Trying to Find Some Humor in Steroids

I love baseball. I always have and probably always will. I remember watching Yankees and Cubs games with my dad and cheering on my favorites: Mattingly, Grace, Tartabull, Leyritz, and Jeter. I respected the Gwynns, Ripkens, Sandbergs, and Big Hurts of the world.

Now I can't help but wonder if the sport that I love is dying? I thought that the strike in '94 would kill baseball. Had it not been for McGwire and Sosa's slugfest in '98 that death sentence would have likely been true. But it seems we are now paying the price for that magical summer at the end of the last millennium. Every day it seems a new star or another living legend is being connected with this horrible black eye that is steroids/performance-enhancing drugs.

I have not yet made up my mind as to where I stand on issues such as the legitimacy of Bonds' records or the place of some of these athletes in the Hall. I will continue to wrestle with these issues as a fan of the game and will post them on here as they come to light. There are even some who argue that most of these so-called issues are moot (Billynho being one, and I hope he will expand the conversations we've had into full articles). Regardless of my stance or anyone else's on the issue of sterioids, I do stand by one thing...

In any case involving scandal or alleged scandal, I think that humor is one of the best ways to expose and shed light on the issue and I think it is one of the best uses of our freedom of speech to lampoon and satirize the issues of our day. With that said, I came across a very funny picture on ESPN's Page 2 today. The original can be found here. Click the image below to see it in full size.

Does it answer all of the questions we have about this dark time in baseball? No. Is it 100% fair to all parties? No. But, does it make us laugh a little and maybe not feel so horrible about the direction that baseball has taken? I hope.

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What You Say? Hit the Road Roger, Don't You Come Back

Daaaammmmnnnneeeeet! I thought you were already gone! What the hell! Seriously Roger, you're not going to rule out a return?!?

"I don't know if I will ever say no. I would have to know that I could perform at a high level and that my body would be able to hold up," Clemens told a Houston radio station Wednesday.

Well, I'll just go push your career into its grave and kick some dirt up on it:

You didn't perform at a high level last time you played; in fact, you were a .500 pitcher with an ERA over 11 in the playoffs. And that body that so famously survived all of its military-style, grueling workouts? Turns out steroids helped you tear through that extra rep, burn those last few muscle fibers, and put you back together in time for the next day. Oh, right... you're denying you took steroids. So did Sammy Sosa, Miguel Tejada, and Brady Anderson. When we knew they were clear, they played up to their age. How many clean 47-year-old pitchers have performed at a "high level" in the major leagues? Satchel Paige. He pitched without fielders. You never could.

Don't come back Roger. I'm pretty sure you'd suck, I'm thinking no one would even want you, I'm positive there isn't anyone that would pay you $6 million a month, and I bet the Astros wish they hadn't signed you to that personal services contract. So you can't come back. If you did, you'd play like a 47-year-old. And Houston would really like you to go ahead and get the clock ticking on that long-term services contract. Go then. The sooner the better.

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