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Billynho has to give props to Staff over @ the JC for dishing the word that God Drew Brees had his birthmark removed earlier this season. I applaud the decision. A scar on his face is far more appropriate (But if anyone ever sees his old birthmark on EBay, promise to let me know?). Now he's the muggle version of Harry Potter in appearance and action.
But that's not the only hospital related bit of news on Brees I have to offer you Brees-stalking muggles! Just like Harry, Brees is now a father. He blessed his wife Brittany by impregnating her and something wonderful came out yesterday for Brees's 30th birthday.
********OBLIGATORY JOKE ALERT******** If Purdue football coach Danny Hope hasn't offered the boy/girl a scholarship yet, he better get on that. Hee Haw! ********OBLIGATORY JOKE ALERT OVER********
How jealous are you of that kid? And Drew's wife...
Life in West Point can get lonely for a 23 year old male. Too young for the Lion's Club, too poor for the Steakhouse, and too healthy for the cemetery; there's just no place for me to make friends! So, the first thing I do every morning is read the J&C Personals. They haven't done me much good yet (I'm six rejections deep), but I have come across some interesting listings: LOST CONNECTION WLTR 38 Y.O. strict disciplinarian WINNER seeking to add depth back into his life. You were a tall, blond, nice, unselfish southpaw. I watched you grow up, we took bus trips, I yelled at you, we visited the Capital… then you left. Let's play ball (again)! Text MARTbrokIN to (555) NDS-UCKS
HARD-WORKING LITTLE DEVIL 18 Y.O. QB, W. Laf, wants to stay close to home. Seeking relationship with mustached authority figure. I'm smart, tough, I don't lose, and I'd look great in gold and black. Don't miss out on the next-Josh Smith! Text Matt Lancaster at (555) ILO-VEPU
YOU'RE MY MAN Shout out to my man Matt Painter. Tough going thus far this season, but I know you'll whip them into shape. Don't forget who brought you here. You're MY coach. Make me YOUR AD forever this offseason! How's $2.5 million a year sound? Let me know… Text Morgan Burke at (555) STA-Y@PU
I'M YOUR BEST HOPE You're the Kansan RB ranked first in the country. I'm the old, white guy with the backward Purdue cap stalking you the last few months. I want to buy you books and your own room (sorta), dress you up, watch you run, and see you off to the NFL. Let's make my your dreams come true? Text Bryce Brown to (555) PRT-YPLZ
In an effort to avoid any copyright infringement, I'll speak in generalizations when commenting on the theme of today's Gold and Black subscription article. The teaser claimed "No one could have foreseen quarterback play being a serious issue for the Boilermakers this season." Ummm, seriously? I did! I knew! Me. I called it! I saw it coming from a mile away, months away, a few years away. So did Orel Kornheiser, so did Barry Badrinath, so did... come to think of it, EVERYONE I KNOW KNEW THIS WAS COMING. Not guess, not figured, we all KNEW it was gonna happen. No one could have seen this coming? Not the entire Purdue student section who booed him every game last season... not half of Purdue message boarders who pined for Justin Siller all summer... not Miss Cleo? Come on, dude. Even if you don't believe me, admit Miss Cleo definitely knew.
How could you not see this coming? Curtis Painter seems like a great person, really nice, friendly, humble, which is important (I mean that). He doesn't poison the team with a bad attitude like Brandon Kirsch. He plays hard every down and will smash into a defender if it'll get Purdue a few extra yards. But a) he's only a good passer with a lot of time, and even then he's inconsistent b) he seems unwilling to run, which is a problem in Purdue's "spread offense" (can we really call it that if our QB doesn't run?) c) he looks like a Furby, and d) as everyone knows, he's never led Purdue to a victory over a decent team, and e) he locks in on one target and rarely goes through his progressions, which caused him to miss a widewidewide WIDE-open Keith Smith in the end zone on 3rd-and-10 against Notre DameleavingitalluptoCHRISSUMMERS!!! Sorry, I had to get that out...
I know what you're thinking... "He does look like a Furby! That's so true! But we've heard everything else before."
I'll tackle his play from a different angle... Painterites and announcers like to say, "Well he's gonna break a bunch of Drew Brees's records, so he can't be that bad," or "Come on dude, no quarterback was going to lead us to victory against the Michigans or Ohio States or Penn States."
Who did Drew Brees and Kyle Orton have to throw and handoff to? Take your pick of all the running backs, wide receivers and tight ends that played for Joe Tiller before Painter became starter... Joey Harris, Vinny Sutherland, Chris Daniels, John Standeford, and Tim Stratton seem like fair choices, but you could throw Montrell Lowe, Taylor Stubblefield, Randall Lane, or Isaac Jones in there if you'd like. Am I crazy, or are the quintet of Korey Sheets, Greg Orton, Selwyn Lymon, Dorien Bryant (Desmond Tardy has been extremely impressive this season... NFL-level if you ask me), and Dustin Keller more impressive? I think I'd rather have the five Painter enjoyed in his first few seasons as starter; a perfect blend of size, quickness, speed, explosiveness, and hands.
But they've been wasted! And I didn't see that coming.
I wish Miss Cleo would've warned me when I got my hopes up as they each committed.
Meet this freak of nature, Rival's number one running back in the country Bryce Brown, who is currently a "soft" verbal to Miami. Which I think (hope) means he's willing to listen if the money is right.
Apparently (Hopefully) Purdue head coach (in-waiting) Danny Hope's hoodie is 50/50 PolyCash, because Brown supposedly took an official visit to Purdue for the game vs. Central Michigan. I don't care what Brown costs, watching him follow in Mike Alstott's Boilermaker footsteps for four seasons would be worth however many years of probation we get after the fact. Throw in Morgan Newton, and I'd be willing to see the program get the death penalty after they bounce out.
Hopefully he was impressed watching Purdue take down Central Michigan on Saturday (They went to the Motor City Bowl last year, they're not THAT bad!).
Serious question for college football fans: If you were a millionaire and Brown called you tomorrow and said he wants to go to Purdue (if not a Purdue fan, insert your school here), but he's demanding $5,000, would you fork it over?
I'd say I figured Miami was paying him ten times that already...
Featured Game of the Week: No. 16 Oregon over PURDUE, 32-26
I am a Big Ten fan through and through. There is nothing better than Big Ten football. No better place to watch a football game than a Big Ten Coliseum. And Purdue has always been and will always be my go-to team, but seriously, it's getting more difficult every year. Plus the fans I sit around would unquestionably be the worst in-game coaches in history.
The big question this week going into the game was: was Purdue holding back against Northern Colorado last week? Well for the first half of the game, Purdue had so many wrinkles in its offense they made Bea Arthur look like she should have her own Neutrogena commercial.
They dipped. They dived. Hell, they even threw in quarterback-converted-running back redshirt freshman Justin Siller at quarterback for a few plays. Just like so many other teams in the nation.
Side note: What is the nation’s love affair with dual-quarterbacks now? About 15 out of the 30 teams that I saw glimpses of last night used the two shooter system. (Including both teams in this game) And it somewhat worked for all of them. My question is: how long until teams realize that the only reason the backup is brought on the field is to run? How hard can it be to stop a team that you KNOW is about to run? Another question: how many teams have to use this system before it becomes a certified cult?
Anyways, other than a few first downs here and there, even with all the trickeration, Purdue couldn't put enough distance between themselves and Oregon. The defense played absolutely lights out in the first half and they kept it up most of the game.
Purdue started off this game absolutely typical. Curtis Painter throws an incomplete pass to right side of the field (and then the crowd moaned). After that the entire first half was entirely atypical. The very next play, the formerly second-most overrated player on Purdue's team (Curtis, you'll finish first in one voting!), senior running back Kory Sheets ran down the field for an 80 yard score! Against the wind I might add. He even managed to break the first and second tackles of his career with the carry. For once, I don't feel like we have the worst running back in the Big Ten. Our quarterback however...
Speaking of...a question I posed to my dad yesterday: what do you think was the bigger waste of money; Hillary's bid for presidency or Curtis Painter's bid for Heisman?
After the score, the offense, one of the tops in the nation seemingly every year, and its Heisman candidate Curtis Painter decided to call it a day and let the defense do its thing against the 10th-ranked offense in all of college football. And for more or less the entire game, they did. Not normally known for its defensive prowess, Purdue forced four turnovers and with the exception of one big play, was damn impressive. Once again though, Curtis Painter fell apart in a big game on the big stage and our punter, with all his leg strength, managed to get ahold of every punt, except those where he actually needed the yardage. It blows my mind how he can be standing at the opponents 40 yard line every punt and somehow feel like he's got to kick it "over dem dere mountains" for a net of about 20 every kick.
Wait, our punter is one in the same with our field goal kicker? Ah, that makes sense.
To summarize: Oregon was the better team. Their defensive backs were ridiculously good, but their offense did not impress. Nor, did their uniforms.
All I've heard the past few years about Oregon was that they have three million possible uniform combinations. I have to say I'm a little disappointed. Out of all those possibilities, I get to see the single lamest one? Plain white jersey, plain green pants, white socks, black shoes. So a nationally televised game versus a (supposed) somewhat quality Big Ten opponent wasn't big enough to bring out the snazzy uniform?What's wrong Nike, did a certain event in China force you to cut back production while your workers competed? In the style of Family Guy, I haven't been this disappointed since Duane Allman decided to take his motorcycle for a spin.
It was impressive the way Oregon came out and took control of the game in the second-half though. Almost like they had someone back there giving a pep talk, an equipment manager perhaps? Well anyways, "Ducks Fly Together!" (Ah, goosebumps everytime)(By the way, the entire movie is on YouTube. How great is that!)
Not like you needed it, but more evidence that Juice has magically become a "pure-passer" over the offseason. Here's his line:
13/25, 147 yards, 5.9 yards/attempt, 1 TD, 1 INT
Impressive against any team, but moreso against a quality opponent such as Louisiana-Lafayette.
Oh, he EVEN ran for 35 yards!!!
DUKE over Navy, 41-31
Duke won?!? Wait, did Paulus finally start playing...
Nope.
NOTRE DAME over Michigan, 35-17
Why is everyone so surprised by this? What has Michigan done to suggest that this is an upset? Other than steal Purdue’s savior at wide receiver and offer him dreams of gold and riches…and maybe playing time.
Wait, Roy Roundtree did not play in the game? Really? And he would have started at Purdue? Peculiar. Anyways, good choice Roy.
And not that we need to beat on this any more than it already will be talked about, but do you think when Charlie gets his ACL/MCL surgery he'll knock out two birds with one stone and get lypo?
Or do you think that he will realize how lucky he was to have his fupa break his fall that he will choose to hold on. Plus, it's J-Claw favorite pillow.
No. 6 MISSOURI over Nevada, 69-17
Hmm...I'm thinking a player on Nevada knew the spread, laughed, then put all their money on Mizzou covering. Missouri just flat out knows how to play with the pigskin. Too bad there are so few places to place that bet in Nevada...
If Tim Tebow to Percy Harvin is awesome, then Chase Daniels to Jeremy Maclin is crazy awesome.
Speaking of crazy awesome...
No. 3 Oklahoma over WASHINGTON, 55-14
Sam Bradford is crazy awesome. I remember Billynho being sold on him after one game last season. I was a little more skeptical as I was very untrustworthy of native americans at the time (Kelvin Sampson). But, wow. Without a doubt, the best quarterback in college football.
Why no Heisman website for this guy? At least tell me he is getting hooked up with a summer job. Rhett, you know a guy, right?
Anyways, I am officially making this site the home for all things "Sam Bradford for Heisman". Hopefully Billynho and The Siets will understand...
And of course, one more game...
SAN JOSE STATE over San Diego State, 35-10
Anytime these traditional football titans meet, anything can happen. And this year's matchup was no exception. Although San Diego State came in winless, they were told by their coaching staff all week that they could pull off what would be the upset of the century.
Unfortunately, San Jose State came out swinging early and often, but San Diego State's Aaron Moore did return an interception for a touchdown! How wild.
Oh, and this one...
No. 1 USC over No. 5 The Ohio State University
Honestly, I will go on the record and say having Chris "Beanie" Wells play in this game would have made a huge difference. And by that, I don't mean Ohio State would have won. There is no way, USC is the best team in college football. And maybe the best team this century even?
Do you honestly think Wells goes down without at least three Trojans on his back even once this game? That dude is a hog. With the exception of Mike Alstott, I don't think I have ever been so afraid of any one running back. At the very least he would have been able to offer Boeckman some sort of protection.
I'm thinking if he plays in this game, the final score is somewhere closer to 20-3?
I feel bad for Boeckman. The Ohio State University fans are probably going to be all over his ass and calling for his head this week (They'll leave his midsection alone. The guy is cut.). But, there is no way Terrelle Pryor is ready to step up. I have to admit, I was impressed by him last night. When I watched him in a high school game on ESPN last year I thought he was way over hyped, but last night he showed he had balls...and speed. Damn. One thing though is that he doesn't have the greatest arm. So unless you want a 35% completion percentage, don't start him yet. Ask Illinois how that worked for them. (Don't write in complaining about how he was actually seven of nine last night, as you push up your glasses on your nose.)
One last thing... Other than Sam Bradford, there is only one other player in college football that I would guarantee draft #1 if I had the chance. Joe McKnight. He's got some mad footwork and some even crazier speed.
The most ridiculous thing about USC is that they have 10 guys just like him on offense AND on defense. Wow.
Finally, a blogger who sees Curtis Painter for what he is... er, rather, what he isn't. Namely, a legitimate Heisman candidate (For the record, Painter is first and foremost a Furby look-a-like).
Yahoo's Dr. Saturday serves up an excellent preview of this weekend's Purdue vs. Oregon game.
According to the M.D., Purdue has lost 16 straight against non-MAC teams that finish the season with winning records, and Furby is 1-9 in his career against Ohio State, Michigan, Penn State, Notre Dame, and Wisconsin.
Great points, I've been trying to tell them to my dad every time he deludes himself into believing Purdue has put it together.
No one is as hard as I am on Joe Tiller's football team, but I'm not sold on Oregon either. I certainly don't see anyone running wild on the Boilermakers' defense.
Sure, Furby has never been able to elevate Purdue in big games, but the Ducks are the Michigan State to USC's Ohio State out west.
I realize Oregon boosters have laundered a lot of money to bring the current talent into Eugene, I get that, but I'm sorry... it isn't going to be enough Saturday.
Since this isn't a big game, Purdue FTW... On its way to becoming the worst 10-2 team in big conference college football history. And further entrenching Furby as a "real" Heisman candidate and project(ed) first round pick in next year's NFL Draft.
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