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They say all good things come in threes, so longtime track fans should stifle their laughs while observing those less informed deluding themselves into believing the emergence of record-breaking high schoolers Alan Webb, Galen Rupp, and German Fernandez in a singular decade represents a watershed period for American distance running. To those in the know (paraphrasing), Webb is more uncomfortable under the bright lights than an incontinent glossophobic delivering a eulogy after Happy Hour. Rupp is a sub-standard concept prototype conceived by Nike marketers (under direct orders from Phil Knight) to challenge the Africans, but he'll fail because he's, umm, Gay(len). And sure Fernandez is fast, but his Achilles heel is his Achilles heel. Try as they might, though, few can resist refreshing race threads when the aforementioned troika compete. This generation of runners, led by Webb, Ryan Hall, Rupp, and now German- Dathan Ritzenhein, Matt Tegenkamp, Chris Solinsky, and Leonel Manzano deserve mention, too, among others-, are threatening to break every American record from 1500 meters to the marathon. Webb holds the mile record, is 1.14 seconds off Bernard Lagat's 2005 1500 meters performance, and has- for a short span of time- been the fastest middle distance runner alive. Even if Fernandez falls short of his ultimate ceiling as a runner, his potential is such that he could still claim the American 5,000 meters record in a few years time (assuming Tegenkamp or Solinsky don't lower it first). Sifting through all the criticisms of Rupp and looking at his body of work reveals he's consistently improved his times and started winning races since his days tagging along the back of the pack in elite meets just out of high school; his teeing off on Meb Keflezighi's 10,000 meters record in 2009 will be a compelling story to follow. Hall debuted in the half marathon with a stunning American record and challenged the pacemakers to run faster at last year's London Marathon en route to a 2:06:17 fifth place finish. It will likely only be a matter of months before another record falls.
The United States went two decades without producing a legitimate long distance world-beater (Bob Kennedy tried admirably). Forced to compete with Africans born at elevation, dopers, and the tendency of more mainstream sports stripping away the best prospects, domestic distance was boring and uneventful.
It's hard to pinpoint the impetus behind the overnight popularization (in relevant terms) of the sport, but Tim Layden's 2001 Sports Illustrated profile of Webb and Ritz was likely a contributing factor (along with the dissemination of information brought on by the Internet). Interestingly, Layden accurately posited in the piece: "The two runners, one fast, the other tireless, are just the beginning. Generations of young Americans will follow, training hard, running fast and beating the world. Won't they?"
They did... sort of. Solinsky came two years later. Mega-talent Matt Withrow and Rupp the next year. And now, the best yet, Fernandez.
Fernandez deserves special mention after breaking the indoor World Junior Record in the mile running 3:56.5. Much was made of the fact that he still ran demonstrably slower than the outdoor junior record, but suspicions of age fabrication for all of those records could be supplied as a counter-point. Independent of whether or not he's the faster junior miler in history, German can realistically aim to one day be the fastest professional alive. He'll need to drop a manageable seven or so seconds off his 1,500 pace to challenge for gold someday at that distance. Everyone is anxious for his 5,000 meters debut; the former Applebee's worker will be eating good in the neighborhood (I couldn't help the bad pun) with anything sub-13:20.
Speaking of eating, Webb's 2009 competitive racing debut is fast approaching. Even if he bombs, don't fret. By now we've all seen that he has nine lives. He's got a few to go and will emerge the better from this rough spot. In the unlikely event that he doesn't, the world of American distance running isn't over without him. Celebrate the excitement he provided for the last half-decade and take solace in knowing that he's helped inspire today's purple patch of would-be champions that can be champions.
When the Tony Kornheiser Pimp Cartel Cartel moved from PimpsLord to its own cyberspace in August, I decided to adopt a pen name. Why? I don't know. It doesn't make any damn sense. Especially since nine out of 10 people think my real name is made up or stolen from a comic book character, and the other 10% disclose after getting to know me that they couldn't believe my name when they first heard it. It happens every time. Look carefully around the site and you'll figure out what they're havin' a laugh about. Good times.
So, back to the redundant pen name... Did I mention no one can pronounce it? Oh, I'm sorry, I only assumed readers would be familiar with the best soccer/international football player this decade. You know who I'm talking about...
You have no idea do you? Seriously? Damn.
Ronaldinho!
Still nothing?
Really? (Sigh)
Okay, let me walk you through this.
Billynho is a play on the name of Ronaldinho, who is (was) like only the most amazing footie playing wizard of our time.
It's not pronounced Billy-N-ho or Billy-and-ho (like I'm some self-professed amalgamation of myself and Paris Hilton) or Billy No.
Bill-een-yo. Say it seven times so you never forget.
Onto The Siets. Not Sigh-etts. Or See-ets. It's mono-syllabic. Seats. The Seats. The Siets. You got it. 7 times... Go.
Finally, Orel Kornheiser. Free Kornheiser's Cartel shirt to whoever can first guess what his name is a play on. Orel Hershiser and Tony Kornheiser. Looks like I win this time. Pronunciation... Oral Corn-Hize-er. That's right, seven times. I'll wait.
And if you're wondering what happened to Barry Badrinath and dave-o... So am I. They had a few good pieces back a ways didn't they? Last I heard they were off working on Wilbon's Quintuple Squadoosh somewhere. Ever since Barry hooked up with Orel's roommate (that's what everyone is saying at least...), things got a little weird. If you ever come across him in person (or more likely in the virtual world of Call of Duty 5... his handle: Corn Nuzzler), don't bother engaging him in conversation. He's not nearly as funny in person as he is in writing. Despite what Orel tries to tell you.
Read on for a look into the warped mind of Billynho, background on the above video, stupid asian stereotypes, and a dig at one of Kornheiser's Cartel's own. You're gonna like the way this looks. I guarantee it. Before I start, I gotta admit... I kinda stole this vid from LetsRun. Who stole it from this site I think. Who I'm pretty sure taped it off Japanese television. And had it translated by Mika Tokairin and Brett Larner. Maybe. I'm confused. Jason Rexing?
Anyways, while I hate to watch athletes tear their ACL's, dislocate joints, or suffer compound fractures... I could watch runners BONK all day, errrvery day.
The video above is a classic case. Kayoko Fukushi, one of the greatest Japanese female runners in history, was trying to finish her 'thon(g)* debut. It didn't go as planned. Or more correctly, like Harry Caray when he asked Jeff Goldblum if he'd rather have Mad Cow Disease or win the Nobel Prize, I'd be worried if she planned this particular conclusion. But grab the popcorn and be glad it isn't you; it's a treat to watch.
She looks back on it with the way-too-cute tongue-in-cheek humor and humility I've come to lust for envy in... asians people: "At the end I was laughing because I felt the gap between my mind and body, like I didn't want to fall but knew I was going to. It was funny, so I started laughing. I wasn't unconscious or disoriented, I was totally lucid and just laughing. I don't regret anything. I would have regretted it if I'd stopped. If I had stopped I might be training for Nagoya now!"
*I apologize for the bad Sisqo-inspired joke. But if you like that kind of humor, kindly click the word "articles" next to Orel Kornheiser's name on the left. You'll be set for days.**
After German Fernandez broke the 2-mile national record in winning Nike Outdoor Nationals in 8:34.40, speculation over what he would run next ran rampant... The Olympic Trials 5,000 meters? The Olympic Trials 1500 meters? Perhaps try to get under the 4:00 barrier in the mile or attempt to break Galen Rupp's 5,000 meter record? Could he break 5:00 in the beer mile? Acting upon the rational advice of his high school coach, Fernandez took a long-term view and didn't race again competitively during the summer to the disappointment of high school running fans. That patience could pay off in the form of a first individual collegiate national championship as soon as this November. The last runner to leave high school with hype and performances comparable to Fernandez was Rupp. Rupp went pro~ err, I mean, didn't run in college immediately after high school. Before Rupp, Dathan Ritzenhein had a high school resume arguably as impressive as that Fernandez possesses. Ritz won two Foot Locker National Championships competing against Ryan Hall and Alan Webb and clocked 8:41.10 in the 3200 meters. Fernandez ran significantly faster in the 3200 meters, but didn't win Foot Locker Nationals last winter (Michael Fout did. Fernandez was reportedly ill and finished third.). Fernandez did crush the California state-meet record. He also displayed ran one of the fastest mile-equivalent times in national high school history, too.
Ritz finished fourth at Cross Country Nationals as a true freshman at Colorado. Could Fernandez better his performance and perhaps win? The times suggest he has the potential to.
To do so, he'll have to beat Oregon's Rupp. Working in favor of the freshman is the fact that Rupp is still recovering from an extremely long track season that culminated in a trip to Beijing. Additionally, Rupp is known to produce fast times, but not wins.
Other likely rivals for the top spot include his own teammate at Oklahoma State, Ryan Vail, Wisconsin's Stuart Eagon, Texas A&M's Shadrack Songok, and Liberty's Sam Chelanga. Each are more experienced, in good form early, and certainly stronger than Fernandez at this point. Chelanga, a wild card as he also is new to the NCAA, has been dominating. He was outstanding in smashing a quality field that included Wisconsin last weekend, although Eagon and Matt Withrow didn't race.
Still, there is not a runner in the field that clearly possesses a better combination of speed and range than Fernandez. His coach projected that he could have run 13:35 last spring and will run around 13:18 in the 5,000 meters in track next spring. 13:35 would better the PR's of all but a handful of the field in November. Let's suppose that he is in 13:25 form come cross national's and that translates up to 10,000 meters (not a given, but for a runner of his talent it seems fair to assume). He is coming off a track season where he could've likely ran sub-4:00 in the mile, a time Eagon and Vail aren't touching, which could give him an advantage in a long drive home off a slowly paced race. In the event that the race is fast-paced from the start, Fernandez has displayed impeccable pacing ability in running consistent splits during his record-breaking track days in California and North Carolina. Unless Songok or Chelenga prove to be world-class runners, Fernandez should be able to hang.
This is not to say I think that German Fernandez will win nationals; it's impossible to predict as so many factors come into play on race day. But it's fair to say he's got as good a chance as anyone in the field... including Rupp. Had he not shut down in June, he likely wouldn't be in the mix for a national championship. Thanks to a mature beyond his years outlook, Fernandez should be in the mix to add another chapter onto what's becoming an incredible story on November 24 in Terre Haute.
When Usain Bolt was asked how he prepared for the Olympics' 100 Meter Final, he waxed on about nuggets and little else.
By all accounts, Usain is insane (Writer's note: Bolt is also hilarious, incredibly talented, charismatic, and seemingly nice... but that's not funny to highlight). It starts with nuggets, but there's so much more to tell.
Read a minute-by-minute account of how the Marcus Green-lookalike will spend the day of the 200 meters final.
5:00 AM: Sleep.
6:00 AM: Wake up. Look out window. Realize you're in Shanghai. Wrinkle forehead because you'd thought the Olympics had been in Beijing, and the party you'd been at was definitely in Beijing. Puke because you're still drunk. Shove three topless bitchez off bed. Sleep.
9:00 AM: Turn off phone because coach and dad, er, Asafa keep calling. Sleep.
12:30 PM: Wake up. Check phone messages. Laugh because your coach is in Beijing for some reason.
1:00 PM: High-step around Shanghai in search of nuggets. Settle for Kung Pao Chicken. Shove vegetables to side.
1:30 PM: Finally answer coach's calls. Learn Olympics have actually been in Beijing. Yawn. Order coach to come pick you up. And bring NUGGETS! Lots and lots and lots of nuggets...
1:45 PM: Realize you've been walking around all day barefoot. Shrug.
2:00 PM: Find empty street. Make sure speed limit is under 35 MPH. Measure out 100 meters. Warm-up by running 5 X 100 in 9.3 seconds each. Then, run 5 X 200 in 18.7 seconds each.
2:45 PM: Real work-out: S-T-Y-L-E! Gotta look good tonight. Find mirror. Smile at self. Wink. Like what you see. Practice ripping off shirt. Perfect high-stepping form. Attempt cartwheel. Contemplate diving at full speed across finish line.
3:00 PM: Eureka! Decide to crush field for first 180 meters of 200 final before crabwalking last 20 to finish in 18.9 seconds.
3:30 PM: See exhausted looking white man in goggles, swimsuit, swimcap, and gold medals running by screaming. Watch tiny, drooling white boy with raging clue run after him. Recognize tiny boy as Little Bob Costas. Breath sigh of relief at not being American.
4:00 PM: Remember 200 meters final is tonight. Gotta hydrate. Thank lucky stars after finding Red Stripe. Drink case while waiting for coach.
4:30 PM: Watch helicopter land. Coach and Asafa get out, demand you get on plane. Offer to race Asafa 50 meters to helicopter for shotgun. Give Asafa three seconds head start. Pass Asafa 10 meters before reaching the helicopter.
4:45 PM: Wonder how many topless bitchez could fit on a helicopter. Decide to buy a helicopter and find out after winning your second gold medal.
5:00 PM: Feast on nuggets.
6:00 PM: Land in Beijing. Leap off helicopter acrobatically in case anyone is watching. Stretch arms for pre-race poses as you walk to the track.
6:30 PM: Arrive at Bird's Nest. Scan crowd for topless bitchez...
6:45 PM: See black American with "Gay" on shirt approach. Exchange pleasantries. Ask coach if all gay Americans so proudly display it on their shirts. Laugh when coach claims "Gay" used to be the World's Fastest Man. First funny thing coach ever said. First funny thing anyone else ever said actually... World Records didn't exist before Usain Bolt.
7:00 PM: Line up for race. Give the fans what they want: Classic Olympian pose, Michelangelo's David, The Discus Thrower, The Heisman...
7:05 PM: One last swig of Appleton before the gun goes off.
7:06 PM: Get in blocks facing backwards.
7:07:11 PM: Gun goes off.
7:08:22 PM: Cross finish line exhausted. Check clock... 1 minute, 11.4 seconds! A new-PR! A world-record for a 200-meter crabwalk? It is!
7:10 PM: Realize cameras are following dis mon. But he finished in 19.71 seconds...? That's not a world-record! Glare at photographers. Stomp off track. Swear off Olympics forever.
7:30 PM: Find party in Olympic village.
7:45 PM: Blackout.
11:00 PM: Wake up in bed. Turn on light. See same white boy that was in Shanghai earlier with all the gold medals tied up, scared look in eyes. Look under covers... Bob Costas!? Shudder. Shrug. Turn off light. Sleep.
I stayed off the forums all day because I knew they’d ruin it. I stayed off mainstream sports sites all day because their covering of it would have given away the result had anything shocking occurred (otherwise it would’ve been ignored completely). When the Women’s Olympics 10,000 meters race was aired early Saturday morning, I had no idea what was going to happen.
But I did know one thing (or so I thought): I was about to be treated to 31 minutes of America’s toprunner Kara Goucher.
What was I subjected to instead?
After the first five minutes of the race were aired, there was a Jennifer Garner commercial that led to an argument between Orel and I over whether she was hot (definitely not) and married to Ben Affleck (Orel insisted J-Lo was).
Then, back from commercial, there was a quick peek of Goucher followed by 10 minutes of lumberjacks in the shot put.
On that topic, did anyone see Reese Hoffa’s wife? The first obvious reaction was to think, “Wow, I guess it’s not so great to be an Olympian after all,” but then they returned to a shot of Hoffa, and I realized that mongoloid is actually batting out of his league.
After the shot put highlights were shown, there was a quick shot of the 10,000 meters field… or, rather, the seven leaders who were shockingly all African.
Finally we were back to what I was waiting for with five laps to go.
Elvan Abeylegesse (try to tell me she doesn’t look like Sam!) was being stalked by Tirunesh Dibaba and the announcers gave us little indication of where Flanagan or Goucher were.
Haven’t they been watching swimming or gymnastics? I’m not expecting them to GPS track the Americans like they do in the pool or overanalyze their every step outside of competition like Johnson and Liukin, but it’d have been nice to know what position they were in.
Eventually we were alerted to the fact that Shalane, named after a fictional character in a fictional science fiction novel, was swallowing up Africans one-by-one. Apparently they weren’t very filling because she went from eighth (or maybe even lower) to third and still looked hungry when she crossed the finish.
I think the only reason the announcers knew she was doing well was because they were keeping a close eye on her mom going ballistic in the stands.
And we ended the race having seen more mother than daughter. Ugh.
The finish was incredibly predictable, but of course the announcers had no idea what was about to happen. Dibaba rode Abeylegesse until the bell lap, then crushed her to the finish.
Hyperbole and hysteria dominated the milieu of LetsRun.com's World Famous Message Board following the failure of everyone's favorite American-born miler's effort to make the US Olympic Team.
Having buried myself in the negativity—and ignored rational explanations in Webb's defense—I've been able to piece together a typical day in the life of Alan Webb in the build-up to his greatest failure, as told by the his numerous critics that dance on his every defeat.
11:30 A.M: Roll out of bed.
11:35 A.M: Swallow Propecia tablet. Pre Classic coming up. Take second pill. Time to step it up for the cameras.
11:45 A.M: Roll into McDonald's parking lot. Curse luck at once again missing breakfast hours. Order two Big Macs, two large fries, and 44 oz. Coke. Ask cashier to Supersize it. Curse when informed McDonald's no longer supersizes. Order extra Big Mac to make up for it. Remember that Olympic Trials are in a little over a month. Think to self that three Big Macs may be excessive. Order double-cheeseburger instead.
12:30 P.M: Base building. 15 miles at 5:20 pace.
2:00 P.M: Ask Scotty why message boarders think he's doing too much strength work. Nod gullibly when Scotty blames it on Warhurst.
2:15 P.M: Biceps day. Again. Just like yesterday. And the day before. Admire guns. Practice intense face to be unleashed after prelims win.
3:00 P.M: Order Kung Pao Chicken. Send back when not greasy enough. Smile as bowl is returned drenched in grease. Order seconds.
3:30 P.M: Call Rupp to talk tactics. Agree to only run races with rabbits. Congratulate Galen on time trial win yesterday. Remind Galen that, no, you don't want to sleep over in his altitude tent in Phil Knight's basement. And, no, you don't need to borrow any Breathe Right strips. Tell Rupp you haven't been on message boards today.
3:45 P.M: Check LetsRun message boards for 12th time today.
3:50 P.M: Send Lagat text message, "How's my FAVrit Keny~ er, American miler doin? Just chekkN to C if U got my texts last few days/weeks/months? I'm tellin U man. U got 2 take out the Oly Trials Final faaast. Make it a time trial. U n me. 3:32 or faster! Leo n Lopez can kick, but they can't TT!"
4:00 P.M: Instant message Ritz to make fun of this picture. Giggle when he sends back this picture. Agree that Rupp is a time trialing big race bottler. And totally gay!
4:15 P.M: Base building. 10 miles at 5:00 pace. Not going to peak too early this year. No speed work until July. Training right through the trials.
5:30 P.M: Biceps. Pre Classic coming up. Means two-a-days. Time to step it up for the cameras.
6:00 P.M: Take call from reporter. Make confused frowny face when asked if you are overtraining.
6:30 P.M: Check phone hopefully to see if Lagat replied to text message.
6:35 P.M: Think about eating a salad. Whimper. Go to Five Guys Burgers and Fries with Scotty! Ask Scotty how come message boarders think he needs a new coach. Nod gullibly when Scotty blames it on Warhurst.
7:30 P.M: Check phone hopefully to see if Lagat replied to text message. Frown when only message is from Rupp. Tell him for the last time that you don't want to use his underwater treadmill.
8:00 P.M: Attend Hair Club for Men meeting.
8:30 P.M: Start LetsRun thread encouraging Jeremy Wariner to move up in distance. Snicker.
9:00 P.M: Talk training with Scotty. Nod gullibly when Scotty tells you to run New York City Marathon. Just to build up endurance. Ask how come you keep running long races. You're a miler, you say! Nod gullibly when Scotty blames it on Warhurst.
10:00 P.M: Ice cream! Warhurst never let you eat ice cream…
10:30 P.M: Beers in South Lakes High School parking lot. Tell self that you'll never leave. No matter what they say.
11:30 P.M: Check phone hopefully to see if Lagat replied to text message.
12:00 A.M: Tell self that you will make McDonald's breakfast on time tomorrow. Sleep.
Being an optimist—and an unabashed fan of the hair-follically challenged runner—I intend to dispel the doom-and-gloom and point out the lunacy in depicting Webb as an existentialist disappointment lacking devotion to the pursuit of fulfilled potential and world records.
Rewind just over 10 months to Osaka where Webb entered the 2007 World Championships on the heels of a victory over Bernard Lagat for the US Championship; hopes were high, but haters espousing predictions of another flame-out weren't hard to find.
Their prognostications proved prescient when Webb finished eighth (when it apparently would've been easier to finish first, at least according to those on the boards).
His year's impressive achievements (3:46.91AR mile win, 3:30.52 1500 meters win, 1:43.84 800 meters win) were deemed worthless.
It seemed that Webb and his coach Scott Raczko responded to the critics with real adjustments in 2008, determined not to peak too early once again. We all know what happened, so a quick recap will suffice:
They supposedly attempted to be patient and not force Webb into race shape too early in the season. Unfortunately, his muted performance at the Pre Classic sounded the alarms that the duo may have got it wrong once again.
He entered the Olympic Trials ranked fifth in the 1500 meter rankings by LetsRun and finished in the same position. 2008 was a terrible year on the track for Alan Webb.
His performance has raised multitudinous questions. I'll try to answer some of the more loudly voiced ones posed by typical LetsRun.com posters:
No way the 1500/mile is the best event for Alan Webb, I mean, he hasn't even won a gold medal or broken a world record yet. And he's already 25. He clearly sucks. And the dude has no race tactics. Shouldn't he move up?
The subject of three threads a day for the last six years (more on days when Webb runs), the answer is an emphatic no.
While his range is extraordinary and incomparable today (he's oft-compared to Olympic champion Said Aouita historically), his times rank with the best in the world in the mile. He hasn't always been consistent, but his PR keeps dropping. He's won a host of US Championships and twice made the finals at Worlds. He became the American record-holder at age 24.
When he's on form, he's perhaps faster than anyone in the world over this distance today. That can't be said for him in any other event.
Hahaha! Nuh uh, whatever, Jason Rexing is faster in wooden clogs and a straitjacket while gurgling Kenenisa Bekele's next EPO injection in the back of his throat! But think about it, if Webb focused his training on the 5K or 10K his kick could carry him over the top… Couldn't it?
Gross. It's easy to understand why many are quick to promote a move to a longer distance. He's run respectable times, super-elite for an American, of 13:10.86 and 27:34.72 in efforts over 5K and 10K. If he trained exclusively for those events, he would undoubtedly see a drop in time.
The problem is that the 5K and 10K seem to be more tactical at the highest levels than the 1500. If Webb, with all of his experience in the 1500, still struggles to know when to start his drive for the finish line, how will he react to the teams of Ethiopians and Kenyans randomly throwing in surges to break him?
Bekele won the 2004 Olympics 10,000 meters in 27:05.11, almost 30 seconds below Webb's best. More notable is the fact that he ran the last lap of that race in 53.02 seconds. Does Webb even close 800 meter races that quickly?
Why are we even still talking about Webb!? He refuses to fire his high school coach! He eats fast food! He's not a cocky, intimidating jerk like a true champion! He clearly isn't dedicated to being great. Not like Pre was, eh?
Whether people are actually serious or not when ripping Webb for eating french fries every once in a while, it's hard to discern. But that may be the best thing about him. He's an every-man, he's blue-collar, he's humble, he seems genuinely nice, and he's just like us.
A few years back (I believe in 2004), an account that he brought a keg in the back of his truck to a small meet and drank afterwards with everyone was all over running message boards.
The biggest star in US distance running, having a beer with people who couldn't touch him on the track. Can you imagine Kobe Bryant or Michael Vick doing this? Would you even want to hang out with them?
As far as switching coaches, I don't think it's necessary. It would be one thing if his times weren't steadily improving, but they have been. Yes, his coach was unknown before Webb came along, but he is said to not be shy to question the cognoscenti of distance running. He didn't drive Webb to run a 3:46.91 mile on his own, and he likely listened to a lot of advice before changing gears in 2008.
The other problem with a change in coaches is that Webb may not adjust well initially to the new system. It happened when he ran for Michigan, and it took him two years to get back on track (pun unintended). At age 25, he can't really afford to have two more bad years. What purportedly little confidence he possesses would be non-existent.
I heard he broke up with his last girlfriend without the aid of Power Point. He's hopeless.
Maybe you're right, but I don't think so. I think if he sticks to what he has been doing and is patient, success will come again.
Getting a medal at either of the next two World Championships would be huge. He needs to shave 1.25 seconds off his 1500 meters PR to rank in the top-10 all-time. Those two goals are significant and achievable.
He also needs to continue to learn how to race. Runners can find the secret long after they run the times.
He need only look to Bernard Lagat for validation. Lagat had yet to win a medal at a major championship at age 25. He's been in contention constantly ever since and is a favorite to win the 1500 and 5K at the Olympics in Beijing.
Hey, why does Galen Rupp wear that thing on his nose?
Well Ga(y)len, you made it to Beijing. You're one of the best distance runners in the United States. You just turned 22 years old. You hold the NCAA Collegiate Record for the 10K at 27:33.48. Your team won college nationals last fall. You're the poster-boy for the most prestigious running university in the country. You're adored and loved by all, America's great hope for the future against the Africans. Life is goo~~~
What's that? Life's not good at all? You're not adored and loved by all? Running fans root for you to lose!? They hate the way you dress, they laugh at your poses, they refuse to realize how good you are, and they despise Oregon?
Fret not; I've got a plan to repair your image. The zeitgeist of the LetsRun community seems to slant towards universal hatred, but you can become the next-Bob Kennedy, the next-Anthony Famiglietti, the next-Ryan Hall… someone impervious to the insults lobbed by distance running fans. My plan will hopefully not hurt your running, but you'll be a lot more tolerable to those paying attention. What do you have to lose? Certainly not many fans.
Just take my advice:
1) No more celebratory poses
I think everyone pictures you and Ryan Deak meeting each other as juniors at the 2002 Foot Locker Nationals's and trying to one-up each other in the art of ridiculous hand-gestures thereafter. I don't understand why you have to throw up an Oregon "O" or the "Number 1" finger when you win, but I don't hate you for it. Quite a few people do, though. How about a show of humility? A tired smile and a congratulatory pat on the back of whoever finishes second too much to ask for?
2) Never race Josh McDougal AGAIN
It's just not a fair match-up for you. It's impossible to root against McDougal, the Kaka of American distance running. He's pious, incredibly hard-working, gives all credit for his talent to God, nice, humble, a consummate teammate, and seems to run for the love of the sport. Some have questioned whether he overtrains, but don't hate him for it. I've never met either of you two, I generally don't care who wins college meets, but I was pulling hard for him at NCAA Nationals last fall. You'll never be as well-liked as him. Realize that no one ever will be and avoid him.
3) Please remove the Band-Aid on your nose
Protective Goggles : Breathe Right Nasal Strips : : Horace Grant : Galen Rupp. They're unnecessary, extraneous, loud, unaesthetic, and oft-criticized. It's impossible to look tough in one of those. Sure it might save you two seconds, I don't know… but so might shaving your head completely. The nose strips embody the old you. Lose them.
4) Either run for Oregon or turn pro
Perhaps the biggest bone of contention among your critics, are you part of the team or aren't you? I find it apropos to mention that what I respect most about you is that you are willing to put school aside in the pursuits of your full potential as a runner. But many believe that you should either commit to running for Oregon, or turn professional like you have been acting.
Seriously, how does an amateur such as yourself afford all of the benefits you've so publicly flaunted? The underwater treadmill, the trips to Europe, and, lest we forget, the high-altitude tents… You're not living the life of a normal college runner. Turn professional if you're going to be like that. Or else people will call you out for stretching separately from your team and training under your own special coach.
5) Keep ya girl outta the LetsRun eye
If I know one thing from browsing the boards, it's that distance runners don't think anyone is hot. It wouldn't matter if you were dating Brie Felnagle today, or Jackie Zeigle five years ago (before the racist business); anyone you date will be labeled FUGLY. Don't expose her to the masses, don't bring her to meets, and don't mention her in interviews. Some will hate you for being a runner with the gall to pull chicks.
6) Think about moving up to the marathon
While I consider you an excellent prospect to chop a bit of time off the America record in the 10K, you have more chance to medal or contend at major marathon races. That's all that anyone seems to respect. If you don't medal, then you're just a "typical American runner substandard in comparison to the Africans."
On the other hand, when Abdi Abdirahman was your age, his PR was almost a minute more than yours is today. Perhaps figure that your improvement would be harder to come by since you're starting from a lower base time, but you seem well set-up to run 27:00 on your day in a few years.
The trouble is that probably won't be good enough to compete for wins unless all plays out in your favor.
You have outstanding marathon potential. You're faster and younger than Ritz and Ryan Hall were when they made the jump. Your coach was a super-elite marathoner in his day. Assuming that others feel as I do that you project as slightly better than Ryan Hall (eh, maybe I shouldn't assume anything), the world might expect you to contend for the World Marathon Majors series title.
Your hopes of becoming a superstar [sic]lie in the marathon. Seize onto that hope.
7) Only sleep in tents that are outdoors
For that matter, start running outdoors.
The equipment and tools you use may make your life easier, but they're just not normal. Understand that few can relate to the luxuries you're privy to, most admire runners like themselves. Prove your grit by training normally; maybe suffer a stress fracture or two! They're an empathetic group, those posters; you rarely see threads trashing Matt Withrow (as you shouldn't, he's still a major talent not to be forgotten).
Fact is, if you trained more like them, they'd like you more. If living at altitude a few months a year and running on golf courses can duplicate the benefits of the altitude tent and underwater treadmill, consider them seriously as alternatives.
8) Consider distancing yourself from NIKE a bit
A segment of the LetsRun community considers you Phil Knight's little running action figure. He's taken a great interest in your career, bankrolled your coach's group, and inspired Oregon to return to its distance roots in recruiting. The Swoosh may offer the sweetest deal for you economically, but non-NIKEheads have lost respect.
On second thought, I'd understand if you can't leave the tutelage of Salazar. If that's true, then just turn pro already. The moneys waiting for you, I'm sure.
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