5 Things That Won’t Happen at the Winter X Games 13

Every year near the end of January a sporting event comes around that captivates a nation. I am of course talking about Winter X 13. What does it offer? How about watching people years younger than you who have not only accomplished far more than you ever will? That usually makes me feel good. Their bathtubs of money and wheelbarrows full of awards will make you wish you were an X-Treme athlete. All I could think about today were the events of last night. Here are my class notes to prove it.

Purdue's finest analyzing the X Games (click for larger view)

There are cool tricks too. People will crash, someone might beat Shaun White but I wouldn’t bet my paycheck on that. Maybe someone will finally pull the elusive double-back flip on the snowmobile best trick. But what you won’t see…


5. Somebody will land a °1260.

The staple of snowboarding has been the °1080. The °1080 has been THE trick for the last few years. Now it isn’t just a °1080 spin, it’s paired with a variety of tricks like the Method, Indy, and Melancholy. The real question is why should somebody go for the °1260 when the °1080 is still working for everyone? Here’s why. While extreme sports are all about pushing the limit, the X Games are not the place for huge jumps (in trick advancement that is). Just like the back flip in BMX, the double isn’t needed until people have completely exhausted all variants. That and why should Shaun White try to land one when he’s just going to win anyway?

4. Coverage of a snowboarder not named Shaun White.

There is a chance you come away from the X Games knowing who the flying tomato is, but your memory will be erased by constant updates as to what Shaun white is doing. “Jesse Burtner is just getting ready to take his first run and…. Wait a minute, this just in. Shaun White has just spilled his Redbull into his marij… soup.” Now I personally think Shaun White is the best thing to happen to us gingers since Donna Pinciotti. But I would love to get some coverage of other snowboarders like…Rob Haywood or… Mac Fraser.

3. A non-snowboard related event start to finish.

Now most people will watch snowboarding because it is the most prominently featured event throughout the weekend. There will also be skiing and snowmobile racing. Best trick on snowmobile will be awesome because people will go big and win, or go big and crash spectacularly. I know it’s morbid to watch the event for the wrecks, but snowmobile crashes are not shown nearly enough. Look how big those things are! Maybe we’ll also get to see some pull a double back flip on a snowmobile, unlikely.

2. An impressive female performance.

This will make some readers mad (I hope) but have you ever watched the female SuperPipe? They get maybe 2.5ft off the lip of the pipe. Now that is more than I could do, but in my defense, I’m not a professional athlete (Or in their case, a girl professional athlete). Now I admit, I can’t judge accurately because I don’t ever watch them. But the ones I watch are certainly sub par. I would actually watch the practice rounds for snowmobile racing. At least there isn’t glorified pussy-footing there.

1. Nudity

Too cold, too cable.

Now that you've read my take, head over to the thread in OUR FORUM about it and tell me what you think we'll see at Winter X 13...

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5 Points of Interest in Super Bowl Mascots

Ah, the Super Bowl. Each year it brings about speculation involving the teams involved, the teams not involved, and sometimes teams from other sports. Why should the game be analyzed by the professionals about logical topics? Do you ever listen to analysts? The stuff they bring up is usually ridiculous. “The teams with the best defense in the NFL playing the best offense in the NFL have won every time except the 2000 St. Louis Rams who were headed by… KURT WARNER!” Why even watch the game? Here’s why, mascot facts.

5. What’s in a name? (Arizona’s Big Red vs. Pittsburgh’s Steely McBeam)


So this one isn’t really too tough. Cardinals are red, and this particular one is really big. So the name Big Red is a good choice. On the other hand, Steely McBeam is talking about a guy with a stupid name. In all fairness a dude that can carry and use a steel beam is probably more suited for football than a cardinal, but this is a big cardinal, a man sized cardinal. That is more impressive than any beam wielding Steely. Point Big Red

4. How Do You Portray Yourself?

Big Red portrays himself as a cardinal just like those historic loveable losers from Arizona. Steely McBeam is man in overalls and a yellow flannel shirt with a steel beam. Uh… I guess it’s because he represents the Pittsburgh Steelers. I don’t know exactly what a steeler is but I guess it has to do with purified iron and not with a poorly spelled pilferer. Big Red says, “We are Cardinals.” Steely McBeam says, “We look like some jackasses with poor spelling skills.” Point Big Red (BR 2 / SMcB 0)

3. Who would be better at football?

This was addressed earlier and it was decided that Steely McBeam would best the Desert Bird. But why is that? For one, if a man can wield said beam, then a cardinal of any size will not stop him. Also by this logic, Steely McBeam would score on every single offensive possession. Also, with his trusty beam he could easily stop/murder Big Red on each of his offensive possessions. With these arguments Steely could beat Big ten times out of ten. Point Steely. (BR 2 / SMcB 1)

2. Experience?

Sure both mascots have plenty of regular season experience, but when it comes to the Super Bowl mascot jackassery who can handle the pressure. Big Red has never been on such an important stage. Steely has been there six times before. Steely has mascotted against some of the best; Rowdy (Dallas Cowboys) X3, Viktor (Minnesota Vikings), Unnamed Ram (Los Angeles Rams), and Blitz (Seattle Seahawks). Big Red has none. Point Steely (BR 2 / SMcB 2)

1. Travel

Big Red can arrange and provide his own transportation to the big game. He can probably fly since he is a giant bird. Steely would have to catch a flight. That could be difficult because I doubt the department of homeland security will let a beam pass through the luggage scanners, let alone the carry-on. He would need to take a bus or something. Then he would be tired and there fore he probably could not perform the way his team needs him to. Therefore, Point and game to Big Red (BR 3 / SMcB 2).

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The Boys are in the media... for REAL

After beating arguably the best team in the NFC, the Boys finally spoke their mind about ESPN’s constant speculation on the “Drama in Dallas”. In case you were living under a rock. As a matter of fact, the interviews with Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, and Jason Witten seemed to get more face time on ESPN the following day than their impressive win did.

By now most people know that ESPN favors some teams as opposed to others. Example: ESPN loves the Red Sox and Yankees and shows their games on a regular basis. The Cowboys always seem to get the negative jabs from them.

Now I understand that if you don’t like something, pointing out its flaws is far more entertaining and fulfilling than praising it. So ESPN reported on the drama and post game interviews, not the importance of the game. So I will sink to their level and analyze the interviews in what I like to call: What They Said / What They Meant.

Tony Romo
What He Said “I feel that sometimes we talk to much about the stuff that’s going on, look at the Giants. No one has had more happen to them than the Giants and they still go out and play football.”
What He Meant “Plaxico Burress got shot and an alleged disagreement on our team trumped all of that. How? How does that make any sense at all?”


Romo saying "Suck it Media!"

Terrell Owens
What He Said “When everything came out we just stayed together and we all had each other’s back”
What He Meant “Thanks for that hat Tony”
What He Said “I think Ed Werder did it. He told a blatant lie. I don’t know where he got his information from.”
What He Meant “Look Ed, I can say stuff too. It sucks when people attack you doesn’t it. You my friend are trash.”


Wade Phillips
What He Said: “The Media did a great job in bring us together”
What He Meant: “Thanks Media, your plan backfired in your face. Sucks doesn’t it?”

Jerry Jones
What He Said: “We love the attention, that’s why we let them (the media) have offices at Valley Ranch”
What He Meant: “We love the attention, that’s why we let them (the media) have offices at Valley Ranch”

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