year-old girls don't watch the World Series. Why ARE the Backstreet Boys going to play there?
"I still like the Rays to win the World Series. The Phillies' hitters are tough. They can shut your starting pitchers down fast and as for pitching, they've got Brad Lidge, and Cole Hamels is nice, but wow. I did not expect them to make the World Series. A lot of people are talking about Lidge and how he blew the save in the NLCS a few years ago but I guarantee he's not thinking about Albert Pujols right now. He's thinking about 46 saves in 46 tries. The number right there is scary. He's riding that wave. With that fact alone this should be a great World Series, but I still think the Rays are gonna come out on top. I'm basing that on the home field advantage."
Most convoluted logic I've ever read.
Honestly, I do not watch the Pro Bowl. I don't even watch the NBA All-Star Game even though I'm always involved in the NBA's All-Star weekend. I'm down there and I never watch the game 'cause it don't mean anything. In the Pro Bowl they wait till the fourth quarter to get serious, but in the NBA All-Star Game they never get serious, they just try to throw the ball off the backboard for 48 minutes. I don't want to sound like an old guy, but I remember NBA All-Star Games games with Jordan, Olajuwon, Ewing that were real games. They're out there f—ing with teammates, you hear about locker room fights, and this is the All-Star Game. That's what I love, but those years are long gone.
Who doesn't like thinking back about how competitive Jordan and Bird were back in the day? He's right; it is a joke today. Every year it seems like one team goes up 30, before the other team storms back, and the scores end up in the 120's.
"Poor Dallas. And poor T.O. He's gonna quit. He takes a loss differently than anyone on that team. I think he has nightmares about losing or something, because he looks like he's about to cry after every game they lose. You see him over there on the sidelines sitting by himself just pouting like a little kid. Remember last year? "That's my quarterback, man." I love when any sports channel just brings that clip back for no reason. They always bring it back for nothing, just out of the blue "That's my quarterback, man." T.O. is an amazing talent but he's definitely a situation. But that's another difference between the old days and now. Back then there's no way you play football and then go cry on TV."
Hilarious. And I never thought of T.O. like that, but I don't smoke weed (I don't), so I have to get this great insight from Lil' Wayne.
Did you see LenDale's touchdown this weekend? His little fat self ran 80 yards. They put the timer on SportsCenter and it took him like six seconds, but he made it and that's what matters. That guy is funny.
No, you're funny Lil' Wayne! LenDale White's "little fat self?" Hahahahaha. Then you say he ran an 80 yard touchdown in six seconds, over a second faster than Usain Bolt could run it in. I can't wait for the next installment.
In unrelated music news, I played this song four times while writing this piece... The song is pretty emo, but the video is really cool (kinda like Say Anything's "I called her on the phone, and she..." song and "Mushaboom"). While I go get some popcorn (I got the munchies REALLY bad!), take a look:
With Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle out with season-ending injuries, the Kansas City Chiefs are fresh out of back-up quality quarterbacks (they actually never had a starter). So what does that mean? Kansas City QB Thigpen is starting again this weekend!!! Be sure to tune in as the shroud over the identity of the mysterious Thigpen (or Pigpen, depending on what you believe) may finally be removed.
Surely they wouldn't start Tyler, he of the 42% completion percentage and 44.3 QB rating this season, would they? I'm betting on Yancey. Who ya got? Leave your guesses in the comments...
I know when it happened to me for the first time, I could barely handle it. I'll never forget the moment. Stared in horror. Couldn't bear to imagine the future. Contemplated ending it all right there. It was all so... meaningless.
The relationship... I mean. Yes, I'm of course talking about dating a woman who knew nothing about football. She didn't know jack about Jack (del Rio).
"Joe Namath?... John Madden?... Joe Theismann's right leg?... Barry Sanders?... Brett Favre?... Tom Brady?... He Hate Me?" I'd offer hopefully to blank stares.
"Who?" she'd reply time-after-time uninterested (muffled by my shrieking sounds of disbelief), as if she was Fresh Off the Boat from some scarcely populated, archaic island in the Pacific (which wouldn't explain anything, I later realized, what with all the Samoans in the NFL).
At first I shuddered, cringed, and whinged. But she was a sweetheart (and had a tight booty). So I gave up hope of understanding how she lived 22 years on this planet yet managed to avoid ALL knowledge of its greatest sport, and I formulated a plan. I gave her a crash course on the ins and outs of football, dropped athletes names as verbs in everyday conversation ("You really Ted Washingtoned my ice cream!"), quizzed her on each team's nickname (they learn these fast guys), and smiled as the results shined through.
Soon my girl was talkin' bout jukin' like Reggie Bush, devouring YouTube clips of Noel Devine and AJ Green and asking for thirds, threatening to crush me a la Bob Sanders, and, best of all, willing to watch NFL on Sundays with me (we tried college football, but she didn't appreciate the brutality when we went and saw No. 1 Ohio State obliterate Purdue)!
"Monday Night Football?" you ask/beg. Well if she'd be as nice as she was enthusiastic about football, we'd have watched Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints Monday at her behest.
The point is you don't have to give up hope. Guys, your girlfriend/wife can learn to appreciate football, and quickly, even if she'd rather open-mouth kiss a homeless man than sit through a game today. Make your starflower utopia lovechild read this piece!
Women, football is fun. And I'm here to explain why. Read on as I dish the essentials to help you not only tolerate football, but enjoy it!:
"Quarter...back... please. When did you give me a quarter?" -Billynho's ex-girlfriend, 10/6/07, responding tersely after being asked to point out the quarterback. Understand the Positions: I don't watch cricket or polo because I'm not gay, nouveau-riche, or an Indian in Britain. But even if I tried, I'm sure I'd hate both because I wouldn't have a damn (raging) clue about was going on. I can understand why females with little knowledge of football don't like it. The best way to hasten the learning curve is to learn the roles of each position.
Quarterback: Marked "QB" on the image above, quarterbacks have nothing to do with change. Quarterbacks command the huddle, call plays (most are told by their coach what plays to run, the best call their own), hand off to the running back, and pass to wide receivers, tight ends, and running backs... all while running for their lives from defensive ends. They're typically good looking (Peyton Manning is a notable exception), tall (around 6'5"), smart, and tough. A great quarterback makes his fans sound gay when talking about him. A terrible quarterback gets his head coach fired. Good Examples: Steve Young, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Joe Montana, Drew Brees, Willie Beaman Bad Examples: Kordell Stewart, Kansas City's Thigpen, Ryan Leaf, Philip Rivers, Michael Vick Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Part of me is glad Michael Vick is in prison, because as an Atlanta Falcons fan it's nice to have a real quarterback once again instead of a running back masquerading back there. The other part of me wonders how we're going to get weed with him locked up. You have JaMarcus Russell's cell phone number right?"
Running Back: Also known as "tailbacks" (TB above), running backs typically line up behind and take hand-offs from the quarterback before attempting to run around or through defenders. On pass plays, they either block for the quarterback or turn into receivers. Running back is said to be one of the most dangerous positions to play in any sport, a theory to which Willis McGahee surely attests (do not watch that video if squirmish... I have never re-watched it since seeing it live). Fast, strong, and skilled... running backs are the best athletes on the field. Good Examples: Barry Sanders, Marshall Faulk, Walter Payton, Reggie Bush, Adrian Peterson, Marshawn Lynch, Mike Alstott, Michael Vick Bad Examples: Anyone drafted in the first round by the Chicago Bears Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Honey, have you ever realized that LaDainian Tomlinson's backups always average more yards per carry than him? Makes no sense that everyone thinks he's the best running back in the NFL."
Wide Receiver: Teams typically line up between two and four receivers (WR, logically) at a time, and it is their job to get open and catch passes from the quarterback. They must have great hands, run precise routes, and the best are fearless, able to hold onto a catch knowing a full-speed hit is coming from a defender. They also tend to have the best touchdown dances, generally believe they should have the ball thrown to them every down, and pout through the media when it isn't. Seriously, it's required of the great ones. Good Examples: 2002-2007 Chad Johnson, Marvin Harrison, Jerry Rice, Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, Rod Tidwell, Anyone guarded by Jacques Reeves, Florida State's Peter Warrick Bad Examples: 2008 Chad Johnson, Ashley Lelie, Troy Williamson, Cincinnati Bengals' Peter Warrick Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "If you made ME the Lions starting quarterback with Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson to throw to, we'd outscore the 1999 St. Louis Rams. I don't care if Charles Rogers and Mike Williams are my third and fourth options. We'll score 50 a game."
Tight End: Tight ends (TE) line up on either side of the offensive line and serve as extra blockers on running plays and targets on passing plays. They typically run 5-10 yard routes across the middle of the field, and average tight ends lack the speed to run much after the catch. The league's best tight ends are ultra-athletic speedsters who are too fast for linebackers and too strong for defensive backs (we'll cover those in part two). Because most tight ends are immobile louts, semi-competent ones with functioning legs are oft-vastly overrated (see: Jason Witten). Good Examples: Tony Gonzalez, Shannon Sharpe, Antonio Gates (while Drew Brees was his quarterback), Mike Vrabel Bad Examples: Vernon Davis Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "No one is better than Dallas Clark at finding the seam between the secondary and the linebackers. Unfortunately he fumbles more than Ahman Green."
Offensive Lineman: They're gross, so we'll hit them up all at once to get our minds off them fast. Every play, the offensive team lines up five lineman. The outside two are the left and right tackles (left and right in relation to the direction the quarterback is facing), inside of them are the left and right guards, and in the middle is the center. The center snaps the ball to the quarterback. To play on the offensive line are you must be a fatass, display a willingness to chop and cut (block), and smell bad. You HAVE to smell really bad! Good Examples: Billy Bob, Jonathan Ogden, Olin Kreutz, Steve Hutchinson Bad Examples: Tony Mandarich, Ray Budds Impress your husband/boyfriend by saying: "Does Leonard Davis lack a gastrointestinal tract? He is noticably more fat now than he was at the beginning of the game."
Check back for more in the series: A Guide to the NFL For Women
The internet is abuzz with all things sport lately, which makes writing articles like this fairly easy. In fact, I was able to churn this out in about the time it took Kimbo to get knocked out (too soon?).
Read on to see the best the internet has to offer (at least for the time being). Baseball:
The ALCS and NLCS are set! Games will begin on Thursday in Philly. The superbly written and designed Phillies Nation points out that usual stud Chase Utley has been less than stellar so far in the playoffs. For the Phils' sake, I hope he can rebound. [Phillies Nation]
One of the Cartel's favorites, Core-Pat, will be looking for work. [Red Hot Mama]
Apparently it's not just Prince Fielder and CC. Baseball Reference tells us that the big leagues are getting even bigger as of late. [Baseball Reference]
Football:
My buddy pointed out to me that the 'Cats of N'western are undefeated, but only after a cupcake first 5 games. With that said, they may stun the superior Spartans and there is no doubt that they'll knock off my Boilers in Evanston. As for their schedule to date, check it out. [ESPN]
BYU is rolling. But, will the Cougs stumble even before they play their toughest on-paper opponent (not to mention hated rival) in Salt Lake City? [Salt Lake Tribune]
Marvin Lewis may be a bad coach, but this little gem makes us chuckle. [Stripe Hype]
Billynho and I watched the 'Aints lose to the Vikes last night and we couldn't help but slightly disagree with some of the officiating decisions. Looks like the NFL is sending their cleanup crews around to tidy up this mess, including the Saints' homepage. [ProFootballTalk]
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